SHP
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Posts posted by SHP
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Working in the flower garden. My low maintenance, no work garden that I painstakingly planned to require the absolute minimum amount of work.
I am not sure exactly how it happened but I started taking in orphaned and neglected plants. If you count spent bulbs, I am probably in the hundreds of plants I have become home to in the past 2 or 3 weeks. Today's additions are over 60 years old and were cultivated with love. Sadly that love was not shared by the children and most grandchildren who neglected them for 30+ years. One grandchild begged to have them saved so I took a small (I swear!) amount to propagate.
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I work at community college part time, I get 3 credit hours a semester, nothing for kids or spouse.
My husband and I seriously discussed him taking a job at the university our college aged kid will be attending, but he would have had to take a $10k/year pay cut and the tuition remission was about that amount. Since there wasn't the savings and husband planned to return to his current job we decided that losing his seniority and vacation time wasn't worth it.
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It IS possible to acknowledge how disturbed JD is and to call out behaviors that are very often signs of domestic violence as well as being signs of very serious mental illness that needs prompt treatment AND acknowledge that AH also displays signs of domestic violence and serious mental illness that needs prompt treatment.
AH being mentally ill does not mean there was no abuse by JD. AH being abusive does not mean JD was not abusive. It is possible for both parties to be abusive and that does not make JD the better person, nor does it excuse his behavior.
Fascinating opion piece
https://www.vox.com/culture/23131538/johnny-depp-amber-heard-tiktok-snl-extremism
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5 minutes ago, Farrar said:
The mental gymnastics in this thread to excuse everything he did and none of what she did is appalling.
Appalling and slightly terrifying that this is viewed as ok and normal. The behavior is a sign of mental illness that needs treatment.
5 minutes ago, Farrar said:The trial is not to determine who is better or worse but if she committed defamation. Many victim groups are really scared by the way this is playing out. Women who speak out against their abusers often face legal action. This is emboldening those abusers.
I share their fear.
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3 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:
OMG.
Let me tell you, I have vented about my ex. None of that venting involved me imagining myself f***ing his burnt corpse.
JD is one very sick man.
This.
I have vented about people but NEVER have my vents involved me saying anything at all like what he said or that involves causing harm to the person I am venting about. I would like to think that if I did the other person would intervene to get me needed mental health help.
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Is your mother mentally competent? If so say your piece about car rental and car seats, set your boundaries and stick to them. It really doesn't seem like there is much else you can do.
If it helps any, my mother has been fighting an infection since early in the pandemic, has had to be hospitalized several times and have home health care for IV antibiotics. My parents wear a mask to medical establishments but allow people to come and go from their house who do not mask anywhere, including large events, eat in restaurants, and think covid is overblown. I honestly have no clue how my parents have not caught covid at this point.
I have made it clear we take Covid seriously and what behaviors put people into unsafe vs safe categories. They continue to choose to engage in unsafe behaviors therefore they are not welcome in my house or around us.
As to the question is the post topic, prepandemic we were would welcome international visitors and domestic with open arms. We always have loved hosting people and keep a set up for having people stay and visit. Now? No. Same with domestic. Nope.
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19 hours ago, WildflowerMom said:
Enthusiasm, not so much. At least not on one side, unfortunately. I’m trying to keep the peace right now. I’m not sure how that will play out. My wish would be that future dil and her family’s relationship would mend and they would be happy about everything and they could plan the wedding like mom and daughter are supposed to. We’ll see what they say when she asks what ‘paying for the venue’ means. 🙇🏻♀️ I want them to have/do whatever they want within budget. We’ll make it happen somehow. I’ll be coming here for lots of help! 😆
Saying this with love, and experience (learned the hard way). You cannot fix their relationship and keeping the peace will cost you your peace. In your position I would switch my communication to a focus of listening then rewording and repeating back what is said and validating feelings.
I fully admit that I would want to do and say other things. Lots of other things. None of which are productive or would have positive long term outcomes.
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2 minutes ago, Spryte said:
I could use some hive wisdom.
DH returned from Germany — lots of potential for exposure, nothing confirmed — Fri night. Has been semi-isolating from family: masking in house; sleeping in basement. RATs have all been negative. Some very minor symptoms which could be related to pollen from hanging outside to visit. Got a PCR yesterday, day 5, but does have an intermittent cough which is not normal. That’s been going on several days.
