SporkUK
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Posts posted by SporkUK
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I used the audio book version for my kids last year, including my very sensitive then-6 year old without much issue but every sensitive kid is different. Actually, Trumpet of the Swan is one of the few I really recommend as an audio book because of the version, I believe its read by the author and actually has a trumpet played when it says so which really made the story come to life for my kids.
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I agree with Crimson Wife that getting professionals that see beyond stereotypes is incredibly important, especially for underdiagnosed groups like girls.
Trouble related to peers is a common and very sensible thing to be concerned about. Out of all the things you listed, that is likely going to have the biggest effect on her wellbeing. Sadly, books and programs on social skills and connections designed for autistic children and adults tend to be horribly prescriptive to the point of being unrealistic and unhelpful. The best ones I've found are designed for typical adults who want to improve socially and encourage testing and reflecting and having an adult break those down into child appropriate language. So, as an example, taking common greetings/icebreaker questions and practicing saying it in different ways [fast/slow, smiling/not smiling] and seeing how different people react. Similar can be done with different topics of conversation and seeing which work best with different groups of people. Treating it like a game to gather evidence to what gets the best reaction and best connection with others.
Relating to peers takes a lot of mental and emotion energy, even more in the beginning, so getting other less energy intense but often more draining than we think barriers out of the way is often helpful to allow more for social and executive function things. You don't mention any sensory concerns though the hand and arm spinning - while is not a big issue itself unless she's hurting someone or herself while doing it - and the overstuffing, which obviously is a choking concern - makes me think of proprioceptive and tactile sensory input needs. Especially the overstuffing, either needing more helping figure out how much can safely go in or safer ways to get a full mouth feeling like chew stim toys designed to safely be used that way might be beneficial. Learning awareness on this can help with the social awareness to help her relate to her peers.
Hyperfocus and rigid thinking are both an ADD and an autism things. It takes a lot of practice to deal with those and practice does make it better. As I've said to my spouse, I jump both feet and full heart into something and balancing it with other things is a constant effort for me. The best thing I've found for rigid thinking is going through the evidence which is often better done with another. What is the evidence for and against X. The resources I gave in my previous post will be able to give more for these areas if you're interested as I'm still working on those.
Hand flapping is a good thing, especially if she feels safe enough in an environment to do so openly. Yeah, it's not a typical thing but it is an amazing way to emotionally regulate and without emotional regulation there is a massive barrier between a person and connecting to peers. Imagine having a strong emotion and with a simple movement that hurts no one you could physically channel it to either make it dissipate to make it more controllable or make a lovely feeling grow bigger and feel it throughout your body. That is what hand flapping and other stims like the hand and arm spinning do. Imagine now having those strong emotions and no longer having an acceptable way to manage them - they then create pain and walls around us.
Some stims need better channels like the overstuffing or in the case of my 12-year-old who does this shout thing whenever he has a strong emotion which he is working on finding better ways of handling because he finds its now getting in the way. My social butterfly 9-year-old literally hand flaps and bounces and giggles across the room at the same time when she's excited which hasn't caused her any issues. I, in my thirties, handflap when I have strong emotions and use stim toys and finding the confidence to do so openly when I need to has improved my life. It's left far more energy and better emotions for dealing with socializing and focus issues and common executive dysfunction.
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I am autistic as are some of my children. Whether an official diagnosis will help will depend heavily on your local area - for some it will allow a lot of great resources to become available and for others, there is a lot of talk about the "now what?" gap after going through the process because, especially beyond the early years, some areas have little. Personally, after how hard it was for my eldest who is...the most obviously autistic, I didn't bother again because my area is quite bad and still has a lot of Kanner-esque mentality of it being bad parenting, institutional conversion therapy type thinking which was just no for me. A developmental pediatrician evaluation will likely be helpful whether you move forward to formal diagnosis as a good one can point out specific areas that are going well and those that need help as well as know the difference between overlapping conditions which can give many people a lot more clarity.
