HS Mom in NC
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Posts posted by HS Mom in NC
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On tattoos. I got one in my late 20s after researching if I was a good candidate to have it removed. Yes, I'm very light skinned, so it would work for me. I got a quarter sized sort of Celtic knot"ish" style in a rusty red (it would fade faster and more completely than black) and located it so it was visible when I wore shorts or a swimsuit, so it wasn't always "on stage." That worked out well. It faded away like it was never there over about a decade and a half. So it can be a temporary thing for some people and depending on placement, it can be more discrete and easy to cover if you're worried about possible regrets.
Getting a complete makeover/styling that carefully weighs lifestyle, personal tastes, body shape, skin tone, face shape can really give a person a boost. Now that I lost some extra weight and hit my late 40s, I rebuilt my wardrobe based on those factors and it's been a worthwhile investment.
Developing a health based lifestyle pays off long term. It takes a significant amount of time and energy, but again, it's a good investment.
Downsizing and decluttering have given me a lightness I didn't have. It's freeing and energizing to get rid of things that aren't serving me so that I have room to think about what would serve me. Decluttering thoughtfully is a process of self-discovery. It really does give much needed clarity at a life transition point. The effect of clutter on the mind is something researchers are just beginning to understand. I've taken a longer, slower approach really thinking deeply about who I am, where I am, and where I truly want to be as I made changes. It lead to me seeing what I want to do long term, which wasn't anything I would've guessed before I started the process.-
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Be aware, that like all educational philosophies, there are different camps within Waldorf education.
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Thanks for all the encouraging feedback, everyone.
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2 minutes ago, Spirea said:
I understand some people cannot breastfeed. But many that are able to breastfeed choose not to. IMO, if more people who could breastfeed did, maybe a shortage would be less of an issue.
If my baby is hungry, and I had nothing else, I would make do with oatwater, goat milk, evaporated milk and Karo, anything they would tolerate that would provide sustenance. If the child does not have an allergy, evaporated milk and Karo is better than nothing.
I do agree that if there's nothing else available then whatever keeps them alive is preferable to death, but that's not the situation most people are in.
I do endorse women choosing breastfeeding first too, but I understand it can be a much harder choice for some and easier for others. As for breastfeeding as a way to avoid formula shortage issues, they would have to know there will be or consider the possibility of a shortage upcoming when they give birth; they'll need medically sound breastfeeding advice (most people providing breastfeeding advice in a hospital are mislabeled "lactation consultants" and not IBCLC, which means being medically trained and certified), hence the low breastfeeding rates among women who start out breastfeeding; they'll need to be with the baby during infancy or have access to a high quality breast pump, assuming they are women who physically can pump, (some women who can breastfeed are not able to pump with even the highest quality breast pumps); and there are some women who suffer trauma from sexual abuse that are triggered by certain forms of touch by anyone, including their babies. In other words, it's more complicated to make that choice and get results if anything listed above is a factor.
It's not a switch that can be easily flipped after the fact (see my description of relactating for an adopted child post above.)
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It's nuts.
People do say dumb things like that. My Mom heard it too. When I was weaned I was put on goat's milk because it's far easier for babies to digest than cow's milk. We lived next door to a goat farm and the owner agreed to sell my mother the rights to half a goat at a very generous discount meaning 1 milking per day after Mom got home from work while the owner housed and fed the goat at her expense and did the morning milking.
Or the posts I see about just breastfeeding instead. I relactated for an adopted child 3 years after weaning. I took the fast track route with hormones mimicking pregnancy and an every 2 hour pumping schedule. It took a few months. What would mothers trying to relactate after six months do in the meantime? I assume it would go faster for them, but still? A kid has to eat something until the milk is back and I'm betting finding a high grade breast pump, which is required for most people to relactate, is harder now.
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1 minute ago, ktgrok said:
Is this the most recent episode? I think I'm a week or two behind.
Yes, today's commenting on last week's.
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11 minutes ago, Katy said:
Link to your post please.
Oops! Thanks for the reminder. I posted both and labeled them in the original post.
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Here's a copy of my FB post about it:
WWWWWOOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!I'm having the weirdest day! Bob the Tomato of Veggie Tales (Phil Vischer) is quoting me on his Holy Post podcast and discussing it.
