How do you handle an ungrateful child: Advise Please!

[tex-mex]

and my oldest dd got a box of baking soda. Yeah. It was awesome. Because she has been doing this for years it has morphed into a huge joke. The girls thank her politely, and then we race out to the car and giggle like maniacs. We have a lively debate about who got the worst gift (one year the other DIL got a full set of gourmet cookware and I got a supermarket calorie counting guide) and whoever wins gets to pick where we stoop for dinner on the way home.

 

:lol: Oh dear.

 

We do this with my SIL's (crazy aunt) gifts. She always gets her brother (my hubby) underwear and socks. Every year, he tells her he doesn't need them (he has close to 30 pairs of underwear and 60+ pairs of socks). She will agree and forget. Then next year, dh gets the same gift -- socks and underwear!!! Heheheheheee. Ds and I howl with laughter privately at home afterwards. It has become an expected tradition in our family now.

[tex-mex]

:iagree:

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but I think you and your dh are taking this too personally. Your ds really wanted Lego stuff, specifically Lego mini-figures, so I can absolutely understand why he would have been disappointed in a big tub of K'Nex, or even with a big Lego set that wasn't what he had in mind. You chose what you thought he would like, but you goofed. No big deal. Return the K'Nex to the store, and let your ds buy what he wants with the money.

 

You also mentioned that your dd wanted Barbie dolls, yet you bought her rollerblades. Fortunately, she liked them, but I'm not sure why you didn't just buy the Barbie stuff, or the Rollerblades plus an inexpensive Barbie. Are you sure she wasn't disappointed about not getting a Barbie? Personally, I would have been, if it was what I'd been asking for.

 

Certainly, kids need to learn how to accept gifts graciously, but I know that I would prefer that my son be honest with me if he doesn't like a gift, rather than sucking it up and pretending to be grateful. I want to get him things he likes, and if I make a poor choice (BTDT! :tongue_smilie:) he knows he can return the gift for something he really wants. He has never been rude or nasty about receiving something he doesn't like -- he is appreciative of the fact that I went out and bought something for him -- but I wouldn't expect him to automatically like a gift just because my dh or I picked it out for him.

 

Now, I have to say that I would be very angry if my ds was anything less than gracious when receiving a gift from anyone but me -- he knows enough to always say thank you and to tell the giftgiver that he loves the present, and if he was rude, I would be mortified.

 

Again, I think your son is just being a normal, honest kid, and that you and your dh may be a little over-sensitive to the fact that he simply didn't like the gift you bought for him. Perhaps next time, you should pay more attention to what he says he wants, rather than trying to make his choices for him.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[AndyJoy]

If you ask a child what they want for their birthday, why would you be surprised that something different wasn't received well?

 

Now kid pretends to be wonderfully happy about a toy he dislikes, so you run out for the next holiday and get the same type of toy in a bigger model. Again kid will be upset.

 

During a party, yes, we all should be happy that we got presents even if they're not liked. I don't think the same should be for the parents.

 

:iagree:Though he may have expressed his disappointment immaturely (he IS 8 :D), I think it is perfectly reasonable and healthy for him to be able to communicate that he was expecting something different since he was asked what he wanted.

 

If my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday, then got me something kind of in the same category but not right, I would have no problems saying, "Thanks so much honey! You're so sweet. Would you mind if I exchanged it for X because X is exactly what I like," and he would be fine with it. In fact, this isn't hypothetical--it's happened more than once. I don't think expressing disappointment to family is wrong, just that kids need to be taught how to do it nicely! I remember being disappointed with things as a teen and we talked and fixed it! It was so nice to be able to be real with my family. I'm a person who shows love by giving gifts. I would be so sad if I found out that my husband or child was disappointed with something I could fix and didn't feel like they could say something about it. I'd hate to accidentally start a collection for someone if they were to pretend to like it too much:lol:! (PSA: I DON'T COLLECT COCA-COLA MEMORABILIA AND MY MOM DOES NOT COLLECT OWLS OR STRAWBERRIES)

 

When my husband was a child, he was never allowed to express disappointment in anything because that was considered ungrateful. You know what that lead to? A lot of resentment. He was given gift after gift that wasn't suited to his interests or personality. Usually he got whatever his older brother was into that year. He was asked what he wanted for his birthday dinner (he requested something very modest) then ignored and overridden because that wasn't fancy enough. He had to pretend to be happy with it or he was punished. He feels like his family didn't care enough to actually know him. He still struggles with the memories of being forced to be fake all the time. When he left home at 17 he reacted by going to the opposite extreme and being too brutally honest all the time. He's still trying to find a balance. Fortunately my parents worked through these sort of things with me so I can help him.