Please tell us what you think of this poem.

[gnann]

My fourteen-year-old wrote this poem last year after studying the ancient classics. She wrote it of her own accord. (It was not an assignment.)

It did not place in our library's annual poetry contest. (The prizes seemed to go to poems of a more lighthearted nature.)

I want to encourage her to continue writing poetry. I like her poem. I think it shows understanding of the epic poems that we read.

We would appreciate your comments.

Lament for Troy

We are the walls of Troy, we have been for many years

And we have seen our peoples' joys, hopes, and fears.

Surely it must have been a scene from some other life

Paris dancing home though our gates with his newlywed wife.

For now, in our streets, shouts are calling--

Achaeans in the city, Troy is falling.

Was it really ten years ago that we

First sighted Greek ships crossing the sea?

Ten years ago Hector, a smile on his face

Strapped on his armor for battle and left with easy grace.

Ten years since the Achaeans first jumped from their ships

Running to our city, battle cries on their lips.

Since those days, we've seen too many fights.

Trojans falling while defending our proud heights.

And Greeks avenging their wronged king.

Weapons clashing, shields flashing, fierce battling.

We saw Hector slay Patroclus, Achilles' best friend.

And in turn witnessed Hector meet his own end.

Too much violence, too much gore

Since Menelaus, in pursuit of Paris, first arrived on our shore.

And since last morning when they saw the Greeks sail away on the wind's breath,

The Trojans have been oblivious to the oncoming death.

We alone saw through the trap devised by the cunning Greek.

But we are nothing but stone and so we cannot speak.

And now through our gates, Aeneas and his family take flight,

For the Achaeans have struck in the dead of the night.

Our people would defend Troy at all cost,

But there's no saving the city, not now, it's lost.

And King Priam, who we remember as a laughing young man, just crowned

Can he really be now lying dead on the ground?

Our city was once like him, young and laughing, but now it will fade,

Lost forever, crushed beneath those who invade.

But we'll wake in the morning, in the new dawn.

And, standing alone, wait as life carries on.

[Ester Maria]

I thought it was pretty good. I hope she continues to write. :001_smile:

[gnann]

Thank you for your encouragement.

[Teachin'Mine]

I think it's awesome!!! She's a talented writer and should definitely continue!!! :)

 

You may want to ask her permission to post it on the general boards as I'm sure lots of moms would love to have it to read with their kids. Very cool!

[gnann]

Thank you very much for the encouragement.

[Teachin'Mine]

You're welcome. It's sincere. :)

 

I have a feeling that a lot of writing contests have more to do with the topic and it's popularity than on the quality of the writing. ;) JMO

[Ester Maria]

I have a feeling that a lot of writing contests have more to do with the topic and it's popularity than on the quality of the writing. ;) JMO

Also - not to make the OP paranoid' date=' but just to bring it up for her consideration - some writing contests tend to overlook on purpose [i']unusually good[/i] writing.

 

Why? Because of that silly reasoning that if it is too good to be true, it may not be true. In other words, they doubt the authenticity of the work, and these things are VERY hard to prove in any definite way, so they feel more secure by just overlooking these unusually good works, or awarding them a lower placement. I know, sounds crazy, but it DOES happen now and then, which is why one should never take too seriously these types of competitions.

 

Your daughter's work is excellent.

[mamakimberly]

Yes, Ester Maria-

 

I was accused of plagiarizing in 9th grade because my history teacher said my writing was "too gramatically correct". Seriously.

[Ester Maria]

Yes, Ester Maria-

 

I was accused of plagiarizing in 9th grade because my history teacher said my writing was "too gramatically correct". Seriously.

Insane. :001_huh: