Amber in SJ
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Posts posted by Amber in SJ
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I do not have job suggestions, just my experience with my 20yo dd to share....
She is incredibly bright (gifted) and has always wanted to be a doctor (Trauma or ER.) I thought it would be a straight shot from years of focused hard work to the career of her choice. She graduated early and was accepted and went away to the university of her choice. In the first year of college was diagnosed with a serious genetic condition, fibromyalgia as well as crippling depression & anxiety. She made some terrible choices financially & failed most of her classes.
So we adjusted our expectations, shored up our support and moved forward with plan B. Again a swing and a miss.
She came home to live with us and our excellent health insurance. We mapped out a plan C with a combo of on-line courses at her university & classes at the local CC. All online classes were failed. All her community college classes were passed with As.
Why am I telling you this? Mostly to say I know what it means to think there is a certain path for your child and then to have things completely out of your control blow that path out of the water. I know what it means to feel like you are having to constantly adjust your dreams for your child.
So we started with the shortest route to a job in the health care field that was offered at our local CC because that is where she is having success. Medical Assistant. This 2 year certificate program will get her foot in the door. Is it a job that will support her? In our very high COL area, probably not, but it will give her a place to start. A grown up job. In the future there is a possibility of an undergraduate degree and then PA school. For now with this short goal and employment in her desired field with possibilities for more in the future I choose to be peaceful.
Maybe for now his employment is enough. Look into other possibilities and explore future plans, but don't try to put them on a timeline. When he is ready for one of the next little steps along the way you will know.
(((hugs)))
Amber in SJ
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Now that you said this might be an exaggerated "I'm afraid of sharks," thing when really they just don't want to do it, I'd look for a different kind of camp experience for them, where they can't use that as an excuse. Robotics camp, maybe. No one is afraid of robots, right? No one has ever been traumatized by robots in a movie, right?
"Open the pod bay doors, Hal.....I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave....."
Eeeeeek!
Amber in SJ
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I will preface this by saying that we go camping at the beach every summer once or twice for a week at a time. Last summer the rangers made everyone get out of the water because a pair of juvenile great whites were cruising back and forth in visual distance. We got out for a few hours and then went back in. Dh surfs, all of the kids have tried surfing but none have really taken to it because our part of the Pacific Ocean is cold :)
I would skip surf camp. Surfing is not easy. It requires a surprising amount of concentration and it would be even more difficult and not at all enjoyable to learn while being distracted by fears about what may or may not be in the water. I would not skip other trips to the beach & ocean activities where there is less pressure to not only be in the water but to be constantly in the deep water to slowly get them back to being more comfortable and worrying less about sharks. Also, no more Shark Week :)
Dh was completely traumatized as a kid by Jaws. I didn't see it until I was an adult.
This photo was taken from my chair on the beach with my terrible phone camera as that distinctive triangle fin went slowly back and forth with another one crossing in the middle of the beach where we were. It kinda looks like the old Loch Ness photos.
Amber in SJ
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My Dh renews our art museum membership every year around Mother's Day & makes sure I get the magazine/ catalog for the museum(s) so I can make plans for what I want to see in the upcoming months. I also put a handful of things on my Amazon wishlist for Dh to show the kids and let them choose something. It might be a new kindle cover this year. We don't go out to eat on Sundays so Dh will grill something that I take out of the freezer. Usually the dinner out happens on Saturday, but this year Saturday is crazy busy because Dh & Ds are volunteering with the Special Olympics that day & Dds & I are volunteering at our local Grateful Garments.
I don't mind celebrating the Hallmark Holidays, I just want a relaxing day that doesn't somehow leave me with a mess to clean up.
Father's Day is the one that usually turns out difficult because 24 years ago our first dd was born on Dh's birthday in June, which just happened to be Father's Day!
Amber in SJ
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I was 12, so older than your dd, but I weighed 82 lbs, had no hips or bust and very little body hair. I was dancing 6 days/ week. I didn't hit 100 lbs or develop physically until I stopped dancing, but once it started at 12 I got my period like clockwork. Is your daughter very active in a sport or other physical activity? All 3 of my daughters were within a couple of months of 12 when they started.
10 is a little on the young side. Hugs to you both.
