Asperger's/no motivation/high school credit

[kim973]

My son is in 8th grade and has Asperger’s, dysgraphia, dyslexia, and a lot of anxiety. We’ve only homeschooled for a couple years, and I’m still trying to get him caught up from his days in public schools. Being at home is so much better for him, but he is not motivated at all. I have to sit by him and help him through everything, which is draining at times. He’s very bright, but has difficulty in all subjects.

 

Next year he will be technically in 9th grade although academically way below that. I heard that I need to make sure he earns credit for high school work so that he can go onto college.

 

How does that work for someone who is so far behind. Is it ok if he is “in high school†for 6 years or more? I think we’ll need those extra years.

 

Would love to connect with others in a similar situation and welcome any advice.

[Virginia in Tx]

I think it may depend on the college he plans to go to. Some are alot stricter over the "level" of courses than others. We plan on sending our son to a local community college first to see how he does with college level work (this also allows us to avoid the dreaded SAT). He will have to pass a standardized test to get into the community college but it is not as challenging as the SAT. It sets the level they go into class - for example if he doesn't score high enough, he would take remedials. I mention this because I think you should look at the goal first and decide what the requirements are for that.

 

You will need a high school transcript. I assign credit just like they do in high school. If he was in high school, my son would be in a lower level reading class, but he would still get credit for it. So I give credit regardless of the materials I use. The critical thing is to get him to the level required for college.

 

I don't think it is a big deal to take extra years - you may find you get resistance from your son more than anyone else but again I think it would depend on the college he wants to attend.

[MicheleB]

I am in a similar situation, but unfortunately I have no advice. In fact, I posted above about borderline personality disorder and my dd's lack of motivation. She is very, very intelligent and does well in all areas of school except math. But... she just has no 'motivation' or ability, maybe, to self-monitor. And I realistically know that I cannot sit wtih her all day just to help her maintain her credits (she's in 9th gr).

 

I'm going to put in a call to her homeschool evaluator this week and see what she suggests. We live in PA and have options for a state-issued diploma, which is what I had hoped for. But with her, I don't think it's going to work, and I don't know if she'd be able to handle college at this point anyway. Academically, yes. All other areas, no.

 

So if I find out any good ideas from our evaluator, I'll come back and post them. :)

[JennW in SoCal]

My oldest is a very bright kid who has always struggled with academics because of ADHD, and possibly Aspergers and/or OCD, and some general learning disabilities. He has absolutely no motivation for hard core academics, and it has been frustrating knowing what he is capable of -- with some hard work-- but the seeing the minimum effort he puts out. But I decided several years back not to fight this fight because he is motivated by his outside interests, and those interests are going to lead him to a good career and may motivate him to get through college.

 

I've made sure since he was 13 that he had every opportunity to volunteer in his field of interest, and I incorporated those interests into his academics whenever possible. He has quite a resume now and a number of professional contacts here in town who respect him and are ready to hire him when he graduates.

 

For high school he has only taken the minimum course requirements for graduation in California -- 3 years of English, a year each of world and American history, 2 sciences, algebra, geometry, government, economics and health. The rest of his credits are elective, most of which he earned through his outside work. Some of the electives were life skills like cooking. His "special needs" status will follow him to community college, and with a little help from on-campus tutors I know he will do fine in those classes. He writes well and has solid study skills -- when he chooses to use them.

 

He is a lovely young man. Articulate, talented, hard working, polite, has a solid core of moral values -- he just is not cut out for an elite 4 year college and that is o.k. He may never get a 4 year degree, even though he wants to eventually, and I'm o.k. with that too. I'm from a family of academics, so it has been hard coming to the point where I can say that.

 

My advice is to look at your child not just as a struggling student, but as an individual who must have talents and interests that can be tapped into. Those interests can be the best motivation, working with people who are successful in that field of interest can give your student the inspiration to see how school subjects tie into the real world. Let your student work outside the home, not as a reward for getting schoolwork done, but as part of their schoolwork.

 

Focus on skills in your subjects at home, but try to make the content of the subjects as interesting as possible for them -- it obviously doesn't always work, but try to find that hook. Hard work for the sake of hard work just doesn't work with most special needs kids. You've got to find the right carrot.

[MamaSheep]

I agree with Jennifer.

 

Our society has a fixation with grades and diplomas and degrees and honors. But really, those are not the things that truly define "success". They can be one kind of helpful tool for achieving success, but they are not, in and of themselves, "success". Now, don't get me wrong, I would love it if my children get good grades, earn diplomas, and complete degrees. But you can't eat a college degree, it can't love you, you can't even spend it at the store. What we REALLY want for our children is for them to be able to live a happy and productive life doing work that is satisfying for them and earns an income sufficient for their needs.

