[What does a therapist do?]

My DS18 (he gave me permission to share) has suffered from intermittent depression throughout his teenage years, but it got a lot worse around the time he started college this fall. It was very much triggered by anxiety over the future and severe upset over things he cannot change, which would lead him to repress his emotions when they became overwhelming. He had multiple periods of low or no functioning thoughout the first few months of the school year.

CBT techniques didn't resonate with him at all, so we tried DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) for a couple of months, but there were aspects of it that felt like it was increasing his tendency to bury his emotions.

I did some more research and found a newer therapy called Radically Open DBT, which was specifically created to help people who repress emotion vs. expressing it. (It also helps with OCD and social anxiety, both of which he has dealt with his whole life.) 

We found an amazing counselor who does a mixture of RO-DBT and ACT (acceptance and committment therapy—learning to accept things the way they are but to still live a good life according to your values), and it's honestly been like a miracle to see his transformation over the past six months. He still has plenty of moments where he gets down, triggered, or upset, but he's learned much healthier ways of dealing with those emotions, and he told me recently that he's feeling hopeful about the future for the first time in years!

I'm praying you'll find something (and someone) to help you through to a better place. ❤️ You're not alone, and things will get better. 🤗

[Young Adult Son Moving to Houston—Need Advice!]

My DS22 is graduating from college in two weeks 🥳, and he just landed a paid research internship at the University of Houston! Which is amazing, but to be very honest, I'm pretty anxious about him moving to the fourth largest city in the country alone. 😲 He lived at home for college to save money, and he's on the spectrum, so he was pretty comfortable having a safe home base and just gradually spreading his wings over the past four years. He's very high-functioning and responsible and has held a job for the past year, so I'm not super worried about him paying bills, getting to work on time, or things like that. But Houston appears to be a very, very urban city (and I've read the horror stories about car break-ins and muggings), and I'm just having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept of my sweet Aspie guy toughing it out in the big city without family or a group of friends. I've gotten very little sleep in the past few nights (less than three hours per night), as my brain is actively worrying and won't let me sleep.

DS bought a brand new car (Toyota Corolla Hybrid) In January before he had any thought about applying for this internship, and we're all nervous about finding a safe parking situation.  He was really hoping to find a roommate (safety in numbers + lower expenses), and if he could split the rent with someone, he could get potentially into a much nicer apartment complex with secured parking. (I've since learned that there may really be no such thing in Houston, as there has been a major increase in car vandalism, mostly in apartment parking lots and parking garages. Apparently they smash all the windows in with golf clubs, supposedly to search the cars for weapons. 😒) But we're striking out in finding a roommate of any kind, let alone one that might be a good fit for DS to live comfortably with. 

So that's my first question: would you encourage your child to continue pursuing a roommate in this scenario if it meant they might end up living with a complete stranger, or would you just help them find the safest solo living situation you could?

And my other question: which of these scenarios seems like the safest (or best) choice to you?

1) Living in an apartment (1 bed/1 bath) in a community that's known to be safe with a gated entrance (but one where the reviews say that the gate is often broken or left open by the residents). These apartments are a moderate distance away from the university (16 minute commute), and there would be many other residents living on the property (300+), so there could be an element of safety in numbers?

2) Living in a slightly less expensive, privately-owned condo (2 bed/ 2 bath) in a similarly safe neighborhood but with no security gate—gambling on the idea that a smaller community is less likely to be targeted by these individuals. This condo is farther away (22 minute commute). There would be three other residents on the property. This is the only scenario where a roommate might be able to be added to share the space/expenses , but that would be up to the landlord.

3) Living in a more expensive condo (1 bed/ 1 bath) in a similarly safe neighborhood with a private parking garage. This condo is the closest to the university (less than 15 minute commute). There would be eight other residents on the property.

4) Living in a similarly (to choice two) priced condo in a similarly safe neighborhood with a gated entrance with a security guard. This condo is around a 16 minute commute to the university, and there would be a moderate number of residents on the property (probably 50-80).

We haven't seen any of these in person yet, but they all look like good possible prospects, and we will be going down to Houston next weekend to see them. (There is the possibility that we could go this Sunday if we needed to view something sooner, but we'd have to do the drive there and back (so at least 9 hours) in one day, with just a couple of hours to view places. And we couldn't see the apartment, because they're closed on Sundays.) DS is very much on board with us helping him make this decision.

Can you help me think this through, and do you have any words of wisdom for me on how to frame this situation in my mind so that I can get some much needed sleep?

[X-post: Writing forum]

On 3/4/2024 at 4:32 PM, knitgrl said:

Dd14 wants to get involved in a writing forum where users submit pieces for critique and review others' works. Any suggestions for sites that would provide a good experience for her?

