and in that same vein, if people are being tested in a matter of 2 months while he's waited for 8 months, and he's stuck with it for that long and been patient and hard working, I would be helping him figure out with the admin and instructors what the issue actually is. but I do think it's fine if the program isn't working as a whole to quit and do something else. But I would want to have my kid's buy-in on quitting and moving on.

I think if a kid has a lot of drive and sets his own goals, taking him out of something because of illnesses would be a mistake unless he was immunocompromised or it was something really extreme. Anywhere a kid goes with group classes they're going to get sick, on average a few times a year. If he knows any goals he makes will be cut off because of sicknesses (which he will have) that would be incredibly demoralizing. on the other hand, if he makes a goal and sticks with it despite obstacles that can be incredibly confidence building. I don't think sheltering kids from normal life is good for very many reasons, tbh, which I think homeschoolers in particular tend to do. In a lot of cases they do it on the basis of making family time or religious devotionals the most important thing, not avoiding germs, but I think it creates apathetic kids in the long run either way because whatever they pursue gets taken away so they stop making goals or taking an interest in stuff. when it comes time to launch this is a bigger problem.

If he's living there, it's also his household, even if only temporarily. Even my toddlers had a "household" that they are part of and can pick up toys. A 19yo who enjoys household comforts should have an attitude of contribution, not just consumption. But at 19yo, a child has already essentially been parented. They are still malleable but if they don't feel positive about being a contributing member of a household (esp while living rent free) I don't know that you can make them do so. I mean if they aren't members of the household, what would he be classified as? A tenent? A roommate? Either of those situations and he and would be paying rent and handling all his own stuff independently. He would have his own household to maintain. but I doubt that's what the OP's DS is going for.

I agree with this. I think that since the entire universe is simply physics and chemistry acting on matter though, the moral stance is that one should not make fun of those who are enthusiastic about looking at it. generally speaking.

Okay. I'm sure you meant well. I do have to do something today other than discuss this and procrastinate on life so apologies for my breach of board etiquette and I'll leave it alone.

What I am "doing to Cat" is replying to discussion posts on a discussion board in disagreement. I wasn't even replying to her specifically although she did start the thread. It actually explains so much about conversations here if that is against the rules.

That is called clickbait. And hey it does work!

It was not about not going out of one's way to see it. That is not the sentiment that received replies. Nor was it simply not liking something other people enjoy. Although I do think it is sort of funny. There are organizations out there like nasa doing so much to get people to care about space or science or anything and I imagine someone walking in to their big observation room which probably has feeds from millions (billions) of dollars worth of equipment gathering tons of data being studied by people being paid to do so and going, "You know who cares about this? TOURISTS!" And the irony of caring so little about the thing you won't go outside to look, but you post multiple paragraphs on the internet about how little you care about it instead which ends up being a thread that goes for multiple pages because people are like, no I found it really neat! Come on that is a little funny.

Being interested in science is not "getting off" on anything. I am not insisting that an eclipse is life-altering. No one cares if you are or are not excited about the eclipse. No one is upset you are not interested in it. Some people are trying to explain why it might be more interesting than you think. You know in school when you were a kid and you thought something was really neat and the cool kid rolled his eyes and made sure you knew how dumb it was to care about learning stuff or being excited about something you found interesting? And the whole time it turned out the actually fun people were the people who were interested in stuff around them, or at least didn't make fun of those who did? Or maybe you did make fun of the people who got excited about astronomy or science in school, how do I know? You made a thread to ad hominem and laugh at people over the folly of going to see a full solar eclipse. And ended it by saying you don't mean to be insulting, lol. I commented on that, and only that aspect. Not how much I care about what you personally think of an eclipse. Anyway, it's an education board. I thought it was worth noting.

No... I definitely knew what the thread was about. I participated to push back against the ideas floated (not all by you, I realize) that the people who might be interested in the solar eclipse are tourists (I think that part was in all caps?) who tried to leave in the middle of it to beat traffic and/or got stuck charging their cars and why don't we all just watch it on television. But thanks!