Amber in SJ
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2 Shakespeare plays (Henry V & Midsummer's,) 2 history books, a 3DS charger, replacement heads for the kids' toothbrush, a pencil sharpener and a maxi skirt. Pretty random.
Amber in SJ
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Thanks for posting. I downloaded several.
Amber in SJ
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Short answer: Yes
Long answer: We have had a trampoline (not the same one) since before 13 yo ds was born. We have never had an accident unless you count the time oldest dd smacked her chin on her knee and slammed her mouth shut so hard that her top teeth sheared the braces brackets off her bottom teeth.
He jumps daily and if the weather makes this impossible, he drives me bonkers in the house.
He has a black belt in TKD and knows how to fall so as to minimize injury.
His scout troop was working to clear the trails at a park and one of the obstacles was a large tree that had come down during a winter storm. The scoutmaster recorded the boys climbing over the fallen tree one at a time on their way down the trail. Ds ran full tilt at the tree planted his hands and vaulted into a double flip over the tree and landed on his feet on the other side, then jogged down the trail. Parkour might be his sport :)
He does have a signature move that he used to wow his friends who also have backyard trampolines (they are huge around here) He calls it "Feet-Head-Feet." He jumps up, flips, lands on his head, completely straight up and down, and the on the up bounce he flips back to his feel. The first time I saw it I made him stop.
Amber in SJ
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Our troop has confirmed that they are doing their 50 mile hike in Yosemite, including Half Dome as their super activity this Summer. They were supposed to do a 30 mile hike of the lakes in Yosemite last Summer but the wildfires put the kibosh on that, so they did their 30 miles in Tahoe instead. I am a little nervous about ds going 50 miles and climbing Half Dome. He is a very small 13 and can't carry as much weight in his pack. Dh is going. He took dd on this hike when she was 14 and it was the year there were several deaths in the park due to inexperienced hikers who ignored the warning signs or weather warnings. He has gone with the scouts to Yosemite on this hike for the past 10 years (or so) even when we didn't have a kid in the troop so he is very experienced and he is able to take the extra weight for ds. Just like the November ocean canoe trip, I just have to tell myself it will be OK. Dh will be there, and he is not one to take unnecessary risks with the kids. :)
Amber in SJ
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We just attended the troop's COH. Ds got his next rank advancement (Star) and 5 completed merit badges. It should have been 6 but the MBC for the reading merit badge has been ducking ds's calls to get the final item signed off. I couldn't figure out what was going on until the kerfuffle I posted about with the woman at church who cyberbullied my dd for her political opinions. The MBC is that woman's husband, so I feel like they just don't want anything to do with us. Because there is only one more requirement to be signed off and I have pictures of him completing it, I might go to another leader. It is the reading merit badge for heaven's sake, not cooking or one of the other required for Eagle badges. Anyway, Ds is working on a couple more merit badges that just need one or two finishing touches.
Amber in SJ
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I am so sorry. I try to take the position of, "If it is not directly addressed to me; then it must not mean me." I know that is not reality, but it gives me less stress. As an adult I am all about content communication. Do not make me read between the lines! If there is a problem with my 5 year old attending, when it has been fine in the past, say something to me. Don't make me guess. I would try asking this person if she meant you & your child specifically. I would also suggest one of the other options you put in your OP. I don't think anyone would have a problem with the first hour being middle school & up and the second hour being for the entire family. For some families this might mean keeping younger kids in the main library with the parent while the older kid plays games with his/ her peers, again not a problem for most people. Also just because you have "only" a kindergartener doesn't make you nothing in the homeschooling world. If nothing else it sounds like you were more enthusiastic about building a group than the original founder.
(((hugs))) for putting yourself out there and getting your feelings bruised. I am sorry that happened. I hope you find the support you are looking for.
Amber in SJ
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Lol. That was perfect.
Amber in SJ
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I get them from Amazon (because I buy everything from Amazon.) The brand I get is Zerdocean. The fabric is modal. Super stretchy and super soft. I have worn the same ones for 2 Summers, but I line dry them. They are not thick enough to wear without your top covering your crotch & your butt, but I am short so when I get things tunic length they usually hang mid-thigh or longer. My Summer uniform is a t-shirt dress/ tunic, knee length capris & keds/ flip flops/ sandals. Easy, comfortable, cool & easy to accessorize. My other favorite Summer staple is Pajama Jeans in knicker length. On me (5'2") capri length is mid-calf and bermuda length is mid-thigh. Knicker length is right to the knee.