What autistic traits are you most concerned about? What traits is your daughter concerned about? We may be able to give advice and resources to help while you go through the diagnosis process. I recommend neurowonderful and aspergerexperts who both have websites and youtubes full of information and I recommend avoiding autismspeaks and related cure-based charities as a lot of their information is badly researched and scaremongering which you really do not need. Reading books by and about autistic people and finding a local autistic community that has both autistic kids and autistic adults would also likely be helpful. The latter will likely be able to point you to more resources locally and both are important in building up a positive sense of self that many autistic people have difficulty doing in a culture very negative to us.
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When the 5p on plastic bags came in the UK, my local newspaper site was full of people going on about how ridiculous it was and how they were now going to have to buy bags for bins and such. Time passed, and it's become normal and I've yet to have to buy bags for any of my small bins - actually, my heater box full of thin plastic bags to reuse never seems to really get depleted even though I use them for the bathroom and front room and when tidying the garden...
We're very good at taking bags for the big shops or backpacks into town for planned purchases, it's the popping in when unexpected that usually ends up with us buying bags. Like I went to the dentist and during the walk back to town to pick up medication - which would fit in my crossbody bag - we ended up checking out a couple of charity shops. I ended up buying three fleeces and a blazer which obviously didn't. I didn't have to buy a 5p bag as the law is only on new not donated/reused bags, but it has made me think that I need a bag or two that folds really small to fit in my crossbody bag that I take everywhere for these 'I just found the perfect gift/clothing item I wanted for month at a great price/other surprise' purchases to reduce buying bags further.
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The high school I graduated from was a combined middle school/high school in an area with no buses and we were all free to walk off campus during lunch and for some of us during free periods - and there was a bus stop out front that could get one downtown in minutes. I don't recall any walk outs but I could easily see it happening -- there were protests out front and across the road [off school property] by students on a few occasions as well as clubs that stood in local rallies and marches. I don't recall the parents having issue with it other than one who thought I was corrupting kids by allowing a pair of middle schoolers to join the high school group in the local Pride parade [their parents were fine with it, we even used one of their houses to paint our banner, they were essentially honorary members] but with the amount of college professor parents and being right next to multiple colleges, I guess they were likely used to such behaviour.
I would expect a school or other place that my kids were meant to be to at least send a text though I wouldn't really hold them responsible. How upset I was at my child would depend on a lot of variables - type of event, how and when did they let me know, the preparations they took, how many safety buddies were with them, what was their plan and intent. They watched me this last weekend prepare for a rally - an annual reclaim the night march and rally that has been held peacefully for years to the point there were two police officers assigned...two very bored looking women who waited at the end point...for hundreds of women -- but I still took precautions, prepared, and discussed that with the children as I did even though none of them went. If they went without telling me, without any precautions...we would be having words about safety, responsibility to ourselves and others, and a brush up the history of activism including the background efforts that make the visible stuff work. As much as I could understand the appeal of running off and letting your voice be heard at a moment's notice with friends, I'd like it to be well ingrained in my kids that the mildest events can take a turn and how to properly plan for something like that to make it more enjoyable, more helpful, and not become a casualty.
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While the comic was focused on Muslim women, the advice in the article could be used for anyone. The article is about intercommunity violence and how people can help in public places that many find overwhelming, Janeway, you are talking about intracommunity violence which is a very different and often less public kettle of fish.
And Janeway, as a US citizen who has been unable to return for over 13 years because members of a Christian church - with the support of their church - feel that I have dishonored them by leaving the church, being openly queer, and having children while both of those to the point they assaulted me, stalked me to the point UK police had to get involved after they took picture in front of the University I worked at to send to me to prove they were still watching me, and threatened to kill me and kidnap my children under their, in their own words, 'duty to God', I would say your posts seem to ignore that honor-based misogynistic violence is not an Islam only issue but a global patriarchal issue. All violence will be more intracommunity purely due to proximity, it's not something of a particular group. My family very white-passing Christian community made me feel my entire childhood and beyond that I could die a violent end at any moment and the wider society did not care which is how they keep getting away with it - some of it was misogyny, some of it was ableism, all of it was power.
