HS Mom in NC
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Posts posted by HS Mom in NC
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Cook Once, Eat (at least) Twice: If I'm going to shop, cook, and clean up for a meal, I may as well make at least a double batch, if not a triple batch. I serve one batch the day I make it and keep another batch in the fridge for later in the week. If there's more, it goes in the freezer. I don't make many recipes that don't freeze and reheat well. One shopping trip, one cooking session, one kitchen cleaning, three meals.
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I edited my above post. It should've read, "...without intervention."
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Niece was only babbling at age 3. She was evaluated and they said she was fine and would starting speaking eventually. By 4 she she had caught up with her peers without intervention.
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Trash on the road side isn't common where I come from, but it's common where I moved. It took the realtor quite a while to convince me the neighborhoods she was showing us weren't high crime, high drug use neighborhoods, and we looked up the data to confirm.She seemed surprised that someone would find it so strange. It's absolutely mind blowing that throwing trash on the roadside is common anywhere. Where I come from only "bad" neighborhoods have trash on the roadsides and only drugged out people would do such a thing.
That said, it's not unheard of to occasionally see trash on streets where I come from, but it's always due to heavy winds that blow refuse around as the trash bins are turned upside down and trash falls into the truck. That can't really be avoided and I always picked it up because trash doesn't pick itself up, but choosing to throw trash anywhere but a bin is being a crappy human.-
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If making both categories positive helps, then maybe keeping 2 lists in your head: people I can have a light, small talk conversation with and people I can have a deep, serious conversation with is an option.
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I don't know anything about parenting an Aspie, so my instincts could be totally wrong here, but it seems to me a conversation with him about not assuming other people know what the issue is is in order. Parents, you need to explain this to your kids before they leave home if they're prone to this-it's a huge avoidable issue that plagues so many relationships. Even some people not on the spectrum have to be told that no one else is in their heads and people are dramatically different in perspective when they experience the same situation, so it's never right or fair to refuse to tell someone what the issues is with them unless they're some sort of threat when confronted. Sometimes these personality types need actual examples of how they don't know what's in your head on given issues/circumstances, so it's highly likely someone else won't know that's in their heads.
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Floor jack. My brother rightly points out that most wedding gift registries are for the bride, and it's 2 people getting married, so his go to wedding gift is a floor jack.
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I think it depends on how the list affects you. If it increases your anger and bitterness, then it's probably not a good idea. If it's necessary to keep you from violating your own healthy boundaries, then it's probably a good idea.
Would changing the category help? Instead of, " Don't tell Hortence anything that matters to me because she did X, Y, Z, Q twice, and her MO is B. " Would it help to keep a list of "People who are safe to talk to about things that matter: Cletus, Dagmar, Archibald, and Imogen. " and "People who are unsafe to talk to about things that matter: Hortence, Brunhilda, and Rupert." Then trust yourself that you made your lists because you're a smart, mature, capable, sensible lady who has her reasons and you don't need to second guess yourself. Sort of, "I'm a kind, forgiving, reasonable, person, so I wouldn't put someone on either list casually."-
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My husband had a pager when I was pregnant with oldest, born in Jan. 1996. It was a way to say, "I have something urgent I need to talk to you about, so call met at this number ASAP." Then he used his work phone at his desk to call me.
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The churches I've attended in the last 10 years or so are doing much better with MD. There are words acknowledging the wide range of experiences and specific prayers for comfort and healing for those struggling due to loss, abuse, infertility, estrangement,adoption placement by birth mothers, state removal, etc. alongside acknowledgements of loving, warm, nurturing experiences. Pastors who do this really help congregants understand that the world is full of experiences other than their own. I really appreciate it as someone with very deeply rooted mixed feelings about the holiday.
I have a step-sibling who suffered the worst of the abuse by his human incubator. He wasn't able to get out of bed on MD for the first, I dunno, 50 years of his life. We (his various types of siblings) have been very protective of him on MD, defending him when he didn't want to participate with my mother, who he considers his own mother, even though there were no legal adoption papers involved. Just because he sees it that way doesn't mean the horrible emotional suck of the other one doesn't affect him deeply. I wish it were the norm in the US for people who want to celebrate MD and FD to pick their own days to do it. It would really tone down the unspoken pressure to participate by those who don't want to.-
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18 hours ago, popmom said:
This seems a little intense. My comment was meant to be a bit tongue in cheek. I guess “lol” and emojis didn’t convey that. Anyone is welcome to give their advice whether it helps or not. 😉
Not everyone interprets emojis and LOLs as sincere when someone is being publicly rebuked alongside them. They're often interpreted as cover for those using them at the expense of the person being publicly rebuked. In other words, it's a passive aggressive tactic.
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6 hours ago, popmom said:
Very graciously I say…Not helpful. At all. Not even remotely. LOL 🙂 it’s much more complicated.
