[Need Input from those actually using a 529 plan]

Thanks for the input!

 

I think the computer expenses regulations have changed since those were published. The Path Act passed in December and if I understand it, computers are covered now without showing they are required (but they are anyway for my child, to a minimal standard).

[Need Input from those actually using a 529 plan]

For various reasons, we have an overfunded 529 plan. We will not be taking distributions that are not qualified, but we have been advised by our financial planner to get reimbursed for every possible thing.

 

So tuition, room, board, easy. And I think I understand the basics of how that works if my child eventually lives off campus.

 

Required texts. Good. Computer, good.

 

Can we include a book bag? Carrying case for computer? Supplies like notebooks, paper etc? A printer?

 

If you needed to use what you had, any tips?

["Mother's Day is for all women"]

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging friends and loved ones who struggle on holidays. It's definitely the decent thing to do. But trying to dampen other people's happiness with (what can feel like) manipulative demands to not be too happy is ... not really the decent thing to do.

I guess I don't understand where the line is, and maybe it's because I am not seeing the exact content of the kind of posts you are talking about. It seems like the manipulation can go both ways.

[How Wrong Was I? (MIL Drama)]

"Well goodness. I wish I had as much help with cooking and cleaning as I seem to be getting with parenting."

[How Wrong Was I? (MIL Drama)]

I agree with Maize on both points.

 

However, you don't have to be a perfect parent in order to earn the right to parent without interference. Just as I would not fight the chocolate syrup battle with my daughter at a holiday table, I would not undermine/question/argue with another parent at a holiday table (or anywhere else) just because they weren't handling something the way I would. Many people might agree with her, but there was only one parent there involved.

[Tell me about your Mother's Day!]

My MIL's birthday was today, so I cooked and cleaned and hosted the family. I might have felt a smidge resentful to spend Mother's Day working like that, but I love her and won't always have her. My oldest son brought over awesome meats to grill and his wife had taken some photos of all my boys together that are darling. The last one was of the oldest running after their car as they drive away. They are heading to college in the fall, and it was both hilarious and tender.

["Mother's Day is for all women"]

If you are worried about a friend, you call them and express concern. Maybe offer to have a "not Mother's Day" day together.

 

You don't need to send a general guilt trip to every mother you know that she shouldn't be too happy lest it maybe offend someone else.

I didn't send anything to any mother besides my own. I doubt most of us did. Are we talking Facebook here?

 

I guess I agree that intentionally shaming people for enjoying MD is unnecessay. But if me expressing compassion for women who are struggling with a tough day makes a someone else feel guilty, they need to cope with that or just stay off Facebook if it really bothers them. I don't feel guilty enjoying my family's affection and little Mother's Day indulgences, even knowing others are hurting. But I do remember those who grieve and maybe want to say so.

["Mother's Day is for all women"]

Omg, yes! "Thank you to all those men who wanted to be fathers but couldn't, to those fathers who have lost children, to all those missing their fathers today". That isn't a thing! Why can't we just be happy?!?

I have my mother and my boys. I am happy. That doesn't keep me from caring about and acknowledging how Mother's Day is painful for a grieving daughter or mother or for someone whose heart is broken by not getting to be a mother or is estranged from a child.

 

I had a lovely day today. But the intensity I feel that can't compare to the intensity of the pain other women are in. You can be happy. I hope you are. But I don't feel like I need or want a 'zone' where others can't express compassion for those for whom today is especially painful.

[Tell your boys to keep their "junk" in their pants]

So. This kid was not actually charged and is not on the sex offender registry . Sounds like a classic 'police scare idiot kid' to me. Not a new thing.

 

But yes. It is smart to tell boys to keep their junk in their pants.

He was arrested and charged. They later dropped the charges, but there is still a serious impact on him. For one thing, he will probably never be able to get his mugshot off the internet, and information about the charges with it.

[Dog Search: Breed Advice]

My mom has a cavapoo/cavadoodle. Lovely dog but she barks a lot. I would probably jump overboard on a long journey with her. But she is snuggly, great with children, non-shedding, She is bigger than my mother expected - 22 pounds, and would be tough on a long flight as a lap dog.

[Being a better wife...prepping lunches, encouraging and making sure he has what he needs]

My husband would say, "Lots and lots of tea." If I spent too much time on tea and the undershirts weren't getting attention, he could live with that.

 

But I have found that soaking undershirts in very hot water with oxyy/clean really helps.

[I'm going to be judgmental for a minute...]

Lucy Liu is not obliged to worry about what standard "we want to set" for career women. "We" aren't setting any standards, and I don't think lumping all women who get paid to do something into the category 'career women' and then treating the decisions of one of those women as setting standards for the rest makes sense.

 

And women 47 years old have a fertility problem almost by definition. That doesn't mean they can't get pregnant and carry to term, but the odds are much lower.

[is this an appropriate graduation gift?]

That would be a PERFECT gift. Are you kidding? She will treasure them.

[Help me decide on monogram for bag]

Last name!

 

Eta explanation - a lot of people hate monograms. They were so trendy for a while, and people were even monogrammimg their cars.

 

Some people might like the first name - I would not so much. I would greatly prefer my last name, but I have an awesome, short and unusual last name so that colors it for me. I don't know anyone besides my parents sisters and a few relative who have my last name.

 

But I do think there could be security risks associated with any name on a bag. If I did a monogram, it would not be a fancy one - just block initials.

[party with me]

That is most definitely something to party about - for them and for you!

[Work Related Vent]

The problem for employed parents and their bosses is that many parents need a few sick days for themselves, and then days to care for sick children. We had a single mother of three who lost several days a month, on average, between her own illnesses and her children's. Our business really can't function that way. I don't know how these situations should be handed, but they are very real problems in many work environments.

