Dory
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Posts posted by Dory
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Isn't Angelicum Academy Catholic? They have some pretty good stuff.
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a book you might find interesting is "why gender matters" by Dr. Leonard Sax. after years of his patients parents telling him he should write a book - he finally did. He pulled in research from all over - including having some scientists/specialists in their fields review the pertinent chapters.
It gives a whole new meaing to the "10 things only women understand" - the difference between bone, ecru, cream, off-white . . . . . when you know that there is a physiolgoicaly difference in the eyeball between men and women. the number of cones vs rods are different. men are wired to see motion, and women are wired to see texture. you can give the eyeball to the pathologist running the study and he'd tell you if it was a man or a woman - based on the number of cones and rods. there will be differences within the group - but across the group the differences hold.
Thank you, I'll look that up.
ETA: I'm finding just the product description on Amazon rather disturbing. "boys are more aggressive; girls are more shy" ? I grew up in a world that did not believe in gender fluidity. I was a rather aggressive girl. competitive. I didn't have a shy bone in my body as a kid. It was taught to me. It wasn't who I was naturally. I have a little boy who is soft and gentle. He is sensitive and shy. I have had to work very hard with him to help him handle himself socially. From what I've seen, it's horribly damaging to push that boys have to be pushy, aggressive, harsher people, and girls have to be meek, shy, gentle people. Soft gentle boys are not unmanly.
Also, as for seeing colour, my youngest ds can name more colours then I can.
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The human brain is very complex, and what a child means when they say "I feel like a boy/girl" may change with time. Some children experience body dysphoria very early on, as young as they realize boys and girls generally have different bodies. Before puberty, those differences are actually not very significant to a child's life, beyond whether they can easily stand to pee or not.
Research shows that there is biological differentiation between male and female brains--not in an absolute way, but across a spectrum (just as there is a spectrum in the differentiation of genitalia, such that some people are born with some intermediary of the standard equipment). The points in gestation when the brain is exposed to hormones that program biological sex are different from the points in gestation when the gonads/genitals are exposed to hormones that program biological sex. Consequently, in some people, if the hormone balance gets off, they may be quite clearly either male or female-brained, but be born with intersexed genitals. Likewise, if the balance is off the other way, a mismatch between the brain's sex and the gonads/genitals can occur with normal-seeming genitals. When that happens, a person is likely to be transgender.
The genetics of sexual differentiation are not as simple as XX = girl and XY = boy, either.
Many transgender people seem to have brains that are hardwired for the sex opposite the other parts of their bodies. Since we look between the legs instead of at the brain to assign a sex to a newborn, a mistake is occasionally made--the brain is far more important than the gonads in determining one's sex/gender.
People who try to essentialize biological sex to dismiss transgender identities tend to disregard how complex biology is.
And all I've touched on here is biological sex. Gender is also a social construct associated with the biological sexes, and that social construct is just that--a construct, which varies from one culture to another (though some patterns tend to be very common, usually connected to the realities of biological necessity involved in childbearing). There is nothing inherently male or female about colors, occupations, or even parenting roles. All that stuff is determined by culture--learned human behavior.
I guess I'm just stuck because all I see gender is, is the genitalia. All the wild differences in the brain are what really matters. I mean, if someone was more male mentally and looked and acted in ways that were considered by society to be male, I would just kinda shrug and say so what. The variety of humans out there means that some girls will act and feel like that. I guess I've just never seen that as not being a girl too.
I guess then, I have just been seeing gender as their sex, and nothing more then?
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I refuse to go back and see a doctor if the doctor treats me like I'm an idiot that is imagining things with myself or my kids.
I might not know what is wrong, but I know my body, and I know my kids, a lot better then the doctor does. If I know something is off, I would like to be taken seriously. I have permanent joint damage because of a strep that went into my joints quickly and would flare up in the evenings. By the time we could get in to see the doctor the flare up would have gone down some. He kept insisting that I was just allergic to something. Meanwhile I spent my nights crying, itching like crazy, and curled up in a ball from the pain. Once my mom found a doctor that would listen and actually check things thoroughly, it was so amazingly relieving. My brother had scarlet fever and the doctor wouldn't believe mom (same doctor). When I took my newborn dd in to the hospital because she was horribly yellow, I had to fight to have them check her bilirubin. I was right, it was through the roof and she was put in the hospital for an extra week.
I don't care if they are easy going or a little rough around the edges. I want to know that they care, are interested, and that they take me seriously.