Amber in SJ
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For a second opinion, I'd ask around at the dance studio if anyone there has had the surgery, how they felt it went & if they would recommend their surgeon.
Even if your current surgeon knows she dances you have to be very specific with him about how often and at what level. For example dd's dr knows she is involved in TKD, and said that would be fine after PT, but when we said she participates in a strenuous black belt level class 2X/ week, trains with a Jr. Olympic team 2X/ week, teaches a lower belt class 3X/ week and competes in tournaments several times/ year, he said, "Oh. She might not be able to sustain that level of activity in TKD, even after the surgery." But, remember she was not a great candidate for the surgery in the first place.
I will ask dd when she gets home from school what brace she uses. I will say our experience with knee braces is the more straps the better for support, comfort & adjustability. Never go with the ones that are just a sleeve even if they have special padding around the knee cap to "keep it in place." There is simply not enough customization.
Amber in SJ
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Not for Eagle Court of Honor, but I asked Costco to move the standard decoration over so I could place a decoration I had purchased elsewhere for a bridal shower. It worked fine. I did speak to a manager type person who was in the bakery at the time I placed the order. He helped me to fill out the little form so that it would be very clear what I wanted and told me to call the day before the morning pick up to make sure the person working that day was aware of the special order.
OTOH I ordered a cake for the wedding (beautiful small cake for bride & groom to cut; Costco cake in kitchen to plate) where I wanted the standard carrot cake icing that comes in a grid with a rosebud in each square, to be placed on a chocolate cake for ease of cutting, but that was not what I got at all. It didn't matter because it was being cut & plated in the kitchen anyway, but annoying.
Apparently my answer is it can be hit or miss.
Congratulations on your Eagle Scout!
Amber in SJ
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2 hours ago, regentrude said:
And the teacher obviously doesn't see the irony here - the constitution protects a person's right to speaking disrespectfully about legally elected government officials.
Actually this person & I had a short conversation at church in the morning before she posted on dd's pictures. While setting up chairs for choir practice she remarked to me that she saw the pictures of our attendance at the political rally and asked me how it was. Knowing her particular political leanings to be opposite mine I said it was very wet and rainy. She asked me several more questions about if there were any government officials who attended and if the police were there "manning the barricades." I said yes, the mayor spoke, several district representatives & our senator spoke very briefly. There were no barricades. I did see 2 motorcycle police officers at the food trucks, but they might have just been there for lunch. She asked me how many people I thought were in attendance & I gave her the rough estimate I had heard on the news. She then said,
"Hmmmmm. I wonder if we could get that many people to show up to protect the Constitution, instead of tearing it down?"
to which I replied, "Since we were there exercising our constitutionally guaranteed rights to free speech and peaceful assembly, I guess you could say we were all there in support of the Constitution."
And then she went home and slapped a scriptural rebuke on dd's pictures, but nothing on mine.
Amber in SJ
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Prayers & good thoughts for rapid healing without infection for your son and comfort & energy for you.
Amber in SJ
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My dd has Ehlers-Danlos/ Hypermobility and often has subluxations as well. Her doctor has let her know that once dislocated the ligaments are never the same and are prone to repeated injury. Because of the connective tissue problem she is not a very good candidate for the surgery so right now she is supposed to be focused on strengthening the muscles around the joint. She also wears a special brace to stabilize the joint when she is exercising, doing her PT or working.
Dh dislocated his shoulder playing high school football way back in the late 80s. Since that time he has had problems with it. That sucker can fall out of joint if he sleeps on it "wrong." He works out daily (P90X & Black Fire) to keep the muscles strong to prevent random dislocation. He does occasionally have a problem while he is playing hockey if someone crashes the net. Nothing like seeing the goalie writhing on the ice like an overturned turtle while he tries to pop his shoulder back in place. Anyway, 20 years ago we discussed ligament tightening surgery after a particularly spectacular dislocation. His doctor said that it would help for some time, but the recovery PT is difficult and in all likelihood the dislocation problem would return within 2-3 years of the surgery and he'd be doing the same thing he does now, so we declined.
I would try to get more than one opinion.
