I've been sitting here contemplating as I see what every single other person we know is doing for the Fourth - lots of fun stuff, none of which we are invited to. As usual. We have a lot of friends, at least I thought they were friends, but we never get invited anywhere, anytime. I'm not whining. I'm seriously trying to figure this out. A couple of things that come to mind: We have a special needs child. We can't just get a babysitter like most people can. That is not an option. We have been through incredible struggles in the last few months: older son in mental ward for self-harm/depression/rage, husband constantly out of work, financial catastrophes, middle son in and out of the hospital for major issues. No one we know has even come CLOSE to what we've gone through just in the last few months, let alone the last several years. We are generally positive people. I'm trying to figure out why we never get invited anywhere, included in anything. I'm wondering if it's the town we live in? The people we've made friends with? Or maybe constant problems just tend to turn people away? This has been an ongoing problem ever since we moved to this town almost ten years ago, so I'm wondering maybe if it's the area we live in....just musing. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.

I have a "special son" as well. Your words "and still loves Barney", oh that got me going. :>) I'm praying for you and your darling right now.

Another update: He's been transferred. We will meet with the team next week; he's under observation right now. Our insurance doesn't cover this until he's been there for six days so that's another burden we get to carry. At least this week we get a break from him. We're trying to take it minute by minute and I'm clinging like crazy to Phil. 4:6-7.

You just made me cry. Thank you. :001_smile:

Update: there are no beds at the hospital, but a bed opened up at long term residential care at a very good treatment facility. So we're signing paperwork tonight and he's being moved there tomorrow morning. I've been crying off and on all day, I know this is the right thing to do but dear God is it hard.

Update: He stayed in the ER last night, they are keeping him for at least seven days in an inpatient care hold. They believe he is a serious danger to himself and others. They have on suicide watch, although I don't believe he's in danger of hurting himself, I would be more concerned about him hurting others. We will be meeting with various doctors this week to talk about treatment options. We just went through and talked about all the different things he's pulled in the last few years and we're up to three pages, small print. :>) The bottom line is we do not feel safe with him in our home. He is fully capable of violence, and I am seriously concerned that with how he's escalated his behaviors the last several months that the logical next step is physical violence. I have no doubt that would be the next thing he would attempt. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done as a parent to admit that I can't "fix" my child. I kept thinking that if I just tried the right activity, the right way to talk to him, the right whatever, that it would unlock what was going on and help him to be a good person. We have poured ourselves into this child, done everything we possibly could have done, and nothing has worked. It's beyond us. We have two other children to think of, and they have to be kept safe, as do we. I so appreciate all of you chiming in with help and advice and prayers and good thoughts. Y'all are good folks. :001_smile:

Update: Thanks for all the prayers and hugs and advice. I really appreciate all of you. He pulled some other stuff today, including threatening to kill someone and bust out windows in the church. I called our mental health emergency line and they told us to come in to the ER immediately. So that's where he's at right now. I will update after I know more.

Yes. He has chores, homework, and that's pretty much it. He reads a lot. I don't know what else I could give him there, any suggestions are welcomed. He refuses to "join" anything. eta: I'm fine with "forcing" him to join things, but the few times we've forced him to go to something, he sits in a corner and stares daggers at everyone. I really don't want to inflict him on other people.

I will check this out, thank you. I'm not the one screaming, however...my husband is, and I doubt he would be interested, but I will check it out for myself. :tongue_smilie:

He's bored because we grounded him and took away his phone, TV, video games, friends, etc. because we found him with pot and he snuck a girl into his room while we were gone AND we found him with stolen alcohol. So yeah, it's because he's bored, because we've taken away everything. And because he decided to do this tonight, he's lost all his privileges for another ten days. We told him when we grounded him that if he pulled this kind of carp he would go back to square one, he pushed it, and that's what is going to happen.

Absolutely agree, except my husband doesn't have health insurance and therefore the one person who could probably do with counseling the most won't be able to take advantage of it. We're calling the doctor on Monday.