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When children are in their preschool years, that's when they start formulating their gender identity. Gender identity is basically "what you feel like inside". As part of this, you often see that they are the "gender police" - little girls go through a princess stage, insist that every girl HAS to wear pink, refuse to read a book about bugs. Boys, likewise, might go through a trucks stage, throw a tantrum if asked to use a pink toy, and say loudly that books about princesses are FOR GIRLS. This is not because girls are innately drawn to pink and sparkly items, nor is it because boys are innately drawn to violent play and vehicles. They get their ideas about How To Be A Boy and How To Be A Girl by looking at the world around them. Little girls copy the behavior of other little girls and grown women in their culture, and little boys copy the behavior of other little boys and grown men, and they both pick up and internalize all the messages they get in the media about what's appropriate for each gender.
And then hopefully, as they grow up, they get a more nuanced view of the whole thing.
For most children, the person they feel like inside happens to match their genitals, and they have no problem acting like all the other kids of their apparent sex/gender.
Things can go a little screwy in two ways. First, you can have the strong-willed child who really hates the things, behaviors, attitudes, or stereotypes associated with their gender and doesn't want to play along. Their gender does match, but they're more or less non-conforming. Second, you can have a child who is willing to identify with their gender... but the person they feel like inside doesn't match their body.
ALL children start developing their gender identity at a young age. There's nothing strange about transfolk doing so at three or six. And often times these kids will be miserable. They'll assert "I'm really a boy" and instead of getting acceptance or at least indulgence they'll be shut down, hard. This is hurtful for a child - it's like if they came up to you and said "I really am a kid, not a dog" and you said "No, you're not", again and again and again.
All the research suggests it's better to just go along with your kid. It might be a stage, but it probably isn't, and in the end what they'll remember is whether or not you loved them for who they are.
What we told the girls is this: "People usually have either a penis and testicles or a vagina and a vulva. Usually, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Sometimes somebody who feels like a girl has a penis, or somebody who feels like a boy has a vulva. That's pretty unusual, but it does happen. The important thing is that if somebody TELLS YOU they are a girl or a boy, you call them that. That's just being polite." This explanation isn't perfect, because it ignores the existence of people who are agender (don't particularly feel male OR female) or otherwise don't fit into the gender binary at all. However, as an initial explanation goes, I think it's not too shabby.
Gender identity isn't really related to sexual orientation. Gender identity is the person you are inside. Sexual orientation is who you are attracted to.
again though, If my dd were to say, "I feel like a boy." I'd wonder what she thought feeling like a boy meant. Does that simply means that she has some mental definition of what boys are and feels that she lines up with that better? Or does she wish she had a penis and feels her body has cheated her out of those parts? Or is it that she sees that society thinks that girls are supposed to dress and act in a certain way and she doesn't fit that?
I remember for most of my childhood I hated being a girl, but it was because of the imbalance of power I saw around me and that boys and men were given more power then girls and women. I didn't think there was any difference other then men being stronger and having a penis.
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I'm a sharpie person. Dd goes to great lengths to ensure that every gift she wraps has an individualized and beautifully made label that is often rather large. She didn't get that from me. I figure if there is paper covering the present and a name on it somewhere, we're doin good!
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I have to admit, I'm in a relatively sheltered area. We don't have a very large LGBT community. I am just finding the conversations on boys feeling like girls and girls feeling like boys a little confusing sometimes. I've never thought anymore about gender then that boys have different body parts then girls. There is a general slight different that is perhaps average with boys and girls because of the hormonal differences, but really, there is such wild variation, I don't know if I would ever feel comfortable stating a hard fast description of what a girl is other then by stating what body parts the person has.
So how do you define boys and girls, and what does it mean to you if you hear someone say they don't feel like their gender?
I completely understand preferring one gender over another in relationships, and I'm not trying to start a debate here. I am just honestly wanting to understand more.
I would support my child regardless of whether I really understand or not. Just putting that extra bit out there.
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I say Merry Christmas to about 1/2 my friends and Happy Holidays to the other half. 3/4 of my family gets Happy Hanukkah and the other 1/4 gets Merry Christmas. I really don't care what someone says to me, I will return their greeting of choice back to them with a thank you.
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Thanks so much for replying. Those are the exact measurements of my JRT. I'm really needing neck sizes for the chihuahuas, toy poodles (or mini), shih tzus, or any other dog that would typically get cut at the groomers. I have found a vet that is considering selling my crocheted coats, but I don't really have a clue about the neck size to start the patterns with other breeds. I have found a few charts that would help with length of the coats.
The mini poodle cross here is still under standard mini size (he's 6months). Right now his collar is at 10".
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I know you're being light hearted here, and I know everyone else knows it and you don't mean anything else by it, but for some reason this bothers me. I think it's because while you're making light of this idea, I'm looking at this from the point of view of a child who is in considerable emotional distress (not Shiloh necessarily, but in general). It feels to me like joking about autism and suggesting someone just needs a good lickin' and that'll fix him. I know you're not suggesting anything mean like that, and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, and I'm only picking on you because I trust you'll understand I don't mean this about *you* but about this *idea* that you just happen to be the first to articulate in this discussion. And perhaps I'm pointing it out because it is such a common idea, and it is such a difficult scenario for not only the child, but the family, and ultimately society in general.
