LMD
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Posts posted by LMD
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But you don't know the details and can't simply say that the rape could have been prevented by her behavior x... surely? Do you cite the actual statistical risks or do you only cite examples like this that confirm the biases? Do you warn them that likely a quarter of their peers will be victims, not just that one stereotypical girl with the short skirt?
Our language around this matters.
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But what do you warn them? Don't be friendly? Don't have a drink in your own home and get into your own bed?
The statistics show that most sexual assaults occur by a person known to the victim, and that victims are mostly wearing jeans.
Warning about drinking too much because it hampers your ability to make decisions and leaves you more vulnerable is fine, I do that. Warning about drinking too much because look at that girl who got raped turns her real horror into our object lesson.
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I think discussion on a public message board is very different than discussion with a girl who has been raped. I mean really would any of us tell a rape victim, you should have used better judgment? If that happens ( and I am sure it does ) then it IS victim blaming,, but it isn't an either or....we can denounce rape and also warn our children to protect themselves from predators.
Btw, my Xh very much DID shame and blame me for being a sleeping victim in my own bed and my own house for "being friendly" earlier in the evening. So I get that it happens..that doesn't change the very real necessity of warning our kids to be careful about predators.
1. I'm so sorry for your experience. That is awful.
2. It happens directly to rape victims all.the.time. By people who I am sure are not intending to revictimise anyone - it is so ingrained. I'm not accusing you, just letting you know that it definitely happens.
3. You don't know who is listening now. You can't know that someone reading this may have been raped last night/week/year. It is very othering language and isolating. Rape or sexual assault doesn't happen to 'those' people, it happens to 1 in 4 of us women.
4. Conflating personal safety and responsibilities with 'that' girl who got raped when she did x,y,z is damaging, incorrect, perpetuating the stereotypes of victims and giving a false sense of security to girls.
5. Many victims feel enough shame and self blame to replace all the commentators. They don't need that sort of help.
6. Talking like this, focusing on the victim's mistakes, allows the criminals to minimize the behavior in their own minds, believe that other people think the behavior is not so bad. People say 'of course the rapist is the bad guy', but the bad guy gears 'everyone does/thinks this way, I'm not so bad'. It reinforces their sense of entitlement.
7. I will not teach my daughter to live in fear. I will teach her to behave with self respect for its own sake - not by threats to her safety. I will also teach her, in different conversations, that some people commit evil and that I will always support her. My boys get the same lessons.
Sorry, not all of that was directed at you Scarlett, I got a bit soap boxy there!
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We said that we wanted minimum 4, possibly up to 6, when we got married, young and idealistic!
Our first 3 were more difficult to get than we anticipated, and there were two losses in there. Huge surprise, as I was only in my early twenties! #3 wasn't/isn't an easy child and we had life stuff going on, so we just left it, happy for a surprise but no more trying.
Our 4th, a natural surprise - the only unmedicated surprise that I have carried to term - arrived when I was 29. I had originally wanted to be done by 30.
I don't have baby fever anymore. Dh does! For him it's less about wanting a baby than the vision for his family, and the idea that this phase of life is finite. For me, it's less that I don't want a baby, I deeply agree with the vision, I'm just tired and stressed! I can get my head around one more...
So, we're back to not trying and we will see what happens I suppose. I'm only 32 so in theory we have time, though neither of us are comfortable with the risks of trying after 35ish.
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What is your passion for? I started learning piano in my 20s with 2 small kids (& one on the way!).
And just start reading the classics - the well educated mind is great, it has lists. You'll find that many classics have earned the name for good reason!
I read many via audiobook while cleaning up in the evening!
And don't minimize what you will learn alongside your children! My nearly 11 year old has more education (homeschooled) now than I ever had, we learn a lot together!
It's never too late and it is so interesting! Good for you!
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I thought long and hard about what was important to us at the moment and I made some tough choices.
We do 3 longer days 9-3ish), one midweek short day (2hrs max) and one 'music lessons and poetry/art with friends' day.
And my house is a bomb, kids help with chores (mobilise my resources as my MIL would say lol) and I cook as minimal as I can. I used to love cooking lavish meals but no more.
I don't do it all, not even close. I do do enough of the important things, most of the time, sometimes...