She knows it's incredibly complicated. She's just pointing out that no one is under obligation to send a card to their mother on Mother's Day and plenty of people need to hear that because some don't already know it. I've had this conversation many times in many venues IRL and online and it's always a genuine surprise to someone in the group that they don't have to. Many a person has stated their appreciation for being given permission not to send one at all after voicing similar feelings about similar circumstances.
If the topic is too sensitive for anything other than exactly what you want hear, and no one can know exactly what you want to hear, you shouldn't put it out there for the whole world to comment on. And here we have a JAWM norm to let people know that only comments directly in alignment with the original post are wanted.-
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36 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:
I also have trouble understand how he can not want to be alone, and then when he actually needed help he went off alone.
That's classic head injury cognitive impairment. People do not think rationally with a head injury. Even a minor head injury can make the most level headed, rational, practical people do things that make no sense.
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I'm so sorry! How dreadful! Praying.
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Some history of his generation, a reality check, and some commiseration:
I suspect very old people have memories of serious injuries and illnesses being handled at home with minimal skill sets and resources back before there was an urgent care down the street. If they have a background of being on a farm or ranch it's probably much more likely....and grizzly. I have those memories and I'm 49. In other words, they don't scare easily or even with some effort.
You add in having silly notions of hyper-masculinity and "big boys don't cry" programming that their generation got and it's even worse.
They're also the least likely to grasp how dramatically different the golden years are compared to their own grandparents. Sure, Grandpappy was out herding cattle until the week before he died at 61, but Grandpappy had major heart blockages that were neither detectable nor treatable, and some mid-stage cancer brewing, so that last week he was a little under the weather and then BAM! had a massive heart attack and was dead before he hit the ground. Not so with today's elders who have all sorts of preventive screening and treatments that put them on the path of a long, slow dwindle of steadily increasing fragility.
People can say, do, and think all sorts of irrational things with a concussion. My 7 year old didn't know who I was or that she was in a hospital when she had her concussion, and she's always been a sharp kid. Head injuries do things to your head after all.
So it's the perfect storm.
I know this is hard to hear, but resigning yourself to the fact that it's very possible your beloved elder's end will include some sort of grizzly injury is important for him and everyone in his orbit. None of us gets out of here alive, so it's best we think like we believe it. It's better for people to die doing what they love-living their lives-than sitting around avoiding every possible risk. It's better to have fewer high quality of life years than many years doing little to nothing avoiding all risk. Life is doing. He's in a household with loving people, so reasonable measures have been taken to minimize risk, but some risk still remains and needs to be accepted.
That means dear sweet Gramps might bleed out somewhere at home as he's living his life before a household member finds him and can intervene. That's sad and no one wants it to happen, but it's just part of living in these mortal bodies. Caretakers and family members need to not beat themselves up or demand more of themselves than is reasonable in these situations.
My dad lives alone, 45 minutes away from the nearest relative. We have had to resign ourselves to the high probability that he will be dead for a while before anyone knows about it and his cat will probably eat part of him in the mean time. That sucks, but this is the life he has spent 79 years building for himself. We can only do so much, and he wants to live alone in his desert community gardening and watching FOX News all day. Anything else would make him miserable, so we're letting him do his thing while he still can. What else can we do? He can't live with anyone because he's ruined all but a handful of relationships in his life, and those few he keeps at a distance. If I didn't call him every month, we wouldn't have contact at all because he doesn't initiate contact and nurture relationships. He's happy to take a chatty phone call or go where invited and be pleasant for a couple of hours, but there's no give on his end. My brother sees him about once a month, otherwise Dad wouldn't follow up on the relationship. It is what it is because 79 year olds don't change for the better.-
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I'm so sorry she directed that crap at you. Good for you for calling her on her bs!
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What do you think of stating it explicitly it to your husband when he calls and asks for a visit? When he says he wants to see son14, do you think it would be useful to say, "No, not if you're going to interrogate him the way you did at the track meet over the shoes BIL gave him. Your interactions need to be focused on your relationship with him, not his relationship with anyone else. If you want to see him to encourage and connect with him, you're welcome to see him at event/location on date for time frame."
The problem is his, not yours or your child's. If he continues to in his behavior he'll end up further alienating and damaging his relationship with your son. Letting him know that's what's happening and stepping in to stop it is the kind thing to do both to your husband and your son. Now his psychological state may be such that normal interactions like these are counterproductive if a therapist says so, but they are allowing him around children, so there's some expectation that he can function at some level of normal. Being openly jealous and interrogating son about his support system isn't functional behavior, it's dysfunctional. As tragic as your husband's psychological situation is, that doesn't excuse him doing psychological damage to your son. If he can't control himself, it seems to me it's time to contain the damage and end visits until husband has done more work with a therapist.-
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1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:
would your opinion change if they were "of age"? if not - why say it?
I'm not following what you mean by this.
Being of age is the minimum standard for giving someone substances with their consent. It's illegal to give anyone substances without their consent at any age. Society already assumes and accepts that someone can't give substances to minors without parental permission and there are many limits on that.-
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19 minutes ago, Home'scool said:
Absolutely NOT okay to do. Some people react very badly.
