Susu Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 (edited) This is probably going to sound like a whine fest (someone have any cheese?)...I am fighting some kind of bug and not feeling myself, but it just seems to bring all the issues I have been fighting with my kids to the forefront... I am homeschooling my 6th and 3rd graders (boy and girl respectively) The girl is...difficult. She can be sweet and fun...but when she is not...well...it is very difficult to deal with her. She has developed several "tics"...I guess that is the best term for them. She holds herself (like she is trying not to pee) and claims it was because her brother once teased her that she could grow a penis. We have assured her she would not, but she compulsively keeps her hand there all the time now. She also "twitches" dramatically...but she does it to protest every inconsequential sound her big brother makes. My 6th grade son has allergies, so he often sniffs...and then she does the exaggerated twitch and flings her body around as a way to announce her displeasure with him. She has taken a unfounded "phobia" of him touching her...claiming he doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. You can imagine how distracting all this is in the midst of my teaching. There I am, reading aloud or going over something, and every third sentence...twitch. sniff...twitch...then a scream under my dd breath (or sometimes not under her breath) when her first twitch doesn't get the class to come to a screeching halt to deal with her issue. Then they often fight with each other instead of listening to me. I am trying to read a book together than we can all enjoy and discuss and you'd think I was trying to drive splinters under their nails. I have sent her to her room, I have spanked, I have punished...but when she is in that negative, emotional mode she just doesn't care about the consequences. I do split the kids up for half their subjects...math, English, reading, writing. But they are together for History and Science. I just don't have the energy to separate them for everything. And I think they need to learn to cooperate anyway. The older isn't so bad...usually he is a "live and let live" kind of person, but his sister can be a real prima donna... So I find myself threatening...and thinking of sending them to public school. I guess I wonder if my daughter especially would benefit from being away from her brother and in an environment where she did not feel as free to act out in inappropriate manners. (She seems to be fine in public.) My older son could also benefit...they both seem to be on the lazy side and I find myself already in week 3 finding them trying to weasel out of this subject or that one...Plus my son tends to be more of a loner who prefers his video games to most over activities...though I do limit the time he is allowed to play. I am reading a book to them called "Making Brothers and Sister's Best Friends"...and we pray together over it, but right now it feels like it is all me. Neither of them seems too motivated to change. And I must admit, lately I am not too proud of my response. Today, after repeatedly correcting my daughter, and heaving martyred sighs after the 50th interruption of a read aloud, I flung the book across the room, screeched and went to my bedroom and slammed the door...:crying: --not very mature or productive, but I will blame my low grade temperature on this one and try not to be too hard on myself. How do you decide if maybe...just maybe, public school...despite its many drawbacks...might actually help your children more than you can? I know I still have to deal with these behaviors, but I wonder if it has just gotten too distracting...and if they are really learning anything other than how to drive mama crazy and devising ways to interrupt their own education. I want to homeschool. I love learning and teaching. I once was a private school classroom teacher and very successful. I could motivate my students. But these student just are totally doing me in. I believe in homeschooling...but, I don't know what to do right now. I hate to bring this up to my husband. He totally supports my homeschooling but would just as quickly totally support public schooling if I told him all this... Susu Edited August 24, 2009 by Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 If you are having problems while they are working on separate subjects try using a tri-fold presentation board (cut in half) to make a cubicle area for each of them. Sometimes when they can't see each other the noise level goes down. For group work can you have them color something or play with a small toy while you read? You will know that they are learning when you ask your follow up questions. Maybe if their hands are distracted they will be less inclined to stir thisngs up. Also try doing history and science on separate days so your group time is as short as possible. :grouphug: I know how distracting the kids can be when it is time for group work. I actually gave it up last year and now my kids do each subject separate with the exception of read alouds and devotions. They actually work is separate rooms, too. So sad, but that is the way it is. There are quite a few threads on these boards about the advantages and disadventages of sending your kids to public. Maybe when you have a moment you can do some research. The decision really depends on your family goals, your public schools and your kids. My Dad always told me to make a pro and con list when facing a major decision. Sometimes when you list things out on paper it become pretty obvious what to do. Hang in there! P.S. I once threw a phone accross the room because it wouldn't stop ringing when I was trying to school-so BTDT. Sorry you had a rough day and hope you feel better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 GET DH involved. It is his job & he will appreciate it also. He is a partner in this even if he doesn't teach. MY DH works miracles with just conversations with our children... especially DD. Also, if DD or DS give me attitude.... the work leve will increase & the fun stuff will