One of the best way to help people facing such intracommunity violence is to find and help access refuges and sanctuaries and community safe points, particularly with people that are and understand the community involved and practical support which is a strong barrier for many. I was lucky in that I found practical support easily online - with individuals, not organizations - and prior to law changes over the last decade that would have prevented my safety abroad; finding understanding counseling has been far harder because the idea of honor based violence being only for a few communities means the rest of us are often erased and blamed for the pain and scars we still carry because at least my family isn't X or Y. Attempting to explain it often gets dismissed as a few violent people rather than systemic issues within a large church and the larger community that supported them which means I talk about it little.
There is also the public voice of marches and rallies to stand together against this violence, both intercommunity and intracommunity, which is a great way to be heard, to visibly show support for others who may be in need, and find and spread resources to help.
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I sleep in at most a long t-shirt-type nightgown and thermal socks because anything more and I find it painful to sleep and wake up with chafed lines in my skin around my joints. I happily stopped wearing bras at all during my first pregnancy. My size has fluctuated a lot over ten years of pregnancy and/or breastfeeding followed by ovarian failure so between that and skin sensitivity especially when it's intensified by hot flashes, I've found no reason to add to my discomfort. It sucks enough having compression socks and tights for medical conditions which I take off as soon as I get home and can put my feet up.
If anyone decided they needed to talk to my spouse about this or have a group conversation about this, I would have a hard time holding my tongue. Yes, I have a human body that jiggles in many places and has nipples. I see men's nipples through their shirts all the time especially in winter where wearing a T-shirt to prove how hardy they are is currently a thing [and my eye level is many men's chest height] and many who jiggle far more in many more places than I do without compression shirts under typical clothes being considered a modesty must for men even if some wear them for comfort, medical need, or aesthetic preferences. That they would talk about you like that and not correct their kids on this behaviour would seriously make me question wanting to be around those people. I would worry what 'not like them' thing they would pick on me for next.
But then, I'm a weirdo that wears a 'I'm not weird, I'm limited edition' among many other buttons on my bag so I likely self select myself out of such groups even if to most people where I live find me overly modest with only wearing long skirts, long fleeces or overshirts all year because I get overly cold or overly hot in a heartbeat so need to be able to adjust my attire easily, and cloth or knit caps because fighting my frizzy long hair is not something I like to spend time on - and nor is finding or wearing a bra. Seriously, a long dark nightgown sounds more than fine - it is so strange to me that they would do that. Even growing up in a very right wing church where little girls would be given cardigans if we were sent in a strappy dress because we might make others uncomfortable [this happened to me at 7], I can't recall anyone ever discussing others undergarments...that to me would be beyond immodest.
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I've only talked about this with my spouse but it is stressing me out so I'm thankful for this venting thread today.
My sister, who is not on my facebook for a long list of reasons, messaged me out of the blue on there to accuse me of upsetting our grandfather who is my last kind relative and the only one from my side who acknowledges or does anything for the kids and one of four who has even met my kids. After accusing me of upsetting him, she then tells me he is sick, in hospital, confused, and asking after me. She agrees I should contact our mother to arrange a skype call.
This was four days ago and I've had silence ever since. I've gotten the distinct impression my sister particularly and likely my mother and such are upset he is asking specifically for me - if he is at all because I cannot get any confirmation. I'm bracing myself for the worst which for me would be told it's too late, he's gone, and him missing his last chance to talk or see me or the kids.
I don't know why she'd tell me at all just to then silence me out other than to once again lash out at me. I'm thousands of miles away and unable to go and even if I did I've no idea which hospital or if the rest of my family would block me.The only thing I can do is wait beside my phone and email and distract myself when it gets too much. In the process of distraction, I've run myself ragged and now pretty much all my issues, physical and mental, are flaring up at once. I just don't know how to cope with this.
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We never had engagement rings, but our engagement was very casual since we eloped.
My spouse always wears both his newer ring as well as the original ring which got a crack in it that he now wears on a necklace.
I do not wear one at all and haven't for most of our marriage. I find any metal jewelry on my hands or wrists painful unless it i so loose that it falls off...which happened a lot in the first few months until it went flying during an overly excited conversation, never to be seen again. For a couple years, I wore a rubber-wood that I found for a quid - I think it was meant to be a toe ring - and after it broke I never got a replacement as the little indie shop I bought it from no longer exists.
