What is best action when child refuses to do any schoolwork?

[Mommyfaithe]

What you are missing here is that the child has a personality in which every little thing is a struggle and the "defiance" never ends. Making your child sit for years will not accomplish the educational goals you have set and will only damage your relationship. My son would rather sit than do the work that I choose for him. However, now that we have a good relationship he will gladly help with the laundry when I ask instead of giving me a big attitude about it.

Some people get one of these kids.....I have 2. It is the most frustrating, hair pulling, makes you crazy thing ever! What we did with my older ds was call homeschool done at 16. At that point he had more than a high school level education. We had him learn the trade of our business. It was basically a disaster and ruined his relationship with dh. He did learn a ton, but he was still him....

He was also a swimmer. Loved swim team, loved the pool....so I encouraged him to get his life guard and teaching certs and since we knew the manager of aquatics at the Y, to apply for a job there and go to school part-time. He did that....and again....could have aced his subjects but, he refused to do the work. He didn't hand in homework or would put off doing his papers. After the 4 th semester, he quit and moved to the city for a full time job at a Y down there. He stayed about a year, then tried to come home, work with dh and start school again. After5 months...back to the same old.....so, back to the city and his job. He is doing really well. He is happy. He is healthy. He is swimming, body building and kickboxing semi professionally. He is not on drugs, he is self supporting, he does his thing. He is so brilliant, but he is not willing to work harder than just enough to get by. These are his decisions....we can't change the person he is.

 

Anyway, now I have ds 9, who is ds22 jr. Only with a bad temper and attitude. ( ds 22 is very sweet, pleasant, smiley, gentle). I am at my with end trying to force this one into school work when I know it is an effort in futility. This child is brilliant. Has the vocabulary to prove it. He has been reading since he is 3 yet refuses to read anything but magazines or blogs on the computer. I finally found he will listen to audio books while playing Legos. He will not do his math, but memorized his times tables in days. I am at a loss.

 

I have no good advice even though I have been there and I am there again except.....spend more time with your dd...the one who WANTS to learn. Do special projects, watch movies pertaining to HER studies, bake or craft or whatever she likes to do. One of my biggest mistakes was focusing on what he was NOT doing to the neglect of working with my kids who wanted to learn. I will not do that again. I am there...he knows what he needs to do. There are no consequences other than him falling behind....because he refuses to do any sport or outside activities. If I take away treats, he gets them from dad. I don't worry about punitive. If he doesn't do his work, he doesn't learn. Somehow this kid still manages to score in the upper 90th percentiles on his tests and he also will pass all of his quizzes and tests for the week.....he is learning somewhere! Just in his own way.

 

I focus on my relationship with him and giving him the life skills he will need to navigate the world....but the push/ shove/nag thing does not work. The take away stuff does not work. The threaten thing does not work.reward systems do not work. Honestly, it wouldnt make a difference if he were in school or not. My oldest proved that to me.

 

I will be reading this thread closely hoping I can find something to spark my younger son so he does not end up with such a defiant attitude as an adult. I do not see where that attitude helps with their position on this planet. I want my kids to have a good life, I do not see defiance as a good character quality, yet it is the one character that is so tough to form and shape into something useful for them and their community.