Feedback please

[Lovin Learnin]

Please provide feedback on the following saint report my dd wrote for religious ed class. She researched the subject at the library with the help of the librarian. This is our second year hsing and while we really haven't used a complete program, I OWN every program under the sun, and tend to pick and choose whatever I think will help her at the moment. She loves to write and writes often. Dh teaches writing at the college level and he did help her edit so this is not her original, but he admitted that she really did not have many corrections to make. The style is all her own. If you notice something we could be working on please let me know which program you think would best address the issue. I really want to start a program and finish it but I'm not sure (can't decide) which to use. We own and have used pieces of Writeshop, Classical Writing Homer A and B, Writing with Skill, and Classical Composition Chreia (I think that's all).

 

Help me cure my indecisiveness!

 

 

St. Francis of Assisi

 

St. Francis of Assisi was born into a wealthy family in Assisi, Italy. His father was a successful cloth seller, so they had money to spare. As a child, he had good food on his table and wore the best of clothes. Although some thought Francis was spoiled, he shared most of his money with his friends, buying them sweets and gifts. Even in his youth, Francis was very charitable.

 

When Francis was a young man he went off to battle. He fought twice. The first time he was expecting a glamorous day, but instead it was a sad, bloody, miserable day. Many of Francis’ friends were killed and he was taken prisoner. When his father took him home from prison, he was ill. He was not sick for long, but he slowed down for a while. Soon, the second chance to battle came and Francis decided he would go. His father spent lots of money on a suit of armor for him so he could go to battle proudly. On his way there he stopped to rest. He dreamed that God said to him, “Who can give you more? The Master or the servant?†Francis answered, “The Master!†Then God said, “Then why are you abandoning the Master for the servant?†When Francis woke up, he thought that the dream meant that he should change and be more devoted to God. He sold his armor and went back home.

 

When Francis returned home, he prayed more, began to wear ragged clothes, stopped going to parties, and invited poor people to eat with him. Francis even sold his father’s cloth so that he had money to build a church. This church was called San Domino. His father was very unhappy about this because he wanted the money for himself, but Francis did not care. Francis took care of lepers and told his father that he only obeyed God the Father Almighty. He gave up everything, including his clothes. He wore nothing but an old shirt he dug out of the garbage. This was more than enough for Francis. He had grown so close to Jesus that when he died stigmata appeared on his hands and feet.

 

On July 15, 1228, Francis was declared the patron saint of animals and ecology by Pope Gregory IX. Christians celebrate Saint Francis of Assisi’s feast every October 4 by having animals blessed.

[Catherine]

Wow-I think your daughter's writing is really excellent for an 11 yo. Keep doing whatever you are doing!

[AvasMom]

I agree with Catherine! Great writing! She did a really good job with quotations. Putting in just the right quote, in just the right place is a difficult skill for anyone, especially such a young writer.