 

My Aspie is only almost twelve, and this is our third year homeschooling. It has been WONDERFUL for him, but as you say, he has required me to sit next to him most of the time and work through things together. It's like his brain shuts off if I'm more than three feet away. He also had developed a LOT of anxiety focused around anything that even resembled "school". His sensory issues and anxiety disorder, made a classroom a nightmare for him, even with a lot of supports and adaptations in place. It has been slow progress, and there are still areas where I absolutely hit a WALL with that child, but I have been picking one thing at a time to work out and chipping away, and finally this year I am beginning to see some success. We're down to a minimum of meltdowns (whereas we used to have six or seven major come-aparts every day during "school time"). And in Math I can even (HALLELUJAH!!) go over the lesson with him and then assign him the problems as homework, and he will actually pull out the book and DO the work, UNSUPERVISED! I cannot tell you how amazing this is (he used to panic and crouch under the table with his hands over his ears and his eyes closed as soon as I got out the math book...or go after me with the pencil...sigh). I tell you this only to say that I think it takes a lot of time and work to untangle an overwhelmed, unmotivated Aspie, but it can definitely be worth it. Homeschooling at our own pace and in our own way has really helped him unwind, learn to laugh again, and come "out" of his hiding place within himself to actually engage in the world again. He's still a challenge, but in a more cheerful, less exhausting way.

 

Until this year I was pretty worried about him academically. When we first pulled him from school he wouldn't even try, most of the time. Just shut down. It was so frustrating because when he was little he was a knowledge SPONGE. He was very inquisitive, wanting to know every detail about everything. And after four years of school he just went blank, or actually resisted if you tried to hand him a new piece of knowledge he would have salivated over at age four. I knocked him back a couple of grade levels in a lot of his work for homeschool in order to make it less intimidating. We did just a little bit at a time. I thought, this far behind, and at this rate he is NEVER going to get through anything LIKE a highschool level before he's thirty-five, which was an absolute travesty because the kid is brilliant, he was just so unmotivated, and even resistent to the idea of learning. Finally, though, after a lot of babysteps, he's beginning to unwind and recapture some of that early love of learning, and it seriously makes me tear up sometimes to watch that reemerging in him. He's beginning to move forward at a more normal pace, and even at an accellerated speed in some subjects. And his mom is beginning to see a light at the end. I really hope this continues, but I hardly dare hope, y'know?

 

Anyway, as regards graduation and credits. It depends a lot on the state you live in whether you can even get actual "credit" from any homeschool work regardless of the grade level. In our state we can present a portfolio of work, or take a proctored exam to receive credit--all of which needs to be arranged up front. I have been told that he legally has until age 21 to acquire the required credits for graduation (I do not know if this is because he has an IEP, or if that's just the case for all kids; certainly other children get held back a grade or two now and then for various reasons and they don't get kicked out at age 18). It has occurred to me that he might be better prepared (socially, and with independent living skills) for college at 21 than he would be at 18. He's also eligible to receive special ed assistance through the schools until he's 21 (which might be beneficial to him) as long as he doesn't graduate. We're still just approaching 7th grade this year so we have some time to figure this out, but we may just work on a five or six year high school plan, whether it's because he's behind academically or because he's just not mature enough to go on to the next phase of life. We may work it out so he's taking some community college courses as part of his "high school" when he's 19...or whatever. We have discovered there are a lot more options than we realized.

 

About college. Check with the college(s) you think your son might go to (we'll probably be looking close to home, since he'll probably either need to continue living with us, or need to be checked up on regularly to make sure he's doing things like bathing and eating something other than pizza pockets and twinkies, but maybe he'll surprise me...it has happened before). See what the college entrance requirements are. Several colleges I've looked at around here have separate requirements for homeschool students that DO NOT require a high school diploma. One goes entirely off the SAT or ACT score, and another one uses the SAT/ACT score and a small portfolio of work. Most community colleges don't require a diploma to enroll, but if you take some classes at the community college, and then "transfer" to a university, the university generally looks at the community college transcript and test scores, and doesn't care about a high school diploma either. Most universities are willing to make special arrangements for "special needs" students, and might be willing to do a proficiency review of some other kind, like an oral interview / portfolio type situation.

 

So, realistically, there's not necessarily any need to worry about whether a homeschooled child can get "credit" for work at a high school level. The thing to focus on (if college is in their future) is whether they can acquire the skills to either pass a test, or to demonstrate proficiency in some other way. If college is not in their future, or is uncertain, then skills are still the best place to focus, only you'd work on employment skills.

 

I don't want to be pushy or tell you what to do, or anything, but I'm imagining myself in your shoes (which I'll be wearing, here in a couple of years, so I've imagined it before...lol), and here are some options I'm thinking I'd consider.