decrease. I hold the line on it. DH backs me up. I think you are facing a power struggle NOT of your own making. To put her (or them) will only reward their bad behavior. It will allow them to further divide themselves & work together even less. Families are central!!! Another thing to consider is giving the chores/duties that SERVE the other. They have to help each other on a task or 2 (like dishwasher unload)... they have to do things for each other (like carrying books or helping put some things away)... and they should have to do something for others in the home (like maybe bring you a glass of water if you are reading or working hard at something). If they get ants in their pants and are too old for coloring, etc.... read in 15 min segments instead of 30 ... slowly build the time to where you want it. I havent' struggled with these areas as you are... but when such issues begin to rear their ugly heads... these are ideas that I use or have been given by other Moms. Hope something is useful.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susu Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Thanks for the ideas. I am also thinking of setting up a video camera to film our time together. Thought it might give us all a bit more perspective. I really don't want to send them to school. I am just in a crisis of confidence wondering if my daughter somehow has a problem that might be better served in a more formal setting before it becomes too ingrained, kwim? I don't know how to help her stop these "tics"...For example, the touching of herself: do I draw attention to it? ignore it? give consequences?...what? I don't want to make it worse... Her tics are almost like a obsessive compulsive disorder. She gets on a track...whether it is touching herself, or twitching, or crying and it is hard to move her off that track with distraction, punishment, whatever. I wonder if a formal classroom setting would help...or hurt? I wonder if there is a deeper problem...or if maybe she is just spoiled (being the baby princess). I know I need to be very, very consistent and I am leading with my emotions too much...but I guess I need a formal plan with how to deal with these particular problems. I don't think it is insurmountable, and she is mostly pretty normal, but these particular things are really throwing a wrench in my teaching and in their learning. 1. What do I do when she touches herself in public without building up shame or self consciousness in her? 2. What do I do when she twitches impatiently or cries or blames her brother for breathing? (Which can be all morning long...she can outlast us all!) 3. What do I do when the two of them seem to be doing their "own style" of disruption...the younger with her attitude, and the older with silliness or distracting behaviors. (Being in 6th grade I really should be able to expect 30 minutes of polite concentration time!) I want to move past these issues. I think I just need a plan and to stick with it...but I am not sure how to arm myself... Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Is this your first year of HSing? As for touching herself, i've read over the years about making sure you address it as a private thing and to please only do it when you are alone/in bathroom and such. That isn't exactly the wording - but you should be able to find some info on that. Ear phones for her? The noise can be totally getting to her. I would bring up the concerns with what she is doing with your ped and go from there. I agree with the use the tri-fold boards for awhile.... and if this is your first year they (and you) need to "de-school" for a bit. A groove won't happen overnight. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susu Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 No...not my first year. I am an old hand at this. (I have homeschooled my older two sons too, so I have been homeschooling for over 10 years!) These are just issues that have arisen between my two youngest children (the 6th and 3rd grader) over the last year or so...and she is my only girl, so this is my first experience with a female coming aware of her sexuality. She is very careful to differentiate herself from her brothers...she wants nothing to do with boydom, which is normal but she is pretty hyper about it! lol Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 OK, i wasn't sure - and that changes the advice! LOL!! I'll still say to try ear plugs for her during seatwork time to cut the distractions - or noise canceling headphones (there is a thread on the special needs forum on this topic actually). I'm thinking that a female around brothers has different awareness than a all girls.... i haven't had these issues. How about taking some time to ask them what might help them in the environment? Would you like to not SEE your brother during your school time? How about we go buy a divider. But get them involved in what might fix it for them? I'm stuck in the Special Needs area with my kids (even though the middle one has all the diagnosis' right now, i'm pretty sure the younger one also has SPD, and i'm pondering Auditory Processing issues on a smaller scale for the oldest. In fact, i think i'll call right now and see about scheduling that test for her. She works well with headphones on and prefers it even when her sisters aren't in the room bugging her with their antics. Hang in there, hopefully someone else will have more hints for you... besides duct tape! LOL!!!! (KIDDING!) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 One suggestion that's worked in my home when behavior got to be inappropriate for school is to offer an alternate activity. Mine is usually washing baseboards or floors. I have a bucket and supplies in the corner of the school room. After a reminder of my expectations, I offer the choice of continuing our school day with a renewed attitude or taking a break to clean. The rest of the class is able to continue and the disruptive force almost always returns quickly ready to work appropriately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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