While writing this, it occurred to me that my bag is covered in identifying badges and buttons and patches - some for my medical disability, some for hobbies, some for polyamory and queer ones, some for important causes, and some funny ones like 'I'm not short, I'm fun-sized!'. I've even had custom ones done because I enjoy them so much and for some making them more visible when they're hushed feels important like my disability pride and invisible wounds awareness ones. I've never got or considered one for my marital status. I have been working on a tattoo design on and off for a few years though...
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We're loving GBBO here.
My kids particularly love how friendly and helpful and nice they all are. They have been rooting for Andrew since the start - he's a local lad to us and the kids love spotting his use of rulers and multiple timers and engineering in everything. They still have a couple more episodes to watch [we just watched the Tudor one today, marzipan is a household favourite] and I'm sure they'll be very happy he makes it so far.
My spouse and I were talking while we watched it today. A few thing we've seen through the series I or the kids have been interested in making, but mostly it's nice seeing others do it and see that even the best have bad days. To praphrase what was said during the pastry challenge, life is too short to make some of these, I'm happy to take my jam and marzipan from the shop :lol:
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I have no doubt that some cases of autism probably do have a genetic link.
However, how would genetics as a cause account for sharp rise in number of cases in recent years?
The evidence for sharp rise outside of diagonstic changes is cloudy at best. Autism has only been a diagnosis since the '60s, but autistic people almost certainly existed before that.
Autism, as a diagnosis, has a very complicated history. It was for decades interlinked with schizophrenia [there is a noticeable difference even today on which children with the same symptons and function issues are diagonsed as autistic and which as schizophrenic along race and income lines]. There was a schism in the 60s and 70s between parts of the world who backed the German Aspergers who viewed autism as a spectrum and mainly genetic and the American Kanner who viewed is as a psychotic condition that was rare, partially caused by bad parenting, and favoured institutionalizing-based treatments. As a result of Kanner's view, only the most severe cases - and some debate those cases where autism was an additional condition alongside psychotic conditions - were counted. It has taken years to fight against that mentality in the system and it is why, even though Aspergers is not an official diagnosis in many places any longer, many prefer the term as Dr. Aspergers continually had a more humane view of us. There are still major issues in diagnosis and stigma today because of Kanner's work - I still meet medical professionals who view anything beyond severe as unworthy of diagnosis and need of better parenting. And that is before we get into the overlap between autism and over neurodivergent conditions and the extra difficulties of being autistic in a modern, over stimulating world that would not have been the case previously which means we need better awareness of how to live with it.
I am autistic, I have autistic children. My children were all vaxed on a very delayed schedule because I was a frightened young mother who was made to feel broken and needing to protect my kids from what I am. They were, particularly my eldest, clearly autistic before they were vaccinated. I now look at that scare mongering with a lot of anger and ensure my kids get all of their vaccinations. I should never have been scared out of protecting my kids, especially by those praising a quack who falsified records after abusing autistic and developmentally delayed children who has thankfully since been struck off the medical register. Dr Wakefield has a lot to answer for.
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Not just the US, I'm in the middle of England and we've had reports, including from the police in multiple UK cities, of people dressed as clowns filming cars/houses/people as well as people dressed as clowns attacking people with knives.
We've had odd stories of people dressed as clowns standing in weird places at night for years now, some stories are decades old, but it's this recent bandwagon is the first I've heard of anything getting stalker-ish or violent. I agree with the assumption that it's most likely young adults copycatting internet stories -- but that doesn't mean that people aren't getting hurt or that people shouldn't be cautious.
I've also read stories of groups dressing as Vikings to go through some areas to try to...persuade the clowns to stop. I've no idea how true or effective that would be.
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It's thought an early Chinese Emperor (the one who had the Terra Cotta Army created) took some sort of concoction to ensure a long and healthy life. Lead?
The memory is sketchy, but the short version is he died young probably because he ingested that stuff daily.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
I think it was mercury, there were rivers or moats of it with the soldiers. A lot of people applied magical properties to it due to how weird it is compared to a lot of other metals.
