Opinions and suggestions needed

[abtowell]

I have read some of the threads here and I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I don't have all day with 7 kids to search. So please if you have any suggestions for my kids please suggest away on this thread. I rarley post due to time constraints.

 

I have 2 children with learning disabilites. The older one is 9 and half. I have worked through most of his issues. He is labeled all sorts of things but mostly Auditory Processing Disorder. He has turned full circle this year though in reading. I have him in Rod and Staff. My other kids do TOG, but that was way over his head. The controled reader with concrete information works best from what I have tried. He now gets who, what, and where, questions almost 100% of the time. He still has trouble with why or how but he is light years from where we started. At 3 and half his cognitive ability including language was 15 months. It took me 2 years of trial and error to teach him to read. His memory retention is not so hot. He needs constant review in order to retain info. My problems now are in math and grammar. When I go to a new lesson he forgets the one we just did. I was doing MUS, and switched to completely R&S this year, partly because the reading worked so well and I saw that their math was spiral and partly because all my other kids do their grammar instead of TOG. He is doing better in spelling this year, I have him doing Calvert but he learned most of his spelling rules from R&S, so sometimes his memory does work all right. Anyhow my bent about him is not so needy I just wanted to make a point that I have traveled the trial and error road with the difficult to teach and with the latest child I have hit a wall.

 

So the one I really need help with is 7 and half. She has a horrible attention span. She has SI, she will only sit still for a movie which I find highly frustrating. Why can they sit still for TV but not to read a 10 minute story on the same couch? Yes, I read the book but I still don't get it. My son was diagnosed SI also but I think he had PI instead as he overcame this sort of thing and focuses quite well. She is distracted by everything. I had her tested at the school since we live overseas and there is no specialty clinic here like there was in OK at our last base. Anyhow she only got average in reading everything else was below average or worse. She got a 0 in reading comprehension. I modify the questions when I ask her so she can understand and of course they don't on the test. When she is with me she can answer at least 60% of the questions I ask correctly. I have to change the question format alot. I did this with her brother and he does pretty well now without me needing to do it anymore. I have done My Father's World kindergarten, R&S first grade and 1st grade Pathways. The only one I was able to finish was Pathways the rest we hit a wall and couldn't go on. I have also tried MUS, MCP, and R&S math. So far R&S and Pathway work best. She has almost no deductive thinking skills so all of those curriculums where you read the cute story and then ask what the child thinks area lost cause. I loved those with my first two kids so excuse my pessimism now. I want something I can do with her that is fun but it seems everything is painful. She only wants to do what she already knows how to do. Learning new things is like pulling teeth. My 4 year old is rapidly closing the gap between their cognitive abilities. If this keeps up he will pass her in school next year. For example she does things like she thinks my husband is my Dad since he is her Dad. Or I tell every child in the bathroom we are going sledding later today to put tights on. I say it 3 or 4 times within 10 feet of her. She comes to get her hair combed and she says," Are we doing anything today?" We have talked about getting a new bed for the 4 year old for over a month now. I brought home the headboard and footboard and placed it in the hall way. She ran up and asked what was that for. My almost 3 year old ran up in his baby talk and said "It's a bed for Bevin silly." Now I know that is bright for a preschooler but it's not so hot for a 7 year old not to regonize a bed when we have 7 in our house. I am not sure what else to say. I wish I knew what was pertinent and what wasn't. I'd have more faith but when it was my son I had him evaluated by 5 different doctors. they all gave different opinions. I read all sorts of books and came back asking about the auditory processing myself. They all agreed, that I was right. I know I am probably going to have to look for this issues name myself too, but I am not sure where to look. I have read so many things. Plus they are different and yet the same sometimes. Such as when it was my son I could say, " Put the red sock in the white hamper." he would hear me and then I would have him repeat it. No matter how many times I repeated it he couldn't do that many steps. So I broke it down into, see the red sock. he would. I'd say pick it up. You get the idea. With her sometimes she would do the whole thing, with no help or prompting. Other times she would repeat to me three times what I said and then pick up the hamper itself and leave the room with it. What is that? Also while I am whining, she only plays with a toy for maybe 10 minutes if that and runs around getting another. I know she is probably ADD. The evalutor said her home behaviours pointed at that but she didn't see it in the testing, even though I heard her talking and pointing and not listening to the instructor doing the test. I guess she got points for staying in the seat despite rubbing herself all over it. I have tried sensory activites but they seem to make it worse. If I do a deep pressure activity and then try to do school she is completely unfocused after the activty. the only one that seems to work is the writing glove. The ball makes her 10 times worse and squishing her in pillows and such just makes her hyper. I put her on the Feingold diet since one of other kids went on it for speech. That helped some as high fructose corn syrup sends her into orbit as do artificial flavors and colors. It didn't improve her fidgeting. She rubs her hands until they crack and bleed. I put lotion and stop bite nail cream on them 3 or 4 times a day. She goes through a pair of slippers a month if we went out more it would be shoes. Her clothes have to be plain with no ties or sparkles and such as she will rip them off trying to fiddle with them. When she gets a cold we have to remind her not to put her fingers in her nose or she will have a constant nose bleed. Bless her heart sometimes I look at her and think how do you function? We have a ticket system for discipline as her brother had alot of anger issues and it really helped him. We have all the other kids 6 and up on the same system as it is good for him to see fairness. It has all but resolved his anger issues. It is horrible for her. She loses tickets left and right. She will go 3 days without a ticket and then all fo a sudden decided she wants one and will try really hard. So that is like the hamper thing. Why can she do it sometimes and other times she crashes and burns constantly. It's like she is capable but doesn't want to think long enough to care.

