Catherine
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Posts posted by Catherine
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She assumed. Assumptions won't hold up in court. If you use a service, you have an ethical responsibility to pay for it. You owe the man a pile of money, and frankly, asking him to take less is an affront. I have given grace on late rent payments, IF I can afford to wait, and IF the tenants notify me beforehand. If they're are late without talking to me, then I invoke the late fee. Yeah, I understand, relatives pass away, cars cease to run, etc. They have to understand that I have bills to pay: insurance, taxes, etc. People sign contracts. They should honor them.
I do wonder at a landlord's obligation to honor a signed contract. I am not a tenant or a landlord, but my nephew is a renter right now and he is dealing with a landlord who has been impossible to contact, but requires tenants to hand deliver rent to him monthly, without posting the hours he will be in his office!! It's ridiculous. So dn is finding he needs to keep the weekend before the first of the month pretty free, because he is forced to keep going back to the office again and again until he arrives when the LL is there, and hands him the check. I just think that kind of blatant disregard for normal courtesy and respect is what gives LLs a bad name. If Mynyel's LL was unresponsive to her repeated attempts to make contact, than I think he shares some of the responsibility for the problem here. Morally, it's just not right to 1. pretend everything is fine and 2. fail repeatedly to return calls, then 3. take the tenant to eviction court when it's time to pay his taxes. Whatever the law says, and it sounds like the state's law favors landlords, there is also (IMO) an obligation to be a decent human being, and that, in my book, includes responding to contacts and honoring one's contractual obligations.
He's probably a drunk like my last LL.
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It is honestly easier for me to believe that the co-pilot had some sort of medical calamity while the pilot was outside the cockpit, preventing him from responding to the door. Do we know for sure that the co-pilot HAD to reset the lock somehow to keep the pilot out? Everything I have seen, which admittedly is very limited, seems to suggest that the co-pilot was an ordinary guy without any prior suggestion of mental illness, depression or other concerning sign that he might be suicidal. Given that, it's not impossible that he took the plane down on purpose, but it seems rather unlikely. Has anyone verified that the cockpit door lock functioned normally?
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I think it's really a bedrock of a strong relationship to respect the other person's words. Meaning, I would not lie or do something he asked me not to (barring a safety situation, of course). OTOH, most of life is those gray areas and I think strong communication is the way to solve those differences. Really understanding where one's SO is coming from is the key. Is it a preference not to do extra work? An issue of ethical or moral import for them? You have to talk in order to understand where he is coming from.
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I think she is remarkable insightful for someone so young.
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He tries. He always listens to me. Things are not perfect, not by any stretch, but I know he cares and is trying hard to make things work. That is worth so much.
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I had real trouble with this when ds came home from his 10 month exchange year. He turned 18 just a few weeks before his return. I could NOT stop hugging and touching him for the first few days. AND I just burst into tears when he came out of customs at the airport. It was unexpected and spontaneous and uncontrollable.
Fortunately he is very patient with his silly mom. : )
Nowadays, when he is home, I do what many of you all do-make and buy his favorite foods, laundry, take him shopping for any clothes, books or other gear he needs. We welcome his GF and other local friends when they come over.
I love the idea of actually talking about this with our kids. I hadn't thought of it but it makes perfect sense.
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My son was in Germany for a year when he was 17. The drinking culture there is similar to ours here in the USA in that binge drinking is common, but the difference in Germany is that there are actually bars meant for 15-18 year olds that serve diluted alcoholic drinks (like beer+lemonade or beer+coke). He told me that kids in those age groups go to the clubs without parents and often get very drunk.
Sounds positively nauseating to me...
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Do you guys remember the older boyfriend situation from last year? I took some of your very good advice and pulled him in, got to know him, developed a relationship, etc. It turns out he's a nice guy, a little weird, lol, but he has a good heart. But. He's now 25, still has no job (although he's meandering through community college), and the inevitable has happened.
Darling daughter has a large scholarship that's tied to NM and cannot be deferred. She has a PP appt on tues but I'm pretty sure she's doing it because she thinks she has no choice given the circumstances. I'm being deliberately vague to salvage as much privacy as possible. I just need help thinking this through. Can anyone come up with some unusual alternatives? Do I talk to this young man and say hey! Get a job and be a man? Do I just stay out of it? She is the most emotionally fragile of my children and has been on meds for depression for the past year, and she sees a good counsellor, so I'm thankful for that ongoing support.