"barge in on a thread"...on a public message board where someone wants to have a hot take without being bothered. Making a statement like a full solar eclipse is meh, but I don't want to discuss it with anyone seems a bit rich. ON an education board where people are ostensibly maybe trying/tried to teach their kids about the wonders of the natural world and value science? Science, physics, natural phenomenon that people have been amazed by for centuries? We figured it all out so Sorry kid, just go outside at night or watch it on TV, it's basically the same thing and gosh don't we all hate the rubes who come out and cause traffic? Lets stay at home instead and snark on people who like the thing. aren't all those solar scientists who spent their lives studying this sort of thing idiots? I mean millions of dollars spent studying our sun? How silly they must have felt charging up their EVs! That's the spirit! You can be not that interested in something and also know it's amazing because nature is amazing. Science is cool. We aren't that far removed from the people who looked up at the sky in fear that the world was ending even if we want to think we are. I probably sound more riled up than I actually am, I just do think being dismissive of being extremely interested in a natural phenomenon is just so crazy. I get not being interested enough to study something yourself or not wanting to go to much trouble to see it. I don't get making fun of other people or taking glee in them having hardship in order to go see it. And if they hype gets one kid interested in studying the sun or astronomy? well, then the traffic is probably worth it.

I get being over the hype and apocalypse rapture predictions and all the commercialization. That part is annoying. Crowds of people are annoying. I hope I'm never too jaded to see the wonder in this sort of natural phenomenon, though. The fact that we can predict it or know a lot about it is amazing. The fact that it happens at all for us to observe as tiny little specks in a giant universe? that things line up just so precisely and we can observe it? I just can't imagine being over it or thinking seeing it on a screen is the same as some kind of sporting event. You can watch the halftime show on a screen, not this. I couldn't travel to totality. I wish I could've. It's just everything I wanted to do when I was homeschooling...study astronomy for a few weeks and then go experience the wonder of it. Ah well!

This brings two thoughts to mind. 1)I hope it didn't sound like I was suggesting someone "take" an abusive tirade. if we're talking about abusive tirades, that would not be what my previous posts were speaking to. It is always okay to tell someone if they are yelling at you to 'please don't talk to me that way' or 'it's not okay to yell at me'. I was speaking to maybe more of the argument before it got to the worst parts. allowing him to say some ridiculous thing about your work policy without having to agree, but not having to make him see that you're right about it in that moment. 2)it strikes me that this sort of thing, by default, allows someone else dictate your actions. if you have told yourself you always have to respond in order to not be like your mom, it's just the flip side of your mom choosing to always be silent. it doesn't allow for any nuance in any particular given situation and may always lead to escalation when sometimes just letting someone have a vent about the inconsequential thing might be okay. If you're truly walking on eggshells for this person and trying not to provoke them then that's a different thing. If there's bickering about unimportant things where the bickering could just...not happen and then therefore not escalate, then that's what I'm talking about. anyway, hope you got it worked out.

Also it doesn't have to be "michelle duggar" to not engage in stupid stuff people say, you know? LIke you can just be like, 'yeah, I guess the policy would be different if you were in charge' and it isn't submissive to not attend the argument you've been invited to. In fact it's kind of the opposite of that if someone is grumpy and spoiling for a fight. it's more empowering not to get wrapped up in it, IMO. Only for inconsequential stuff. if it's big stuff and personal, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about one time on a drive somewhere a parent tried to get in an argument with me about the landscaping on a random house we passed that it was wrong. "Well, I guess if that was your house you could definitely do the lawn a better way". It's not snarky, more of a thoughtful tone and possibly a change of subject to go with if you don't want to talk about it anymore. If you do want to be right and want your spouse to see you as right regardless of how inconsequential, that's probably outside the scope of what I'm thinking of too and a different issue (like it is for my parents).

My parents did this a lot. As an adult I can sort of see it was because they had years of piled up resentments towards each other that neither was willing to talk about in any reasonable way so they fought about stupid crap because they were just constantly irritated with each other on a low level. actually, one parent was just kind of an irritable sort of person in general and I think it rubbed off on the marriage. like your kiddo I thought this meant I would hate marriage and in my mind I was going to delay it as long as possible to be able to still have kids, but it turned out I just married someone not irritable and I love it. And i'm super thankful to this day that my parents aren't split up even if they are sort sterotypical arguing old people. And they do love each other in their way. It's just so much baggage that neither wants to go through and I'm not sure they would even know how. I would, under no circumstances, survey one of my kids about how it went from their perspective. Nopety nope nope. As a kid I could see clearly when something went off the rails and who did it. But the person who did it is still half of where I came from and i can't just step outside of that to offer observations. It has informed (for us) a kind of no grudges policy, but that does also involve someone being willing to freely apologize when they lose it. to be honest, since i'm the one that grew up around this stuff, i'm the one now most likely to fall into that pattern. but it's not always me. so we let it go. I can't think of a time where it's lasted any length of time (like more than a day).