[Alphabet name/sound retention issues]

My 6 yr old struggled with letter names and sounds despite a couple years of consistent teaching/practice (she finally has them down now, but it took years). She is likely dyslexic.

However, she also struggled with colors, shapes,and numbers. It's a word retrieval issue for her, which is linked to dyslexia.

?

This is our experience too. How does she do with rapid naming games? Eg. Name all the farm animals you can think of as fast as you can.

 

 

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[Question about science and religion]

Wouldn't any standard high school or introductory college text cover this?

Probably. I just don't have any. I should look it up.

 

 

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[Question about science and religion]

Mamashark, are you personally interested in some resources "from the other side" to help you work out what you believe here?

I am curious about the rebuttals, I just don't have the energy to search for them!

 

You know, sitting here pondering it, I'm not sure I've ever read anything that tries to actually explain the other side. I've read a lot about why young earth, but all the evolutionary perspectives that I've been exposed to have assumed understanding and been simply passing mentions of millions of years....

 

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

Honestly, when I think of RVs, I think of overcrowding, pooh stench, water leaks, and possibly mold. I think I'd want him sleeping in a house with central AC for comforts sake, but that is me.

Honestly, you have a poorly informed mental image of what living in an RV is like. if you have actually known someone who lives like you have described, then I can understand your grossly negative opinion of those who choose to live differently for whatever reason.

 

I went to the Internet to discuss my inlaws because I wanted some perspective and my husband is out of town. If this qualifies me for living like you have described and thus must cater to my inlaws every whim because we came here to help them through some health issues while we transitioned between jobs then so be it. The job transition was decided based on our desire to live closer to my inlaws, too, btw.

 

And if we were asked to move off, we'd do so and much to my relief. We are not here by necessity, it was agreed upon for reasons that had nothing to do with our ability to support ourselves. But thank you for your concern to that end.

 

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

This sounds like a really hard situation for everyone, but particularly for you. My heart goes out to you.

 

To me one factor would be knowing what the future might hold for the health issues.

 

Is this someone who might not be around in 6 months, and really wants to have one sleepover with a beloved grandchild. If that's the case that might sway me towards letting him go. On the other hand, if she's just impatient, and you think a sleepover at 6 or 8 or 10 is more likely to work, then I'd wait.

 

The other factor would be what she'll do if things go badly.

 

Will she call you to come get him? This would probably be my first choice.

 

Will she handle it herself, but handle it relatively well?

 

Is it possible that she'd respond in a way you thought was harmful such as punishing him for not sleeping, or turning on inappropriate TV to distract him while he sleeps?

The health issues are not immediately life threatening. Without something tragic happening they'll live for decades.

 

Mil tends to respond to my sons fits with a flippant comment and walking away. She disagrees with my handling of the same situation the way I've been taught to by a behaviorist. She thinks I coddle him and thus cause the behavior to worsen.

 

And no, I don't think she would come get me in the middle of the night. She would "handle it" and say it was fine the next day. So there is a big possibility that if he has a bad dream, he would lose literally hours of sleep.

 

 

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[Homemade yogurt]

I use my instant pot too - I have to make sure to whisk in the starter yogurt and then I dip off whatever whey I can the next morning, but I've never had a problem with it so long as I ensure that I watch the temp as it cools down and whisk in the starter at about 125 degrees. I make a whole gallon once a week or so!

[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

I wonder if the need to control all aspects OP can control is due to the fact that there are very few things she can control right now.  Thankfully that will change soon.  :)

 

I fully admit that I feel very out of control lately. I feel like life spins around me and I am fully exhausted by everything. I find it easy to focus on a small piece of life at a time. I worry that I am going to be chronically unhappy in life and yet at the same time I recognize that I am not in an ideal place in life and need to withhold judgement on my mental state until I am not living here anymore. I fill my day with praise music and sunshine and am honestly just trying to do my best to take care of my family. It's very tiring to be stuck in the yard without a car and without supportive family. They never ask how I'm doing, they never ask if I need anything. I'm more a nanny caring for children in the backyard than I am a part of the family, or that's how it feels sometimes.

 

Oh, boy. As far as I know, there is no objective test for the sensitivity to artificial dyes that my child experiences. But as the parent, you better believe I know that my child's behavior is night and day when we remove them from her diet. It helps her feel better. It helps her sleep better. It helps her be more successful in life. That is not over-parenting.That is good parenting. 