I live in a home with three disabled adults and we've all heard weird stuff and had rude people convinced they have the answer and we're just not taking care of ourselves if we're disabled and not doing X but it was far worse with the unsolicited advice and judgment when my now 7 year old M was little. M had severe eczema, started showing up on her ears when she was a few days old, at its worst it covered over 3/4ths of her and got repeatedly infected and she got some of the infection under her tiny fingernails, and just...yeah she was a very poorly wee one. For a couple of years she had to wear coveralls and scratchsleeve gloves to protect her and so many people seemed to act like even with the special clothes, all the different emollients and steroids and liquid antihistamines and the hospital specialists we weren't really doing anything unless we tried their special sauce. I even had a paediatrician try to tell us the hospital specialists were wrong and it would all go way if we bathed her with bubble bath to encourage her to enjoy it every night [which is really not recommended for eczema by anyone but this doctor who had a bath obsession] as if her skin was that way because she hates baths or something [which she actually didn't].
The weirdest recommendation my partner and I have gotten is that we should paint and redecorate our [rental] laundry area...this will somehow make us feel better and make our disabilities not bother us so much. I seriously had someone who was meant to helping my kids as young carers, one who was being bullied because of it, tell us this. Also, new bed sheets, she came weekly and for over a month she'd ask about bed sheets. She was really odd and really into us getting more stuff. She was really annoyed that we didn't think that would help.
I'm now remembering a theory about this that a disabled friend of mine has. People like to feel in control and like to feel that they are good and do good and some people feel they can completely control their health and stay good/healthy if they just do [whatever] and if people are ill or disabled then they can't be doing whatever or are doing it wrong so the healthy person can pat themself on the back for being good and unconsciously or not blame ill people. A lot of disabled and long-term ill people face a lot of abuse from some of these kinds people and this is one theory as to why so many people dump unsolicited advice on us and why some of them do get really hostile if you're not seen to be trying the right way to get healthy/be good. It makes some sense to me from what we've been through.
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Locally, there is a lot of 'duck' and 'love' [though some of my children quack at the former]. I use sugar pie with my kids but that's not a local one so I don't use it for anyone else's. I don't mind it in everyday conversations unless, as said in the OP, it's obviously meant to diminish.
I do dislike when medical professionals use pet terms not only because I find it unprofessional but because, with multiple disabilities, I've had it used too many times towards me to dismiss my experience or in attempts to change my mind. It was far worse, both by professionals and the general public, when I used mobility devices and really bad throughout my pregnancies [i still shake my head at the random professional walking in with students during my last labour who thought half hugging me and dropping pet terms almost every other word would convince me to consent. As if calling me love and sweetheart erased my memory of medical contraindication or that its use in a previous labour had been a big part of what landed me in intensive care].
I can't think of a time I got up the energy to comment on it in any case because I don't think it would help anything. I'm very good at giving people 'The Look' though which has made a few people apologise over time. If it upset my child, I would support their choice to complain.
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I agree that it should be given prior to the individual losing his/her virginity, but you don't want to waste the 3-5 years of protection when he/she is not having sex. It's crazy for doctors to be pushing for it on middle-schoolers when only 13% of kids become sexually active before 16. It makes much more sense to have that window of protection be from 16 to 21 than from 11 to 16.
But, alongside combining new vaccines with established ones in the vaccine program significantly increases uptake, those who have sex younger are likely to be more vulnerable and more in need of protection than the general population. With the recent US reports of the increase in middle school and high school age children exchanging sex for food, shelter, school and daily life supplies, as well as money, promoting it at a young age and putting it in the program in a way that creates the highest uptake can be vital. And, as the article said, the protection may last longer, we don't have the data to give an answer either way.
Also, reports of sex activity are obviously mainly self-reported and as virginity is a very fuzzy social construct, the data on when young people start engaging in activities that would put them at risk [which for HPV includes close skin to skin contact alongside oral and anal which some don't count as 'losing their virginity' since it's not PIV] is less than clear and weaker than we'd like, the numbers at risk are likely quite a bit higher than 13% and, as I said, many of those will be the most vulnerable people who will need the protection most - and this is more true when considering the strong evidence that the most common age to be sexually assaulted is 14.