Amber in SJ
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I have to say, I am so impressed and happy for you. As I head toward 50 and am finding it increasingly difficult to lose weight I am thinking about the surgery. I am seriously overweight and have spent the last 10 years losing and gaining the same 40 lbs, over and over and over.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Amber in SJ
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7 hours ago, SKL said:
How would you feel if this teacher met this 15yo at the rally as a counter-protester? Carrying a big sign containing Bible verses?
This wouldn't bother me at all. I have no problem with people expressing their political opinion. My problem was her taking her opinion to my daughter's page in rebuke or chastisement.
If the teacher posted pictures on her own page of herself at a rally and dd posted a scripture that was obviously intended to dissent with the teacher's opinion then dd would be in the wrong. That is rude, unkind and poor social media etiquette. Because dd is 15 her criticism would not have the same weight to an adult as criticism from an adult Sunday School teacher to a 15 year old.
Amber in SJ
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To clear up a few things:
We are LDS (Mormons) so everyone from the Bishop of our ward to the nursery leaders is a volunteer. An untrained volunteer. I am also a Sunday School teacher (11 & 12 year olds) and I am given lesson manuals and strict instructions about not veering from approved materials. The lesson that ended up with the comment about the Constitution being written by God went like this:
The instruction manual told the teacher to allow the students to role play situations where they would be tempted to do something they shouldn't and then think of responses. The examples were trying illegal drugs, underage drinking, driving after drinking, cheating on tests/ homework at school, lying about grades, etc. The teacher wrote down these examples on slips of paper and had the kids draw a slip and then act out the scenario and what would be a good response. She added several political scenarios that were not in the lesson manual like "Your friend wants to get rid of the Constitution," and "Your friend wants to get rid of the Second Amendment." and "Your friend speaks disrespectfully about legally elected government officials, like the President." Apparently the kids didn't really know what to do about the political situations so they said things like, "I guess you can think what you want," and the teacher got more and more upset until she said, "You can't go against the Constitution because God wrote the Constitution!" Also, yes, I was paraphrasing when I said, she said God is a Republican. The LDS church does not believe God is a Republican. Or a Democrat, for that matter.
I will send an email to the Sunday School President about this weirdness, but other than reminding all the teachers to stick to the approved materials & to not use personal political opinions in teaching settings, I doubt anything will happen.
Because we are LDS, there really is no jumping ship for another congregation unless I disagree with the church's doctrine and not just this woman's battyness.
The scripture she posted on dd's Instagram page was one that is specific to Mormons; Article of Faith 12 "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers and magistrates, and obeying honoring and sustaining the law." It was meant as a rebuke that dd was doing something against the laws of the country as well as God's law, which is incorrect, because the political rally was completely legal. As an adult and a Sunday School teacher she was absolutely trying to use her authority and portray her opinion as the church's and by extension God's opinion. That is inappropriate.
She is not the Pastor's wife, or Bishop's wife.
I have had in depth conversations with my kids about social media. They know that when someone is rude on their pages their choices are delete or debate. Dd decided to delete, and didn't want any more contact. Because my older dd was bullied (by the boys in her class) for years with no adult intervention, I didn't want this situation to continue. I made the choice to talk to this adult as a fellow adult and I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't intending to hurt dd.
As an adult that has plenty of interaction with kids/ teens IRL, I don't friend them on social media. The few young adults who are friends of my young adult children that I am friends with on social media, I rarely interact with other than to like photos or to make encouraging comments. That is it.
I do not intend to engage further. I apologized for making a poor choice of venue in talking to her at church and that will be the end of it on my part. I have unfriended the one person who made the comment on my facebook page without making my carefully crafted rebuttal about why she is wrong but I understand that facebook is difficult for the older generation. That would be using a bazooka to swat a fly.
I appreciate everyone's responses because it reaffirms my faith that opinions can be discussed without dramatics & fingers shaking in faces. Thanks for being my virtual village of sanity when my RL village goes a little bonkers and I have to wonder if it is me that is the crazy one :)
Amber in SJ
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1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:
She told your husband on you! Did she think you'd get grounded? ROFLOL
I think she might be trying to rescue him from my raging feminism. Girl, please. :)
Amber in SJ
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I am so sorry. My MIL has also started posting things on FB that have been....odd. I tried to talk to Dh about it and get him to talk to his brothers but no luck. They just dismiss it because she has always been difficult. I am having a hard time explaining that this is a new type of odd. If you do attend doctor's visits with her, it might be worth mentioning. (((hugs)))
Amber in SJ
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Ok, some of you may remember that I posted that while the boards were down an adult from our church was unkind & cyberbullied my 15yo dd on social media. Here is what happened:
My 15yo & my 20 yo dds and I took part in the March for Our Lives rally in our city. It was legal & relatively calm, I thought. While I don't necessarily agree with all of their opinions I support both of my daughters burgeoning political activism.
