Catherine
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Posts posted by Catherine
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Oh, have my boys BTDT. In fact I posted 2 years ago about my son's friend who committed suicide and the devastation she left in her wake. Bpth of my older boys have had friends who've been depressed, AND who've involved other people, to some extent, in their distress by making suicide threats, "disappearing" for periods of time, etc.
Since my boys, unfortunately, themselves have BOTH had depression, and I know they have not done this, I feel totally comfortable, in fact I think I feel compelled, to make sure they understand that they are not responsible for anyone else's choices, they are not obligated to be listening ears for kids who repeatedly frighten them and repeatedly make my sons their "therapists". It's just plain wrong for anyone to use another person this way.
I think navigating these kinds of issues is challenging, but it is a matter of boundaries. A matter of personal responsibility. No kid should be left feeling responsible when someone kills themselves. My son will have to live with the knowledge that he tried, but was unable, to save a life, and I'm sure he will never completely get over the pain. I just wish he had been able to set limits on his friend so that he wasn't the one to hear and have to cope with her suicide threat.
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Ugh-this is the kind of thing that makes me bonkers about school. I agree that it's probably not something *I* would pursue with the principal, but that is me. I DO definitely agree that trying to teach your child about choosing appropriate reading materials makes more sense.
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I don't want you all to think that I think and Ivy is the only path to happiness. That is completely untrue. But I do think that anyone who is fortunate enough to attend a top school will find all kinds of opportunities and connections that might not otherwise have been available to them.
I'll give an example. My dh attended an Ivy. He was a rather unfocused, B\C student, history major, with no long term plan. His lifelong, long term plan up until that point had been...to get into an Ivy. Watching the kids I know who've been that route, it's a pretty familiar situation. When he decided, 3 years after graduating, to apply to medical school, he applied widely, and did not get a single interview. The following year, he got one single interview, and was waitlisted. He eventually got in to that school and the rest is history. I have often thought that if one single thing about his application had been weaker, like NOT going to a school with a very excellent academic reputation, he would simply not have gotten in. So I DO think that having been to a top school helped him, perhaps in a critical way. OTOH, I don't honestly consider places like regional unis honors programs to be all that different form Ivies, in terms of reputation andquality of academics, and probably most employers and graduate programs think the same. -
A few more thoughts. High-stress, uber-academics from elementary school on vs. "life is for living" as 8filltheheart calls it, is a bit of a false dichotomy. I come from a family and culture where no one goes to college, as does my husband. We were both raised most definitely with the "life is for living" model. And there is no lack of suicide, mental illness, and just plain unhappiness in that community as well.
What I know is that I wouldn't trade my life (educated to the graduate level, solidly middle class, financially secure) for the one I came from, not in a million years. Poverty is very stressful. No, happiness does not come from dollars alone. But it is a real pleasure and happiness for me that I can choose to go out to a restaurant to eat if I want to. I can choose a minivan instead of an unreliable jalopy (that you cannot travel with, *because* it is unreliable) and not worry about the added expense. Maybe I'm shallow, but having money was a revelation for me and my dh that we are still, 25 years later, adjusting to and thoroughly enjoying.
I think it's very facile to decry the pressure on kids who have to do hours of homework and are already thinking about college when they are 11. One alternative to that is to be thinking about whether you are going to end up in the street or have a meal next week. I realize that most people on this board are in neither of these situations, but to be honest, you can't have it both ways. You cannot have an idyllic, homework-free childhood and hope to go to a top school. In the USA we live in right now, if you want to go to an Ivy or other top school, you MUST start thinking about it and planning when you're very young. And I know it's fashionable to discount the incredible resources and connections these schools supply, but I think that is naive. You can bet that if I had a kid who was ambitious enough to even consider such a plan (none yet, but it still could happen, I suppose : ) ) I would be as encouraging and supportive as I could possibly be. When I read blog posts like the one written by the mom who was a Stanford-educated software engineer, whose firing prompted her to become a SAHM, I think she is really not seeing the big picture. For one thing, how can someone who has totally benefitted from the perks of going to Stanford then turn around and decide it's too stressful for her own kids? She says herself that her son seemed fine and happy. If she was someone who had not already totally benefitted from her own Ivy-equivalent education, I might perceive her essay differently.
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When friends tell me they are disappointed their kids didn't get into a $42K/year high school, I really don't know how to respond. They prep so hard for the entrance exams too.
I don't know...what on earth am I missing here?
One thing that parents are paying for in the private schools around here at least is the amazing college counseling. One of the schools my son looked at has a college counseling office of 6 full time employees for a class of about 75 kids. Contrast that with my middle ds's public school: 3 full time counselors for a school of about 1400 kids. And 99% of them are college bound. Now that I shepherded one home schooled high schooler through the process, and coached another who was in school, I get why people are willing to pay big bucks just to be spared that job.