TIA!

(Cross posted on the chat board, as well.)

I forgot to say that our student community is for all kinds of creative writing, including novels, short stories, poetry, and creative non-fiction. We have many young writers who are currently working on novels, several who've finished at least one book, and even a published author! 😊

What kind of writing does your DD like to do? 

[X-post: Writing forum]

9 hours ago, domestic_engineer said:

Seconding The Habit!  We used it when it was just getting started.  My kiddo enjoyed the experience, and I felt that the community was very safe and encouraging. We only stopped when that child stopped homeschooling, went to a traditional school, and had less time to write.

I'm so glad your child had such a positive experience!

9 hours ago, domestic_engineer said:

Here's a podcast that gives more insight (same one that is in the signature of the above post, but I know that phones don't always show signatures):  https://thehabit.co/andrea-yenne-writes-with-teens/  The first step to participating is to take one of the writing classes that is offered.

Thank you so much! (That’s me speaking on the podcast! ☺️)

Yes, our year-round community is by invitation only for students who have completed a six-weeks writing class—this is to add an extra level of safety for the students, and it ensures that everyone is there to encourage one another. There are a couple of other communities out there with a more competitive, every-writer-for-themselves kind of environment. Our philosophy is different by design. ❤️

 

[X-post: Writing forum]

19 hours ago, knitgrl said:

Dd14 wants to get involved in a writing forum where users submit pieces for critique and review others' works. Any suggestions for sites that would provide a good experience for her?

TIA!

(Cross posted on the chat board, as well.)

I saw the post on the chat board first, so my reply is over there. 😊 Please feel free to ask me any questions on either board or PM me for details!

[X-post: Writing forum]

14 hours ago, knitgrl said:

Dd14 wants to get involved in a writing forum where users submit pieces for critique and review others' works. Any suggestions for sites that would provide a good experience for her?

TIA!

(Cross posted on the high school board, as well.)

Hi! My DS is part of the student writing community at the Habit, and it may be just what your DD is looking for! 💕 It's a year-round community of young writers (ranging in age from 13-20) who share their writing regularly for feedback from the other writers on a discussion forum very much like the WTM. (It actually uses the exact same software and looks and functions a lot like the WTM community. We even have the same emojis and reactions! 😊) There are plenty of discussions (both writerly and just-for-fun), as well as classes, fun writing prompts, poetry month, writing challenges, collaborative storytelling, and even occasional book clubs.

The Habit was started by author Jonathan Rogers (The Wilderking Trilogy, The World According to Narnia), who teaches the writing classes for both the adults and the students. I created the private, year-round student community on the Habit with JR's blessing, as my DS18 (15 at the time) was looking for a place to share his writing and to connect with other writers his own age. I moderate the forums and read all of the student content so that I can keep everything safe, positive, and fun. It's an amazingly encouraging place, and my son still loves it three years later!

[Ignore this thread!]

Happy Saturday! 

I'm home from two long musical theater rehearsals, and I'm definitely ready for a break from children for awhile. (Except my own, of course! ❤️) Both groups made good progress today—the teens have the five big production numbers learned and choreographed, and the younger kids have learned and choreographed two and know the music on three more. But goodness, those littles are squirrelly! 😅

I checked on the writing forums just now, and the students are all happily chatting, so all is well there. I'm genuinely excited about this class—it's so fun to meet all the new students, and I love reading all their stories!

DH and I are heading out the door to take a long walk, as the rain finally cleared out and it's only 82 degrees. It's not fall yet, but it's coming! 🍁😊

[Ignore this thread!]

I've been on the computer for most of the day, and my eyes are so tired! I did take one break to drive and pick up DS18 from college. 

But I got both class discussion forums up and running, and I now have a bunch of happy teen writers writing their intros and welcoming new students. Quite a few of them have Hobbit characters as their profile pictures—I'm pretty sure we have all thirteen dwarves plus Bilbo and Gandalf! 😂

I'll be at musical theater practice for almost seven hours tomorrow, so that will force me to take an extended break from my laptop. I love working from home, but I'm not very good at remembering to take breaks. I did remember to eat lunch today! 🙃

[Ignore this thread!]

15 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

Also go to the store to buy wrapping paper that is appropriate for a wedding shower because all I have at home is Christmas themed.

