Hi. I was happy to see the terms "processing speed" and "executive function." I only learned about recently so I am hoping some of you have some wisdom, resources and reading matter for me.
Let me first explain that I have two grown sons, both homeschooled using classical method, mostly pre-TWTM. After that, we had an empty nest for almost 10 years. Then---it's a long story, but I now have guardianship of a 15, almost 16, year old girl.
She has been with us almost a year and this was my first year homeschooling her as well as her first year outside of public school. She has many problems .. I am just not sure what they all are. :-/ She has been diagnosed as bipolar - I am not sure that is the case and if it is, that isn't her only problem, but I will say that adjustments made 4 months ago on her medication does seem to be helping her. She is a recovering self-abuser (cutting -her last time was a month after she came here) and has attempted suicide twice (before coming here) She was also abused (physically and sexually from a young age), neglected and bullied in the past so it is hard to separate which of her problems are due to nature and which are due to nurture (or lack thereof).
At first she seemed quite smart -- indeed, I believe she is in some areas. She has a better than average vocabulary, does well in sciences and very well in maths. For example, this year (grade 10), she has been going through Lial's precalculus on her own. She has asked for an explanation just once - but she always gets perfect scores except for the occasional small arithmetic error.
However, her approach to maths (and science) is very different than mine or my husband's. I am not really a maths person but my husband was a maths and physics major. It almost seems to us that she does maths -even advanced maths - rather rotely and without understanding- but it may be that she just can't put it into words.
She has a great vocabulary and even a good "voice" and mechanics when it comes to writing, but she seems to have trouble organizing and processing her thoughts. She also has trouble when you ask any question that requires her to think something through.
After seeing this for a while, I began to read and discovered the terms "executive function," "processing speed" and "working memory" and although I am not a professional, these seem to be an issue.
She is also very impulsive and does not seem to always understand (at least, emotionally) the concept of cause and affect irl. She also has difficulty with peer relationships. She wants to make friends but doesn't know how. She either clams up or acts childishly silly around other kids. Or she tells them her whole life story and scares them off! She has occasional asperger-like meltdowns (fewer as she has been with us longer) and she has trouble with impulse control at times. She just plain isn't prone to thinking ANYTHING through. When you ask her to, it's as if you are asking her to speak a foreign language.
She does go to a counselor (and a psychiatrist for meds). All I hear from the psychiatrist is that her problems are all chemistry and all I hear from the counselor is that her problems is all her early environment. I think it is both but the mental health field is mess for many reasons and there is currently a chasm of separation between psychiatry and psychology/counseling and education theory which makes is very difficult on a parent/guardian who is trying to help a whole person.
This year for school, I decided (rightly or wrongly) to not teach science (which she is good at but doesn't care for) and have her continue to do math (which she is good at and feels a sense of satisfaction about -- mostly because she IS good at it). Instead, we have concentrated more on social studies, composition and reasoning/logic and study skills. Social studies are my forte plus they require the kind of reasoning skills she lacks (at least, the way I teach them, they do). She doesn't seem much able to appreciate the great books I read with my sons during their high school. She is able to read them and understand the basic story and even recognize the more obvious iterary devises but she can't understand the deeper things that they of which literature speaks. She has a hard time making inferences, etc. So, I have gone back to the easier but well-written books one reads in middle school and tried to begin from there so as not to overwhelm her. We also read aloud as a family several times a week, but she has difficulty keeping track of what's going on unless she does is the one reading aloud to us.
After several failed attempts at "assigning" themes and research papers, I have resorted to helping her through every step in an attempt to help her learn how to compensate for lacks in executive function and working memory. It's hard work. As for Socratic conversations -- her response is usually "I don't know" to anything. I try to guide her but it is like pulling teeth. My husband and I try to have them at the dinner table and engage her - this has shown some small fruit, I think.
I should also add that she is disorganized in some, though not all, areas of her life, is very, very slow about completing chores, etc. Sometimes this is because she get easily distracted but usually, she is really trying. I told my husband the other day that watching her is like watching a movie is slow motion.
Things I have considered she may be affected by include Aspergers, ADHD and some kind of affective disorder and more. I am not a professional, of course and haven't had much testing done. The public school she was in was downright irresponsible toward her, imo (I know of people whose special needs and abused students were much helped by public school personnel, but this didn't happen in her case). Right now, we have guardianship -- we are considering seeing a lawyer and trying to change that to foster child because our state has good resources for kids in the foster system that we can't personally afford to provide for her. So prayer is needed there. We'd have to go through the program and to be honest, it's hard to contemplate foster kid classes. She is keeping me busier than I've been in years already and I am 61 years old, my husband is 64.
Still, the difference love, care, affirmation and a lot of affection has made in her is very noticeable, both to us and to people who knew her before. She has a very long way to go, though.
Are there words of wisdom out there or suggestions for websites/books? I know most of you don't have children with mental health issues like this, but perhaps you do know something about the learning process that she was denied as a child that can help me.
