I.Dup.
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Posts posted by I.Dup.
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Children aren't placed in counselling and on medication because they are "spoiled."
I can say in this case, she absolutely has been spoiled. It is the fault of the parents for not dealing with her and getting her help sooner, they were too preoccupied and selfish to deal with it in the ways they should have as she grew up. It's really tragic when parents wait until it's too late and the problems are huge and ugly before doing anything about it. Now many lives are being affected and put in danger because of this.
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Thank you all for the advice. I have given as many details as I can in an online format, without invading anyone's privacy, etc, etc. I think your responses have helped my friend- some are way off base, but for the most part you all seem to get what all parties involved are going through (again, on the limited information we all have) so thanks for helping.
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No. I would not take that as a compliment. Cows have crazy eyes. Maybe a deer, but not a cow. What an odd statement.
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I think the text (and this is just one of many) combined with the history is what is so scary to me. I am really encouraging my friend to do anything she can to protect herself and her son, I think this situation is SO screwed up. I agree that the bio parents have created a monster (those are my words) and they need to deal with it now...but I feel badly for my friend who is trying everything to hang in there and bring some semblance of sanity to the situation.
Apparently the girl was mad she wouldn't apologize (in the OP text) for threatening to call the cops on her. She demanded that she apologize for that.
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She is currently living with a "godmom" that I guess is the only one willing to take her in now.
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Is your friend's child the half-sibling of the stepdaughter?
No.
How long has your fried been married to this man? About 2 years?
How does the girl do living with Mom? She cannot live with her mom. She has attacked her mom and threatened her stepdad with a knife. The stepparents (my friend and then the bio mom's husband) are the only ones trying to set limits. Obviously, this is a disaster.
Does Dad have bio kids with your friend? No. -
Thankfully the dad agreed to get the daughter out of the house, she was living with them for awhile but it was a nightmare. My friend is genuinely concerned for her safety and the safety of her son.
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Do the biological mother and biological father talk regularly and get along? They need to be on the same page to help their daughter.
Yes, but the bio mom's main concern is getting more money and she also tends to spoil the daughter. The bio dad (my friend's husband) regularly goes up to visit and sleeps in the bio mom's house, which my friend is uncomfortable with.
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She has also attacked her mom, pulled a knife on her stepdad, and been in a mental facility 3 times. She lied one of those times about swallowing a bottle of Advil (that wasn't even in the house all the time). Now she wants money to go to Costa Rica. Her dad is actually considering it, instead of making her go to summer school (she is failing school).
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She is in court-ordered counseling 2 times a week, a teen outreach program (?) 4 nights a week, family counseling with her mom weekly and the other week with her dad over the phone. She is also on meds.
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I wonder if the dad is not dealing with it because he feels guilty.
yep. Bad situation.
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But we don't know what has been done to her. Maybe she is justified in her hurt and anger. Just because she is a kid doesn't mean her feelings don't matter and that she should be expected to be in control of her feelings. It might not be the most mature way to deal with hurt and anger, but plenty of people react that way.
So you think because she's hurt she can be expected to cuss, lash out, yell, scream, break things, etc? There is no way to stop it or set limits?
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I don't know if it's normal, but she sounds like a very angry, hurt kid. Apparently her father offered a sincere apology for something, and the stepmom did not. Something like that can also cause tension between the parents. She claims the stepmom is not telling the truth, so who knows. If what she says has any truth at all, the stepmom herself doesn't sound too classy.
She is trying to set limits and not let her think she can get away with cussing at her and her son and acting violent and nasty. Obviously it's going over like a lead brick. My friend is not getting support from her husband (who tends to spoil the girls)
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what would you recommend for my friend in this situation? The girl is constantly cussing her out, calling her names, demanding money, demanding the dad come visit her and give up time with my friend, etc. They had to kick her out because she would get violent and so nasty with my friend's young son and my friend (her stepmom). I get that she's hurt. My friend is very torn and has no idea how to handle this. It is definitely impacting their marriage.
She doesn't only act this way with my friend, she also is unable to live with her mom as well.
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I hate serving asparagus because it makes everybody's pee stink (I had 3 in diapers until recently, now I just have 2). Nasty! I had no idea it made breastmilk stink too, blech!
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So far my 3 oldest are passionate about things that won't seem to translate well into making good money someday.
1. Art.
2. Video games.
3. Athleticism.
If I let my oldest do whatever she wanted all day, she'd pitter around drawing, knitting, painting, rearranging her room. My second would play video games non-stop. My third would bounce off the walls or bike all day.
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oh wow, I had never noticed that between DP and JB!! Ewwww that was so gross and awkward. I don't think JB did anything wrong, I agree with what Catwoman said about it. I'm a JB fan though, I think he's cute and funny. But the kisses he's planting on Michelle all the time would annoy the heck out of me, they don't seem to bother her though.
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Not to stereotype too much, but Mormon mommy blogs and pinterest behavior is notorious. ;)
Why is this? I have noticed the same thing. Not to stereotype too much either...but I am almost never surprised when I find out people are Mormon.
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I think my kids are decent in math, but I cannot in 100,000 years imagine them asking to learn math. Sometimes it feels like I'm dragging an elephant through mud. But I don't care. I could not live with myself knowing they weren't given math instruction.
Same here. In fact, this is the only subject I am 'militant' about getting done every school day, because everything else can be caught up on relatively quickly.
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Can anyone tell me how much Latin my kids can really learn from just the flash cards of English from the Roots Up?
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My tween would spend all day everyday with friends if she could, but I do not equal her wants with her needs. She sees friends a couple times a week, and that is a very healthy amount for all of us.
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I totally agree with this. Childhood loses its magic if adults are constantly entertaining.
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Well I am happier than ever with our library system after reading this thread!! I guess it's another benefit to living in a small-ish town. I don't have anything to compare it to, except what you all are sharing.
We check out books for 4 weeks at a time.
The late fee is only $0.10/day. (of course I hate paying any late fees, but this tends to keep it minimal)
Our ILL system is good.
Differentiating between Unschooling and not educating
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
That all sounds very nice, and thank you for explaining...but I'm still not getting how seeing money as a "side effect" is enough to translate into being able to pay all of the bills. I'm not even talking about college or European vacations...we do not have a high standard of living around here (my husband is blue collar, I stay at home)...so we are not money-driven or high society, but I'm concerned about giving my kids the opportunities to really thrive on their own. More than anything I want them to have options. Options that dh and I do not have. That is the big fear holding me back.
I will say that this particular child has closer to 12 hours of downtime than 2 hours of downtime. Well, I take that back...for screen time he gets about 3-4 hours a day, max. That still is not enough for him. He eats, sleeps, breathes thinking about video games.