 

If you honestly believe removing dyes from my daughter's diet results in a "placebo effect," you might benefit from looking at the studies that have been done. The Center for Science in the Public Interest disagrees with you, as does the UK's Food Standards Agency and the authors of many studies published in peer-removed medical journals.

 

You say you don't care who disagrees, and that is fine. But when you say that special diets don't actually accomplish anything, that is a falsehood, and you should expect it to be challenged.

 

I agree with this. I have never been tested for anything regarding my severe gluten intolerance but when you see the indisputable changes in my life from taking it out and the indisputable impact of putting it back in, even accidentally at one meal in a tiny amount, there is no question in my mind. Given the probable genetic connections (both backward to my grandfather and forward to the specific issues my kids have), the Dr. is carefully directing our food trial. Even though DH was very skeptical of it at first, he is the one who first commented on changes in older DD and the clearing of eczema during the middle of allergy season seems significant in itself. The biggest problem for my MIL is that she doesn't agree with the starting point of each issue, so without a problem to begin with, there can be no improvement, placebo or not. 

 

We are also working with a specific nutritional plan to ensure plenty of whole grains, calcium, protein, fruits, veggies, etc. are in their diets. MIL hears from my kids that they are eating all kinds of new veggies (like kale, collard greens, brussel sprouts, etc.) and so she offered them beets - the kind in the jar with high fructose corn syrup - because they want to try new veggies. I applauded her effort, but had to laugh privately. That said I DO give her credit for trying, especially when she tends to be inconsistent at best with veggies... I've brought my own salad many times to the meal we share at their home.

 

I suppose that prayers for patience and improved circumstances would be appreciated! DH is out of town for a couple days for work so when he gets home I'll discuss the sleep over thing with him. It won't be an option for a week or more anyway.

[X-Post Which would you choose.....]

I wrote the program but I'd be happy to share it with you. I'm rewriting the vocabulary portion right now but I could easily send you the schedule and booklist.

 

I'd love that! Thanks!!

 

Oh, and knowing you wrote the program I vote for it stronger - I find the stuff I've put together myself tends to be geared so specifically towards my children's needs/strengths that they are better than anything else I've found, especially for those younger ages! only I rarely do it because of how much time it takes! 

[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

I find having a great relationship with a grandparent who wants to spend time with the kids far more important than sticking to fixed routines. Grandparents indulging, letting the kids stay up later, not a big deal. Punishing the child for having sleep troubles by not allowing sleepover with grandma? makes no sense to me.

 

Also, in your specific situation, I would embrace any opportunity the kids have to escape the cramped living quarters in the camper and to have the luxury to spend time in an actual house with more space.

You assume there's more room in their house... While they do have a larger living room and kitchen, mil has ocd and cannot throw anything away...

 

But I do see your point that it might be like punishment for poor sleep.

 

 

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[I've Never Been An Aldi Fan. But...]

I prefer trader Joes but there isn't one near me. Aldi isn't great but it is better than Walmart!

 

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

PS - I think it is wrong for any of us to move beyond giving the requested advice to trying to pressure the OP into doing it the way we would do it. She has enough stress and pressure in her life.

 

 

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Thanks for this, although technically is easier to ignore strangers online than family!

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

With my ILs , who were very much like yours, I just kept saying no on the sleepovers. It was hard and there was a lot of pressure but I would just say "no" with a smile and would "pass the bean dip " just as you did.

 

My opinion was that while it was true that my kids wouldn't die (she fed them food they were allergic to but not to the point of anaphylactic shock), it still wasn't healthy especially when they were so little. And if you are actively working in something like sleep habits I think that it is a big deal to mess up the routine that you are trying to establish with the doctor's help.

 

Once my kids were able to advocate for themselves it went better. If I said "no regular ice cream " then that boundary would be pushed. If my kids told grandma that they didn't want ice cream but wanted something else that was ok, she would fall all over herself to get it for them. Same for things like needing a life jacket and supervision for non swimmers.

 

 

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These examples remind me of how mil told me just this morning that she respects how I'm trying to "do candy" and is trying to not offer it as much. (we are desperately trying to reduce sugar intake, desserts are not supposed to be several times a day!) but dd who slept over last night was given Ice cream before bed after I had allowed a treat earlier in the day and then mil commented on how much trouble she had falling asleep.