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I don't recall anyone ever taking attendance in my college classes. But IMO your daughter really had an injustice. It sounds like the high school teachers who give a significant amount of credit for *doing* the homework, without ever grading it. Dumb dumb dumb. It infantilizes students IMO.
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I did not feel comfortable using the pesticides. Regardless of the questionable toxicity, they just plain don't work. I heard somewhere about the smothering treatment, and that is what we did on all of us: plastic shower cap all night over olive oiled head. Then nit comb daily until three days clear, then every other day and every third day.
This method was effective. No recurrence. But we had only short-haired boys at the time. Girls-another story, because the long hair is harder to comb and also more easily infested.
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Loved:
The Red Tent
Silas Marner
Great Expectations
Wuthering Heights
Hated:
The Catcher in the Rye
My husband kept trying to tell me about what the book "meant" and all I could think was: Holden Caulfield is every kid who hated me in high school and college. I just couldn't find one redeeming thing about it. Ugg
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Our house is green but not the green you are considering; it's a dark hunter green. Our trim is very pale yellow, cream really.
Needs repainting!!
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A poll revealed:
Watership Down
All of the Lang Fairy books
Narnia-for one child, not the other two
Audiobook: EB White reading The Trumpet of the Swan (sorry I cheated)
I RA A Tale of Two Cities to one of my sons when he was a freshman in high school (it's one of my favorite books) and he also loved it.
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I am wrapping up our algebra year and feeling a bit worried about the fact that there are topics that are considered Algebra 1 in some places but not in others. I realize this is a problem that most of us already know about but I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there who has tried to find a definitive scope and sequence for what constitutes algebra 1 and has found little consensus.
At the moment I'm planning to do math through the summer anyway as ds really cannot go for so long without seeing a topic. I'm just hoping to hit on the right combination of review and coverage of new topics that Foerster's misses.
So far I think we need to spend some time on:
-complex numbers
-graphing circles
-parabola problems
I thought I'd probably use Khan Academy as it's thorough (IMO) and can be done pretty independently.
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Just a couple of thoughts:
1. Take at least a few weeks break for yourself this summer to plan. FYI, while we are on breaks, reading (assigned and free), foreign language and music practice still happen. I would try to establish these areas as constants so there aren't unpleasant surprises later.
2. You have a lot on your plate. The subjects that must happen in my home school, regardless of the burdens RL imposes, are math and writing. particularly for your older child, prioritize these over content areas. Some board members here do not even use any formal curriculum for content areas until high school and have kids who've gone on to study these areas at a high level in college (hi 8!) so IMO prioritizing skill areas is important.
3. One box curriculum I've not seen mentioned that IMO is very user-friendly and well-regarded is Calvert. There is also a huge amount of teacher support in Calvert that you can use as you make the transition to handling more yourself.
If I had a do-over with my eldest, who started home schooling in 7th grade, it would be to drop many of the extras, like vocabulary, Latin, spelling (he didn't need this in middle school anyway), and spend waaay more time on skill-building his weakest area: writing. We never conquered this beast (he hated it of course which made it even more challenging) and he's paid for my lack of focus.
But I want to also echo others who've pointed out how successful you HAVE been in a challenging transition year. Hang in there! You can do it!
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Geico does, that I do know. I can't speak to any others.
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I like being married. We have made a good life together. But I think we both had a LOT to learn about healthy relationships when we met, and 25 years on, we are still learning. I am impressed by the OP's statement that she comes from a family of stability and marriage. I think that makes a huge difference, because both partners will have seen stability, and good relationship skills all their lives. When one or both partners do not have that, it's much harder to learn those skills yourselves. Possible, but harder. I think our friendship is what has carried us through and continues to carry us. All the rest, we keep working on.
And I totally agree with those who have pointed out how much stressors of all kinds can strain even the best relationships. Coping with death, serious illness or serious challenges in kids, parents or each other can really throw a monkey wrench into the whole system.
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Chiming in here without reading the rest of the thread.
My friend opined that she's waiting for the video footage of the mom slapping up her misbehaving police officer son.
What bothers me slightly about the public reaction to the video is the implication that it's completely the parents' fault if a child does something wrong. I think that it's *mostly* the parents' fault, but I also think there are other important social factors that are part of the picture.
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My child figured out the time problem using less sophisticated means than the one shown by Arcadia above.
He decided to figure out how many degrees were in each 10 minute section. There are (6) Ten minute sections in an hour, so 360 divided by 6 is 60.
Bill, I think of this (maybe not correctly) as the Singapore Math way. It seems to me that when I did Singapore with my older kids, finding the value of a single unit was often used as a problem solving strategy. My youngest, who is the eighth grade guinea pig in my experiment, was not school in Singapore, but he also solved it that way, in his head. Regardless, the clock face problem, and even some of the other problems, requires both "math knowledge"-knowing that a circle has 360 degrees, and what I might call "common sense"-knowing how to tell time on an analog clock. Plus calculating.