If you have never heard a Christian pro-lifer explain why they oppose criminalizing abortion and support easy access to contraception, science based sex ed, and holistic, long-term support to women with unplanned babies, (from the government until the church steps up like it should have) you can hear my words from his mouth and discussion from others who agree with that point of view. It's an edited (for brevity) excerpt I wrote responding to last week's podcast at their website.
ETA:
Today’s Holy Post podcast 509 link: https://www.holypost.com/post/episode-509-the-war-on-winsomeness-interfaith-cooperation-with-eboo-patel
Last week’s Holy Post podcast episode 508 link (comments at the bottom of the page, mine are under Lisa) https://www.holypost.com/post/episode-508-no-more-roe-the-new-scandal-of-the-evangelical-mind-with-mark-noll-
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Both. There probably is selection bias in who is posting and social norms are changing.
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Do you want edible landscaping (following the elements of design but replacing ornamental plants with food bearing ones) or ornamental landscaping or a mix of both interplanted? If you want edible landscaping you have to be a bit more conscientious about light, soil fertility and drainage issues because production is higher stakes than ornamental.
We had a flat area for our food forest, but soil compaction due to various subsoils being trucked IN due to construction and leveling meant serious drainage problems. We just finished putting in French drains and that solved our problem, but hiring that is very expensive. DIY is more economical and time consuming, but it really was critical to our food bearing plants. Most fruit trees hate to have their roots wet, even if they're grafted onto root stock that's more tolerant of wet conditions.
Forgot to add: Think through long term implications of plant placement and selection. Plenty of landscape design focuses on visual pay off sooner by placing more plants closer to each other for visual impact, but long term, it means committing to trimming and pruning in the future that could have been avoided by carefully placing pants far enough apart that can grow to their full size and they don't need trimming and pruning to stay in their designated space. (Some pruning could still be necessary now and then for plant health.) That's a slower visual pay off, but as someone who was slammed with expected health issues suddenly, I'm not falling behind due to overcrowding issues at times when my mobility is reduced. -
12 hours ago, Dmmetler said:
I am really getting frustrated with parents who want a trial lesson-for free. I never get such requests in Fall/Spring, but during summer, I’m getting quite a few, and I really wonder how many of them are just looking for free things for their kids to do this summer, with no intention of signing up with anyone. If I were teaching group classes where I could put 1-2 extra kids in without issue it might be one thing, but this is for private lessons.
A free trail lesson is very common, but I don't think you're under any obligation to provide it if you don't want to. My youngest's Tae Kwon Do school offered a free private trail lesson and loan of a uniform.
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Dark dress pants and flat shoes with button down collared shirt in a neutral: off white, white, beige, light blue, grey or in the same dark color as the dress pants.
Where I've lived, blazers aren't necessary and aren't worn except in cooler weather. If it's cold, a dark colored trench style works as an outer layer. -
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This covers all combinations of soil and light conditions:
Perennial Combinations: Stunning Combinations That Make Your Garden Look Fantastic Right from the Start
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0875968066/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 -
The book I've read the most times (4) is Lonesome Dove
Other favorites for a variety of reasons are:Snow Falling on Cedars
The Imitation of Christ
The Good Earth
Girl Named Zippy
Celebration of Discipline
Pillars of the Earth
Consolation of Philosophy-
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On 5/14/2022 at 9:36 PM, Kanin said:
We're all in the northeast so I'm not sure what's going on here. My DH says it's like a school in Twin Peaks.
Don't buy into the "Are you on the spectrum?" reaction. It was clearly vague and avoidant.
Small town or small city? I notice that kind of communication style, which I loathe, is not only Midwestern and Southern, but also seems to be common from people in many regions of the US who aren't from mid-large sized cities.....and Mormons.
Also, personality can be a huge factor in this. Analytical types are confused by it because we can immediately think of many different categories and examples of rudeness, which was mentioned upthread (Do they mean running in halls, using outside voices indoors, cutting in line, not responding at all when spoken to, taking without asking, not saying please and thank you, etc. etc. etc....?) but the feelers are just thinking about all hurt feelings and want someone to feel motivated by the same thing, not at all thinking through the practical, specific details of the words they're using. It's infuriating because the feelers are often oblivious to the negative emotions they cause by being vague and the potential problems that result followed by more hurt feelings when they could've just saved everyone the hassle by speaking directly like an adult.