15 yo posted several pictures of herself & her sister at the rally.
Her Sunday School teacher posted several scriptures on dd's pictures as a chastisement. Because she thinks God is a Republican, and last week she told her Sunday School class that the Constitution was written by God. Madison & Co. must be surprised to hear that.
Dd was really upset about the comments but decided to just delete and ignore. My older dd had problems with being bullied at church in her teen years, so I didn't want to let this go unchecked and get worse.
This person was gone from church for 2 weeks. I thought about sending her an email but I thought this might be best face to face. The wait was actually good for me because I was able to calm down and think about what would be the appropriate response.
At church I asked her for a private word but she wouldn't leave the gym so I said as nicely as possible,
"I am sure you didn't mean to hurt dd's feelings with your comment, but she was really upset."
And then it was on.
First she accused me of bringing up a pampered snowflake because her children have always been able to be their own advocates therefore dd should have contacted her directly about being hurt and then she (the adult) could have continued to explain her position. I said it was not appropriate to expect a 15 year old to need to defend their instagram pictures against an adult's interpretation of scriptures. Nor should she feel the need to respond to what amounts to cyberbullying by an adult.
And the next thing I know she is in my personal space yelling at me, shaking her finger in my face and screaming things like, "I am going to have to excuse myself because you don't know how to handle things." And then not leaving. And, "Don't you ever say the word cyberbully to me again." or my personal favorite, "I am never speaking to you or your children again!" To which I responded, "That is fine."
Later that day she sent me a "sorry, not sorry" email where her basic defense was "I am not a bully; you are," because I talked to her at church. And that I am not a real Christian because I am standing in the way of her explaining herself to dd because that is where healing begins. She sent this email to Dh and asked him to forward it to me, saying my email in the directory was not valid. I checked, not only is my email valid & working, but my email is the family email, she would have had to go through several more clicks to find dh's email. I am pretty sure she just wanted to make sure dh knew I was being "mean" to her. I think she wanted my "head of household" to rein me in. I sent her back a response wherein I apologized for poor choice of venue for the discussion (although if she hadn't started yelling no one would have noticed) and if she wanted to apologize for hurting dd's feelings I would never stand in the way because I think young people need more examples of people who sincerely apologize when they hurt someone's feelings even if inadvertently. No response. I thought it was done.
Today on Facebook I was griping about the front office staff at dd's eye doctor. They forgot to order her contacts (again,) and at the end of the post I jokingly wrote "one bad Yelp review coming up!" and one of this woman's cronies commented, "Cyberbullying!"
If you have got this far.....What sayeth the hive? High road & delete? Or ya know...unload what my kids call, "Your machine gun of insults?"
Amber in SJ
Dr. Hive -- Talk to me about HPV vaccine
in The Chat Board
Posted
I also despise those commercials:
Mom, Dad? Did you know?
Yes, dear, which is why we had very frank and sometimes uncomfortable discussions about this and other STDs, about wearing condoms or other protections during sexual contact, whether it is genital to genital or oral to genital. This is also why we discussed choosing your sexual partners carefully, limiting your sexual partners and having an honest conversation with a possible sexual partner about your & his/ her sexual past. This is also why I discussed with you openly why I chose not to have it done when you were 11, but you may choose it for yourself once you are an adult or when you think you are ready to become sexually active if it is before you are an adult (something I don't recommend, but am not naive about.)
Because we have had a history of adverse reactions, but no permanent damage to vaccines, I have chosen to vaccinate slowly, and I choose which vaccines carefully. With each one I think to myself, "Is this going to be the one that causes permanent damage? No? Just a scary seizure? OK." I think vaccinations are one of the miracles of modern medicine and as a person whose grandmother who had polio as a teenager I am thankful for all the vaccines that save lives.
Amber in SJ