With that said, the UK puts the HPV vaccine for 12-13-year-olds and we've been organizing our vaccine schedule for ours recently [as they're often done at schools here, we need to arrange separately, and we need to arrange the private ones separate to the NHS ones] and with the 3-in-1 booster and Meningitis ACWY vaccine here at 14 and we're planning to do the Meningitis B vaccine privately and HPV privately for the boys, I've been figuring out how to time all of these myself. Other than wanting to do it before they hit Year 10 [14-15], I haven't decided what order to go in or which to do together.
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I think the Oklahoma City Bombing is the first public news event that I remember everyone talking about, but my parents were very much not news people -- it was the talk of the church though.
I remember the Columbine shooting though the week after it is more seared in my memory - I was in middle school and the high schools around us had hoax bombing and shooting threats (I think there was a significant national uptick in them afterwards due mostly to the irresposnibly media coverage). One had 3 that week and I kept hearing teachers say that X school has had to be evacuated again, Y school is having another bomb sweep, and so on. Multiple people were found to be involved in each threat and they were all expelled and banned from being at any school in the county until they were 18 or for X amount of years so it was a major talking locally point for some time.
When the Columbia shuttle blew up, I was at a large away wrestling meet. I remember people saying they could see bits burning up outside though I don't recall if that was true or not from southern Ohio and that some of the parents of other schools were annoyed at some students including me that we should be more solemn though there was no announcement - it was just people talking through the stands - and none of them seemed to be pushing for the meet to be canceled which sent a lot of mixed messages. I remembering feeling particularly targetted for that and got sarky with an unknown mother who seemed to think that, as a girl in an otherwise all boy team/district, I should have been better behaved or a better example -- she said I had "no excuse" to be acting the way all the other guys were acting which was standing in the stand so we could see our team mates and talking. I still have no idea how she was expecting me to act.
I think Brexit will one even though it's so recent. My partner who works night came in and told me the result while I was still in bed. I swore, we talked for ages, then I tried to explain it to the kids over breakfast. The news that day/week was just so full of hate and, as a mixed race immigrant, it felt really painful and heavy for me.
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Oh dear, it does seem so hard at that age. My almost-12-year-old reacts similarly when anyone discusses anything puberty related...
Now I feel the need to ask, what is the book?
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My end-of-Year 2 child did it though I had to read it to her a few times [which I have to do for all word problems] and she added a few extra on her first try before I wrote the numbers down bigger for her. She used 'two more left than got on' thinking.
The reason this is a big deal in England and Wales [scotland and Northern Ireland have different education and testing systems] is the latest National Curriculum changes and testing has a lot of people angry -- particularly where the goal posts for certain levels/grades were moved mid and later in the year which I agree was really unfair to those testing for qualifications and their teachers. There are quite a few other things that are really frustrating about the changes - history has been hobbled and whitewashed for 'British values', PE and the arts have against been pushed down, and the new computing section reads like someone threw jargon at the wall and saw what stuck will little thought on how it would get it done particularly on any sort of budget with too few computing teachers.
But really - much like the US's Common Core - it's a lot of people who are unhappy it isn't like in their day. The original tweet was to Michael Rosen who pretty much hates all the 'new' requirements...including all phonics and teaching grammatical terms. He's an author and was Children's Laureate. He's the backing a lot of parents here use in their arguments. Home educating parents [and private schools and state academies] aren't even required to use the National Curriculum but he's still thrown around by a lot as the reason they're doing something and used to convince a lot of new home educating parents they shouldn't bother or worry about things. I kinda blame him for why the 'my child learned to read without any help, phonics and being bothered by reading ability is a waste of time' that is a big badge of honour for parents around here which demoralizes a lot of parents and kids who struggle with English and practically any other topic as Rosen and his ilk seem to think that kids will just get everything if they 'really need and want it'.
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Anyone near Ontario, Canada, I just called and adult Epi-pens are $113.76 a piece at walmart no prescription needed.
I've seen them privately sold in pharmacies in the UK for ~£50 each and ~£90 for a double set though I don't know about prescriptions.
The 'National Institute for Health and Care Excellence' in the UK lists what the typical net price for the NHS is for a medication since taxes cover most of the costs of prescription and hospital used meds rather than individuals [they can't prevent changes in costs to the NHS, just to the public]. I found the page for "Intramuscular injection for self-administration": net cost ranging from ~£23 - 52 depending on type.