We have this problem every time we need to wrap something non-Christmassy. One year our solution was to buy a huge roll of red and green Scottish plaid paper. It wouldn't have worked for a wedding shower, but it covered pretty much every other occasion. 😊

13 hours ago, Dianthus said:

I am ordering a new duvet. 2nd dye color again was bad and I hate the chemicals. Also I think all the treatments and washing made the fabric not as lovely. They don't explain the smell in the youtube videos. At least I tried it and now know that dyeing is not for me. I don't wanna dye!

What color did you get?

4 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

Who has the cranky pants with dragon scales and chocolate-dispensing pockets?

If you find them, would you mind dispensing some chocolate this way? It might help me finally kick this headache.

[Ignore this thread!]

3 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

😂 I've driven enough of the Natchez Trace to know that I don't want to do that road trip, lol.  It's a curvy, boring road that has nearly the same view - trees on both sides - for some 400 miles.  Unless you stop and hike along the trails.  There are some nice bits then.  Same thing with hiking the AP - I just couldn't hack it mentally.  Forest claustrophobia. 

😅 I'll take your word on it then, but we don't have 400 mile roads with gorgeous trees in Texas. When we drove out of Memphis toward Nashville and the trees suddenly got so tall...❤️

I love trees, though. I might change my mind if I got to see them all the time, I suppose. 🙃

But yeah, the point of making the drives would be to stop and hike. I can't do the really steep hiking in the Rocky Mountains anymore, but forest hikes are wonderful! 

3 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

Now the Blue Ridge Parkway?  Totally worth it!  THAT's a beautiful drive!

Also on the bucket list. 😊 DH and I (who are both rather obsessed with all things Scottish) are really hoping to go to the Highland games at Grandfather Mountain at some point, so hopefully then. 

3 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

If I do a long hike, it will have to be along the PCT/John Muir.  Have you ever read Wild by Cheryl Strayed?  Not kid friendly, but a really interesting book about a woman who hiked the PCT totally unprepared in a sort of mid-life crisis.

I just looked this hike up. It looks amazing, but likely way more than I could handle with POTS. Any kind of significant elevation and my legs turn into lead weights and my heart races.

Take lots of pictures if you ever do it! ☺️

[Ignore this thread!]

8 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

My dream is to drive the Pacific Coast Highway.

So beautiful!

I'd never been to middle Tennessee, but we went this summer for the student Gathering, and now I want to drive the Natchez Trace Parkway. ❤️ And of course, the Appalachian Trail has been on my bucket list for years. But someone else will have to do the actual driving! 

[Ignore this thread!]

It's still cloudy and raining, which means I've still got a headache. But it looks like this should clear out of here by tonight, and there isn't a high temperature above 90 degrees for the next ten days. 😊 Walking weather is almost here! 

Today is the one and only day of the week I don't have to drive anyone anywhere, so I'm trying my best to get a million things done today. I taught two voice lessons this morning, and now I'm working through my to-do list. Next up is getting the Writing with Hobbits class forums all ready to open for posting in the morning. Class doesn't start until Tuesday, but the students get to post intros and start chatting with their new classmates tomorrow. 💕

I might need to go to Trader Joe's. It depends on what I want to cook for dinner. I was thinking we might have pineapple chicken since I have everything I need to make that, but chicken gnocchi soup sounds better for this weather. 

[Ignore this thread!]

We got back home and had lunch, and now I'm hosting a Zoom writing room for the students while multitasking my way through an endless to-do list! I'm doing things, but more things keep adding themselves to the list! 🙃 

DH just came home briefly from work to pick up the same thing he forgot twice earlier. He says he must be getting old, but I wonder if it might be sleep apnea. He's been super tired lately, and his dad got diagnosed around this age. 

We have choir practice tonight, so I need to figure out what we're eating for dinner sooner than later. We have four packs of chicken, so I'm thinking chicken might be involved...😂

 

[Ignore this thread!]

36 minutes ago, Susan in TN said:

Dd17 refuses to drive the Big Van without more practice on it and that is frequently the only vehicle available.  Also, driving into the Big City Beautiful University on Monday afternoons is a daunting enough task even with a "normal car" so I don't blame her much for that.

I get that. I don't like driving into the city either. And neither of my guys are comfortable driving on the highway at all yet—Texas drivers are aggressive!

[Ignore this thread!]

5 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

Our vehicle situation is not great.  Dd17 refuses to drive the Big Van without more practice on it and that is frequently the only vehicle available.  Also, driving into the Big City Beautiful University on Monday afternoons is a daunting enough task even with a "normal car" so I don't blame her much for that.  When dd20 gets married in December I will need to purchase another vehicle to replace hers.  Fortunately there's not a whole lot going on after that for a few weeks so hopefully I will be able to find something decent.  

That sounds really rough!

