14 yo DS. Dealing with lack of attention/common sense/absentmindedness

[Miss Peregrine]

I am truly sorry that I hurt your feelings and should have worded what I said more carefully. I could also be reading my own experience into it with my own mother. She would say she doesn't think I'm a moron, but she acts like she thinks I am. I also didn't think I was saying something earth-shattering. "Moron" doesn't have hugely negative connotations to me.

Your son apologized to you and your husband for being a moron. He may well be translating your responses as the way you see him. That's what matters, not what a stranger "hears" when she reads your words. When kids have disabilities and there is no other reason they know of that they can't do what others seem to do easily and it bothers those around them, that's the kind of thing they conclude about themselves.

Again, I'm sorry. I should have just raised the issue of your son's possible point of view, not how I read your words. (I also think that many parents of special needs kids have said or done things they regret once their child is diagnosed and they look back on things. It's pretty common.)

 

It's okay. I can "hear" now how you meant it. :)

 

Your post had lots of great information and I am thankful for it. I had never heard of executive function before until this thread when another poster mentioned it. I have been reading on it and ADD which brings me to this.:

 

He is lucky that he has two parents with normal executive functioning because you will be able to help him if you really seek to understand him. It's much harder for parents who themselves have ADD to provide the kind of consistency that their kids need.

 

 

 

After all the reading I have been doing, I don't think I can say that about DH. I have told him for years that he has Asperger's. I am not so sure he doesn't have an executive function deficit. He was called dumb all the time growing up, even by a certain teacher that he remembers to this day. I bet part of why he gets so frustrated with DS is because he sees himself.

[Miss Peregrine]

As a mother of a 9 year old who is very similar to what you describe I highly recommend going through testing. It totally changed how I viewed my son. I now see these things as a result of his rich inner life and thoughts. I am learning to be more patient and help him develop his strengths.

Of course you don't think your son is a moron :grouphug: . FWIW, my son was tested for ADHD, and despite a lifetime of attention issues, he does not have it. I think having your son tested is a fine idea.

 

 

Thanks. I am compiling a list of all the suggested books. Lots of reading coming my way! :)

[KRG]

This sounds a lot like my oldest. He is 15 and has been spacey for a couple of years now. Dh says to hang in there that they do outgrow it :) It can be nerve-wracking but in the last year of so I've learned to show a lot of grace and mercy and it's working.

[cheryl h]

 

 

 

Thanks. I am compiling a list of all the suggested books. Lots of reading coming my way! :)

 

 

 

It was suggested to me from someone on these boards to read some of Dr. Mel Levine's books. I read his book "The Myth of Laziness" and it was very good. He goes through many examples of different people with different executive function issues, explaining how those issues have effected their lives and what their success in adulthood might look like if it is addressed, and then if it isn't. It discusses both kids and adults suffering these issues. I found it very insightful in understanding the executive function problem as a whole. He also has other books, I think "No Mind Left Behind" is one. I didn't find him to be one that would immediately default to meds, more advise was given on how to rearrange your life and habits to accomadate the issues, though he does talk about cases where he thought it truly necessary

 

This morning I am diving into "ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life" by Judith Kolberg and Kathleen Nadeau.