We've done this. We've given him his freedom, we've clamped down, nothing works. When we gave him his freedom, he got promiscuous, got into drugs, etc. When we grounded him/clamped down, he's fighting with us constantly, screaming, breaking things, and then tonight setting fires in his room. So honestly I don't know what else we can do. We're calling the doctor on Monday and I'm not getting off the phone until they give us some help. Church and youth group won't help, family doesn't know and wouldn't help anyway. Honestly I just want him out of the house, but I know he's 16 and has no where to go. But I'm so sick of the constant fighting.

He has almost constant supervision. What he does is fool us into thinking he can be trusted. For instance, the incident with the girl, we left for 2 hours to a church activity, he had been doing chores and kissing up to us all day, then as soon as we left (he told us he had to do some homework), he snuck his girlfriend in and we caught him when we got home. Which is when we also found the pot, which he has been smoking after school on the way home. He is home within 30 minutes of school getting out, but apparently that's enough to get completely baked.

How would we go about checking him into a hospital? I wouldn't think calling 911, right?

Husband believes that screaming at him is the only way he can deal with it, doing anything else in his mind is equal to lying down and taking whatever he dishes out. That's a whole 'nother ball of wax. :confused:

The fire thing just happened today, and I am calling on Monday.

We've started taken him to a counselor, and he is on Celexa. So we'll see what happens with that. He's been on Celexa for 2 years, just started seeing the counselor.

Oh folks, I really need some advice here. We are at the end of our rope with our 16 year old son. For several years he's been defying us, rebelling against our very laid-back rules, and escalating in his disobedience. This last month, we've found out he's been smoking pot, stealing money, stealing alcohol, sneaking girls into his room and having s** in our house, and today, he lit fires in his room because he was "bored". We've taken away all privileges and put him on a point system; one point possible per day, 20 points to earn back one privilege at a time. Today was the day he decided to set fires in his room, and him and his dad got into a screaming match over that. AT this point we really don't know what to do. If anyone has had to deal with extremely rebellious teens, please give me advice, sympathy, chocolate......:>) seriously we're so tired of the constant arguments, broken rules, broken trust, we don't know what to do anymore. See Update on page 8.

DH has never been able to hold a job for more than two years Massive tax debt because of bad advice that we are breaking our backs trying to pay off Severely mentally and disabled son with several surgeries, hospital stays, and ongoing health issues Oldest son addicted to pot, alcohol, smoking, and s** MIL wildly manipulative Financial problems for the last 19 years and no end in sight

I just want to say thanks for everyone responding. I know this is a tender issue.

What got me scratching my head this year was that she sent a LIST of what she wanted for Mother's Day. This is the same woman who on the day of my Nana's funeral this past October decided she would rather lock herself in her room for 24 hours rather than engage with us, who had driven 6 hours to get there.

"I still believe it can be done with love and grace, even if they are completely "undeserving" of it." That's exactly what I want to aim for. The kids know that she's not a nice Grandma. Thank heavens I have a lovely godmother right next door who is the mother I always wanted!

LOL!! Yessssss!!!!!!

Can I put that on a T-shirt?

Mothers' Day is coming up. For those of you with mothers that were or are not as healthy as you would like; how do you handle Mother's Day? My mother has made it clear to me and my siblings behind my back that she pretty much hates everything about me and my kids, well, except for the cute ten year old girl. She thinks our mentally disabled child will just grow out of it, and walks out of the room if he makes any kind of noise. She HATES my husband and goes out of her way to say disparaging comments. We've gently distanced ourselves from her, both physically and emotionally. She dotes on my brothers, and is in fact paying for a three day hotel stay for her and them while my brother graduates from college this weekend. It's a six hour trip for us so we didn't plan on going; neither were we invited. :>) I got a card for my graduation after my godmother insisted that my mom at least do something to acknowledge it. Suffice it to say we've got a long history of dysfunction. She sent me a list of things she wants for Mother's Day. I thought that was pretty tacky, and I don't want to spend any money on her, but I also want to tactfully honor her in a way that shows my children that even though people in your life are super nuts and pretty mean, you still do the right thing. If that makes any sense. Sorry for rambling, but how do you handle it? I'm interested in hearing your stories.