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I would give the 4th grader a checklist of stuff that he can do independently. Things like copy work or assigned reading. I would go through the list with them first and explain the expectations. I would probably have a reward in place for completing correctly without interrupting you. Watch his concentration soar lol.
Then I would send him to do his list at one side of the table, while you work with the younger two and I would combine them as much as possible. Even if they both are doing the same subject at their own level, you can be in math mode and get the 2nd grader to do some math facts review while teaching the 1st grader, then switch. Let the first grader play with c-rods while you work with the 2nd grader.
I would spend about half an hour or so on this then let the younger two do an activity (that has a natural end! Like, read a picture book and draw me your favorite part), I would then work with the older one on the same topic - so math.
That's about an hour all up, then I'd repeat the pattern with the next subject.
This is generally how I manage my days with a 6th, 3rd, k and toddler.
And it's crazy lol! Good luck!
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I insist on music as important as any school subject.
I value downtime and peaceful, calm family time. I will not sign up for something that requires multiple lessons/practice times a week (btdt).
I haven't found a sport yet that fits our values or schedule so we do incidental, family based activity. Pool, tennis, bike riding, walks etc.
I would possibly like to get the kids into either swimming or martial arts in the next couple of years, but it's not a high priority.
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Oh goodness! Prayers for you guys.
And yes, we're in a situation like that (not health related) right now and it is affecting me. I woke up this morning with a half composed letter in my mind...
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This happens to me frequently in church, while listening to live music, and while reading. Beautiful writing, especially poetry can give me chills. I also experience this when listening to a well written speech or homily.
Yes, I was thinking that writing does it for me too. I tend to love a particular author's writing. I think it does for dh too - we both sighed over Lovecraft's writing (I know - weird). Scripture definitely - I strongly prefer certain translations.
And Chopin.
And frequently the night sky.
And some art but generally only in a gallery...
I also think that it can be dulled after overexposure, learning to play Chopin's raindrop makes it happen less - like all the mystery is lost in over analysis.
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Oh look, With Rigor For All just fell into my shopping cart and now its on its way to Sydney! How did that happen?
D
It's twin may be visiting Melbourne soon...
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My friend bought the poetry book - not realising that it went with a level, she thought it was for highschool/adults and worked through it herself! She found it excellent, though I'm not sure of details. She was shocked when I told her that it was for middle school ish - she's a highschool English teacher by trade lol!
As a result she is determined to use the MCT books, starting island straight away with her 3rd grader.
If you have a specific question I can ask.
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Congratulations!!! That's fantastic work!
I'm about 24lbs down so far too.
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IMO, a love relationship with a boss is doomed and sad.
We all bring our baggage. I watched my mother crash and burn 3 out of 4 marriages (the first ended before I came along) because she just could not yield on anything. I won't have that marriage, and the guy I picked wouldn't have it either. That comes with its own issues, but we are still very happy 13 years later - longer than any relationship I saw growing up.
That said, I do not give marriage advice or expect others to have marriages like mine. Dh and I are unique people who have our own groove.
Ftr- he would pick the tree/paint because I don't care at all. I would pick the bedspread and he mostly wouldn't care. We have each picked mattresses - mostly based on price!
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Sigh, love that book! We did it for our first homeschool book club and it was a huge hit!
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Loaded question.
Dh is the head of our home.
That doesn't mean he makes decisions without my input.
That doesn't mean he's a club-carrying ogre.
That doesn't mean I'm a doormat.
That doesn't mean he doesn't respect me (or my intellect, or my body, or my opinions).
With his blessing (since he feels i have a better handle on it since I am home all day with the children), I take care of the daily routines and make most of the day-to-day decisions regarding the children.
He has a more dominate personality and both of us strongly lean towards a more traditional-type marriage. I am a naturally more submissive personality - in my marriage.
With that said, any time I smile sweetly and say, "Yes, Dear" or "Yes, sir" to my husband, he immediately lowers his gaze in suspicion. He knows me well enough to know if I'm not arguing something, I'm up to something.
I've learned to live with it, though, and so has he.
If that makes him the boss, I'm okay with that.
He handles the finances, etc although I obviously have access to the accounts. He makes the budget, puts it in the spreadsheet that is shared, and tells me if there are any big changes in the budget.
