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Bonkers247

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Posts posted by Bonkers247

  1. I need a little help. My dd7 was just diagnosed ADD. My dh does not understand what this means. He said we just need to be more patient with her and everything will be fine. Also, yesterday she forgot her shoes when we left the house...again...and he said she just needs to stop doing that. Are there any good resources out there to help him better understand what we are up against? Also, we're trying a counseling approach first but even her counselor says she should be on medication. He is recommending Intuniv. Has anyone had experience with this medication? Thank you in advance for your suggestions.

  2. If he's only doing it with computer, I would keep looking. It's expensive no matter who does it, and computer alone is NOT ideal. You're going to get MUCH better results with a different doctor. So yes pursue it, but find another doctor.

     

    Go to COVD's website and use their doc locator.

     

    Kudos to this doc for at least finding it! :)

     

    I checked the website and the nearest doctor they list is an hour away. I got the impression that it was work on the computer and I was also supposed to be working with her off the computer as well. They said something about "flippers". And I really have no idea what that is. The total cost is $350 for six weeks with $50 back when I return the "flippers," whatever they are.

  3. I took my dyslexic dd in to see the eye doctor today. He says she has tracking problems and also looks down her nose instead of straight out when she is trying to focus on something. He says she needs vision therapy to correct these problems. The program he wants to use involves a training session with me and then it's work on the computer and with me at home. 30 minutes to an hour five days a week. Has anyone done this with their child and did it help?

  4. As a doula, my suggestion is to interview doulas in your area to find one who can help you with what you want. IMO, the most important thing when choosing a doula is whether you "click" with her personality-wise, and secondly, that her skill set is reputable. Both are key to wether she will be able to help you during labor.

     

    Try doulamatch.net to find someone near you.

    Thanks! I'll look on that website.

  5. I'm thinking about one for my upcoming labor. I'm used to having an epidural but last time they couldn't get it in and working. I ended up with stadol, which really helped with managing labor but made me unable to focus on the baby directly after birth. I'm thinking I'll go drug free this time but I'm not sure I can handle it without some help. What has been your experience with doulas?

  6. Well, we eat sweets often. I suppose that'll get me booted off of this forum, but we do. My kids are healthy, active, and have healthy food boundaries.

     

    I limit sweets/treats as in: not in place of a meal, not before a meal, and not if you didn't eat your meal. Kids also aren't allowed to hoard/hog sweets such that others don't get an equal portion, and they aren't allowed to eat something I made for a specific reason/occasion.

     

    The sweets we have are made by me, not store bought. I'm not sure if that makes a difference other than I am in complete control as to the quantity and type of treats I offer. They are required to ask for sweets, and I usually say yes unless saying yes violates one of my rules posted above.

     

    Amazingly, my kids don't sneak treats, and they are extremely good at sharing and dividing them up. So....I guess based on how things work at our house, I would ask if your sweet/treat boundaries are encouraging the behaviors you want.

    We do something similar to what you do but they still sneak it. I'll have to think on this a little bit.

  7. Any advice on how to deal with this? It's the sweets that get snuck. The only foods we limit in this house. I have told them several times how disappointed I am with them and stopped buying special treats but there are still some things left in the house. Do I lock all the treats up somewhere so they have to ask for it because with three of them that's going to get old fast. I'm at a loss here.

  8. Some book suggestions:

    i Will Carry You by Angie Smith

    Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah L. Davis

    Stolen Angels by Sharee Moore

     

    And for if they want to get pregnant again:

    Pregnancy After a Loss by Carol Cirulli Lanham

     

    Here's what helped us:

    Having people acknowledge that this was a real child, even though we didn't get to meet him. I appreciated it when people used his name and talked about him.

    Meals and someone to help with the house and kids.

    Having people understand that whatever we were feeling was normal. There is a wide range and no one likes to be criticized for the way they are grieving.

    Honestly, people who were pregnant staying far, far away from me. It was too great of a reminder of what I had lost. The same goes for people with newborns. But...I have known people who found being around pregnant women and newborns to be therapeutic. Follow their cues on this one.

    Someone to listen to me and hug me while I cried.