 

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

Does your ds want to sleep over?

I'm not sure. Sometimes he seems to want to but other times he doesn't want to go up to even play, like today.

 

Eta, that said I've not given him the option to. I've learned with my older daughter that sometimes having to make a choice when it is obvious that there are differing opinions is unfair on the child and causes more stress than excitement.

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

Ok, first, I think you are *great* at letting things roll off your back and you are also pretty wonderful at preserving a surface-level of getting along. You are simply dealing with hard moments more often (and at a greater level of difficulty) than most people, so you don't feel as successful as you otherwise would feel. Give yourself some credit. What you are saying is like a woman running a rooming house for 25 teenagers claiming not to be very good at housework -- because she finds it hard to keep up, and her home isn't as well kept as the family next door. She needs to acknowledge that she is genuinely just doing a harder job.

 

As for your son, I think you see both sides because this decision probably doesn't matter. On the one hand, I think you are right: a sleepover would probably be genuinely unpleasant for DS and grandma, resulting in some crabbiness for a few days. On the other hand, one unpleasant night is no big deal in the grand scheme of the world. The biggest problem would be for you to resist saying 'I told you so.'

 

No, I suppose the bigger problem would be if luck is with them and a sleepover goes well. There would be crowing. That would be hard to endure.

Thank you for your encouragement, tears seem to be my friend lately.

 

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

Tensions naturally run high when adults in responsible roles have to remain in close quarters. I hope you can hold out for another month without burning those bridges. After you are separate, you may find that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true for you. :) Or not. :)

 

.

When we didn't live here we got along a lot better. A weekend visit may be just starting to get tense and then it was tune to leave. But living here has proven to be quite a different story.

 

 

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[Need a neutral opinion (or at least a third opinion)]

My life is so exciting right now...in the most unexciting way, haha. 

 

So for those who don't remember, a quick recap - we are living in our camper in my inlaws backyard until June. At that point we will be traveling more for DH's job and only back in my inlaws driveway for weekends so we can attend our church. In-laws have various serious health issues and we are in part here to allow the kids to spend more time with them because we don't know how the health issues will work out, especially given some of their unwillingness to change lifestyle habits. (yes, I disagree with how they are handling their health but I try hard to keep my opinions out of it - I cannot change or control anyone but myself).

 

My eldest has ADHD, high anxiety, and severe congestion, and we are treating it, recently, with with gluten free diet trial and sensory diet with great success.

My second has a gluten allergy that results in severe eczema.

My third is a conundrum and we are trialing a diet change/intense OT sensory diet with the hope of decreasing severe behavioral issues that have us seeking behavioral evaluation.

My fourth is easy going and healthy.

 

My in-laws disagree with both the starting points (no ADHD, anxiety is not abnormal, eczema is not a health issue to worry about and the behavior is "normal" for a boy his age) and the treatment plans (we are depriving our children of food and "normal" life). That said they are making a huge point of "respecting" the diet trial. Although enough comments have been made that make me know that we are in for a lovely collision at the end of the trial since we have seen significant improvements in the eldest two (adhd, anxiety and eczema).

 

BUT, the issue today is that my MIL knows our time here is limited and that she wants to have a sleepover with my son before we leave. She's had sleep overs every once in a while since we've gotten here with the older girls and I've not been 100% pleased with that (they don't agree with our bedtimes for them and often keeps them up later than we do and then the girls are cranky and tired the next day) but I've accepted it b/c of the fact that they sleep well in their beds and the sleep overs are rare - maybe 1x a month.

 

My 4 yo son who has the supposedly "normal" behavior according to MIL, sleeps inconsistently and poorly. He'll sleep in his bed 2-3 nights in a row then spend a night going from his bed to the floor to the couch to the chair to my bed and end up tired and cranky the next day. MIL thinks this is not a problem and says her boys slept in her bed a lot too. (um, not exactly the same thing but ok thanks). He still doesn't go to bed without a fight, even with a VERY consistent bedtime routine. Dr. has us giving him melatonin just to reduce the amount of time he throws fits at bedtime. He'll pass out on the floor of his room most of the time. He often wakes up crying overnight too, and will only respond to me - DH can't even help him overnight or he shuts down and will literally sit in his bed refusing to lay down for hours (we tried once. it was bad.)