In terms of the finances, he takes care of all regular bills. I do the grocery shopping, pay for the children's things, activities, etc. Oh, and I indulge over-much in Starbucks. One more thing he's learned to live with.
Similar here, except I do the budget and he does the shopping!
He's a dominant personality (although quiet and reserved and respectful), he's a very deep and detailed thinker - he's got plans a-z organised before I've had my coffee. He also loves us deeply and has strong ethical convictions so 99% of the time I trust his judgement (or, I try to ;) )
I am much more naturally a follower who wings most of what I do - I provide the flexibility!
We also spur each other on and encourage each other. No one makes me a better person like he does, and vice versa. We are both very stubborn and have had some memorable 'heated discussions'. Overall, we're a good team and work well together- better each year - but he's definitely the boss/driver. Even Homeschooling was his idea first ;)
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We put them to music - usually their violin pieces. Go tell aunt rhody is the 6x lol.
After a while I do drill and coach them to trust their memory so they can use the individual facts rather than sing through the whole song.
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I have four kids the same age as yours, and I schedule similar to sahamamama. The oldest two get a daily list of independent work. We also have group work (read alouds, history, science, etc) and individual lessons. They are to work on their list unless I'm doing something with them. What this usually looks like is this: they start on their list while I clean up breakfast, then we do group work, then they go back to their lists and I call them one at a time for their one on one lessons. Once I finish teaching lessons, then I'm sort of done for the day. This way if they feel like dawdling over their work, it doesn't drag out my day. When they're done they stack their stuff on the table and I check it over at some point and write the next days list. If this is in the afternoon, than I call them to fix errors. If it's evening, I add it to the next days list.
I'm still working on fitting my 5yo into the schedule. On days he wants to do school, he does fine at being at the end, but sometimes he's gotten too involved in playing. Also, next year he needs more read alouds then the few random picture books we do now. But if I'm reading to him, the older kids drop everything and come listen to. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
Eta: I like your time blocks, it just doesn't work for me with a 2yo.
We have the same issue with read alouds and picture books.
Thanks for your reply, I'm thinking about yours and sahamamama's ideas, filing them in case I need to tweak things. Thank you!
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Hey, we have the same kid! LOL.
It sounds like a great plan, LMD. I've been thinking about those lovely subject blocks since yesterday. I may copy. ;)
Lol! It makes my girl feel very grown up and gives her some feeling of control I think.
Awww, thank you. The subject blocking is easier for my brain, I can do math mode etc better than scattered, I'm a bit of a scatterbrain naturally so big, clearly defined blocks is helpful!
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I could cry at this reply, thank you!Just sending empathy - I have 4 kids between 4 and 13 and a DH who works variable shift work in the ER (so could be any time of day or day of week). Keeping a routine is difficult!
I also think your schedule sounds similar to ours - great plan IMO :P.
Sounds great, thanks for your reply!We do science/history/electives a bit differently, but overall it's very similar. I must say that oldest does about 6 hours a day, 11yo about 5 hours, and 9yo about 3.5 (she's my most efficient worker), and 4yo gets about 45 min teaching time, 30 min with ABC Mouse or DreamBox, and 2 hours play time from siblings. I can't expect the younger kids to keep up with the younger.
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Haha, yes. You have no idea how vindicated I feel that other people recognise this! Somehow I keep thinking that it should be easier...Honestly, running that routine with four kids, three in school, all different levels, a toddler, a household, and a husband on rotations -- that would wear me out in no time.
Lots to think about here, thanks!In one sense, I like that it is laid out in 1.0 to 1.5 hour blocks, very clearly spending a defined amount of time on particular tasks. On the other hand, we've never really had success with setting up our work this way, subject block by subject block.
What seems to work well here (and I'm not juggling as much as you are, I think) is to split out all the work that each individual student can do independently -- that goes into the category of "Independent Work," and is set up to be carried out as independently as possible. All this work -- it could be components of Math, components of English, reading for Science, instrument practice, and so on -- is designated as Independent Work on each student's Daily Work List. So that's one piece.
