Greta
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Posts posted by Greta
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I use the liquid & don't use any cotton pad. Just pour a bit on my fingers or palm of my hand. You use way less this way.
OP - I ditto Paula's Choice acne kits. Try it for 8 weeks. If no improvement, see a dermatologist.
Oh, that's a good idea!
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I went back and re-read it and saw it said spending his days. I thought it was nights. What in the world is the temperature inside the tent during the day?
As far as a punishment, it doesn't make any sense. I just didn't think sleeping in a tent was abusive. The temperature makes a big difference.
My reading skills are rather lacking today.
Yeah, I actually had to read that part twice too, because I thought it would make a lot more sense to have him sleep in the tent -- surely they didn't mean leaving him out there all day in this sweltering heat! But, alas... :(
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Why is it that when my state makes the national news, it is never for anything good???
It's over a hundred degrees here right now. A tent is not adequate shelter from this kind of heat. That makes it a pretty cruel punishment, imo.
His behavior problem is serious, and it needs a serious response. But I'm not sure that's the right response. The punishment doesn't fit the crime. What is he learning from it? Since he's engaging in behavior that harms others, maybe they should put him to work helping others.
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If your dh doesn't want her to wear it, then you shouldn't let her wear it, unless and until you and he can come to some sort of agreement. Whether he is right or wrong, you are in error by allowing her to do something that he has clearly said he does not want her to do. That's the resolution. Right or wrong, grasping control where he can or not, you must support him. You would be angry if he allowed your dd to do something you had told her not to do; how can you do that to him?
That he thinks it is trashy is irrelevant for the moment. You would not be agreeing that she is trashy; you would be supporting her father's decision.
Since I have not seen how she wears it, I cannot say whether it is trashy or not. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Context is everything.
Sometimes the best way you can support someone is to tell them that they're wrong.
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He has always tried to micromanage. But yes, the past two weeks in our house/family have seen huge changes with lifelong repercussions from some of our children. He is grasping at anything and everything to get control.
This context does make his reaction more understandable. But it doesn't make it any more right. He has my empathy, truly. But if I were doing something that was likely to damage my relationship with my daughter because I was distraught in the midst of another crisis, I would want someone to step in and tell me to knock it off. It sounds like you have tried to do just that, and he isn't listening. That's really hard. :grouphug: I don't know what else to suggest! If you could have him read fairfarmhand's very wise words in post #96 (or otherwise convey that information to him), that might help him to see that what he's doing here is not what he intends or thinks he's doing.
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I answered once already, but here I go again...
This may have been covered already, but I am stuck on the word trashy.
Please. That is a terrible word choice. It implies that there are women who are trash, and that your DD looks like them. Women are never trash, they are never less than, and using that kind of language promotes the notion that some women are trashy and some are not. I find that type of language as offensive as some people find more traditional curse words. And I learned it from my parents - who didn't use words like trashy about people either. There is a way to get his point across without calling other humans trash. That's just ugly. And I'm not talking about the eyeliner.
If you feel the same, please ask your DH to refrain using that kind of language with his teen DD. She hears every word he says, and she's internalizing it all. It impacts her view of herself, and other women.
Yes, this is so well said. Thank you!
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I tend to be a pretty timid, conflict-avoiding wife by nature. I recently had a disagreement with my husband because I wanted to allow our teenage daughter to go to a concert that's going to be given by one of her two favorite artists in our city this fall - a rare opportunity because most musicians do not bother with our city! And it would be perfect timing for her 17th birthday - she would absolutely love it! DH didn't want her to go, because the venue is dangerous. Personally, I don't think that going to the bad part of town once every ten years or so is much of a risk! But it is a dangerous part of town, he has a right to protect his daughter, so I acquiesced.
But I have to tell you, if anyone, even my husband, used words like "trashy" to describe any aspect of my daughter's appearance? Oh. Hell. No. I'm sure he thinks he was just describing the makeup, but as a former teenage girl myself, I know that girls can't hear things like that and not internalize it, not be hurt by it. NO ONE gets to make implications about my daughter's sexuality or her worth based on her appearance. I don't care if it's her father, nobody is getting away with that unchallenged while I have breath in my body. There is way too much of that crap in our society at large, a father should be a young woman's refuge from all that nastiness!