There is the possibility that she is doing it because she thinks she has no choice, OR there is the possibility she is doing it because she has decided that she isn't ready to become a parent now, with this man, and wants to continue on the path she planned. The latter is a less passive set of thoughts than the former.
Can you talk with her to clarify her reasons? Is it possible to explore her thinking gently? Myself, I would not be able to navigate this without getting involved, and I also think that you are a good mom and know your daughter so won't push her toward any particular outcome for your own reasons. It sounds like you are not categorically opposed to visiting PP for this intended purpose, or opposed to materially supporting her if she chooses to go forward and relies heavily on you for the next few years. At the very least, you can make sure your dd is aware of this (IF you can materially support her). If she is very relieved that you WILL support her, that gives you a big clue about her thinking. By the same token, if she is very relieved to be going forward with the PP appointment, that also gives you a big clue.
I am a big fan of drawing inspiration from stories and this situation makes me think of the scene in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn when Katie has just given birth to Francie and all at once, she realizes that Johnny will not be there for her, and she will need to be mother to her baby and also be responsible for him. She faces this unflinchingly. Not sure why I am even saying this, particularly since it sounds like you are not that sure about this young man's potential to get his act together, and he may do it after all, particularly if faced with a young family.
As far as unusual alternatives, I think (saying this gently) that some of those depend on you and the extent to which you'd be supportive-ie, raising her child until she gets her degree? Adopting this child yourself? Providing a lot of material support to both of them until they are independent? Clarify your own position and it will be easier to talk to your daughter about it.((((hugs)))) to all of you!
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The challenges I've faced are truly minor compared to what many posters have already described. Truly, to all of you, I am so sorry for the devastating losses and suffering you have faced. I just want to give you all a huge huge hug!! But I think that what Kari describes-no tolerance for BS-and Slache's generosity to strangers-are exactly what happens when you've lived through an awful trauma or loss.
I think that the challenges I've faced definitely made me tougher, stronger, far less likely to sweat the small stuff. It's easier, somehow, for me to cut straight to the point.
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I am seeing some of these issue play out up close and personal. My bonus child is 25 now and though he graduated from high school in Florida, he did not get a great education there and it's been several years now. When the accuplacer put him in remedial, his first response was to attempt to take the test again (sans prep) because he did not think he was in that category. Once I gave him the final from Lial's BCM and he only scored 50%, he was convinced that his math skills were not that close to pre-calculus.
I worked with him and taught him how to use Khan Academy, and while I was "babysitting" him he worked on it daily. However, once I stopped prompting, he quickly stopped working on it.
I think the reasons for this are deep. Because of his upbringing, he does not value education, and in fact is suspicious of the wealthy and the educated. He has no life experience with hard work of any kind. He *always* looks for an easy way out of a situation. When there isn't one, he often just quits, rather than even try and risk failure. But the bottom line is that I think he is like MANY people, whose life and school experiences leave them ill-equipped for the hard real world.
So the biggest problem for many students out there is not just their poor academic preparation, it's their poor work habits, lack of self-discipline, inability to sacrifice for a longer-term goal. Remedial classes don't even begin to address all of these problems...in fact, I don't know what does. I think that supports for poorly prepared students are a good thing, and are important, but it doesn't surprise me at all that many students either don't take advantage of them, or can't benefit from them if they attempt to use them.
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I know more about this kind of situation than I'd like. First, yes, he should keep all evidence, change security on his phone and apartment. Most important however is that he make a clear and unequivocal statement to her that he is DONE with the relationship. He needs to tell her that under no circumstances should she contact him in any way. Then he should NOT answer any call or text from her. Pretend she does not exist.
He should expect an explosion of attempts to contact him-she will use friend's phones to disguise her number, etc. But with the first attempt, after breaking up, he should contact the police for a no contact order.
It will be hard but she cannot manipulate with suicide threats, etc., if she doesn't know that he is actually reading them and hearing them. And as long as he maintains "radio silence" her attempts will not stick. Eventually she will de-escalate, though it may take weeks or months.
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Faithmanor is right about the backpack. The other item we spent on was shoes and boots. He goes to school in a cold and very snowy place, and walking all over campus required a decent, hard-wearing pair of low boots. He also picked out 2 good pairs of shoes that he is still wearing 2 1\2 years later. Otherwise his clothing needs are extremely simple and he tends to wear things until they are completely tattered, AND he likes to keep minimal clothing to avoid having to wash so much clothing. I suspect he wears things MANY times without a wash-except for undies and socks which he has plenty of.