I smoke pot and do edibles with no problem. My sister suffers from joint pain and has trouble sleeping so I suggested she try a small amount of a edible. It was literally the size of a medium size crumb that I gave her.
She ended up puking for about 3 hours straight. It was awful
Exactly. I hope they're prosecuted for assault. You can't put legal over the counter meds in people's food without them knowing about it and consenting to it.
I can't have vasoconstrictors, penicillin, or morphine even administered by a licensed medical professional for conditions that typically receive those treatments. I'm contraindicated for the first one with a disease that is extremely painful when administered, and I'm allergic to the other two.
I can't eat strawberries (maybe due to pesticides) because they trigger migraines or now, apparently, based on being admitted to the hospital last week for my throat swelling almost shut, black sesame seeds, fermented garlic, and/or millet. We're not sure exactly which one(s) because they were all new to me and part of a rice dish I tried.-
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It's never acceptable to expose someone to chemical substances (legal or illegal) if they haven't consented and if they aren't of age.
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10 hours ago, Emba said:
Have you read the book True Grit? It’s a lot better than the John Wayne movie they made out of it, imo.
My second favorite book after Lonesome Dove.
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I enjoy watching Feli from Munich: https://www.youtube.com/c/FelifromGermany/videos
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Have you tried any Larry McMurtry? Lonesome Dove is a classic. I've read it 4 times so far.
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I graduated in 1991, husband graduated in 1985. Neither of us went to our 20th. I went to my 25th and it was fine. We went to my husband's 10th and it was a waste of time. We were local then. Now we would have to travel across the US.
My guess is fewer people attend these things for 2 reasons: the economy and social media. It's increasingly expensive to travel and it's possible to stay in touch if your classmates you care about use the same social media you do.-
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Simple things to make your life easier/less stressful, etc
in The Chat Board
Posted
Making clothing easier really helped me.
Laundry: Everyone in my household, including my husband who has worked from home for 25 years, does their own laundry; clothes and bedding, by age 10 (step stool nearby for shorties.) I only worry about my own laundry and the kitchen and bath towels. For a while I assigned a weekday day per person to minimize traffic jams at the washer and drier, but with only 3 of us at home now it's not necessary.
Wardrobe: I do like clothes and fashion, I just want it to be easy and long term. When I changed sizes and needed new clothes I did it very strategically by first watching Youtube videos about dressing my specific body shape (petite, long torso, short legs, hourglass, full bust, with a bit of a tummy.) It's really paid off. Youtubers Chi Li and Marie-Anne LeCoeur helped me more than anyone else.
Smaller, simpler wardrobe: all tops and bottoms in almost exclusively solid colors with a few timeless geometrics (stripes, polka dots) that all work together in layers:
no-iron for almost everything (with 4 pieces that are exceptions)
easily laundered at home
limited color palette: 2-3 skin flattering, favorite colors per season
limited neutral palette: 3-4 favorite neutral colors for bottoms, bags, shoes, and belts
top pieces in each color and/or neutral: sleeveless, short sleeve, long sleeve, light sweater, heavy sweater
bottom pieces in each or most neutrals: shorts, skirts, pants, jeans
one piece items: jumpsuits, dresses
outdoor work clothes: 2 sets per season (one to wash, one to wear)
exercise clothes: 2 outfits per season (one to wash, one to wear)
1 swimsuit and cover up
trench coat/lighter jacket
heavy winter coat
only what currently fits me well (anything else is donated or stored and labeled if I'm between sizes)
limited jewelry pieces in same metallic(s)- simple, classic pieces: studs, hoops, dangles, bracelet, necklace, ring
undergarments: light neutrals, dark neutrals, neutral long/thermal underwear
My wardrobe made up of classic, timeless pieces
Spring/summer- colors: light blue, light green, light rusty rose
neutrals: nude/beige, cream, light and dark wash denims
Fall/Winter- colors: teal, burgundy
neutrals: cream, dark wash denim, navy, black
trench coat-beige
heavy coat- very dark teal
gloves- black, navy blue, burgundy
hats: Spring/Summer: nude/beige (straw)
Fall/Winter: black, navy, burgundy, cream (felt/wool)
winter scarves: burgundy, cream
Accessories that work with everything:
Jewelry: my metallics: silver, gold, copper, pearls
Shoes, belts and bags-Spring/Summer: nude, cream
Fall/Winter: black, navy
Undergarments: Spring/Summer: nude, cream
Fall/Winter: black, grey, navy (wish I could find more navy in 100% cotton)
Simple Make Up/Polish
long wear lip colors in liquid form with wand for mixing colors together to make more colors
long wear eyeliner
long wear mascara
2-3 nail polishes
My colors
lips- Spring/Summer: light peachier color; light pinkier color
Fall/Winter: dark warmer red; dark cooler red
eyeliner-dark brown gel pen
mascara-black/brown
nail polishes-Spring/Summer: lighter peachy/pink color that works with both lip colors
Fall/Winter: darker neutral red that works with both lip colors