SparrowsNest
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Posts posted by SparrowsNest
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Years ago, a counselor once told me that he had a personal rule never to give unsolicited advice. I puzzled over that a while (thinking if anyone could advise well, it'd be a professional counselor!) but as I have grown older, I see the wisdom of it.
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It is disappointing when people aren't excited for a new baby, and I'm sorry your family isn't supportive right now. But, give them time... pretty much everyone finds babies irresistible, and no one is so grinchy as to wish a baby away once they've arrived!
My family was *very* opposed to our reproductive habits (husband's family doesn't care, like, literally, doesn't care about us at all, so that's another issue). They came around. Kind of like with homeschooling! They were very skeptical at first. Now, they are supportive.
Also, sometimes you just don't know what is motivating someone's wet-blanket approach. For years my mother would go on and on about how children in large (more than 2 in her mind) families were ignored, stressed, unfairly put-upon, deprived, etc... it wasn't too long ago that I found out that she struggled with secondary infertility for years and had wanted more children. Her bluster was a cover for the pain she felt at not being able to have children she wanted.
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Absolutely love Beatrice! Do it! :)
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Sure, I know this is all relative to my health but my mom thinks I'm INSANE to even consider the idea. I just turned 38 and have 5 children with my youngest being 2. We thought 5 was it and gave everything away (naturally). My Dr. Told me she "didn't advise me to have anymore" due to a thin uterus and scarring after 2 c-sections. When I asked if it would be life threatening, she said no...but she wouldn't recommend it. That was fine and dandy because we were d.o.n.e.
Well, now I don't want to be done! But everyone else is making me feel like an old fossil or something and I already get the looks and stares because of the 5 I have. Just wondering if this is pie in the sky wishing and longing for my youth back, lol OR if God is really trying to tell me to leave it up to him.
In addition to the 5 I already had, I birthed 4 more children in the years between 37 and 42. I am probably not the person to ask :)
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We are also in AAS 3 with my young 3rd grader, actually we just did the lesson on suffixes last week. :)
How many days are you working on a lesson? I ask because, especially since we got into level 3, we are spending probably 4-6 days per lesson. Day 1, I teach the lesson, sometimes reteach on day 2. Days 3-? I give the spelling words and sentences by dictation usually 8-10 words and 3-4 sentences.
If dd misspells something, that word is reinforced by 1: discussing what went wrong, 2: rewriting it 3x on the spot, and 2: including it in the dictation the next day.
I think if I were you, I'd let the older child move on and go back to where your younger child is confident. Then, I'd continue on, slowly, spending more time than is probably necessary building the foundation.
One thing about AAS/AAR is, sometimes the lesson is over before the dc has mastered the material. In those cases, I just park there for a few days and practice, practice, practice until the material is mastered. I'm not sure if that's The Official Way, but it's the way that's working best for us! :)
ETA: One other thing, if it makes you feel any better, we finished AAS 2 last year for 2nd grade. Her ITBS test scores were fantastic for spelling. You won't be 'behind' at all if you drop back with your 2nd grader!
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One more vote for CLE LA/IEW writing combo! This has been a big hit here with my 3rd grader.
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This is what made me so sad! How sad for all those people whose parents pushed them too hard just because of a number. There were just so many voices on that thread with such similar stories. I just want to tell the OP who is now reading this thread, that it does not have to be that way. That there are those of us who see high IQ as just one piece of the puzzle of life and use it to inform us only when it is useful. My son knows that my approach to finding contentment in the working world is to fulfil the three part triangle. You want to love what you do, be good at it, and have work both available & reasonably paid. If you can get all three points, you will be happier than if you have just 2. High IQ does mean that there are more jobs that my ds can be good at, but he still needs the other 2 points of the triangle to find contentment.
How can so many parents get it wrong for there to have been so many similar stories? Is it just pride? Why in the world would you push your kid to 'live up to their potential.' It is just yucky!
That makes so much sense now :) Thank you for explaining.
