[No power at co-op. Changed location. Thoughts/WWYD]

I would expect them to cancel, and could not expect them to change the location or extend the semester. The fact that they chose to change the location allows some parents to attend. Extending the semester would allow other parents to extend. Cancelling allows no one to attend. Neither is right for everyone, but they tried. I do not think that any of the three options would entitle parents to a refund.

[Decorating challenge]

Not sure who your clientele is, but I would be nervous about layering a rug over a carpet due to risk of tripping.

 

I would look at big poster-sized artwork. A brightly colored world map would look really nice with that furniture. Maybe this one or try doing an etsy search.

 

There are also lots of vintage posters to be found and those are really cool and usually bright.

I don't have clients in my office that often. We have a conference room. Mostly it's me and my bosses or a coworker. But I am not sure a carpet is necessary anyway - I thought it might just lighten the space.

[Is SAHM/W no longer a valid life choice?]

I think this is one of those questions that brings out a lot of resentment in women towards each other.

 

I have been a working Mom and a SAHM (for a lot of years).  Of course I remember the most obnoxious things that women have said about this issue.  "My brain would turn to mush," and 'I didn't have child so that I could warehouse them all day."  Those kinds of things.

 

But I think most women understand that the issues are complex.  We know that our role as mothers is critical, consuming, and mostly satisfying. We also understand that it is satisfying to earn a paycheck, to know you can take care of yourself, to work in the 'world" where performance is evaluated, measured, and rewarded.  I would say most of my real life friends understand how much being a SAHM can be a blessing, and most of them also understand all the reasons why a woman might want to work.

 

I think when a working Mom says, "I would love to stay home but I can't afford it," what she is often doing is trying to say that what the SAHM is doing is good, and would actually be enjoyable, and trying to find a non-offensive way to explain not doing it.  Obviously, she does not owe any explanation at all, but I don't find that an offensive thing to say, even if it is disingenuous.  In reality she could say, 'I think letting a kid take on debt for college is a kind of failure, so I have to work."  She could just say that she thinks being a SAHM would be boring.  She could say that she is afraid of divorce and wants to know she can support herself.  But all of those things open a can of worms, and so she says something she thinks is more neutral.

 

Likewise, SAHMs say strange things too. I've heard all the comments about how particular working Moms don't need the income, just want toys, can't deal with their own children, etc etc.  I can't say for sure which side feels more judged and inspected.  I think if one looks for it, one could easily conclude that being a working Mom is not a valid life choice to a lot of people. 

 

I think the truth is that most of us don't really care about the choices others make as long as they don't impact us. We just want people to live with their choices. When I was at home, I was part of a carpool with a working mother, and she frequently implied that I should drive extra because she was working.  I finally told her, "We all make choices" and that I wasn't going to do that. Likewise, I think we expect that if a woman chooses not to work after she really could do so, she shouldn't demand that taxpayers to carry the burden of her children's student loans.  

 

But I think in the end, working and not working are valid choices.  Obviously there are millions of women who don't work after their children are in school.  Their are millions of women who work even though they have an employed partner.  And while many women are single and have to work, many are making these choices as part of a couple.  

[Decorating challenge]

I have a new office at work. It's a good move for me, but the office is small (11 x10.5) and windowless. I get some natural light from the hall right outside the door. The walls are neutral/tan, but to me there is an orange tone to it. The carpet is ugly dark flecked stuff - dark brownish?

 

With the best of intentions, my boss bought me new office furniture. This is what he bought http://www.havertys.com/furniture/avondale-hvt3009-office. It is vastly too big for the space I have. I had to turn the desk to face a wall in order to have file cabinets. He spent a lot of money on it and I appreciate his intentions, so I want to like my office.

 

I need to add light - possibly the kind of light that mimics sunlight?

 

I need a chair for visitors and probably will want a plant that can survive with low light. I was thinking about an area rug.

 

But I can't figure out how to add color. A lot of the colorful desk assessories look so modern for the furniture. I just don't know what would work. Red? I want a more cheerful, energizing office. If anyone loves a challenge, I would love help!

[No memorial]

I suppose that survivors can do what they want and ignore the requests of the deceased.

 

But I think there will usually be a family member or two who believe that the best way to honor the dead is to respect their wishes, especially if those wishes are consistent with the personality of the deceased. I think it is pretty normal to try to think about what a loved one would have wanted with respect to all kinds of issues - who gets a particilular heirloom, whether to donate, sell or destroy records and personal correspondence, whether to cancel important events (a wedding, a bar exam, a graduation) that are occurring around the death. If I already know what the loved one wanted because he or she told me, I will want to honor that.

[Disney experts can you help me please? Please!?]

Personally I would book several evenings at the onsite restaurants for the animal kingdom resort. You will be hungry and tired, and dinner there will allow you to have an easier evening. The restautants onsite are fine.

 

I think Disney restautants are grossly overrated in general. We stayed 9 days and ate at a number that get rave reviews. If you live in a town with a decent resaturant scene., you won't find them all that special in terms of food, though the atmosphere at some is great.