I'm confrontational enough to matter of factly ask directly what they mean:
"Do you mean (insert long list of rude behaviors like those in the above paragraph)? Or did you mean something else? Manners is a broad category, you'll need to be specific."
It's how I broke my husband of that bad habit. His parents are pathologically avoidant and passive aggressive, so the deck was really stacked against him. Forcing to answer the confusion he caused with his vagueness made him aware that everyone else isn't in his head thinking his thoughts. Sure, everyone says they already know everyone isn't in their heads, but their behavior indicates otherwise. It's saves so much unnecessary conflict in the future when you immediately force the issue with vague people.
I know this may bother some people, but so many adults need to hear it: It is only reasonable to expect someone to read your mind if you are cognitively or physically incapable of articulating clearly. If you're capable of articulation and you're expecting someone to read your mind, you're begging to be infantalized. That's degrading yourself. Get licensed therapy if someone modeled for you or told you you can't or shouldn't directly articulate what you want, need, or think. Ours is not a hierarchical society where you have to ingratiate yourself to your superiors, avoiding any potential accusation of being uppity. Ours is an egalitarian society of peers who speak directly to each other.-
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The Emily Post Cult should've died out more than a century ago. She has never been a legitimate authority on anything. I'm 49 and never once, in the pile of baby shower and wedding invitations I've gotten in that time, has there not been registry info included on the invitation. It's considered rude to not include that information on the invitation. Playing an unnecessary game of telephone for that kind of relevant info isn't polite-it's pathological. Absolutely every single piece of information about the event (location, date, time, map, directions, instructions, registry, RSVP phone/text/website info ) has always been included on the invitation.
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I really like you guys and was excited to participate in the Christmas Card exchange so I bought boxes of cute cards for $1 each at the dollar store. No way would I buy a $5 card for anyone for any celebration.
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2 minutes ago, wintermom said:
I think people's (Canadians included) spiciness tolerance and preference varies quite a bit. it really depends on what they are accustommed to and what they like. I'm not big on spicy, but my youngest ds loves it. I have no idea where he got this preference from. He wanted me to buy him this spicy sauce from the grocery store and I was afraid it might cause a kitchen fire (in my mouth). 😅
My husband puts that on all his Asian type meals. I really should start buying it by the case. Most of the rest of his meals get sauces with ghost peppers, scorpion peppers, and Carolina Reaper peppers.
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That's weirdly specific and unreasonable if they mean book + diapers +gift registry item. If they meant all of that to be a menu-type list of different types of gifts they'd particularly like and only mean for people to select 1 from that list, then they should've used clearer language.
If they mean all that, they're clueless. Not every invitee will have the money to spend on all of that for a baby shower set of gifts. Many people buy a card at the dollar store, so requesting guests buy a book instead of a card isn't necessarily the same price as a card. It all seems controlling and greedy, whether or not it was intended that way.
Now, if they mean a note written on a separate piece of paper and tucked into the book, that's fine. If they mean they want notes written on the inside of the book cover for a keepsake to read to the child as they age, that's weirdly unrealistic. What will they do with 4 copies of Good Night Moon, two copies of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and 2 copies of Chick A Chick A Boom Boom with written notes on the inside covers? Few people keep baby/toddler/preschooler books when their children are older, which is when reading keepsake comments would be most meaningful. It's entirely possible I misunderstand, but the request sounds strange.
I've only been in 2 baby showers in the last 6 years (one last month, one 6 years ago) and plenty before then and I've never heard of anything that specific except for a few cases where the parents were financially struggling, got baby item hand me downs from friends and church members, then asked for specific formula and diapers in a variety of sizes. (Baby was already born because she came early in one case and were 2nd and 3rd babies in a place with weather that relatively constant year round.) That seemed reasonable to me.
