What do you think of my son's essay?

[Maverick]

I don't know whether to call it an essay or a report. 7th grade ds did SL Core 5 this year for history/lit but finished reading all the books by March, so I added a number of other books. One of the SL books was a simple biography of Genghis Khan. When ds had finished all his other books he mentioned that he would like to read a more detailed bio of GK, so I picked one up at the library. When he finshed it I asked him to do some project related to GK. Build a model of a yurt, write a letter to or from GK, I don't remember all the ideas I gave him, but he wanted to write about GK's early years. This child is an excellent (fast!) reader, but has struggled with writing from the get-go (he has always been homeschooled) and this is the longest paper he has ever written. It took him 2 weeks. I am almost ready to say, for the first time ever, he may be writing at grade level. What do you think? (I didn't give him any help, all editing was self-editing, and I haven't given him any feedback yet.)

 

Genghis Khan Essay

Genghis Khan is one of the ancient world’s most influential conquerors, yet almost no one knows about his upbringing, before he became the conqueror. In this essay, I am going to reveal to you the hidden secrets of his past.

Unlike most great conquerors, who usually inherited a large kingdom, Genghis Khan started his role as leader with a group of eight. His father, Yesugei, had been poisoned, and the clan they had been tied to had abandoned them. His family had to live like animals, eating whatever they could find. They had become the lowest of the low. Soon after, another clan, the Tayichiud, hunted him down for trespassing on their lands. They took him captive and turned him over to be a slave of their slaves. The captives of the Tayichiud, unlike the Tayichiud themselves, gave him sympathy and comfort. They then allowed him to escape.

Soon after he escaped the Tayichiud, at the age of sixteen, Genghis Khan married Borte, who was eighteen at the time. By the tradition of the tribes, a new bride takes a gift to her husband’s parents, and Borte bought a cloak of black sable. Genghis Khan, because his father was dead, decided to give it as a gift to revive an old friendship of his fathers. He gave the cloak to Ong Khan, who was khan of the powerful Kereyid tribe. Soon after Genghis Khan married Borte, she was kidnapped by the Merkid tribe. After she was captured, Genghis Khan enlisted the help of his new friend, Ong Khan, and raided the Merkid village, taking Borte back.

After he got his wife back, Genghis Khan and his small following joined the camp of a man named Jamuka, who was Genghis Khan’s age and his anda. An anda is a sworn brother of a person, when Jamuka and Genghis Khan became andas; they were swearing to be brothers forever. Soon, however, Jamuka began to treat Genghis Khan more like a younger brother, not as an equal, and this was unacceptable to Genghis Khan (surprise surprise). He then split with Jamuka, and a large number of Jamuka’s warriors decided to follow Genghis Khan. Now that he had a following of his own, Genghis Khan decided to try to unify all the Mongols together.

When he decided to unite all the Mongols, Genghis Khan was not uniting all the tribes of Mongolia, the Mongols were just one of the tribes of that area. The Mongols were one tribe; they were just split into many different groups. Over the following years, Jamuka and Genghis Khan each acquired a following of families and clans in a shifting balance of loyalties; yet neither was able to unite the Mongols into one tribe like the Kereyid, Tatars, and Naiman. After a few years, Genghis Khan summoned a khuriltai of the Mongols, as he wanted to elect himself as Khan of all the Mongols. A khuriltai is a summoned meeting among the tribes, set up by one person or group. Usually the caller of the meeting wanted to elect himself for something, in which simply showing up was a vote for the person and not showing up was a vote against the person. In this particular meeting, a sizable number of people came, so Genghis Khan now had the title of Khan of the Mongols. However, he was Khan in name alone; there were still many groups, such as Jamuka’s, who would not accept him as Khan.

Ong Khan, though he seemed to support Genghis Khan, sometimes supported Jamuka in their conflicts in an effort to keep the two of them fighting, so that neither would threaten his power. Genghis Khan then tried to put himself as Ong Khan’s successor. He sent a letter to Ong Khan, asking him if he would let Ong Khan’s daughter marry his son. Ong Khan however, saw Genghis Khan as a common upstart; so he decided to say yes to the request, yet he planned to attack Genghis Khan once he was at the place of the wedding. Fortunately, Genghis Khan was told by a loyal follower of the betrayal, and fled. After he fled, Ong Khan threw a party, believing that Genghis Khan was far, far away. Genghis Khan, however, was actually racing towards the party with his army. Ong Khan was overthrown, and he fled alone, only to be killed later by the Naiman tribe.

While Genghis Khan was fighting Ong Khan, Jamuka and his people joined the Naiman tribe, who where the enemies of Genghis Khan’s next campaign. Genghis Khan attacked the Naiman because their queen despised the Mongols as dirty, smelly savages. When he fought the Naiman, Genghis Khan again showed his incredible tactics. Because the Naiman had more soldiers than him, he ordered each of his soldiers to light five fires one night; thereby making his army look much, much bigger. He then spread rumors to embolden his own men and shame the Naiman. When he fought the last big battle, he used three different tactics to confuse the Naiman. First, he separated his army into groups of ten, and these groups went silently to attack the enemy and retreat before the Naiman knew they were there. Next, his army spread out into a long, thin line, forcing the Naiman to do the same. Then, when the Naiman where spread out, a reserved force that was not very wide but extremely deep attacked one point of the Naiman line, breaking through it. After he had beaten the Naiman, and Jamuka, who allied with them, Genghis Khan had now united all of the Mongol clans together. Jamuka was the last clan leader to oppose him.

After he became the Khan of the Mongols, Genghis Khan went on to do his infamous, gargantuan conquests. However, that is another story, this one ends now. If you want to know more on Genghis Khan, I suggest you read Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World, by Jack Weatherford.

[jonesloonybin]

Very nice! What a great report. :001_smile:

 

Terri

[Michelle T]

He must have really enjoyed learning about GK, he certainly covered a lot of detail. Tell him good work!

Michelle T

[LisaNY]

Excellent! You should be proud! :001_smile:

 

The only thing I would ask your son to do is give a little background on his wife, Borte. Her name appears, but I am left wondering who she is and where she is from.

[Maverick]

Thanks for the feedback!