Next, I stack all the work that needs tutoring into one block for each student (or level) -- and that is what we call "Tutor Time." Again, this might be the beginning of a Math lesson, the explicit instruction of a Grammar lesson, going over a written assignment (from independent work), and so on. I line up for each student/level as much work for Tutor Time as I think we can accomplish in 1.0 to 1.5 hours, sometimes less, sometimes more. We generally put Tutor Time first for the oldest about three days per week, and while we're doing that, the younger two are working on their independent work, chores, rabbit care, crafting, games, exercise, showers, or cooking. Then we eat and switch, but on those days, the younger students get less Tutor Time. On the alternate days of the week, the younger two have Tutor Time first, while the oldest works on her own. It works better for me to do "all" the tutoring/direct teaching on each student's level all in one shot, rather than spread it out from block to block.
Finally, we have everything that we do as a group, and that is called "Group Work." We have a lot of that here, since we have all girls, less than two years apart. Bible, Literature, History, Geography, Science, Composer/Artist Study, Music Theory, and a few other things can get done as a group, generally in the afternoons, an evening here or there, and sometimes on a Saturday. We don't really mind fitting that in whenever it fits, because those are the "fun" things, anyway.
Million dollar question! Scheduling too much and too complicated, my brain cannot focus on all the detailed schedule stuff (like in MOTH) and still run lessons.What had you been doing, that didn't work?
So then I swing too far in the other direction and we just randomly do what we can as we can, which means that it's chaos, little kids miss out and older ones push boundaries. The actual work we were doing was good, it's simply the time management issues, and I don't want to be pushing to finish at 4pm or later...
Yes! Sounds familiar! I'm quite happy with their ability to work independently, though they can be distracted - so can I!If you use the block approach, will your students have too much "down time" while waiting for you or others to finish something? I find that having designated Independent Work for each student allows me to refocus the drifters and chatterers into productive work -- "Have you finished all of your Independent Work? No? Well, then you know what you should be doing. Please get to it."
There may be a lot that your oldest can handle, with some training, on her own. Possibly your 8.5 year old could handle some parts of the work independently, too? Maybe think about setting up a block for this? Some of her math, some of her English, some of her foreign language learning, instrument practice, memory work, independent reading, chores, exercise, hygiene, meal prep, hobbies, pet care. Line up a reasonable portion of these things each day, train her to do this portion of her work on her own, then meet to go over her work and teach new material. When we first started this approach (last year, oldest in 4th), we had to work a bit on time management with her, but she wanted to do it and was glad to be more independent. She really grew in her ability to do her own work, without me right there, prodding and waiting.
I'm not sure if that's the feedback you can use, but I hope it helps! :grouphug:
Thank you for your post, I appreciate it!
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It's easier for me to look at it this way:
1 hr Electives
1 hr Math
1 hr Language Arts
1 hr Foreign Language
1 hr History or Science
So, no, that doesn't seem unreasonable for the fifth/sixth grade child at all. I might be inclined to spend 1.5 hours on the Language Arts block, but I have two boys who like to write.
I think it might be a long day for the two youngest students. They might have to kill down time between rotations.
Yes, that's a good way to see it, thanks! I've tried to put the family and important subjects first, so that the younger ones can disappear and play after LA if they are just done.
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Thank you! That is encouraging. Do you loop everything? How far ahead do you plan, or is it mostly just do the next thing?I have 3, and they are approximately the same ages as your oldest 3. That looks similar to a typical day for us. I also sort of loop all our subjects--I have a goal for what we accomplish but if we for some reason don't, I bump it to the next day. This is especially pertinent with my 8 year old who has learning disabilities, and gets easily overwhelmed with his subjects. We have one really short day every week and Friday's are always anyone's guess!
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It sounds like heaps to me but that's probably because my kids are younger
Thank you! I'm trying to recapture some joy and free time for my younger two, they've unfortunately had the short straw in terms of quality time.
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Because "well, they were both drunk, so..." comes up so often in discussions about rape...
in The Chat Board
Posted
Facts? Uncomfortable?
So, you'll tell them that 50% of rape victims were raped by their intimate partner? That statistically they'll be most at risk at age 14?
I absolutely agree with telling kids about the dangers of being inebriated. I said that. But sexual assault is a much wider problem for all women than just those silly girls engaging in risky behavior. I know it's more comfortable to think that way.
That can be done without implying that victims can control or prevent their attacker!