ReneTL Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Please offer any feedback for my dd's writing project for Jemima Puddle Duck (11 yo 6th grade). Thanks! Rene This is the story of Jemima puddle-duck. Jemima puddle-duck lived on a farm where ducks could not lay their own eggs. This annoyed Jemima, so she snuck out to find a dry nesting spot. Once Jemima had left she saw a wood. Jemima took flight so she could get a better view of the wood. She did not like flying much but she was a beautiful flyer when she had a good start. When she got into the wood, she saw a foxy looking gentleman sitting on the tree stump that she liked. Jemima thought he was mighty civil and handsome. She explained that she was looking for a dry nesting spot; the foxy looking gentleman said that he had a shack full of feathers. You may sit there as long as you need to. The handsome gentleman led the way to a dismal looking house, “This is my summer residence”, he said. The shack was almost full of feathers so it was very hard to breathe. She made a nice nest that was very comfortable. The handsome gentleman promised to keep the eggs safe and warm. The foxy looking gentleman seemed almost sorry to let Jemima go home. The next day the foxy looking gentleman asked Jemima to bring some herbs and onions for an omelet; he said that he would provide the eggs. On the way to the market, Jemima met a collie-dog named Kep. She told him her whole story about meeting the foxy looking gentleman and about the eggs and the herbs and onions; he listened with his head cocked. When Jemima got back to the shack, the foxy gentleman said, “Give me the herbs and the onions then take a look at your eggs. Be quick!” Jemima was startled with how he talked to her. When Jemima went into the shack to look for her eggs, she was surprised to see black noses looking from underneath the door. A moment afterward she heard a lot of terrible noises coming from underneath the door. Then nothing was ever seen of the foxy looking gentleman every again. The puppies rushed in quickly and gobbled up the eggs before Kep could stop them. She was escorted home in tears on account of the eggs. Jemima laid more eggs in June and she hatched them herself. But, only four of them hatched. Edited January 9, 2012 by ReneTL paragraph breaks weren't clear Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create Your Ritual Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 (edited) Hey there. ;-) We aren't that far into Homer yet, and I am combining it with CC Narrative. (Classical Composition). I personally like how CC uses 18 figures of description to help the student become a bit more creative in their retellings. In that respect, I think it's a step up from what is required in the rewriting in Homer. However, I like Homer for all the 6 Sentence Shuffle exercises as well as the other sentence exercises. lol I am hopeless with making a choice between them ... so I pick and choose each week and integrate parts of what I like from the other. ;-) Anyway, back to the figures of description idea. Obviously it's not necessary, but it's been a fun addition for my kids and has them THINK about the story so that they can retell it in their own way. With regards to the Jemima story, you could have her add in several figures of description. She could add Anemographia - a vivid description of wind (such as when Jemima is flying). Perhaps when Jemima is startled at how the Fox is talking to her she could use Mimesis (imitation of another's gestures, or way they speak) .. and go off mumbling under her breath about him. It's not NECESSARY, but it makes it fun. As an example, my dd10 had to retell The Rose in CC Narrative by changing the point of view to a character in the story and use geographia (vivid description of the earth). She chose to retell it from the point of view of the rose itself. The original story was about the goddess Aphrodite and how she turned the white rose to red when she was pricked by it while trying to save her love Adonis from the god Ares. DD started it by describing the rose and the garden that it lived in - "I used to live in a garden with grape vines twirled about, and flowers creeping towards the sunlight. Water gently flowed out of marble fountains, which were engraved with pictures of the gods. But nothing was more majestic and high that me, the rose. My kingdom stretched far and wide, with me, in my spotless, white coattails and trousers, ruling over it. However, trouble arose one day when I saw Aphrodite and a man named Adonis walking together in the garden...." (There are probably grammatical errors here .. we are BOTH learning about sentence fluency and grammar.. lol, but you can see that it gives her the room to bring in creativity while using the figures of description to sort of prompt her). Those can be brought into any of the stories in Homer if it is something you wish to do and think might make it fun for her. I think she did a lovely job retelling the story.. I am just always looking for some sort of way to keep my dc engaged in the story and put their own mark on it... at least at this stage. ;-) Edited January 9, 2012 by SaDonna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReneTL Posted January 10, 2012 Author Share Posted January 10, 2012 Thanks for the feedback. I like the idea of adding more description; it might help her enjoy the writing projects a bit more. I think she seems to be doing well, but I can't get past the feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing trying to teach writing! Thanks again. Peace, Rene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create Your Ritual Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Well, Rene take my ideas as suggestions only. I am learning too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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