What happens in those years of primary math is so critical-it's where a student learns both the basic mathematical knowledge, how to calculate quickly and efficiently, and other pieces of knowledge, arguably math, such as how a clock works and how to tell time.
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Lest I give the impression that I think it's the parents' fault that kids in conventional schools often struggle with math, no, I do not think that at all. It's just that we've gotten to a place here in the USA in which some of the only successful kids who've made it through our schools are the ones who have those parents...because the system itself is so dysfunctional. Renai, I agree that knowing the math alone is not enough, teaching skill is required. And I also agree that the materials that most teachers are saddled with can be more of a hindrance than an aid to them. I've always been intrigued by the KIPP school model, and it's no surprise that KIPP teachers choose their own curriculum, and do not necessarily use the same curriculum for every student. Makes sense, huh? I think that is only one of the reasons that KIPP schools have such a track record of success. They have conclusively demonstrated that average students with even very poor educational preparedness in elementary school can be ready for a college prep high school program if they are taught well in middle school. I just wish all American kids could get the same quality of education.
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Well reading this thread has been incredibly depressing.
So, for a homeschooling parent like me, that slipped through the cracks and is terrible at math, what is there to do? Read the books recommended here and maybe work a math curriculum myself a year ahead of dd? She has a lot of potential. She is great at patterns and logic. She is teaching herself multiplication from who knows where? She just blurts them out randomly and is always right. I think she "sees" math in a way I never have.
After reading here, I am worried I'm going to fail her!
I think ALL homeschooling parents could benefit from reviewing. None of us is fresh on much of the material that is elementary math, algebra and geometry. Once I had read Liping Ma's book, I understood that the most competent arithmetic teachers are constantly reviewing, playing with the concepts, and solving problems for practice.
I think one of the best resources out there for review is Khan Academy. It's free, thorough, and sequential. It is not babyish at all. Mastery is promoted. If you feel weak in your mastery of basic math skills, start with Khan Academy.
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Creekland, all I can say is, wow.
The difference in the quality of instruction at different public schools is truly stunning, or even within a school. It's just criminal how many kids are being failed by their schools. I think it's completely unacceptable that so many students are educationally crippled for life by their elementary school experiences. And those most often in this situation are basically kids whose parents have not, for whatever reason, advocated for them by either teaching them at home, or getting them into better school situations. Unfortunately, I've seen it play out in my own family. Grrrrr.
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Before nclb and full inclusion, the ele. students here did every chapter in the math text. Math class was daily. Students were scoring in the 90% iles on nationally normed achievement tests. The year nclb & full inclusion started, only 4 of the 13 chapters in the math texts were done...2 review, 2 new. Math was no longer daily. Students that previously scored in the 90% iles dropped to high 40% iles. Not enough material is taught to enable a child to score in the 'advanced' zone here on state testing.
Its not the teachers. They are competent. The results they obtained before nclb and full inclusion show that. They are being told what and when to teach. And that means many concepts necessary for college bound students are left out.
I think there are probably many reasons that students here fail to learn even basic arithmetic a lot of the time. But teaching is without question one part of it. Have you actually spoken to an elementary school teacher about it, or read the book I mentioned? Because my n of 2 teachers showed me that neither of them understand basic fractions and decimals. The way they are made to teach is part of the issue as well, a big part. Inadequate curriculum and completely inadequate prep time are part of the problem too. But knowledge base is a real problem, IMO.
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Mostly it explains her thesis and her study results. I love that book.... but if you're looking for something that will help you teach your son, I highly recommend Arithmetic for Parents by Ron Aharoni.
Agreeing...I'm not familiar with Arithmetic for Parents, but Ma's book doesn't necessarily tell you how to teach arithmetic, only shows painfully well how little some teachers understand basic math, fractions, concepts. It did get me thinking more about trying to empart a grasp of concepts.
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What you all are saying here reinforces my belief that the widespread math failure here in the US is a failure of the mathematics taught before 6th grade...IOW, arithmetic. The thesis of Liping Ma's book is that one big difference between math education in China and math education here in the United States is that arithmetic is a subject deemed worthy of serious study in China, but here we consider it "baby math" and do not ensure that teachers fully understand it, so they cannot impart their understanding to students.
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He got them all right! And the logic problem. I am relieved-he is my weakest math student. I think I need to re-read Knowing and Teaching Elementary Mathematics. I love that book.
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This is news to none of us, I am sure:
The editorialist is frustratingly short of ideas for improving math education in the USA.
I am off to ask my eighth grader to answer the questions he poses. I'll let you all know how he does.
Anybody else feeling foolish?
in The Chat Board
Posted
I think this is partly because a big part of being happy is actively chosen for all of us. I don't think religious sects that require happiness are a good model, but I do think that they appeared happy partly because they ARE happy a good bit of the time-particularly when the cameras are around.
I am most interested in the victims. I hope his abuse did not extend beyond fondling and didn't persist for a long time. I just hope someone actually *believes* the girls.