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Trresh

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    Brokenhearted Niece/Please help me help her deal w/ breakup

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted

    I'm going through the same thing. Dd19's boyfriend broke up with her the day after Thanksgiving. He sat down at the Thanksgiving table with her dad's family. I took them out for a midnight burger that night. The next morning, he told her he didn't think he wanted to be a couple anymore. They talked, she cried, he wavered. A few minutes after they hung up, he texted her that he was breaking up with her. It's been over 2 months and she still cries about it. She is beating herself up trying to figure out what she did wrong. Meanwhile, he's back to his full-time gaming and playing in his band with the dream of making it big. One of the reasons he gave for breaking up with her is because he missed hanging out with his bro friends.

     

    I sit with her, hold her, and point out all of the good things she has going for her. I try not to bash him because I don't want her to be defensive, but I do try to gently remind her of what kind of person he is and what she is really wanting in a relationship. If she is feeling especially blue, we try to do something together. Unfortunately, due to her relationship with that ex, she lost all but 2 of her friends. Those girls don't seem to have an interest in renewing their friendships. Of the two friends she has left, one lives 4 hours away and the other just moved out of state. She's feeling like she lost everything. It's not pretty and my heart aches for her.

     

    I'm sorry your DD is hurting. My niece is also trying to figure out what she did wrong. It breaks my heart.

     

    Thank you all!! I'll take everyone's advice and lay off bashing him. It'll be hard though!:tongue_smilie:

    Brokenhearted Niece/Please help me help her deal w/ breakup

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted

    I can't help but wonder how much of this is about how much she loved the guy, versus how her self-esteem is hurt by the fact that he left her for another girl.

     

    I think that, more than anything, she needs to realize that she is a beautiful, valuable person, and if she has been with the same guy for a few years, she may be placing far too much importance on his opinion of her. If he was a bad boyfriend, but she stuck with him anyway, she may need to wake up and realize that she has to learn to stick up for herself and not put up with poor behavior from any guy.

     

    She doesn't realize it yet, but it's so important for her to realize that no boyfriend is better than a boyfriend she can't trust.

     

    I'm sorry she has to deal with this, but I'm glad she has you to talk to about it. Ultimately, it's better that she is facing this now, rather than a few years from now when she might have been married to the guy and had a couple of kids.

     

    I think you nailed it. I hope I can drive the bolded part home to her.

    Brokenhearted Niece/Please help me help her deal w/ breakup

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted

    First, I don't understand why you had to say this is "every bit as painful?" Of course it is! I met the man who is now my husband when we were in elementary school. We dated on and off through our teens, finally coming back together and getting married in our late 20s. At no point have I ever felt my love for him is more "real" now that we are adults.

     

    I think getting your heart broken is equally painful, no matter what your age.

     

    I've also read many times that the whole "he was a jerk, anyway" approach isn't neccessarily helpful. There's every possibility they will get back together at some point, and now you will be the bad guy for saying you don't like him.

     

    I suspect the best thing you can do is just what you would do for an adult friend: provide chocolate and hugs and sympathy. Tell her you know it hurts and also that you know she is strong enough to pull herself back together. Assure her there is no need to hurry through her feelings. Remind her of how much she is loved.

     

    I mentioned it because a lot of people think 'Oh, it's just young love. We all go through it. She'll get over it. What's the big deal?' and I wanted to point out that she was truly, seriously heart-broken.

    Brokenhearted Niece/Please help me help her deal w/ breakup

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted

    I think all in all he's not a bad kid but he's definitely a bad boyfriend. He didn't want her but he didn't want anyone else to have her either so he strung her along and started dating someone else before he broke it off with her.

     

    I let her know that her hurt is very real and that she has every right to mourn.

     

    She graduated mid-term so she's at home all day by herself. I need to figure out something to keep her busy during the week in the daytime hours.

     

    Thank you for the suggestions!

    Brokenhearted Niece/Please help me help her deal w/ breakup

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted

    My 18 year old niece's boyfriend of almost 2 years just broke up with her. She's absolutely devastated. Her mom moved 2 states away from her when she was 2 years old so she doesn't have a mother-figure in her life. Her dad's not really there for her emotionally, either. He did raise her all these years, though.

     

    We, as adults, know everything will be okay but this is every bit as painful and real to her as it would be to us.

     

    I've said all the basic things....It's gonna take time, He was a jerk anyway, It's better you know now, I understand, etc...

     

    What can I do for her to really help? I remember how painful things like this were at her age.

    Thank you Focus on the family for sharing John 3:16

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted

    I wasn't offended by it, just kinda resigned to the idea that Christianity will invade everything, even football, and honestly (no offense intended, but it's my honest opinion), if a god were so invested in football that he would let one team win because someone on that team prayed about it, then that god is neglecting the really important things.

     

    Why can't I even watch the playoffs without someone trying to convert me?

     

    Tara

     

    I'm not necessarily saying God let the Broncos beat the Steelers last week because someone prayed but Tim Tebow's Broncos beating the Steelers caused John 3:16 to be the top thing trending on Google for awhile. As a Christian, I find that to be a good thing and I have to wonder how or maybe more importantly why did the Broncos pull off that spectacular win.

     

    http://articles.businessinsider.com/2012-01-09/sports/30606383_1_tim-tebow-tebowmania-google

    Does anyone else feel "different" from the other homeschoolers in your area?

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted · Edited by Trresh

    OK. so it's decided. (Well, I decided, but everyone has to go along with me because I said so. ;))

     

    We're all meeting for coffee.

     

    But first, we have to choose a central location. OK, I'm in the NYC metro area, and we have people here from other parts of NY, New Hampshire, Washington, Indiana, Nevada, Ohio, Iowa, Colorado, North Carolina, California, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Virginia, Missouri, Tennessee, and several other places, as well.

     

    And Heather is in Malaysia and lailasmum is in the UK and WarriorMama is in Canada.

     

    So basically, most of us are going to have a long ride. Pack a lunch, people. :D

     

    And who's up for a drum circle afterward? (As I understand it, we won't have to bring anything special to wear -- according to Rivka, we can just splash on a little Patchouli and it's all good, so we might as well go for it. ;))

     

    I wanna come!

    Ok, I can't find it, remember that $11 deal

    in General Education Discussion Board

    Posted · Edited by Trresh

    I love Fibber McGee and Molly, too!

     

    I have all of my dad's old tapes...only, they're so worn out, they barely even play in the one tape player we have left. I do have some on CD, though...

     

    You can find tons of the episodes free online.

     

    Also, I have a free old time radio app on the iPhone that has a lot of Fibber McGee and Molly plus many other shows.

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