 

My main requests are for vocabulary builders. English is not either one of thems first language as they are adopted. Now they did both learn English by 2 and half but I hear that is still a language hole. They say things like bringed and putted instead of brought and put. My son has improved quite a bit but a computer game or something that helps this would be great. I have a Vocabulator by Leap Frog but it doens't say the words it just does meanings. This is not ideal as they both mispronounce words and then are frustrated with others when they are not understood. Plus they say thingy and stuff constantly for things like an orange, or a bicycle that they shoudl know the name of. Also I need Math suggestions for the memory uninclined. At what point do you just say here is a calculator. I have already taught my eldest who is 11 how to long divide. That is my worst nightmare for these two. I have given up on History and Science at the moment. My son may have an inkling of an interest in his brother's science so I am fostering that. My daugther however, I would be happy to finish reading and math in 2 hours. What I did with my first 2 kids in 45 minutes for first grade takes her 4 or more hours. I thought the early grades were supposed to be fun. Is it just me or am I using or going about it the worng way?

 

Thanks so much for listening to my bent. I don't have any homeschooling friends with any learning issues save one who has a little one stumped by phonics. I introduced her to sight reading and now I am alone in the ( couldn't find the head banging wall face). Happy for her but I still need major assistance.

[Ottakee]

This is quick, but where are they adopted from? Is Fetal Alcohol a possiblity for either of them? Some of what you say fits with that so well.

 

I will try to get back to this tomorrow.

[abtowell]

My son is labeled ARND which is Alcohol Related Neurological Defect. His MRI's and EEG's are both abnormal. He also was abused and removed from his birth mother at 15 months for some fairly heinous things. He has done some off the wall things over the years but not on a regular basis. I honestly think if his mother hadn't drank he'd be pretty bright. He didn't have any common sense at all when we adopted him. He has learned what he has from my husband and myself, and he has really progressed well over the years. The biggest changes were in the first 2 years. My daugther's profile has no reason to suspect alcohol issues. Her mom was an upstanding citizen who had a 12 year old daugther from a divorce. My daugther was an accident that she couldn't afford. She wrote down no drinking and no smoking. I know you can never be sure but she has no facial features to speak of. My son has the lip issue and the almost absent philitrum. That is one of the depressing things to me. He has come so far for the cards that were stacked againist him and I just seem to be circling the drain with her half the time. I have had my daugther 5 years in March. I feel I have been paitent with what works itself out over time. I feel like at this point I need to figure out what's up and do my best to help it along.

 

To answer the original question though they are both from Russia, different regions. My son is a direct adopt and my daugther is a disrupt. Both were attachement disordered at adoption. My son shows no sign of attachment issues for at least 4 years now. My daugther has residual trust issues but attachment wise she has done great from where she was when she came to us. I think the double placement took a toll on her especially since she has anxiety issues.