 

I am no Disney expert, but I think with kids that age, keeping it simple is best. You will need rest and regrouping, so I would make day plans but try to eat around your hotel at least every other night.

[Being a SAHM?]

I liked being a SAHM. Now I am working (kids are seniors in high school) and I like that too. It's a mentally demanding, engaging job and I feel like I am reconnecting with a part of myself.

 

But either job has good days and bad and either way, I try not to define myself by what I do. I felt pretty competent as a mother. In my job, I feel challenged and overwhelmed regularly. The advantage of that is that I am learning and growing in a way that I don't think I would have if I were a SAH empty nester. On the other hand, it is sometimes very stressful.

 

I took the day off today (I worked all weekend) and am thrilled that I will be cleaning my house all day. Thrilled. Definitely didn't find cleaning my house all that exciting in the past!

[s/o when should your kids have sex?]

I tell my boys all the reasons I think waiting is better.

 

But I also tell them that when they think they are ready, not to do it on a whim. Take the woman to lunch or on a walk (I am assuming this is in the context of a relationship). Tell her where you would like things to be heading. Ask her to think about it.reassure her that you like her and respect her if she wants to wait.

 

I figure if you are adult enough for sex, you are adult enough to be honest, respectful, and cautious.

[Do I say something??]

Stay out. She can decide if she wants to tell the dad. She has a parent who supports her doing so. That same parents can tell herself if she is concerned. You have no need to get involved.

[Boy Moms- question about growth and height]

 

So, I'd rather call BS on the value of height than erode my kid's self-confidence by reinforcing concerns about height.

I grew up with all sisters and few boys even in my extended family. I honestly had no idea how much some boys care about height until I had sons, or how much value society seems to place on being tall. It all seems ridiculous to me - especially when I learned how it affects job offers and advancement. It's just so stupid, and I agree with you that it doesn't seem like there is inherent value in being tall. I can't cite a study, but I do think I have read that tallness is associated with diminished longevity and I haven't read that tall people are more competent, reliable, or intelligent such that it ought to be relevant in who is hired or promoted.

 

So I don't disagree with your overall point here. I just disagree that I have projected negative feelings about height on my boys. I would have worded my post more carefully if it had occurred to me that someone would interpret my 'worry' about my son's pain over these comparisons to his brother as me having or projecting negative ideas about shortness/tallness on him. And for the record, it was hard for him for a while but not a huge thing - he was, as I said, very gracious about it. Privately he expressed frustration and hurt, but nothing extreme. My worry wasn't extreme either. I think a lot of parents feel their kids pain, even when they know that the pain is temporary or that they will learn from it.

[Boy Moms- question about growth and height]

Because not all boys care about height, and parental worrying about something they don't care about tells them that they should care about it. Basically, you're projecting negative feelings onto your kids. Just not a good idea. Especially since it's not going to make them taller anyway. Really, my mom was talking about seeing the doctor and possibly doing growth hormone injections for a couple of years to maybe end up 1-2 inches taller. I was like "are you crazy?". Nobody needs that kind of parental projecting. Just because she feels bad about being short doesn't mean I've got to feel bad about being short. Gah.

So are you talking about me or your mother? Because I have three actual sons who have feelings and cares I likely have more actual knowledge of and insight into than even the most well-meaning online poster. I worried about the one son because I saw what he was going through.

 

But we may just have different ideas about what 'worry' looks like. Worry means I felt something. It doesn't mean I took actions - talked about his height or other kids' heights, took him to the doctor, etc. I knew my boys were all likely to be average height in the end based on family history. But I worried for him because at the time, it was hard for him.

[Boy Moms- question about growth and height]

Really, I wish people would stop worrying about kids possibly being 'short' as grownups (with the exception of people whose kids have real growth disorders). Sort of similar to what Sadie was saying:

.

Why? i wish could change how people think, but the reality, like it or not, is that boys don't want to be short and find it challenging. Why wouldn't I worry about how my boy felt being 3 inches shorter than his twin brother and constantly dealing with comments?

 

I also wish I could change the world so that girls and women were not so valued and judged based on perceptions of physical beauty. But if I had twin daughters and one were considered far less attractive than the other to the extent that people commented and said, "why is your sister so much prettier?" I would worry. Surely no one wants that for a daughter.

[Boy Moms- question about growth and height]

My boys are fraternal twins. One grew earlier that the other. There was a long stretch between maybe 11-14 when one twin was between 1-3 inches taller than the other. And people would mention it. One guy selling us a Christmas tree heard they were twins and asked the slower grower, "why are you so short?" True story. Exact words.

 

At 18 they are the same height. The slow grower was always so stoic about it, and I really admired that. I think he deserves to be an inch taller as a reward for his graciousness. They are both 5'11, so not super tall but not short. I was worried for a while, though.

[So... what happens when Happy update - 51]

What happens is that the breeder, ideally, will take the dog, keep her for a while to work with her and evaluate her. He will be keeping data on his breeding line, and your information may help him. Then he will try to place her with someone he knows will be right for her and has a better situation for her needs.