So, in other words, I'm 100% with you, OP. You don't have an obligation to support your husband when he is being unreasonable and is damaging his relationship with his daughter. You wouldn't be helping either one of him by supporting him in this.
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Oh, poor baby. My son's eczema doesn't require scripts but I have a friend whose does. That is really hard, and painful.
I hope it helps, eczema is soooo tricky. But, at the very least it shouldn't hurt, kwim?
You can google the ph of a lot of soaps/cleansers. I know what you mean about it making sense. I read it and it was like a light bulb went off. Of course a basic ph isn't going to help when skin is already irritated! I had been buying harsher and harsher soaps and cleansers for my son with acne, telling him to just get better at washing his face. No wonder he wasn't seeing any progress. When we switched to low ph things got much better. It wasn't perfect, but much better. The basic ph was definitely contributing to the problem. We all use it now. I even use the CeraVe foaming cleanser in our soap dispenser for hand washing. It's a bit more expensive, but I figure I save on gallons and gallons of lotion, lol.
I am going to switch to a low ph shampoo next. They tend to be more expensive, so I want to use up what we have first, lol, Joico is one brand. Ulta carries it.
We have tried so many different things over the years! Eczema is tricky indeed. This gives me hope, though! My other errands today will take me right by an Ulta, so I'll get her the CeraVe and the Joico too while I'm there. Thanks so much!
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My younger son has terrible excema and he uses the CeraVe lotion cleanser as his soap/body wash. It has really helped.
I wanted to thank you for this. My daughter has had eczema her whole life, and she's currently on two prescriptions to treat it. :( I never even thought about looking for a low pH soap, but it makes so much sense! I'm going to buy her some of this today.
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We are leaving in a couple days for a 3 week vacation...so I looked on Amazon to see if this was there...and it appears that the liquid form (not gel) is prime. Would they be the same thing, just in liquid vs gel? Do you know?? Also would this be the only thing she would use?
thanks.
Yes, it's the same thing. I prefer the gel because it's easier to apply, and I don't feel like I'm wasting product that's left in the cotton pad that you'd use to apply the liquid (I'm cheap that way!). But it's the same stuff.
It is recommended that you use a sunscreen whenever you're using any kind of exfoliant. But if she doesn't get much sun, then a hat and protective clothing are probably enough. She'll still need a gentle cleanser, of course, but really that's about it.
It will probably take about 5-7 days before she notices the effects of the BHA (at least, it did for me).
I'd also recommend dropping the essential oils. EO's have aromatic hydrocarbons, which are irritating to the skin. They're probably doing her more harm than good. She should be on really gentle, fragrance-free products (even natural fragrances like EO's are still fragrance at the chemical level).
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I would start with this: http://www.paulaschoice.com/shop/skin-care-categories/aha-and-bha-exfoliants/_/Skin-Perfecting-Two-Percent-BHA-Gel-Exfoliant
And if that doesn't work, I'd take her to a dermatologist.
I had severe acne as a teen, and I've tried just about every remedy known to mankind. When I was a teen, nothing worked except prescriptions. As an adult, the BHA keeps it away. My daughter uses BHA and she's never had the problems with acne that I did. It's good stuff.
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Oh, Slache, congratulations! I'm so happy for you. He's precious!
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I appreciate the explanation, Bluegoat! I started reading the books some time ago, before the tv show (but couldn't continue, it's just not my kind of story at all) so I am vaguely familiar with the couple and their . . . issues. But I didn't get far enough into the story to read this passage, so I wasn't sure what was going on.
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I don't watch much so I'm sure someone else can explain better. The man and woman in question are, indeed, twin siblings in a tea having relationship. The dead child was their child together. Most of their tea has been borderline violent but it is consensual.
Ah, okay, I see. That's very different from what I thought was being conveyed. Thanks!
ETA: that's not to say that the rest of it isn't disturbing!
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Yes. I sometimes read the opinion pieces plastered all over my FB feed by all these people who rave about this show.
Apparently, a recent episode had a brother rape his sister (but in the end she liked it?) while lying next to their son's dead body.
Who the hell gets excited about watching that, in graphic detail no less???