 

We have told her that he cannot have a sleepover while he is still sleeping so poorly. She's respected that for the most part, asking him how he's sleeping and encouraging him to sleep in his bed, then today she responded with that "it's ok" when he ends up in our bed because "he'll probably sleep just fine" in the bed she has for him and that if not, he won't be the first boy who has slept with her in her bed. She looked directly at me for that last statement and I responded:

"Ok, well, I have a sink full of dishes I need to take care of!" and left. :cursing:  :leaving:

 

I know I see this through angry, irritated-colored glasses. There's a lot of junk under this bridge and I'm so ready to tear the bridge apart one stone at a time but I have to bide my time for one more month. Am I being overly protective of my son in this issue? Should I allow a sleepover? Or am I in the right here? 

 

And how do you live in a situation like this and not allow the stress and tension to get to you? I am terrible about allowing things to roll off my back and the tension and stress is making me a pretty miserable person a lot of the time. Most of the time, actually. I work hard to put on a show for my kids so that I can keep the tension away from them but I'm becoming pretty depressed. I drink Kava tea a couple times a day and it seems to help some but short of turning to copious amounts of wine I'm not sure what else to do! 

[Dyslexia questions]

You might want to go back to LIPS or the other new program (FIS?) that Barton recommends. I carried that methodology on through B1, B2, etc. Some kids really benefit from that. He also might need some work on his working memory.

 

If he hasn't had his eyes checked by a dev. optom, it's good to get done. 

 

Hope this isn't too far off topic, but what are your top recommendations for working on working memory? I'm just reading along to glean as much as I can and am sure I've read about this already on the forums but since it came up again, could you refresh my memory? 

[Question about science and religion]

As far as I can tell, pitting one against the other serves one and only one purpose: to satisfy the personal needs of the proponent.  Those on the "for" side (whichever that is) are already close to 100% set.  Therefore, I find such arguments to be almost pointless beyond affirmation (which some people honestly do need).  I have never heard a single argument which has influenced my religious beliefs nor my thought processes regarding science.  My experiences have been like yours - arguments were cherry-picked, playing to a common logical fallacy. 

 

I find it much more fruitful to consider how little we know and understand, and marvel in the wonder and splendor we are given to live in.

 

This bold part - that's what I love about science. I am at an extreme disadvantage because of my upbringing, but as we studied Ellen McHenry's Cells back in January I was struck by how much we DON'T know about cells! and the news that comes out almost weekly now about new discoveries in space! Or the medications that were meant for one purpose and are being realized to work really well for unexpected purposes and no one really knows why yet!  There are a lot of things we don't understand and are still striving to learn about and I don't honestly fault anyone for not believing the same way I do - a lot of what I believe doesn't make sense in light of various arguments. But we do get to live in a fascinating and marvelous world and to consider and ponder things that I don't understand in light of my beliefs about a God who created us all doesn't challenge my beliefs at all. 

[Disadvantages of having a tall for age AL...]

This thread has bothered me ever since I've opened it! My gifted DD, who is 9, is also tall for her age at the top of the height chart for her age. She easily blends into kids 2-3 years older than her, and I always thought it amusing that she looks as old as she preforms academically in many areas... until I read these comments! Thanks for the warning for what's coming up for us!  :laugh:

[X-Post Which would you choose.....]

I'd choose option 1 - what's the program? Sounds awesome but then we went through a serious magic treehouse phase here. Of course my DD9 still buys them when we find them at the thrift stores because we don't own many of them.... but it only takes her about a half hour to read the entire book now! 

[Question about science and religion]

So here is another question in a similar theme, since we are still sort of discussing the topic - in Sunday School we recently watched a video from a Christian scientist who was expounding on why geology proves the earth is in fact young. 

 

Now the discussion centered around how we need to defend our faith and not back down and so on, and it was not an appropriate setting for these specific comments, so I held my tongue. Now, I firmly believe the Bible, and personally hold a young earth creation viewpoint and do not feel at all defensive about it. I've spent a great deal of time defending my faith in a small christian college that disagreed on several key points of theology so I'm good with the apologetics and have learned not to feel threatened by christians who disagree with me. I'm firm and confident in my faith. (except for the sticky point of predestination vs. an age of accountability, but that's not the point here, lol)

 

Anyway, I couldn't help but be annoyed with the video because the examples the scientist chose to expound upon seemed cherry picked. Like he only picked examples that would prove his point and not cause confusion. It was poorly done to the point where I really was wondering about the examples he didn't pick. The harder ones that may not have fit into the concept so neatly. AND, and maybe more importantly, he treated the subject with an air of superiority and clearly indicated that scientists who disagree with him and believe in a "billions of years earth" are simply idiotic. Like they just refuse to look at the SCIENCE and see the TRUTH. 