[tadoussac]

I have a son who is also diagnosed with ARND, and he does not have any facial features. The characteristic facial features of FASD only occur if the mother drank on the days that the face is developping. Facial features do not predict the amount of brain damage, and, in fact, kids without the features often do worse because there is no outward sign of their disability, and their challenges are often not as easily accepted as the differences of a child with prominent physical differences.

 

Much of how you describe your daughter rings true of my son. Diane Malbin of FASCETS explained that a child with FASD has many issues in common with an adult with Alzheimer's. They have good days where they are functional, and bad days when they cannot remember what you have taught them. My 9 year old son identified the sounds of "i" and "e" correctly for three months, then was completely stumped one day when we were reviewing. Because I knew he was likely having an bad moment where he couldn't find the information in his brain, I was OK with leaving it, and moving on. Sure enough, the next day he could remember the sounds again. In the past, I had often been frustrated with that behaviour. On good days, I can remember that he is as he is, and that thinking that he should be more like x or y does not help. I suppose the other big help has been that with diagnosis I have in the home help with his education, and that help has been an immense releif to me.

 

Are there any opportunities for you to have your daughter fully tested? Let me know if you are at all interested in any resources I've found helpful. I'm happy to share.

[abtowell]

I would love any suggestions. We move in July but depending on where is whether or not I can have her tested again. If I ask to move to a place where she can evaluated they may place her on the special family members list and my husband's career is toast. We had to work very hard to get taken off of it with my sons issues wehn he was younger. She was tested at Duke at the age of 2 and half but it is hard to test cognitive issues on young children. They did not label her with any alcohol issues, but hey I have seen doctors be wrong before. I have noticed several things. She is very visually overstimulated. Such as we were sledding with just she and 3 of her siblings on Friday. For over and hour she did very well remembered the rules and was an appropriate level of active and talkative. Then 6 of our friends showed up to play. 2 of those kids are a bit hyper. She went wild within minutes. Wouldn't stay in my site, couldn't listen, kept jumping in front of moving sleds, despite being told repeatedly that this wasn't safe. Talking non stop, while not listening to adults or ther other kids. She almost always does this when more than just our family or one or two people show up. For instance she has fairly decent table manners. We spent alot of time teaching her not to chew with her mouth open, not to pick toe jam and then stick it in you rmouth and so forth. As soon as we walk in a busy restaurant at lunch, she's picking stuff off her shoes, half the place can hear her smacking. I am not talking just opening one's mouth. I have 5 boys, so I can't be that picky. I am talking mouth open and food falling out gross. It almost seems as if her brain shuts off when outside stimuli go over a certain level. I know all people are that way to a point but her tolerance level is very low, comparitively. I am always torn during school, how many times do I tell her the answer. Sometimes she fakes not knowing things to get attention when it's not her turn. When told you may not have X unless you go sit down and check your work, all of a sudden she can do it sometimes. It's so hard to know when she can be manipulative but then alot of the time I cna tell she has no clue. I feel like the inconsistency doesn't help. But, yes anyone who has been there done that and knows some things that work please,, suggest away.

[Guest Klraine]

Hi,

 

This is one of the first times I have been on this forum and have found some great information already.

 

I was reading about your daughter. She seems to be somewhat similar to my son. My son is so unpredictable and is with you some days and not so much the next. I was curious as to whether or not you had ever had your child tested by or seen by a geneticist? My two children were diagnosed with a very strange syndrome called Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome back in 2002. They are very mildly affected and prior to treatment had all sorts of issues that in some ways were "autistic-like" and in other ways were not. The syndrome is related to a deficiency in cholesterol if you can believe it! Anyway, their symptoms lessened after being treated with cholesterol. My son was far easier to deal with, tantrumed a lot less and was more manageable overall. All this to say that the diagnosis we received from this geneticist at Johns Hopkins was KEY! THere are so many different syndromes out there these days. Just a thought for you to ponder....

 

Also, hang in there. I can sympathize/empathize with the struggle of dealing with a difficult child. It is so frustrating and so challenging. I am currently homeschooling my son who is 9 1/2 and days can be very long. Hope things get better for you.

 

Blessings,

 

Karter