     

    I've stopped writing on my blog but it's still up if she's interested in reading it. Maybe something there would help. http://Www.hopeforahealingheart.blogspot.com

     

    My heart hurts for them. I wish they did not have to walk this long and difficult road.

  9. I'm sorry. I just can't get automatically upset at a *visiting* grandmother helping with math and chores.

     

    I'd give anything to have my mom so-called "sabbotage" my work that way.;)

     

    Seriously - while I am not a fan of the tears, I can't assume pathology or toxicity or problem in this scenario.

     

    Helping them with math = helping them with math.

    Healing them with chores = helping them with chores.

     

    In the absence of other indicators of severe problem, I'd celebrate rather than condemn.

    Oh, there are definitely other indicators of severe problems. I wish she were normal, doing normal grandma stuff but it had always been about proving she's in charge and about how I'm doing everything wrong. These were jabs at me and challenges to my parental authority. This was not an attempt to be helpful. I wish it was.

  10. I'm not suggesting that you cut off contact with your mom, but talking to her only because your parents are your kids' only grandparents doesn't mean that you are obligated maintain a relationship with her if she's truly that manipulative.

     

    It sounds like you're already limiting the visits, and that you and/or your dh are always present when she sees the kids, so the only other suggestion I have would be to be sure the kids aren't alone with her (if you're concerned about what she will say to them.)

     

    The problem with this kind of thread is that there are never enough details in the OP, so many of us assume the best about the Helpful Grandma, not realizing that there are many other issues at play in the situation. My initial impression was that she was a sweet, loving grandmother who had fun helping the kids with their schoolwork and chores, not that she had any problems with the kids. (I'm still a little confused about that -- is she a good grandmother but a manipulative mother? Or do you feel that she is manipulating or abusing the kids in any way? Because if it's just that you and she have a strained relationship but the kids love her to pieces, my advice to you would be entirely different than if she's upsetting the kids as well.)

    This past visit confused the kids. "Why is Mimi doing something Mommy said not to?" She has mainly tried manipulating me. This is the first time the kids saw anything negative about her. We have decided that she cannot be alone with them anymore. We also feel like we need to call her on her bad behavior in front of the kids so they see what she is doing is not okay. We are still of the opinion that, for now, it's a good thing for the kids to see her. That may change depending on what she does in the future.

  11. Thank you all for your replies. A little bit more information: things have been strained for awhile. I now rarely call her because of how manipulative she can be. Dh and I have agreed that the kids will never go to my parents' house again. Visits are already limited to birthday parties and holidays for the most part. I am only talking to her because my parents are the only grandparents the kids have. Please keep the ideas coming.

  12. :iagree:

     

    I think the tears are ridiculous, manipulative, and childish, though!

     

    Tell her if she's going to help the kids with their schoolwork or with their chores, she needs to be upfront and honest about it.

     

    I don't consider the helping part to be a big deal, but if she's being sneaky about it and then crying when she gets caught, that's ridiculous and unacceptable. My biggest concern is that she may be telling your kids, "Don't tell Mom. This will be our secret," because that sort of thing doesn't wash with me.

     

    So basically, I don't think what she's doing with or for the kids is a big deal, but the deceit about it has to stop. Immediately.

    I asked the kids if she had said that because, in all honesty, that is a deal breaker. The day I hear she told my kids to keep a secret from me is the last day she has any contact.

  13. There's a lot of backstory I'll skip for now. My mom has been at my house a lot this past week. She heard me tell my 9 year old that I wanted her to try and figure out the last few math problems on her own. (I had helped her with twenty others and she had missed the same thing each time so I wanted to see if she could figure it out.) My mom, on the way to dinner, was whispering help to my daughter. I confronted her about it and she cried, as usual. Later in the week she disappeared downstairs with th kids while they were cleaning up. She comeback upstairs later and made a point to tell me that she only kept them on task and did not help. (She knows I feel that if the kids can make the mess on their own that they should clean it up on their own.) she let it slip later that she was helping them clean. I can't have her going behind my back on things involving my children. She is teaching them to be deceitful and that they don't have to do what I say. I'm just not sure what to do to deal with this before it becomes a huge issue. Any advice is appreciated.

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