We're in a similar situation, in that the vehicle our boys are sharing is twenty years old. It's in the shop right now, as the mechanic broke the hood release cable while they were replacing the alternator for the second time in two weeks. We are hoping to keep this car running so that DS18 can continue to drive it throughout college, but it's starting to look iffy—and either way, we'll need to help DS21 get a much more reliable car by the summer. He'll most likely be driving across the country to his first real ecology job (there aren't a lot of those in Texas 😅), and the twenty year old Honda Civic isn't likely to make it. He's working two jobs and saving up money, so he'll be able to pay for part of it, but the odds are great he'll need us to help with the payments for awhile.

[Ignore this thread!]

Good morning!

It's cloudy, cool, and occasionally drizzling. It's the kind of weather that triggers my POTS symptoms and gives me a headache for three days. So yuck. But it is kind of exciting to have actual weather instead of yet another day of 105 degrees or more. Fall is coming, y'all! 

I've been up to my knees this morning planning for our teen writing class that starts on Tuesday. We're studying The Hobbit this time around, and the students are very excited. 🥰 It's a LOTR-loving crowd, so it's like Christmas is coming early this year to the forums! They are also thrilled because Bilbo's and Frodo's birthdays are on September 22nd, so everyone will be able to celebrate while the class is going on! 🥳

I need to get the class discussion forum ready to open on Friday, and we're trying out something new this time where the veteran students will each take a new student under their wing to show them how everything works and make sure they feel welcome. The students are all being very sweet and offering to help me in any way they can, but it still means lots of typing up housekeeping posts and replying to a small mountain of well-meaning questions. 🙃

I've got just enough time for a shower, and then I'm off to the college to drive DS18 to his tap dance class and then back to campus in time for his composer's meeting. 

 

[Ignore this thread!]

19 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

Hey Caayenne - good to see you again!  You definitely have a lot on your plate!

Hi Susan! Likewise! (And likewise! 😅)

19 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

I drove the girls to the scout shop in The Big City and on the way home realized that I've made it to ONE Bible study so far and since they are skipping next week, I won't be able to make it until October.  Nuts.  There are too many things going on Monday nights.

Aww, I'm sorry! I hope that October arrives very soon!

It's amazing how much driving we still need to do with nearly grown kids, isn't it? My youngest still doesn't have his actual license, as he's pretty much always too busy to get his driving hours in. And since my guys share a car, having another driver wouldn't really solve our "everyone needs to be a different place at the same time" issues anyway. 

[Ignore this thread!]

39 minutes ago, Dianthus said:

I wonder if I dyed in yellow if it would cancel out some of the blue. Hmm. 

This is why I'm not a crafter.

Maybe if you tried a quick yellow wash to tone down the blue, and then did a bit more green? Almost like dying Easter eggs? That might be more trouble than it's worth, though. 🤷‍♀️ (And I'm not crafty at all, so I admire you for trying!)

[Ignore this thread!]

Hi again! I'm jumping back in after another long break, with the hopes of sticking around this time. 😊 I've so enjoyed reading this thread over the years—y'all were good company when our homeschool days felt endless. (Both of my kids are spectrum-y and high needs so I was nearly always either overwhelmed or burnt out.)

I don't think I ever did a real introduction, so maybe I should do that now!

I'm Andrea, and I just officially retired from homeschooling. DS21 is a senior Biology major and DS18 is beginning his freshman year as a music composition major, both at our local university. They both have scholarships and are living at home to avoid college debt. They also share a car—which in practical terms means that I still end up having to drive to the college multiple times a week when their schedules don't match up 😅, especially since my oldest has two part-time jobs this year.

I thought I'd have lots of time on my hands once homeschooling wrapped up, but life had other ideas, as I now have four part-time jobs. 🙃 My primary work is running an online student creative writing community (on a forum a lot like this one, actually), which is the biggest blessing in my life! We've got over 100 teenagers from all over the world writing and fellowshipping together daily, and I've grown to love those kids like they're my own. 💕 DS18 is part of the group, and it's been absolutely amazing to share this experience together. 🥰

My work with the student writers has also lead to some other opportunities, primarily book editing, which was a dream job of mine when I was a kid. I fully edited a book for one student author late last year, and I'm currently in the middle of line edits on another student's novel. They're both looking to publish sometime in the next year, and I'm excited to see what happens for them!

I also teach singing lessons and just recently became the vocal coach for a local teen musical theater group. All of these jobs added together still don't earn me anywhere near a full-time salary, but I love kids and it's all genuinely fulfilling work, so I don't mind too much (most of the time, anyway!).