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I would not invest $$ in any shoes for a kid who is growing rapidly, unless there was a place they could be handed down. that said, I absolutely would (and have) paid for Tevas for myself and my no-longer-rapidly-growing kids. They are very hard wearing and sturdy and go with everything. Says me. LOL. I'm obviously not a fashion plate.
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OK, be honest-did anyone else look at this and think: they all look so young!! Compared to me...
It sounds like you all had a lovely time. Wish I could have made it.
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Genetics, genetics.
I have a child who was almost 10 pounds at birth, and remained long, and very (adorably!!) plump until he was about 3 1\2. At 5, he remained tall, but was thin, and getting thinner.
That child is 18 now. He's 6'2" tall, very lean, and I suspect will stay that way. My side of the family is inclined toward a tall, lean build. My other two are not fat, but they are just more normally built, exactly like their father. Broad shouldered, tending to plumpness in the belly.
I think genetics is at play with your son, particularly given his gradual slide from "tall" to "short". I wouldn't give it a second thought.
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If you have an 8 yo boy with ADD, I can't recommend WWE strongly enough. I had two of these, and one without, and WWE most definitely turned my very reluctant writer into a competent, if not quick, writer of expository prose. He is 13 now. I found that copying, dictation and narration were all skills that took years to build up to the point where he could have an idea, form a good sentence, and write it down. Then we took on WWS and that also has been an excellent program for him. I so wish I had had it for my older kids!
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What happens when you go to an emergency room is an emergency psychiatric assessment. They make recommendations, and these can include involuntary hospitalization (in not very frequent cases) if they determine that you are an immediate danger to yourself or to others. They may also recommend hospitalization, if you are very ill but not a danger to yourself or others. Finally, in probably most cases, they recommend, and sometimes help to arrange, outpatient follow up.
I will also chime in to agree that a basic medical check up is not only a good idea, but any psychiatrist worth her salt will not see you or prescribe medications for you until you have had one. *Many* medical problems can have mental manifestations.
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Look down this board's front page-there is already a thread about this article.
I especially loved the letter at the end that the parents wrote to their son. I think we may do something similar!
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I'll address older kid RAs, where I am right now. My faves:
-Silas Marner
-A Tale of Two Cities
-The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
-Watership Down
-A Short History of Nearly Everything-excerpts
-Outliers
Almost any: Mark Twain, Jane Austen, Alexander Dumas.
Like Garga, I often start a long series for them and then allow them to finish. We've done Harry Potter, Narnia, and LOTR that way.
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Ds got into UMBC today! So he will have a choice. Even with the scholarship he got from Drexel, it is waaaaay more expensive than UMBC.
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My dh had to deal with this as I've had a weekend nights work schedule since I started home schooling 10 years ago. Dark shades, ear plugs, and frequent outdoor activities helped us both, but our youngest was not a toddler when it started so that made it easier.
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No regrets here.
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Dementia is a specific diagnosis based on clear criteria, and if he had absolutely NO sign of it before (he might have had subtle signs that went unrecognized by your mother though), it is extremely unlikely that dementia is the sole explanation for his confusion now. Does he have a waxing and waning state of alertness? If so, he has delirium, IMO, far more likely and if so, yes he absolutely can possibly return to the mental functioning he had before the accident.
There are myriad causes for delirium: I'll name just a few. Drugs or drug or alcohol withdrawal, sleep deprivation, electrolyte abnormalities, infections, and dehydration, or any combination. This is not a comprehensive list. If there are several doctors involved, and they do not agree on the cause, it's a good bet that there is more than one contributing factor. HTH.
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My ds had 7 miserable years in school, in 2 different schools actually, and when things reached a crisis point, we knew we needed to change something. I did not know that more than 50% of 2e kids are home schooled-where did that statistic come from? But that is definitely us and it's the reason I took on teaching all three of them, and why we continued for the 10th-and last-year now.
Are you a bad wife?
in The Chat Board
Posted
I think I am a good wife. I know my dh appreciates me and I feel like I bend over backwards for my family. It's hard for me because I want everyone to care as much as I do, and they (hubby and kids) just don't. It's painful and makes me want to criticize him, but I also don't want to be a mean and cranky spouse. That is not me.