I just can't wrap my head around why the company would choose to raise prices as far as they have on such a needed medication without putting evidence-based information out there on why it needed to do so which isn't so easy to punch holes in - it simply looks like a get rich and run scheme with vulnerable paying the price. The company dropped the ethical ball and I'm glad the information about it is getting out there if it will help make changes - a better conversation on the balance between people's lives and wellbeing and profit/research funds needs to be had.
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I know when I started dealing with premature ovarian failure/premature menopause at 28, one of the big things I was suddenly really aware of was that I smelled different and stronger and even smelled different depending on what I've been doing. I now literally think and say sometimes that I need or will need an extra shower or need to do something before a shower because I'll smell like [activity] sweat and bug and worry me that it's bothering others if I don't plan it like that. I've not thought to use perfume though my partner likes buying us all scented antiperspirants which I use sparingly from time to time.
It is an odd thing, as Garga said, how we react to smells so differently from other animals though there are other things I have odd reactions other smells [i cannot stand the smell of Dr. Pepper, it smells like ash or something to me].
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Small city. I would say the people on our part of the road are acquaintances - we know and like each other well enough to take in each others parcels [or maybe too British to say no] and knock on each others doors if there is a problem particularly with the kids or something but we don't actively go out of our way to see each other nor do I think anyone knows anyone's names just door numbers.
We also have a takeaway on our block and a corner shop and we're acquaintances with them as well - we talk when needed, takeaway drivers stopped smoking when they hung out by our garden walls when we asked, the corner shop people are both kind and will tell us if there is something they think we need to know, and they and the industrial rent shop across the road were all very helpful with CCTV footage and such when there was an issue on the street.
Friendly but not chatty area, I guess. I have no idea nor do I really want to know what they think of me - I think we've all heard each other at our worst living in terrace houses...
I never remember being friendly with any of the neighbours we had growing up in a wide range of areas. My partner's parents seem to be close friends with most of their neighbours -- and gossip about the others.
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nm wrong place
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I do not understand why someone with no direct experience with Autistic people would want to dismiss us for pointing out the pain we've been discussing for years and use us in a false dichotomy with parents of Autistic children [especially when some Autistic people are the parents of Autistic children]. I am an Autistic adult [who can't drive, is sometimes nonverbal, and no longer works outside of the home - but still fully human] with Autistic children and have been active in the Autistic community for years -- and I have yet to meet an Autistic adult that has anything good to say about ABA. This complaint isn't new and neither is the brushing aside of those who went through it.
PTSD is so high in the current adult Autistic community that some experts have openly discussed that they are co-morbid. Other than the general higher rate that disabled children are abused, much of it is connected to therapies [latest research showed a 70% rate connected to ABA]. Yes, the reward system sounds nicer than electroshock therapy [the idea that someone thinks it *might* be cruel rather downright abusive is shocking to me - but then it is still being used on Autistic people and others so maybe it is not that surprising], but there are therapists that use access to food as a reward, will literally tell parent to take anything that the child is interested in and only allow the child access if they comply. ABA is compliance training [and noncompliance is a vital social skill especially for a disabled person], ABA is the modern version of conversion therapy - the science behind it is literally what was invented decades ago to "treat" so-called effeminate boys to somehow stop them 'acting gay'. The vast majority of the time, the Autistic person has little say in what behaviours are being targetted - most often the ones that help people cope are targeted because they appear the least neurotypical [handflapping, which hurts no one, is often targeted]. And of course, there is the punishment- we have ABA schools that punish kids by strapping them down, caging them, putting vile/painful substances in their mouths and on their skin, denying them access to bathrooms, denying them access to communication devices which to me is like taping a verbal child's mouth shut, taking away coping mechanisms [i helped an *adult* who had a therapist smack a sensory tangle out of her hand last week]. Conversion therapy is rightfully illegal in many places - except on disabled people. And we now have the issue that some insurances only pay for ABA so some places use the name but not the practice and its all gotten muddled - no one really knows who is doing what these days and getting therapies that work is difficult. I'm not surprised places like aspergerexperts.com and similar are getting so much attention these days because it's become so confusing and having seen bad therapy on my own child being excused because of his disability, it is incredibly painful for everyone.