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Oh I understand that completely, and I'm sorry to hear your story from the other day, though I can certainly relate. I am high IQ, also an aspie with serious mental health issues from childhood onwards. I understand and perceive things well, I 'get' things, I see connections. And yet I struggle to perform normal daily functions like household chores, and have, at times, been ordered by doctors not to be alone (not for suicide risk, but because of psychosis-type events where I become a danger to myself because I have the brain function of a heavily intoxicated person). Being bright made me even more aware of my limitations, and sometimes I look at my mental health peers and wonder if I would have been happier with my life if I was a little lower IQ. I have never fit in with other high-IQ types because of my challenges (many of them are quirky, as we know, but I go a little beyond quirky), and I lost the desire to go into advanced university classes long before graduating high school (though I always kind of wish I could have gotten a job, like, as a police/forensic analyst or something, is that the title? those people who look at all the data and make little connections and profiles and leads. I am loving that new female agent on the show NCIS, she's like me on a good day, minus disassociative episodes, but, working and childless lol). In fact, due to my mental health issues I never went to university at all (I did do a year at technical school). But, I make a point to study something that interests me nearly every day, and to teach my children what I learn.
I think what got to me, personally, about that thread was the idea of taking that gift and using it, not wasting it, being repeated. Like anyone who has a high IQ has a responsibility to be a scientist or doctor. But those are intensive, life consuming careers that many 2e people aren't cut out for, and many not-2e people don't want. I dislike feeling like I let people down, or like 'I'm not actually that smart' because I chose not to follow a path that would lead to a high intelligence career. The pressure to achieve because of high IQ is unfair and misplaced, people don't stop being people with their own ideas and dreams and preferences just because they're smart. It's true many people with high IQs WANT those careers and those high achievements, but not all of us do. I always think of that super smart kid on the Fast and the Furious, total genius but not able/wanting to function among that society. Does everyone who is tall have a responsibility to use that gift in a job which utilizes it, like painting or basketball? Does everyone who functions well on little sleep have a responsibility to find a job which uses that, like doctors/nurses/second shift workers? I'm still a person, high IQ or not. Thankfully I was spared much of that pressure because of my mental health issues, people just decided I would never make it in life so why waste resources on me lol.
Not really sure what my own point here is.... just trying to figure out why it was bothering me I guess, and 8's story struck a cord.
Interesting. My take on the thread was that many, particularly those with high IQs, were chiming in to say, "These are the kinds of expectations we felt, and frankly those expectations were often painful or actually de-motivating. Please consider this possibility as your proceed with your child." I was surprised by the number of voices coming from that side of that coin, because I had half-expected the vast majority of the posts to be filled with hearty congratulations and laundry lists of resources for gifted children.
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I've been following this thread with interest. I have a few thoughts...
1 - My father has lost over half his body weight. He is nearly 70 years old. He was going blind due to diabetes -- this kickstarted him into action. No more processed carbs, no added sugar. Lots of lean protein and veggies.
2 - I am pretty convinced that sugar/processed carbs are like a drug to my body. If I eat a donut or bowl of cereal for breakfast, for example, I will find myself almost unconsciously prowling for more within a few hours. It's like a switch has been turned on and I act like an addict. I can rarely reason myself out of eating more. I really want NOT to reach for more, and honestly I know there has to be a way not to do it, but I really do feel a compulsion to eat more.
3 - Oddly, after the birth of my last baby, I had some bizarre metabolic switch. I lost over 50 pounds in about 3 months. I absolutely could not eat. I would often feel shaky and weak, but the thought of food made me nauseous. I have no idea what happened there, other than I'd love for it to come back! Ha! I definitely needed to lose that weight. I could stand to lose 25 more, but...
So much did I NOT want to reduce intake of sugar/carbs that I cut my calorie intake down to 1200 for the last six months, tracking with My Fitness Pal. I lost exactly zero pounds. I started working out (P90X3). 3 more months and I still lost nothing.
I am continuing to work out daily, but I'm now switching to low carb/high protein/high healthy-fats, monitoring my macros. I feel better. My skin is smoother, my digestion has improved, and although I'm the same size, my body looks younger. I'm eating 1600-1800 calories a day. I am moving more, thanks to the FitBit. I have a very young (20 years younger than I am) friend with whom I compete on the FitBit. She logs probably 2,000 more steps a day than I do. Perhaps, over time, that equals less weight.
I wish I could say that I'm 100% past caring. I'm beginning to see glimmers of that attitude. I need to own up to the fact that I'm not 22 anymore. I want to be healthy, not obsess over the scale or a certain pants size. I want to be active and fit into my 50s and 60s, so I can finally (!!!!) travel, go on a day's hike, water ski, whatever -- do the things I want to do. And, I am tired of letting that number define how I feel about myself. I am tired of having a good day because the scale is down and tired of having a bad day because the scale is up. I am smack in the middle of my highest and lowest weight. No doubt my 'set point' has changed. It is what it is. I really want to think about my goal being health, not some number on the scale.