 

My husband and I discussed it afterwards because it really bugged me. Scientists who believe in evolution or a "billions of years old earth" or however you want to put it, are not dumb. They're smart people doing really amazing things with their lives and it's no wonder they dislike Christians and the concept of creation if we stuff it down their throat like that and treat them like idiots! My husband's opinion was that, in general, conservative Christians view science as this very liberal thing and as a threat to religion. 

 

I guess there's not much of a question there - but it really bothers me that we can't have an academic conversation about the topic without pitting science and religion against each other. I would have loved to hear a secular scientists views on the specific examples used in the video, but the entire concept of having those views challenged is treated with disdain! 

 

[Thumb sucking]

We got our daughter a weighted lap blanket for when she was breaking the finger sucking habit - recommended by our speech therapist. It helped provide calming input for times like watching tv when she would normally suck in her fingers.

[This is good, right?]

lol, yes it's tornadoes - each quadrant has a tornado. Every picture he has ever drawn for me is of a storm. Except for the painting he made a couple days ago of a "rainbow" (which was a huge thing for me - the raindrops in the picture were a side note rather than the focus of the painting!)

 

We aren't officially "going" to OT, we just met with a friend who is an OT and got a bunch of stuff to do at home while we wait for our eval at the end of summer. I've never been one to do anything half-way when I decide to do it properly. We are doing the following:

 

Theraputic brushing followed by joint compressions to all joints every 1.5-2 hours every day all day from waking to sleeping.

We spend time jumping on the couch (b/c we don't have another good option) twice a day,

swinging time in a hammock at least 2x a day.

We use an electric tooth brush for teeth brushing 2x a day,

various "deep pressure" activities at least 2x a day. 

Outside playtime daily (including things like chalk drawings, trucks in the mud, etc. that involve lots of different textures)

Dedicated "messy play" time daily (things like cars and trains driving in split peas, one day we played with a tub with a cup of sugar poured in the bottom, the shaving cream was too much for him right now, so we are doing things that don't "stick" to you as much yet, rice play, etc.)

A deep pressure massage to arms/legs/back with lavender oil at bedtime. 

Omega 3 twice a day plus his regular vitamin.

 

I'm NOT seeing much change in behavior yet, although he is having fewer accidents (going from never making it to the bathroom to making it probably half the time?) and he's willing to sit on my lap to receive love through touch when he's waking up in the morning and when he gets hurt. (both are HUGE improvements).

 

That said, he had a meltdown at Church yesterday because they changed the room he usually goes into. Still a long way to go, but hopefully we are on the right track!

[This is good, right?]

A week ago I posted a picture my son drew of a person. After a full week of intense OT work, I repeated the test out of curiosity. I feel like it's a significant change for a week... it's showing improvement, right?

 

 

 

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[Is this how behavioral "spectrum" works?]

I can't tell if you are hoping he gets the diagnosis or are hoping he does not. Whichever way you feel, I hope that you are content with the results. Be prepared to be surprised; many times the evaluations reveal things we did not expect, or the child is too close to the line to diagnose, even though the difficulties cause problems.

 

Anyway, I guess I want to say not to hope to NOT get a diagnosis. If you see ASD traits, it will be easier to get help. Having the traits but not the diagnosis is a frustrating gray area to operate in, and it gets murkier as they get older.

 

I've been having a lot of conversations about this very issue this week, with our psych, schools we are touring, with my DH, and with friends. Not having a diagnosis has been tricky for us.

 

ETA: Just to clarify, DS has a huge list of diagnoses and difficulties, but not ASD.

I have no expectations, I'm focusing on doing what I can in the meantime. I honestly don't know whether that's the right diagnosis or not. More of what I see is sensory stuff but following through with the evals is important. My MIL is having a heart attack over the whole issue because she's terrified that he'll get any label at all.

 

 

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