The false division created in the OP shows a great lack of understanding of Autistic people. There are Autistic people with jobs, significant others, families, hobbies who still don't speak or don't always speak, who require a checklist to leave the house, who physically can't write, who struggle with facial expressions, who go to the toilet by the clock/routine because their internal senses don't give them enough reliable information [i do this]. As the internet is nonverbal, there are many nonverbal autistic adults online - Amy Sequenzia is lovely, there are dozens of others. Dividing the Autistic community into categories ignores so many variables and causes so much harm [common saying - high functioning means your needs are ignored and low functioning means your abilities ignored and we're all both in some way]. I do not understand why someone not even involved would want to do that other than to make parents angry at already hurting Autistic adults trying to protect our own and other children and try to make therapists more accountable and the pros and cons of therapies more transparent for everyone so better therapies can get attention and funding. We're not pooh-poohing anything, we want better options available when right now the access to them is being blocked.
In short: Pure ABA is good at getting compliance but puts someone's wellbeing and mental health at risk - most Autistic adults who go through it will end up with PTSD or similar trauma-based mental illnesses. Many therapists use the ABA name and reward-like concepts to get funding but are really doing other things which makes everything confusing and everyone deserves better. And just because an Autistic person can type or has a job doesn't mean that being Autistic doesn't negatively affect them in a neurotypical aligned society and some Autistic people are also parents who are tired of being divided by people who have no understanding of being Autistic.
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I've never been a fan of Sax - too anecdotal and ignores years of research for his sky is falling mentality.
I, like others, don't really see an issue with young people and am really quite fed up with books and thinkpieces about how 'lazy' they are and the beating of them and their parents and ignoring wider society and its changes. I'm just in my thirties and it's very clear to me how much easier I had with basic survival in adulthood than those coming up behind me -- and I come from an abusive, neglectful home with no teaching of skills I needed for adulthood and I still have a lot of maladaptations. What I did then is not possible, or legal, because of law and policy changes -- young people are dealing with more things with fewer resources mainly because of older generations' choices and many are doing it remarkably well.
Personally, I agree with Lindsey Weedston that 'lazy' has for quite some time been a political media word that has very little to do with how hard someone works. I think we need to be careful as parents in the current demonizing because the millennia-old traditions of it has gone from snarky comments from parents to 24/7 surround sound which is not helping anyone. I mean, a few weeks ago here we were discussing hookup culture when the latest research gives strong evidence that millennials are starting having sex later than their parents [with an estimated 1 in 3 20somethings having not had sex at all] and have fewer partners than their parents' generation, drinking less, smoking less, and so on, but that's not the media hype around it at all. Yes, millennials are less 'successful' than their parents, if we only consider capitalist, material ownership terms and there is a lot of concern about mental illness though I am not convinced that a large part of that is not simply we talk and work to accommodate before rather than self-medicate issues as common practice. I don't think being sensitive to our own and others needs is a bad thing.
And, in terms of entitlement, I have never seen worse than older people and their mistreatment of retail and hospitality staff. I've witnessed some downright vicious displays lately of what I can only describe as people who are far too fragile and sensitive to be told no by those they're obviously looking down upon.
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Sprite is Lemonade?
in The Chat Board
Posted
The cordial thing reminded me of the issue I had with cider when I came to the UK because here cider is alcoholic except for the few exceptions that are specifically labeled and marketed as non-alcohol alternatives whereas where I grew up in the in the States, it was cider and hard cider for the alcoholic version.
Also, I've listened to Brits argue that flavoured ciders [like Brother's Coconut and Lime Cider] are not ciders because they have more than apples but did not have another word for what they were instead. However, we were in a pub and they already had a few drinks in them so that might explain both issues they had :lol: Maybe someone here has a better word for it :P
I think as the UK at least is not really placed to ship lemons to easily - and they fell even more out of favour during the World Wars - it makes sense neither would have homemade lemonade stuff as a mainstay [i've seen it very rarely here at trendy night markets] and have something else fill that linguistic and beverage gap.