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I am gifted, as are a handful of my kiddos, though not all.
Please, please don't change the way you look at your daughter because of this test. It's just a number. 145 or 85, she's your child, and she needs your love and unconditional acceptance. The sense that I *should* be doing amazing things has always been there, particularly from my mother. My intelligence itself was a source of pride, but even moreso was this sense that I would do something really impressive. With those kinds of expectations comes disappointment now that I am 'just' a Mom and 'just' a homeschooler. My father is probably smarter than I am (though it pains me to say that!) and he was never impressed with my intelligence per se. He was always far more interested in whether I was growing into a decent person. And really, that is the first priority, regardless of intelligence!
With all my kids, I make a concerted effort to praise hard work, kindness, and perseverance rather than innate abilities (you're a fast runner, you're so smart, etc.) I don't care how smart you are -- if you don't use it, with love for others, and in the face of difficulty, it will make absolutely no difference.
If your daughter is happy and thriving where she is, I'd more or less let things be. Perhaps knowing what you do now you could simply ask if she is interested in pursuing certain subjects, or you might offer some opportunities in areas she isn't exploring now. I've generally found it's impossible to hold my gifted kids back from learning things that interest them. If she's exhausted what you have at home, simply providing new books, videos, and opportunities keyed into her areas of interest will feed the fire.
Most of all, enjoy her as a person, not as a "gifted" person. Good luck!
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Next time he says that I'd be tempted to respond with something like, "That's true you can't. But what you can pick is the kind of relationship you have with them, and how often you have contact with them."
Okay, so I saw that this is a vent and a JAWM. Feel free to ignore or shoot down my recommendation.
Learn a few general phrases that would be appropriately sarcastic responses to the kinds of things she says to and about you. Pull them out and use them when you know what she said. Learn one or two pat responses that could be said regardless of her comments. Say all of them as though you're shocked - shocked! - that she would talk to her husband's wife/the mother of her grandchildren/a guest in her home/anyone who breathes, in that manner.
Some examples:
--I can't believe you just said that to my face.
--What a rude thing to say/do.
--Are you this mean to everyone or only the people in your family (or who married one of your sons, or married one of your children)?
--It always makes me feel better knowing I only hear this verbal abuse once a year (or however often you visit).
And if she says things to or about any of the kids -
-I am their mother, not you. You do not have the right to treat them that way. Please stop.
...And a few others like that. Even if you repeat the same one or two comments over and over, she'll get the message that she isn't the queen bee she thinks she is. They might sound mean, but they would only be mean/rude if they weren't in response to her repeated mistreatment of you. If nothing else, maybe your dh will never again insist that you go with him to visit her.
I doubt those sentences will be in your basic German-English phrase book, so get cracking and learn them! :D
Statements like this would definitely stop a normal person in their tracks. I hope Sparkly's MIL is a decent person who is just thoughtlessly unkind. Those people are out there and perhaps she could be snapped back to right thinking by being confronted with just how ugly her words can be.
Unfortunately, however, in my experience, these techniques are ineffective against a truly cruel person. There is no way to win against a person who has no rules. They believe that they are incapable of doing wrong. They have no sense of shame, and they are not affected by being told they have hurt you, have hurt your children, have hurt your husband, have acted rudely, are out of line, have no right to behave as they do, or anything else you can think up. Telling them they are rude or cruel or abusive is simply YOU abusing THEM. Or, they will certainly have no problem accusing you of 'misinterpreting' their actions, which were only meant to convey concern, love, a desire to be together, etc. Or, they conveniently 'forget' hurtful things they said and gaslight you, "I would never say that, why do you make up ugly stories about me? I open my house to you and you accuse ME of things like that?! All I've ever tired to do is love you." I could give many more examples, sadly.
Hopefully I am projecting too much of my own experience on Sparkly's situation. :)
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My 5th grader's day looks like...
2.5h Morning Time
1h working with me (math & reading)
3h independent work (grammar, writing, vocab, reading, piano)
He is an early riser -- usually starts at 6:30 and is done by 2:30, including an hour off at lunch and half an hour break.
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A few thoughts from someone whose MIL is crazy mean...