 

1) Tell him he can take a year off from "school", provided he spends a certain number of hours per day doing something productive. That can be volunteer work, paid employment, learning a new skill, studying a particular subject, reading "parent-approved" books, gardening, cleaning out the garage, nature photography, jogging...whatever, as long as it's productive. At the beginning of each week, or each month, or whatever time frame would be most appropriate, he must sit down with you and write up a plan for that week or month, both of you discuss it, and sign it. Then as long as he lives up to his agreement, he doesn't have to do "school". Probably at the beginning I'd keep the time periods short, maybe even daily, and offer a lot of suggestions as to acceptable activities. Meanwhile, you're documenting all the stuff he does as if you were "unschooling" him. There are various ways to do this, one of which would be to have a binder with pages in it labeled by subject. When he does something math-related, write it down on the math page (and date it). When he reads something (anything...instruction manual, whatever) or writes something (work agreement, catalog order, etc.) write that on the "Language Arts" page. When he uses the computer (for something other than a game) put it on a "Technology Skills" page. Going fishing is "physical education". Be creative. This way, he feels like he's getting a break, but you can still document that he's been "in school" if necessary. At the end of the year, sit down together and discuss what he wants to do with his future. Hopefully he will have found something he enjoys doing. Whatever it is, help him figure out what kind of careers are available in that field, and what he would need to be able to do in order to get hired in those kinds of careers (it is HIS life after all; much as we moms would like to jump in and make their lives come out "right", at some point we just have to step back and let them take the driver's seat for their own destiny). Then figure out the best way to learn those skills. If it's community college or technical school, go with him down to the admissions office and have them discuss with him what he needs to do to get in to take the courses he wants in order to pursue his dream. If it's something non-college oriented, ask around with people working in that field about what the best way is to prepare for that career. Would an apprenticeship be the way to go? If so, ask who to talk to about such a thing. Ok, so he won't come out the other side with a master's degree, but he'll have a skill that can earn a living, and hopefully will be something he's motivated to do.

 

(It's telling me I'm too long-winded and can't make a post this long...and I'm too tired today to go back and edit sufficiently, so I'm splitting it into two posts. Sorry.)

[MamaSheep]

Aspie's can be very good at what they do, when following their passions (or obsessions, as the case may be). Make the goal be for him to be a happy, productive, moral citizen rather than a graduate of whatever. And help him see that as success too. He's probably feeling a bit demoralized from being squished into society's "academics are the end-all be-all" box.

 

 

2) (This is also what I'd use for the Plan B of when he isn't doing his productive thing, and therefore must do "school" instead.)The other approach I'd seriously consider, if it were me, would be to just figure out where he's AT, academically, find some materials that are at that level, or perhaps a little below so he can experience some academic triumphs and successes to build on, rather than constantly feeling "behind" or "ignorant" or "incapable". That's demoralizing and demotivating for anyone, regardless of neurological status. And then just work forward at his pace. Figure out where the biggest hang-ups are, and figure out how to either fix them, or work around them (or accept and live with them, and build on a strength in some other area). Figure out his "currency" and build in some rewards to the system. For us, at the moment, computer time works well--ex. if you finish this early you can play Spore until time for the next thing to start. If you finish it all early, you can play until supper. But if you want to finish it, you need to focus and you need to put a little umph into it. (But in the past we've used everything from legos to pet crickets as "currency". Aspie's have a limited number of things that really matter to them, and you've got to use what's available.) I don't know whether "credits" would be a motivator, but I'm guessing not. That's probably much more important to you than it is to him, sadly. It would be for my Aspie. Credit schmedit. But do keep a transcript. On the transcript, you only need to list the name of the course, and the grade received, you don't have to specify the grade level of work completed. This is actually one reason colleges use entrance exams, because even in public school, 11th grade English (etc.) is taught, and passed, at extremely different skill levels. Your son is not the only one who's working below grade level. You might consider not using that sort of label anyway, especially if you're willing to take an extra year or two getting ready for college. Rather than 9th grade English you could call it English 1, or 19th Century American Literature, or something non-leveled like that. Then if he gets to "English 6", so what? It doesn't carry quite the same level of "what took you so long" as 14th Grade English would. It might even be an advanced level course, eh? If you see what I mean. But he may surprise you, and really take off when you let the pressure up a bit, and teach him the next thing HE needs to know, rather than the next thing on "the list" for "9th grade credit".

 

One thing that has helped me with worrying about my son's future in high school and college is to remind myself that I am not "teaching 6th grade, so that 7th grade can occur", I am "teaching Daniel what he needs to know, and be able to do, to have a happy life". I am teaching my child, I am not teaching a grade. (And yes, it took me some time, and a serious load of angst to arrive at that place, and there are days I still want to throw something at the wall out of frustration that he is not working up to that BRAIN of his...my land, the kid is smart!! But there's more to him than "smart", and those things need to be nurtured and valued as well, and both of us need to be reminded of that now and then.)