It raises all kinds of ethical questions for me. Let's say Shiloh wants to identify as a boy because his brain isn't producing enough testosterone. Let's say medical practice can offer a drug that inspires just enough manufacture of testosterone, or synthetic testosterone to get the brain back into typical function. Sort of like a gender-hormonal equivalent of thyroid hormone replacement therapy. Is it ethical for the parents to do that to a child in hopes of avoiding potential social difficulties and trauma, or is the ethical response to work towards a culture that accepts non traditional gender options so the individual is free to express him/herself as they desire? Which preserves the right of the child, or the right of society as a whole better? How do we determine what the rights of the child even is?
And also, do we only go by our own experiences when determining the legitimacy of challenges others face? I find that problematic not only in a practical setting, but also with regards to compassion and subsequent responses to such issues (which in turn are related to my question above - how do we determine the superior ethical choice?).
So joking about pretending to be a cat in the midst of a conversation that is real for some people seems, I don't know, like trivializing or mocking a serious issue maybe. Or am I being a downer because no one is expecting this conversation to get so serious?
But again, I don't think for a moment you mean to trivialize or mock the pain of a child. I don't think so at all. I just wonder if these kinds of jokes are ultimately insensitive (and therefore mean?), and if so, when do people stand up and say, "yeah, let's not."
I was definitely not trying to trivialize the pain of a child. I was trying to answer the question about a 3yo. In which case, I do think, at 3, that it needs to be taken just a little less seriously. Kids at 3 don't need that much weight put on it. Or really, that much weight put on any of their decisions.
If the conversation is being changed to 8yo's, then it's a completely different story in my mind. If an 8yo was struggling with gender identity, then I would probably look for professional help and start looking at different options to help him/her figure out where he/she fit in life.
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Lol, but in all seriousness, it isn't hurting anything to let the kid be a cat. I mean, I'd draw the line at the child doing things that could be physically harmful, like eating canned cat food or something, but if my kid decides she's a cat and wants to crawl around, meow, and sleep on the floor, it's not hurting me any.
In all seriousness, I agree with you. Except in public. In public I required that the kids behave as the humans that they are physically. At home they can behave as the cats they 'feel' that they are.
Or dogs
or birds
or horses
or boys
or girls
whatever really.
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We have had JRT's here before. Right now we have a mini schnauzer who is very small for the breed (smaller then the JRT was) and a mini poodle/aussie shepherd. The schnauzer is 13" from base of neck to base of tail and approximately 11" around the neck.
I would say the JRT's on average would have deeper chests, but that isn't a measurement you asked for and they would probably have slightly thicker necks.
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Thing is, I've known a three year old who adamantly insisted, for quite some time, that she was a cat. She crawled around on all fours and meowed at everyone and wanted to be treated like a cat. Even tried to eat like a cat.
Maybe she really thought she was a cat.
She was three. She is no longer three. She is no longer a cat (though she still likes cats).
A three year old is above all a three year old.
That's is so sad that her decision to be a cat wasn't honoured. Poor child! Her self expression was probably squashed horribly.
Totally being facetious here.
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I really don't care how my kids want to have their hair, regardless of their gender. So long as they keep it clean and healthy. I don't really care how they want to dress. If they are more comfortable wearing a certain style, well then wear that style. I have no problem humouring name choices at home. Dd went through a phase where she was insistent that she was Amy. I do insist that in public they need to go by their legal name until they are older. They need to use washrooms and such that line up with their physical gender, not how they feel. I just don't see the sense in making a big deal out of any of it otherwise though. Kids tend to play around with things figuring out who they are and how they want to express themselves. I think it does more harm then good when people start reaffirming those non-sensical (yes I know that word doesn't exist) strict gender roles when kids are just experimenting. There are lots of soft feminine boys, and lots of tomboyish girls, and it might be that the kids decide they are still the gender they were assigned at birth, but in a less traditional way. And that's ok. Or as they hit their prepubescent years, they might realize that they really don't feel like the gender they were assigned, and that's ok too. I think not poking our noses in and defining everything for them, is best. let them figure out who they are without adults meddling in unhelpful ways.
My only rule, is that outside the house, you need to just live with the name that is your legal name. At least while you are younger. And you need to use the proper facilities for your physical gender.
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I can't imagine having even limited the play to a small table let alone gluing the pieces down. My kids really improved their fine motor skills, imaginative play, and their ability to build got more and more elaborate as they got older. 2 was about when they would really get into it. I LOVED the wooden trains. We had a duffel bag that was filled with pieces. Birthdays would mean more. It was IMHO one of the best toys we ever have had in this house. Coming second only to Lego (maybe).