[WHAT?? Surge in teens girls getting cosmetic genital surgery]

The article stated 400 a year, and referenced no data whatsoever about the number of these surgeries performed because of birth defects, injuries, reconstruction after non-elective surgery etc.

 

I will withhold my outrage until I read a well sourced article.

[Wedding Question]

Oh, another dollar saver is that I did not have a photographer at the reception/dinner. I wanted everyone (including me) to relax, enjoy without intrusion, be free from the pressure of posing, and not worry about how they looked. We did photos at the church, and that was it. I didn't make that decision based on cost, but its an example of an 'essential' that I found entirely non-essential. I absolutely can imagine a different brides prioritizing photos and cutting elsewhere.

[Wedding Question]

I didn't say hors d'oerves. We had a typical wedding cake (about $120) and a bowl of fruit and a bowl of nuts for the half dozen or so people who couldn't eat cake because they were diabetic at our wedding for 45 people. That's it. Definitely not just as expensive as a meal for 45 people even if we cooked it ourselves.

 

 

Some people serve a meal because guests are traveling - even just an hour or so, and will need a meal. I could not have a wedding without a meal - many family members drove into town, spent at least one night, and feeding them a meal was a basic hospitality. Even those who drove from an hour away, a meal is going to need to happen while on the road or in town, and having a guest leave and then pay for their own meal would not seem right.

 

Some of the things listed in the post above were unnecessary to me. If I had a million dollar budget, I probably would not do boutineers and corsages for family members. That seems so 'prom' to me. I thought attendants were unnecessary. Dh was capable of carrying a ring, and I didn't need someone to babysit the train of my dress. I don't think we marked off pews. That's what ushers are for. We were married in a beautiful church that appeared to already have candles, so no rentals there.

 

But for me, a nice meal was a basic desire.

 

This is not to say I am right, but rather that the best weddings reflect the personalities, preferences and values of the participants. I wanted family and my closest friends, and I wanted to treat them very well. Dh and I both have have small families, so we only had forty or fifty, but our guests ate and drank well.

 

If our guests all lived in town, a meal might have not seemed as important. If keeping it small would have hurt a lot of feelings, I would have probably planned differently. If we had been on a tighter budget, maybe finger foods would have had to do. Everyone makes choices, and budget determines a lot of those. But hospitality would always be funded first for me.

[Do I mention this or just let it go?]

This conversation is starting to remind me of a Buddhist sand mandala or the Good Friday sawdust carpets in Guatemala. These painstaking works of art are intended to be destroyed, and knowing that going in probably helps. Nothing lasts forever after all. :)

That was actually my very first thought - the mandala.

[s/o What is worth spending money on?]

Good mattresses. I insist my children and I have good quality mattresses.

 

Good shoes. I have bad feet and can't wear a lot of cute shoes. I need awesome arch support. So I do not have the number of shoes some women have, but all of them are high quality and last.

 

Good coffee. I don't buy coffee out often. I spend more for good beans to grind at home, though.

 

Tipping and treating. I tip well, offer to buy others' meals or coffee frequently, and try to help others out a bit. I want to live in a generous world so it feels worth it to me to put out a bit extra and try to never be stingy. It feels good to me to give when I don't have to, as opposed to those obligatory expenses that I resent sometimes.

 

Hot water. I know. Energy bills. Environmental foot print. But hot showers are so comforting. I love them so much.

[How "off" does this sound to you?]

Maybe dad has the tatoo in honor of a child or brother he lost. Or maybe he has a living son named Michael.

 

Either way, he is adopting this child and using the child's middle name because you can't have two boys with the same name or doesn't want to have it seem like this boy is a replacement.

[Remember when you thought you'd married the perfect man...]

90% of the time I still can't believe someone so awesome married me. He still is just - so wonderful. 10% of the time I wonder what alternate universe I inhabit what he seems great, because it's suddenly clear to me that he's a jerk. But those 90% times feel real overall.

[If you are at your ideal weight...]

I haven't hit menopause yet.

 

I hate exercising soooo much, and may have to do it anyway at that point. Right now, I have stayed within a ten pound range (apart from pregnancy) for many years. I was pudgy in high school, but I think food became less emotional/comforting when I got older.

 

I am not a big sweets eater. I like my coffee black and don't drink soda much. I eat eggs and toast or oatmeall with an egg beat into it most morning. But sometimes I skip.

 

Sometimes I eat lunch, other times a protein bar. Now that I am working, I eat fast food at lunch a couple of times a week.

 

I have a beer or glass of wine and then a pretty solid dinner - meat, vegetables, bread or rice.

 

I definitely don't eat enough some days, but I am a late night snacker. Often I eat toast before bed. Or yogurt.

 

No one should emulate my eating habits. I know carbs aren't great and more vegetables would be better. But I do eat what I want, and I am on the slender side. I just don't want as much sweet junk as many people. I don't really care about cake/candy/cookies. I don't like feeling stuffed, but I don't like snacking either. My preference is to eat more at meals so I won't think about food later. But as I have said, I do skip meals and don't always notice until later.

[Do you ever feel like nothing is working out?]

Next time post JAWM or no advice needed if you don't want people to give you an honest response to a post that screams I need help with my finances. Many of us have been there and we're only trying to help. Sorry you are so frustrates, hope things get better.

I think she was asking, "Has anyone else ever felt this way? Please tell me that am not alone." I don't think she was asking, "How should I manage money differently?"

 

Even though people answer as they please on a public forum, I think sometimes kindness and sympathy is the better response. Or even, just asking if the person wants advice or input. Otherwise, people learn to never ask for a word of encouragement or commiseration here because their perceived failings will be used against them at that moment when they are in pain.