1- you cannot change your husband's way of dealing with her
2- you cannot control your MIL by being nice, or mean, or direct, or withdrawn, or any other way. She doesn't care about you, so your feelings or responses are irrelevant except insofar as they allow her to manipulate others through them.
3- you can only control your response to the situation
I did the go along to get along thing for years and finally, when she began manipulating my children, I drew the line. I refused to present myself or the children to her for abuse. I support my husband in having whatever kind of relationship he wants with her. He has a very, "yes, she's mean and cruel and abusive, but, well, that's just how she is" attitude about anything she does. He agrees that it's awful, he just feels powerless, I think, and obligated.
Regardless, if your MIL is in another country, she has to be a fairly peripheral figure. I might just smile and nod and suddenly have an upset stomach very soon after dinner, or jet lag, or traveler's virus of unknown etiology. But if you are ready to say no, well, you're not alone. :)
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I'd give it a C (and I'm a pretty big Walking Dead fan!); we were totally underwhelmed. I didn't like the drugs/family trauma/good kid-bad kid/blah blah blah/don't know, don't care. The writing was stilted and awkward, the acting was uninteresting, and honestly it looked like any other unremarkable mildly suspenseful drama on TV. Wouldn't've given it a second thought if it weren't "Walking Dead." The only interesting moments were the zombie on the interstate and the drug-dealer zombie in the tunnel. And, that's not a recommendation because really, I don't watch Walking Dead for the zombies!
The thing about Walking Dead, and the ONLY reason I watched it at all was, from the very beginning it was unlike anything else on TV. The pilot was absolutely incredible.
This episode just totally lacked the Walking Dead feel.
But of course we'll continue watching. :)
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Doing it right now -- the exercise videos, that is. So far... well, let's just say I feel old. :)
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We call it Morning Time, but I do like Convocation as well :) Tried to have an afternoon tea last year, but that was a huge fail... just didn't have the same feel. I'm so done by then.
I've always liked "lovely" from Phil 4:8... "Hey, to the couch, minions... It's Time for Lovely Things." Or just P:4:8 time? OK that's probably silly. :)
I think Morning Time is just how it is for us now and I could never change it.
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Laying Down the Rails published by Simply Charlotte Mason seems really nice. I think I am going to finally break down and splurge on it.
We are using this in our Morning Time and I really, really like it. It is everything I like in a curriculum -- open and go, gentle but meaty, firm in its convictions without being 'preachy.' And I like how it tackles a character trait or 'habit' in so many ways, through song, anecdote, scripture, poetry. And of course, the lessons are short (5-10m), so it's not overwhelming our day. And, no busy work.
Can you tell I really like it? :)
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I am willing to bet $5 that National Enquirer or TMZ are digging up JD's hookups and we will hear from them sooner rather than later. The funniest thing about this is that JD says that he is looking for affairs with "professional" women who are the "take charge" type in his dating profile. I thought that their patriarchal lifestyle frowns upon women educating themselves, pursuing a profession, being aggressive or "taking charge" etc. Which means that he does not believe in what his parents, himself and his community has been upholding for so long.
I'd bet it just means he's seen a lot of submissive, quiet women, and he is excited by the idea of a powerful woman who calls the shots in the bedroom.
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My dc stress out my mil and my parents. None of them would admit it but it's obvious. I hope I'm not just deceiving myself but I think that my dc are well behaved. It's just that there are a lot of them.
I totally agree with you about feeling anxiety when we go to other peoples' houses. Most my dc are little and are often getting into stuff. Some houses are better than others though. When the host is laid back I tend to relax but if the host is particular and has their own ideas about how my dc should be behaving I get a little uptight. Meeting at the park is so much easier.
My parents had two children, 10+ years apart. They really love our kids, and they really try very hard. They are willing to stay and watch ALL the kids once a year or so so my husband and I can have a weekend away, and I appreciate that very much. But I know that this is a stress for them -- it would be for me, too! I am always stressed when watching someone else's kids.
But by contrast, they actually enjoy the grandparenting time if they take 2 at a time for a week or so at Camp Grandparent during the summer. They take them fishing, on outings, out to eat, to church, etc. The kids love it and my parents love showing them off to their friends.