 

Anyway, sorry to ramble so much. I hope there was something useful in all that somewhere...lol.

[kim973]

 

We live in PA and have options for a state-issued diploma, which is what I had hoped for.

 

What type of criteria has to be met to get the state-issued diploma?

[kim973]

You can delay High School and I think that you have to keep in mind that not all kids can or should or will want to go to college. Maybe he will want to go to college but he can have a very successful life without a degree. What does he want to do with his life?

 

His obsessed with video games. I limit his time to 30 minutes a day. However, when he gets together with a friend (which is not often), he gets to play more.

 

He also loves computer games.

 

For college, he said he's love to go to the Nintendo school for video game programming. It's way across the county and I don't know if I'll be able to afford it. However, if this is something he would want to do and would actually finish, I'd mortgage my home.

 

He just has NO motivation. He's so opposite of me. He tries to do the minimum amount of everything.

[kim973]

Thank you all for your responses. I'm reading and responding to them. It's so nice to know I'm not alone!

[kim973]

I love you what you said about teaching HIM and not a certain grade. He knows that he is not at grade level and seems ok with it, although he does have low self-esteem. Unfortunately, a lot of the curriculums have the grade in the title.

[kim973]

 

 

 

One thing that has helped me with worrying about my son's future in high school and college is to remind myself that I am not "teaching 6th grade, so that 7th grade can occur", I am "teaching Daniel what he needs to know, and be able to do, to have a happy life". I am teaching my child, I am not teaching a grade.

 

I love you what you said about teaching HIM and not a certain grade. He knows that he is not at grade level and seems ok with it, although he does have low self-esteem. Unfortunately, a lot of the curriculums have the grade in the title.

[kim973]

I agree with Jennifer.

I have been told that he legally has until age 21 to acquire the required credits for graduation (I do not know if this is because he has an IEP, or if that's just the case for all kids; certainly other children get held back a grade or two now and then for various reasons and they don't get kicked out at age 18). It has occurred to me that he might be better prepared (socially, and with independent living skills) for college at 21 than he would be at 18. He's also eligible to receive special ed assistance through the schools until he's 21 (which might be beneficial to him) as long as he doesn't graduate.

Yes, I’ve heard that too (about being 21), and I do plan teaching him until then. I also think my son would do much better in college when he is 21. I’ve heard you can do PSEO for two years, so maybe we’d do that when he’s 20 and 21.

[kim973]

I don't think it is a big deal to take extra years - you may find you get resistance from your son more than anyone else but again I think it would depend on the college he wants to attend.

 

I don't think it is either. As of now, my son says he's like to live with me 'forever.' :)

[JennW in SoCal]

There are many varied careers in video & computer games, not just programming. Many people move into these jobs after starting out as Beta testers and working their way up through the company. You should keep your son well stocked with trade magazines so he can get a feel for how varied and complex the gaming industry is, and he can start making connections between his schooling and an eventual career.

 

Your son could also start learning programming NOW and he can receive high school credit for that. My sons used a book with a title like "Game Programming for Teens". Just do a search with those key words on Amazon and see what turns up.

 

One last thought. Your son will grow and mature quite a bit in the next few years and may yet surprise you with what he is ready for when he is 18 or 19.

[kim973]

Thank you JennW. That is encouraging. I will definitely look into the programming book. I thought I read somewhere that kids mature a lot after they go through puberty. Does anyone know if that's true?

[MicheleB]

What type of criteria has to be met to get the state-issued diploma?

 

There are several different state diploma options. Here's a link for the Erie County diploma program.

 

I never thought about an IEP aspect of it. I'm wondering if it's something I should look into for dd, so we're not as pressured.

[Julie in MN]

I have been told that he legally has until age 21 to acquire the required credits for graduation (I do not know if this is because he has an IEP, or if that's just the case for all kids; certainly other children get held back a grade or two now and then for various reasons and they don't get kicked out at age 18). It has occurred to me that he might be better prepared (socially, and with independent living skills) for college at 21 than he would be at 18. He's also eligible to receive special ed assistance through the schools until he's 21 (which might be beneficial to him) as long as he doesn't graduate.

 

There are a lot of ins & outs on this issue, but basically, even adults go through programs to get high school diplomas.

 

Most public schools don't receive funding after 21, so they don't recognize students older than that as public school or homeschool students. Not sure how some states work it as far as umbrellas & such, since that's not a Minnesota thing. But adults do earn official high school diplomas from various sources, often because they feel it is better than a GED (or nothing).

 

Julie