Hmmm...what else? DH is a teacher and the tennis coach at our local high school. All four of us sing in the choir at our church, three out of four of us are writing novels, and we're all huge board game nerds. ❤️

Oh, and I like emojis more than is probably healthy. It's definitely a product of spending so much of my time talking to teenagers. 😊 I would love some conversation with other adults during the day!

[Ignore this thread!]

5 hours ago, Junie said:

It feels like it should be at least Wednesday or Thursday.

 

5 hours ago, KrissiK said:

Friday. I vote for Friday. Of a three-day weekend. Anyone? Anyone?

 

3 hours ago, Susan in TN said:

I agree.  Today should be Friday.  Except I'm not ready for Friday.  

Indeed! I was just sure it was Tuesday all day yesterday and was very disappointed to find out last night that it was actually Monday. Ah well 😅...Happy Tuesday! 

[Teachers Lounge: What Does a Retired Homeschool Mom DO??]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

That is quite cool!

Thank you! 😊

They are all each other's best friends and biggest encouragers, and it is amazing to witness! 💕

[Teachers Lounge: What Does a Retired Homeschool Mom DO??]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

Thanks for the explanation. With the bolded, it makes sense.
Somehow I was thinking about teaching professional singers (my mother was a professor at the conservatory) and I can't imagine the audio of a laptop mic dong well enough with the nuances. My bad.

I don't think I'd attempt to teach college-level or professional singers online, because there are just too many fine details of singing that honestly need to be taught in person, but it works very well even for high school level singing. I can demonstrate techniques just as well online as in person, and I can hear my students and correct their mistakes in just the same way my voice teachers did.

The audio is surprisingly good. The microphone I use is a Blue Yeti mic (more like what you would use for podcasting), but my students are generally just using their laptop mics.  

[Teachers Lounge: What Does a Retired Homeschool Mom DO??]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

tell me about that. How do you get the audio quality high enough to be able to teach voice online? And how do you handle the time lag with the accompaniment?

 

Well, I've found that if the devices are good, the audio isn't really an issue. I'm on a MacBook Air, and my students use various types of laptops. I also have a microphone that I can use as needed. I teach over Zoom, and the audio is actually just fine as long as the internet connection is good. You just have to take turns. 🙃

As far as the accompaniment goes, it can't be live, unfortunately. For teaching a new song, I send the sheet music as a PDF ahead of time, and then I teach the voice part a line at a time by demonstrating live. (Most of my online students are middle schoolers, so it works well.) I then make them two tracks: one with accompaniment and vocals (me singing) for learning purposes and another with just piano for practicing. Or for Broadway-style songs, we might use a karaoke track (if I can find a good one). They sing along with the piano track for subsequent lessons.

[Teachers Lounge: What Does a Retired Homeschool Mom DO??]

This will be the first time in 14 years that I won't have a kid home with me, and I think I'm ready (at least, I hope I am! 😅)

I'm sad about it, of course, but I'm also looking forward to finally having some for self-care. My kids are both pretty high-needs (ASD and OCD/anxiety), and things like exercise, sleep, and eating healthy have fallen by the wayside over the years. I'm planning to spend the next two weeks figuring out a new daily routine to maximize my time and wellness, as both my guys are going to our local college and will still be living at home. But I have a lot of irons in the fire at this point, so we'll see!

Three years ago, my whole identity was tied up in my kids and homeschooling, and I just couldn't imagine what daily life could look like without it. I would pretty much start crying whenever the subject came up. 🥲

But two and a half years ago, I helped found an online creative writing community for teens—primarily as a social outlet for my younger DS—and it's grown more than anyone could have ever imagined. We now have well over 100 teens writing together (on a discussion forum much like this one), and they've truly become honorary kids to me. 💕 The students dubbed me the "Momerator" a while back, because they say I'm their mom on the internet! 😂(I moderate all the content.)

I got to try my hand at editing a novel last year for one of the more advanced students who was looking to self-publish her second book. It was a wonderful experience, and now I'm editing a novel for another student and have two more in queue. Being an editor was one of my secret dream jobs when I was a kid, so this has honestly been a pretty amazing opportunity!

I've also gotten back into voice teaching (middle school/ high school students) for the first time since before I started homeschooling. I started with a few online voice students last year, and I will start teaching my first in-person student in a couple of weeks. And I was just asked to do the vocal coaching for my son's musical theater group this fall!

If you had told me three years ago about all the things I'd be doing today, I wouldn't have believed you. Life is an amazing journey, and you never know what might be just around the next bend in the road! 😊

 

[Creative writing]

7 hours ago, Shelydon said:

Thank you!

You're very welcome! 😊 I forgot to put a link in my reply, but I just added it in.