My thought is, play to their strengths so we set everyone up for success :)
It probably helps that we spent most of our lives (when I desperately needed help) thousands of miles away, so I don't really expect help from them. Anything is like a bonus to me :)
Oh, and I definitely noticed that playdate invitations dried up when I hit baby #5. I chalked it up to family size, yes, but also to the fact that a lot of that playdate business is new-mom generated. I was 42 when I had my last baby. I'm really not interested in hanging out with new moms in their mid-20s. Nothing wrong with new moms in their mid-20s, of course (I was one 20 years ago! :) ), it's just no longer my scene. I think that's one more reason having a large family can be socially isolating. People my age (45) have school-aged children or in some cases are almost empty-nesters!
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Sometimes I see a large family, start counting the kids, think "wow, that's a lot of kids"... then realize I have more or the same number of kids. (LOL)
This happens to me too! It's like I momentarily forget that's MY LIFE! Ha!
I have a large family by any measure. The worst of the judgey looks and unhelpful comments were when we had, say, 4 and I was visibly pregnant with #5, or 5 and I was visibly pregnant with #6, i.e., when they are all pretty little and it's clear you're not done. People have almost an obsession to know when you're done. But then at a certain point they get old enough that you don't really travel around with all of them very often, so now I may run an errand with 2 or 3 kids with me, and of course no one notices or cares. I kind of laugh inside if I have my 2 littlest (boys) with me and someone says, "Oh I bet those boys keep you busy." :)
Mostly, when I see a large family (after I remember that I have one, too :) ) I feel empathy for the Mom, because I know it can be so very difficult at certain points, and I do hope that they have a strong marriage, good support system, and financial security, because that will make the long-haul much easier (not just for a large family, of course, but it's like the stresses are multiplied with more kids).
But in terms of what others think about me, the most difficult thing for me is that I feel like our family HAS to be perfect to justify our family's size. I think if one of my children is publicly misbehaving, it says, "they can't handle their kids, they shouldn't've had so many" or "they aren't parenting well because of the size of their family." Everything our family does is chalked up to our family's size. My baby talks early? Well, look how many people the baby hears talking. My baby talks late? Well, no one probably talks to the baby because who has time? We forget to bring something to co-op? Well, there's so much to remember with THAT many kids, what do you expect? We get somewhere early and with everything prepped? Well, with that many kids, you've got to be organized. It's just like family size is THE defining factor of our public persona. But, I guess that's just to be expected.
FWIW, I've never run into any culture that views my family as more blessed.
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I'm pretty similar to you -- 3rd & 5th, but with a K & 1st thrown in the mix.
During summer we basically do the regular schedule minus Morning Time.
During the 'real' school year, Mondays we go to CC (kids also do math), and Tuesdays my kiddos go to a local enrichment co-op in the morning, then we do school in the afternoon.
W-F looks basically like...
6:15 workout
7:00 worship with family
7:15 breakfast
7:30 big kids leave for B&M school
7:30: begin morning time... memory work, poetry, geography, folk songs, read aloud, etc.
9:00: break
9:30 : resume work, get 5th grader situated for the day
10:30 I work with 3rd grader
11:30 I work with 1st grader
12:30 lunch/break
1:30 I work with 1st & K'er
2:30 I am basically done, kids finish up what they need to do
3:00 If the big kids have worked diligently, they are done by 2:30 or 3. If they've goofed off, who can say when they'll be done?
Somewhere in there I do math & reading with 5th grader, that seems to be a floating thing.
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This is assigned to my 3rd grader as part of her "Afternoon Reading" time. She does 4 days in a row then takes a few days off, so we spread it out through the year (we school year round).
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My new normal (age 44 in Oct.) is that my period seem pretty normal, but spotting or just pink/brown when wiping lasts....for....ev....ER. Like 5-7 days AFTER the period should be done. It only requires a panty liner, thankfully, but oh my gosh, it's annoying. I have always had pretty easy periods except for several months as my body adjusted after my tubes were tied, so I really can't complain like some of you. I'm just praying that it doesn't reverse course and become HEAVIER at any point.
45 here and this seems to be my new normal, too. My periods are still very regular, 2 days of very heavy (don't leave the house) bleeding, and then afterward, just this lingering spotting. Dude, what is UP with this?
But if there's two of us, I'm guessing it's normal. :)
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I just started Mosdos for 3rd & 5th. Can't help too much since I'm a Mosdos newbie, but so far I'm not overly wowed and tbh, I am looking longingly back towards CLE reading. I want to give Mosdos a fair shot, so at least a semester... Ask me in December? :)
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Has Anyone tried LOE Foundations, and then switched to something else?
in K-8 Curriculum Board
Posted
This is us, too.