 

You, meanwhile, are experiencing all kinds of bad feelings and stress. But what you are feeling can't compare to things you would experience if this dog hurt a child, killed a neighbor's dog, or any of a dozen other scenarios. So you are doing the right thing.

 

Hugs to you and your children, the terrier, and also to this dog. I hope all parties will be better off with a change. There are plenty of people out there who will love a chance to work with your GSD girl.

[If someone flirted with your husband and you switch dentists]

i honestly can't imagine involving myself in this. I don't know if my husband is oblivious to this kind of thing or not. But I think at the point he knows there is a problem, even long after I might see it, he can handle the problem without his wife calling the office manager or confronting the flirter.

 

He is fully an adult, and if I were worried about other women, I am pretty sure that I would gain no advantage over a flirty receptionist by acting like his mamma bear. Likewise, if someone flirted with me, I think him taking control when I didn't feel I needed or wanted it, would seem like a red flag for a controlling husband.

 

My response might change in a really serious situation, but nothing I have read seems serious enough that I would think DH needs me to protect and defend him.

[List view of 2016 Acceptances - copy and paste, and add your student here so we can celebrate!!!]

One ds accepted to University of Noth Carolina, Chapel Hill.

 

Other ds Accepted to United Srates Military academy.

[Sharing a Room. Need Ideas.]

Can you have a loft built or buy one for the queen mattress? You could then use it in the living room but keep the floor space. You could even put a sofa under it.

 

I have always loved and gotten along well with my mother. But sharing a room with her would have been misery. I know generations lived this way, and no one died of it, but doing that to a teen daughter would be an absolute last resort. I would rather have space and privacy than anything I can name besides food, air and water.

[Another surrogacy case in the news]

Other news sources report that three embryos were implanted.

 

No ethical doctor will perform an abortion without consent of the patient, and the implied consent of having signed the contract would not be good enough. Unlikely a court would ever order a healthy, complement woman to have an abortion.

 

So the father's only real option was to threaten financial ruin. He may have later chosen to sue for damages, including the costs of medical care for the babies.

[Peptalk to Be the Bigger Person]

Be bigger. Don't let anyone else's shortcoming make you be less than you are.

[Ever doubt it was right to call or visit a friend in the hospital?]

I would gladly pay an extension payment when filing the extension if it comes to that. I think you guys are right, I should call her today or tomorrow and reassure her.

 

I had flowers sent up today. So at least she knows I am thinking about her. I just sort of dread the phone conversation. I fear I will say something stupid.

You will do fine. It sounds like she has a lot of stress in her life, so some of that may just get projected onto this one stresser.

[This Isn't Salvageable, right?]

Let them dry, photocopy any affected pages, exacto knife those pages out of the book and throw them away, keep the copies of the pages.

[Awkward work situation]

I would be A-OK with restrooms being unisex. Truly. Go in the stall, do your business, wash your hands, and leave.

Right. Some of the very best law firm scenes in ally McBeal happened where? In the unisex!

[Why are boys more valued?]

I always assumed it was partly about who takes care of parents and remains more bonded to them. In cultures where an eldest son remains in the home, his wife moves in, and they are expected to continue to live with the parents and then inherit the homestead, a son may be more valued and expected to have the closer bond with parents. Some cultures expect men to support their parents and women to become members of the husband's family and devote herself to his parents. Combine that with the expectation that her parents provide a dowry, and daughters can be less advantageous.

 

In the US we have different expectations. "A son is a son till he takes a wife...." Many people assume men who have sisters can get a bit of a pass in caring for elderly parents. We expect daughters to be more bonded with their family of origin. I have heard people say that a daughters children are more special than a son's children. And honestly, I am not sure many people care that much about the 'family name.'

 

We also have some basic safety nets for the elderly. Not enough perhaps, but some. Medicare, social security etc. While these are not a guarantee against poverty, Cultures without this may really need support from adult children more.

[Wedding/Travel]

It is a smaller place so it's either $400/person for direct flight or $200 but have 1-2 layovers...for a 3 day trip. The cheaper flights are also only available if we stay 2 days past event which then means van rental, more hotel nights, more meals. X 6

Can just one of you go? His sister he goes. Your niece, you go?

[Trends that need to die]

I don't mind the free speach, I just don't think it's appropriate for news broadcasts. There was actually a politician who Tweeted about the death in a shooting before the family of the victim was informed. I think he should have lot his job for that. Completely stupid.

 

It also seems to be the trend for news reports to broadcast information Tweeted in to stations, whether they have been varified or not. Confirming events seems to be irrelevant these days.

Yeah, journalists have standards which, when violated, can result in losing jobs. Fair enough. I guess the way you phrased it - that politicians and government officials 'should be banned' from using Twitter to gossip seemed more extreme then that. How would politics be banned? Banned from normal gossip that would be legal permissible for the rest of us? How would that be legislated and enforced?