If it were me, I'd send 1 gift of either a book or diapers and not bother attending. It sounds like a potential minefield of resentment if people don't follow orders. And as stated, the OP isn't close to them. Ain't got not time for that.-
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Anecdotally, my experience with people from the Midwest and Canada is that their heat tolerances are famously low. I've have food based social events with scores of each because AZ is a destination for snowbirds from both regions and here in NC we have sooo many Midwestern transplants. They've said so themselves because where I come from and interacted with most of them, heat tolerances are famously high (Mexican border food in the southwest.) The ones here are part of my Cuisine Ladies group that eats at different exotic food locations and they want to know from wait staff what the least hot foods are at Mexican, Thai, and Indian restaurants. They'll usually ask if it's spicy, and their idea of spicy is much broader than people the southwestern part of the Southwest.
So, if you're going to try American BBQ, odds are lower that you'll like southwestern chili based ones unless you like spicy foods. Sticking with Southern or Midwestern BBQ might be a better fit. That includes Texas. People accustomed to very hot chili pepper based BBQ tend to not like Tex-Mex, (people west of TX often don't recognize Tex-Mex as "real" Mex) including TX BBQ because it's relatively bland. It has less complex flavors, it's disproportionately smokey, and has a lower heat index. I've had it often with my in-laws who like blander food so they go to BBQ places in PHX that have Texas style sauces. To me, it's like making out with someone who smokes. I've done that...not for very long. -
Are you trying to pick a fight?
BBQ varies by region. 10 years ago we went to Washington DC from Arizona where we lived. I flew with the little, husband drove with the older two, then tween and teen. They had BBQ all the way across the 4 days they drove.
I know I'm over simplifying here for the sake of simplicity, but American BBQ runs from more chili pepper based in the southwestern part of the SW, to more tomato based the farther east you go, leading into more mustardy as you move to the Midwest and Eastern Southern states, to waaay more vingary in the southern states closer to the East coast. We had friends visit from AZ who didn't recognize BBQ sauce here in NC because it looked like salad dressing. They thought the waitress accidentally brought them something other than the BBQ sauce they requested.
Our favorites are adovadas from the SW (hot red chili pepper based) and Memphis BBQ (sweet and tangy mustard based with a hint of heat.) -
We have one of these on each of my 3 toilets. They're attachments. They're not heated, which hasn't been a problem and I'm hypersensitive to cold due to Raynaud's Syndrome. I recommend them.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A0RMQ1E/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1-
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Yeah, this is the last year I do any assigning my own stuff. Next year, depending on Monday's standardized test math results, she'll be in community college as a 17 year old, or she'll do entirely a la carte virtual stuff at home that I don't plan for her last year. It's been 22 years. All 3 did K-12 content at home with me. The older two started community college as homeschool graduates at ages 15 and 17.
This homeschool community nearby (we've been here 3 school years) is a mess and COVID made it even worse. I wouldn't have wanted her at the local ps for a variety of academic, social, and personality reasons. I don't really want her doing online ps, so we're limping to the end. I try not to think about it too much. She's not at all self-motivated, interested in academics, or academically inclined. The older two were. This year has just been essentials, an extra curricular of particular interest to her, and two that she's good at. It's good enough. Good enough wasn't my original goal, but it will do in a pinch. I feel pinched.
I'm tired. I'm conflicted. I'm going through the motions because I don't see any great fit options for her.-
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organizing decades of photos....help!
in The Chat Board
Posted
I did this for my grandparents (WWII service member and war bride generation) about 15 years ago. Grandad's relatives were coming from out of state for a reunion. I grouped most photos by which of Grandad's siblings were in them. There were also small groups of photos of his parents, their siblings, and people he couldn't identify. People are more interested in their direct ancestors and direct descendants than extended relatives. We let the direct descendants look at and take from the group of photos with their direct relatives first, then extended relatives could go through and take what was left.
Be prepared for people to not be as interested in certain photos as you think they should be, then throw the rest away. Don't feel bad about getting rid of pics no one wants. Too many people decide they don't want all the pics, put them in a closet, then dump them on their adult children who have even less connection to the people in the pics. After a generation or two, it's to the point of being ridiculous.
Be very realistic about which you keep for yourself. How often have you looked at the photos you have already processed and organized before these boxes of photos showed up? Of those, which ones do you actually spend time looking at and reminiscing about and which do you flip through to get to those? What made those so meaningful? Select photos to keep based on that.
And you can't destroy the past-it's already gone. You can use pics to trigger some memories and to fill in some informational gaps, but that's it. Pics can't really do anything else for a person.