LL7 Dialogue

[Paula in PA]

My dd wrote this as the writing assignment for the dialogue lesson in LL7. I'm just looking for an unbiased assessment, something I can't do this time. :tongue_smilie: It's called Imaginary Friends.

 

“Now if you haven’t already figured this out, I’m Cuddles. I will be telling this story with the help of my friends. We all are IFs, imaginary friends. To warn you, this might be disturbing. Flame promises not to beat me up a lot,†Cuddles said.

“Did I actually say that Cuddles?†asked Flame.

“Yes you did. Now you’ll be good, right?†Shadow hissed.

“Of course. I would never scare anyone reading this,†Flame said, with trouble glowing within his eyes. He proceeded to throw a bomb in a trash can.

“Oh great, we’re going through this again. Always, Flame and Cuddles argue and then Shadow jumps in. Will I EVER have peace in my life?!?†Sara complained. The other three responded with a “Never!â€

“Now, I will tell the story.†Cuddles paused sighing and looking about to see whether anyone would interrupt again. “Ok, it was a dark and gloomy night, an-“

“It wasn’t like that at all Cuddles. Get the facts right before I let Flame get you,†Sara interrupted.

“Oh please, do let me have Cuddles for, of course, a peaceful chat.†Flame laughed. Shadow was holding him back, hissing. “And maybe Shadow will let me go,†he added.

“As I was saying. Oh yes, Sara! I’m telling the story, not YOU!†Cuddles stated.

“But,†she said.

“No buts!!!†screeched Cuddles, “Anyways, it was a dark and gloomy night and that’s when, all of a sudden; Sara said “ain’t’!!†Cuddles burst into laughter.

“I am going to KILL you, Cuddles!!†cried Sara.

“Free now?†asked Flame.

“No!†shouted Shadow.

Cuddles watched Flame carefully. “Ok, no more jokes. Anyways, I ‘twas the first IF, Sara was second, then Shadow and Flame jumped into the mix. We don’t always agree, but our creator, of sorts, keeps the peace. Sometimes she, um, locks one of us up. We all live within her imagination. Yeah, that says a lot about her mind.†Cuddles grinned. “So that explains us first off, in case you are confused.â€

“Should I be the one to explain the personalities?†asked Shadow.

“Sure.â€

“Good. Flame and Sara would get it wrong.†Shadow rolled her eyes.

“HEY!!†shouted Flame. Sara laughed at Flame’s remark.

“Ok then, I’ll start with mine first,†Shadow smiled. “I, Shadow, am depressed; I tend to lurk, stalk at times, and I also get bored easily. I’m quite shy, quiet, and I can be VERY violent; also I’m a cat. Flame’s a cat as well; he likes picking on people, weapons, fire. He has a habit of being insane; he’s also the most dangerous of us all. He beats up Cuddles as well. Now for Sara, well, she can...â€

“Whoa. I’m explaining myself Shadow.†Sara said. “I’m sweet, innocent, and charming; while they are so not. I enjoy talking peacefully an-“

“Don’t you even try this. I will explain your personalities. You would lie about being sweet and a goodie two-shoes.†Cuddles interrupted.

“HEY!!!†Sara shrieked.

“Shut it,†Flame growled, trying to escape from Shadow’s grip.

“Anyways,†Cuddles growled, “I was the one given permission to tell the story, and Shadow was to tell the personalities. But since she’s busy locking up Flame, I’ll tell them. Now, for Sara’s personality. She’s crazy, hyper, and deadly with her hammer and spaceship. She’s human, all that needs to be said. I, Cuddles, am an outcast of sorts, though I blend in well with the other IFs. I’m an ex-CIA agent; I’m not saying my nicknames though."

“C’mon Cuddles, your nicknames are so cute!!†cried Flame from the dungeon.

“Sorry Cuddles, I couldn’t sound proof the walls.†Shadow said, coming up the stairs from the basement and dungeon.

“I’m gonna get you with my rocket launcher one of these days, Cuddles!!! I’M GONNA GET YOU CUDDLES!!!†screamed Flame.

“Lettuce,†cursed Cuddles. Then there was a ring.

“I thought I killed that phone.†said Sara. More ringing occurred.

“I’ll get it!†shouted Shadow. She picked up the phone and talked into it and listened for a while. After a bit, she placed it back down.

“It was the boss, she said that we’ve made a story ourselves just by talking and doing our regular stuff. You don’t need to tell the story, Cuddles!†Shadow said. Then there was a boom and a flying door.

“What I miss?†asked Flame. Everyone else laughed. Shadow dropped a few smoke pelts and everything went up into smoke.

[Paula in PA]

So no one has read it or it isn't worth commenting on?