I've never watched the show, but I would like to ask about this. I read somewhere online that the director said that this scene started out as rape, but by the end she liked it. If that's really the way this was depicted, I have to say that may be the most deeply, profoundly misogynistic thing I've ever heard. That's right up there with the wackos who say that black people were happier when they were slaves. It's sick and disgusting and and nauseating. But since I don't watch the show, I don't know how that scene went. If anyone who watched this scene is reading, is that really how it was portrayed?
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A not too vivid sex scene that fits in with the plot is okay. Gratuitous sex scenes that make me feel like I've got my nose pressed up against my neighbor's bedroom window - no thanks. I like sex just fine and have a rather healthy appetite for it, but I don't need those pictures in my mind. I have very little tolerance for violence, especially sexual violence or violence towards children. I can watch older war movies or something like LOTR, but the type of violence in most movies today, I cannot do. It is so vivid and real it makes me physically ill. And the movies with young people killing other young people, absolutely not. I went to see Divergent with my dd, and I ended up going to the bathroom several times. There was no way I would watch the Hunger Games. In fact, I won't read the book, either, although it's easier for me overlook the words as opposed to the visuals. Language is last on my list, but movies that have profanities in what seems like every other line I end up blocking out the entire movie. They lose me. If I'm home, I'll probably turn it off unless it's a good, worthwhile movie. But ones that seem to throw swearing in for the sake of swearing, I just don't get.
Yes, I feel the same way!
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Well, I never watched graphic violence, so that was already an auto-reject.
I consider them equally damaging.
Whatever happened to hints, by the way? In the old movies, a gunshot rang, and you never saw the body. If sex happened, you saw them moving toward each other and then music playing or visions of the sky or something and then only if integral to the storyline.
Much, much better than this nonstop evil blasted at us today. Yeah, I know. I can turn it off. I seem to have spent much of recent years recovering though, so sometimes it is hard to just not watch anything. I do watch a lot of HGTV. Not a hint of a head blowing off or graphic sex anywhere.
My tastes are similar to yours, I guess, because the hints are quite enough for me. I remember watching Quincy when I was just a kid, and even though it dealt with some grown-up stuff, I was never disturbed by it. It never showed the graphic horrors, it was just a mystery that he solved by being clever and thorough (or at least, that's the way I remember it - haven't seen that show in, what, 35 years?). But the modern equivalents in that genre? Lord have mercy. I can't stomach them.
I don't personally think the two (sex and violence) are necessarily equally damaging, though. Sex is a potentially beautiful, positive thing that's a normal part of a healthy, happy life. So if/when it can be portrayed that way, I don't have a problem with it at all.* But it rarely (never?) gets portrayed that way, so that's disappointing, and yes, as you put it, even potentially damaging. Violence, however, is not something that I would ever describe as beautiful or positive, though I realize sometimes it is a necessary evil. So I don't really put the two into quite the same category, though I do think that parents should be very careful about both with regard to what their children are seeing.
* Just wanted to clarify that when I said this, I was thinking of something like a subtle or understated love scene in a movie, between two characters who care about each other, that sort of thing. When it gets more graphic, um, no. Just no. And I'm not even talking about porn here because that's a whole new can of worms, and I personally believe that porn by its very nature is degrading and objectifying to women.
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THANK you for saying this. I'm reading post after post saying that the gratuitous sex is ruining a good plot, but NOBODY CARES about the violence? I don't understand how people can be more scarred by watching a sex scene than by watching someone be killed. This just does not compute at all. WHY are people more bothered by sex than murder? They'd rather their kids see someone shot than see boobs. I will never understand.
Just jumping in to say that I absolutely agree with you! For me, the gratuitous sex ranges from annoying to awkward, but the violence is deeply and profoundly disturbing! I remember when The Hunger Games movie came out, a woman that I went to high school with was complaining bitterly on FaceBook about the fact that one of the previews before the movie had shown a couple lying in bed together and talking, and she was completely distraught that her son had seen that. I was dumbfounded. She took her son to see a movie about children killing other children, and that was all fine and good. But a couple lying in bed together was too much for her? We live in a really strange culture!
(I didn't see this preview, so I have no idea what it showed. But that was her description of it.)
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I find the older shows mixed. The fewer shaking cameras and less gratuitous sex and violence is good.