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Stockings are for candy, silly putty, maybe ear buds, socks, and perhaps a t-shirt, and candy, and candy, and a little more candy.
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My mom says that from what she has seen of it with friends of hers that used it, the grammar aspect was cringe worthy, but she hasn't used it personally
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ds11 - blue
dd9-light purple
ds7-turquise
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I haven't read all the other responses but I want to tuck in, from my own experiences, that forgiveness doesn't mean you have to allow others to continue hurting your or trampling you. Really that isn't loving anyway because it is enabling unhealthy behaviour. The healthiest, most loving thing you can do is set firm boundaries that keep you and your family emotionally safe.
Showing others love sometimes means saying that their behaviour is not healthy and that you can't support it. You can forgive them for past wrong and still set that boundary, same as you can set a boundary with your child and still love your child. There are lots of things you don't let your kids do to you because it isn't healthy or right.
:grouphug: Family stuff sucks and is never easy to think through. I cut off contact with my family a few years back and then slowly allowed them back in with some pretty strict boundaries. I'm thinking I've let it wander too far again. I just had a conversation where I was informed that I owe her whatever she wants because she raised me and that good kids who honor their parents would give her whatever she wants. I will probably back off and let her have her own little temper tantrum away from me and when she cools down and acts sweet again we'll try visiting again. *sigh*
Good luck. Try not to let it spoil your holidays.
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Do you believe people alive today may be resurrected, or will the perfect earth be enjoyed by those alive at the time of it's coming? Will everyone who ever lived be resurrected, or just a select few?
And, if you don't mind one more question, will those who will be resurrected then go on to live forever, or for a finite time, or is it unknown?
I recall the conversation I had with my priest once when he mentioned the bible never says we'll live forever, not even in heaven. That kind of upset me because I had grown up expecting that was true. It was like having to face mortality twice and I was kind of banking on immortality.
I'm not sure what I think of these, and obviously I'm not who you were talking to, but I would wonder what your priest would say about "The gift of God is eternal life" (Roman 6:23), "I give them eternal life and they will never perish." (John 10:28), "And many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt." (Daniel 12:2), "And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." (Matt 25:46), and "In hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began" (Titus 1:2). Those kinda hint at life beyond the now.
I am not saying I believe those or not. I'm really not sure actually. And my quoting may be slightly off as it's from memory, but those are what jumps to mind when someone mentions eternal life.
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Thank you everyone for the suggestions. As for the other two. The programs I used with them never actually asked them to write poetry, but we have written some anyway. Mostly I have just always played with simple poems in conversation and have discussed the different types as we have read and seen them. When the kids were little we would talk back and forth in 'Dr. Suess'. Everything we said rhymed. They just picked up on things. My oldest has rather stilted language with everything and his poetry is the same, but he still was able to understand it and play along.
I'm loving the suggestions here. Off to look into them a little more. Thank you!
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MCT is not only grammar. They do word roots and vocabulary, writing skills, poetry, and grammar. It is very appealing to kids who are overwhelmed easy. My youngest has thrived on it. He was shutting down and not retaining anything with FLL. My oldest two have done great with FLL. I used Winston Grammar when I was younger. Unless it has changed drastically, it is just a grammar program, much like Easy Grammar (as Ellie said). It gets the job done.
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I've hit an odd wall with my youngest and I'm not completely sure how to help him through it. He seems unable to put out, even the simplest of poems for me. Poetry has always felt relatively easy and natural for me, and so I'm not really sure how to help him figure it out. He writes beautiful stories, he has read and memorized plenty of poetry. I guess I thought that if he saw enough examples, felt it enough, and had a strong vocabulary that it would just come. If I require any poems from him though, he gets a panicky look on his face. It doesn't matter how long I give him to mull it over in his mind, he comes up with nothing. If I ask for a story on the same thing he'll have no problems coming up with something, but he can't seem to put it into a rhythm or make anything rhyme.
Is there anything out there that helps support teaching poetry a little more? I'm wondering if we make it a little more rule oriented and a little less feeling oriented if perhaps we'll get somewhere with this.
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I did my early grades in an ACE school. I know a few people that have gone all the way through with them. Unless they have been HEAVILY updated, I wouldn't use them.
I think they have an amazing reading program. I think their paces are fun and attractive and easy to work through for most kids. They are wonderfully independent. My problem with them is that they are heavily behind in the maths and sciences. Anyone that finished high school with ACE had to do extensive updating in order to get their high school equivalent and head to college.
What did you receive for Christmas?
in The Chat Board
Posted
A book on permaculture and another on organic gardening. A ring. Normally I'm not a jewelry person but it matches dd's ring and has both our birthstone in it. LOTS of chocolate (like as if I need it, lol). New moccasin slippers, and an heavy throw for me to cuddle in when I'm out and about cause I can't sleep.