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Joyce Gripe

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Posts posted by Joyce Gripe

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Keep working at it Joyce! It's going to be the hardest thing you've ever done.

     

    You are going to think of 85 things that won't work, and try 50 of them, and hit walls, and feel like crap -- and then you are going to try 50 more things. A few will work. It's going to be the hardest thing you have ever done: and you are going to do it.

     

    The whole process will take a year (at very least!) and it will be exhausting piled on top of terrifying piled on top of gut wrenching pain.

     

    And then it will be over... eventually the world will turn right side up again and you will thank yourself for doing what had to be done.

     

    Because it really does have to be done.

    Thank you so much

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Due to my daughter's health she could not do school at all for a long time. (She was starving and had brain damage but the doctors kept ignoring it so I really don't have much in the way of records for that) She is able to now but we are just starting back up. We've been unschooling for the most part for my son and I have not kept records. Like I said, other than the one assault on me all of his abuse has been verbal. So if he fights me for custody I'm not sure how it will go to be honest.

     

    He is asking now if I want to do the divorce without lawyers.

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Joyce Gripe

    All of our doors have locks but he has the key.

     

    I also don't want him to have 50/50 custody of the kids :( I dont want them neglected. And I don't want my daughter forced into it when he has abused her too.

     

    And I won't lie. Money concerns me very much. We pay twice as much for groceries than we used to because of her diet and she and I are both on natural meds. Gas was a concern just driving my son back and forth for visitation when we were at the shelter. I'm feeling very hopeless right now.

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I started to and they talked me out of it. Then he started stalking me so I couldn't call the detective back.

     

    He is on his best behavior now, trying to prove I'm crazy, so I'm sure he won't do it again. He'll probably just try to demand sex and then get verbally angry and immediately file for divorce when he doesn't get it

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I would like to add--this is a respite time to gather yourself and prepare for the future, not a time to rush into it, IMO.

    So getting READY for a GOOD job is more important and urgent than landing ANY job would be, because it would have more far-reaching benefits.

     

    There is a ton of good advice on this thread about how to think forward into the future and how to picture what the implications might be of what the STBX is suggesting. Talking with HIM about this is foolish and counterproductive, (no sense tipping your hand, plus he would undoubtedly try to confuse you) but acting on your own behalf is smart and crucial.

    the problem is that this is constant stress. He is always watching me, making notes of what I do every day. He also asked me if something was wrong because I'm acting weird today. He is expecting reconciliation and soon. And he even said this can't go on forever because a sexless marriage sucks. He will expect sex sooner or later and it's never happening again if I can do anything about it. So then what happens?

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Joyce Gripe

    I feel like maybe all this is making me more paranoid. For example, one reason he was pushing me out of the house is that he got a raise and I told him that we need to be separated before the kids lose their health insurance.

     

    And one day he said something to me and I misheard it and I said, "I know I cant afford to keep the house."

    • Like 1

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Joyce Gripe

    I am dependent and isolated mostly because of my daughter's severe health issues and the fact that we homeschool. I will never encourage anyone to homeschool again.

     

    I used to have access to the financial information. It was after I fled to the women's shelter that he started to control all of the money like this. I took a thousand dollars out of the bank account with me that day. Between medication and gluten free food for myself and daughter I've already spent more than half.

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Joyce Gripe

    Not my real name. And yeah, custody has me very concerned. Telling me to get a job, an apartment in a bad neighborhood, and leave them home alone all day. How unbelievably stupid.

     

    I have $100 in cash that I have to use for groceries then give him receipts so that he will pay that back. I have no access to any other funds. There are no savings or retirement accounts. Our only asset is the house.

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Joyce Gripe

    I did the child support calculator and my getting job doesn't affect it much. It's like I make $300 a week and child support goes down only $35. So I'm not sure why it's so important to him that I get one or to you all that I don't.

    Divorce folks, I need your help

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Joyce Gripe

    I don't know whether to try to get a job or not. I would be picky but not overly picky. There is one for a patient intake clerk, 12pm-6pm Mon-Fri. Six hours a day might be doable but then I don't know if it really would be with my health, and I'd have to leave the kids during those hours. I think a work from home job is more likely to be something I can do.

     

    I am wanting to take classes for Microsoft office since I haven't worked for over 16 years. Does anyone know about something like that?

     

    I am afraid to move into an apartment because I can't afford anything good. Even if I could afford one at all it would be in a bad neighborhood. However, I can't keep up on the maintenance of the house and lawn, and the utilities are expensive in the house (mortgage isn't bad but then I'd owe him equity). He is determined that he wants the house, and I need a separation or I lose government help. So he is pushing me to get an apartment. He could move in with his sister but refuses.

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