OTOH, in terms of filming, they don't have the same production values, you can often see they are working with only one or two cameras. And with North American shows, they are very episodic, and I think that affects the storytelling negatively. British tv seemed to have stronger narratives with really good writing long before we did.
Although - I think the older comedies were often a lot stronger and smarter. Not all by any means, but the fake reality tv thing seems to have taken over comedy to some extent, it's become completely chock full of self-referential jokes.
Yeah, the episodic thing is sometimes a problem, and it's such a problem for my husband that he can't stand to watch much tv at all! It doesn't bother me that much, but it can be annoying at times.
I've never watched reality tv at all. I've always thought it was a weird concept.
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I agree. I don't like the gratuitous sex scenes, mostly because they are almost always done in a way that's objectifying to women and that irks me big time. And even when it isn't quite so sexist, I feel, like Katie said, like I should apologize for accidentally seeing such an intimate moment! It was none of my business, and I didn't need or want to see it!
But what really gets to me is sexual violence. I just cannot handle it at all. Happy Valley came up in my Netflix recommendations, and I made the mistake of starting it without reading what it was about. I really wish there was an erase function, because I'd like to un-watch it. And they didn't even show the actual violence, they just made it abundantly clear what happened, and that was more than enough for me to be disturbed for days. I realize I'm overly sensitive, but I just cannot handle it. I read some (not all!) of GoT and that was more than enough for me to know that I didn't want to watch the series. It's bad enough having read it, I sure don't want to see it acted out.
We watch mostly sci-fi TV shows here. After watching most of the shows from 2000 on, we have gone back and watched (or rewatched) shows from the 80s-90s, such as Star Trek: TNG, Sliders, and (currently) SeaQuest. It's amazing how much less sexual content and language those shows have. (Although Star Trek did have a lot of what people might call "social engineering".) Somewhere between the mid-90s and the mid 2000s sci-fi became much more graphic (language, sexual, and violence).
I recently started watching Star Trek DS9 (I'm a huge Trek fan but I had never had the chance to watch that series all the way through) and I told my husband that I must really be a product of my generation, because I like older tv shows so much better than current ones! For one thing I absolutely despise with a fiery red passion the modern method of filming in which the camera is deliberately shaken around so much that you can't see what's going on. I just cannot tell you how much I hate that. It's physically painful to me. So, it's nice to watch older shows where you could actually see what was happening - what a concept! And also the fact that they were "cleaner" in a sense, but what's more important to me there is that modern shows are so dark and "gritty" and "edgy" and I'm so tired of that stuff. I get enough of that from the news, I want my entertainment to be uplifting!!!
Anyway, I remember that I enjoyed Sliders when I got the chance to watch it, which was not consistently. I never watched SeaQuest. I'll have to look for those. Thanks for mentioning them!
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What a terrible tragedy. He was so young. :crying:
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I'm not very knowledgeable about this topic, but I can tell you that my parents owned a Casita and absolutely loved it.
ETA: Oops - my bad. Doesn't meet your budget. Sorry!
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I haven't posted in awhile! Let's see...
Monday I did cardio on the stationary bike.
Tuesday was weights with hubby
Wednesday was circuit training class
Thursday was a C25K training run
Friday was cardio on the stair-stepper
And I'm supposed to be getting dressed right now to go do weights with hubby again. Having a hard time waking up this morning.
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I am just going to leave this right here. Not because it has direct connections to whomever wrote this article in the OP, but because they made a choice to explicitly point out that some think the sentence was too harsh, twice. There is a prevailing mindset, not only in the public, but within both (some of) the media and the criminal justice system that these women are at fault, mostly just for being women.
Also because, these women were in drug court or the jail system, and it closely mirrors another recent oklahoma case of an officer targeting and raping poor black women who had nearly no chance of being believed until an older woman came forward.
Also lets not forget that underage prostitutes are often arrested and sent to juvenile detention instead of being treated as the absolute victims of sex trafficking and rape that they are.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ex-sheriff-sentenced-in-sex-abuse-scandal/
Edited to add:
Pardon me if I completely disregard what some random unverified "officer" has to say on the matter.
Absolutely nauseating. :(
Wow, is there really not a single movie I might want to see?
in The Chat Board
Posted
Yes, me too! I've always loved going to the movies, but lately . . . blah. I am so sick of the comic book superhero stuff. Enough already!