If PCR comes back negative, would you call it good? Or continue longer?
We have a small situation here in that I have been dealing with an abx resistant infection for some time. Very painful. Doc just started me on a hardcore 30 day treatment. I feel horrible, and will need liver function tests twice weekly. I could use the help, but catching something on top of this would be bad.
PCR test should be back today. Would you feel confident in the results if it’s negative?
If it is negative I would send him to the doctor and ask for, among other things, a flu test. Covid isn't the only thing that could have a negative impact on you right now.
I would document when the cough happens, if it is after eating have him take OTC antacid meds. A friend of ours recently returned from 9 months traveling and has had a hard time with American foods and had a cough after eating. The only food he could safely eat for the first couple of weeks was my bread.
Hugs, I hope he is negative and that you feel better soon.
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On 5/24/2022 at 12:52 PM, catz said:
Not offending or annoying anyone on your guest list is a good way to drive yourself bananas.
This. They should do what they want and their desires should be be met with enthusiasm. I don't care if they want to wed naked in a moonlit forest in Alaska in January, it's their wedding. Anyone who opens their mouth to pass judgment should be told to shut it.
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7 hours ago, bookbard said:
Kind of interesting, kind of funny article about houses designed post-pandemic: Four bedrooms ... four bathrooms? How COVID-19 is changing home design - ABC News
I live in a house in a neighborhood that was built starting a few years before the Spanish Flu and finished a few years after. When I started researching the area I learned some interesting things. All the houses built before the Spanish flu have an addition at the rear and currently every addition has a bathroom or is now a kitchen, every house built after had a bathroom near the entrance the family used. I wasn't sure if the bathroom was the reason for the additions until I dug a bit deeper, it turns out that reason for all the additions was a bathroom for the family to wash hands when entering the house. This was in addition to the Pittsburgh Potty in the basement.
I also learned that a boiler with radiators was designed to heat the house on the coldest night with the windows open to encourage air circulation, I believe that was due to tuberculosis rather than the 1918 pandemic though. Central HVAC definitely has a disadvantage here. All the air is recirculated and the only way to prevent the air from a quarantine room from entering the system is to block the returns, which can cause strain on the system.
How pandemics impacted architecture is fascinating to see. It is also interesting to see how things were lost when there was enough time passing that the reasons for certain features were lost.
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White owned and without Jazz:
Western Kentucky. The restaurant was on a slight hill overlooking a strange intersection layout in the middle of no where. It came highly recommended by the people at the genealogy center a couple counties away. We barely kade it before they closed and I was worried that the quality at the end of the day wouldn't be there. I was wrong. It was worth going out of our way for and I hauled home 3 mason jars of sauce. This was in 2018 so I am unsure if the place is still there. I am ever within 2 hours of it during opening hours I will take the detour.
Black owned with Jazz:
I am sorry, but I will need to do a bit of research involving a road trip to Kansas City. I promise that I will plan a trip to this year's Jazz festival (June 17-19) and will sample all the BBQ during the festival and report back. I will not be sharing.
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I saw others mentioning buying a house near where your DS is looking at college and I agree with this. There are programs for students who don't want to live in a dorm or pay $$$$ for a short term apartment lease and who want to rent a room in a house. This could be a way to cover the mortgage and utilities while your DS is in school. The only downside is that using the program vs having your DS find roommates to help with expenses may be considered income which can impact financial aid for school.
Having the money from the sale of your current house may have an impact on financial aid for your DS. We were asked if we had more than X amount in savings, which we did because we had not yet cut the check to the contractor for our roof. For us it was as simple as cutting the check (and sobbing over a bottle) for the funds that were earmarked. I would consult a professional about this as well. We used a free educational planning service, I don't know if they are available everywhere or not. You may check with the school your DS is interested in or a local community college.
I feel really bad adding more considerations since you sound overwhelmed. Hopefully things fall into place soon
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On 4/28/2022 at 12:18 PM, Spryte said:
We are in the ex-urbs of DC, FWIW, 3 mins from a commuter train stop. Our property is pretty desirable, and one of a kind as far as the area goes.
I would rent it out.
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On 4/28/2022 at 10:35 AM, Spryte said:
Yes, that’s where I feel concerned.
Prior to a possible overseas move being on the table, we were already looking at houses to buy in our potential new areas. Now, with another potential move within a year, buying only to sell so fast doesn’t make sense, does it?
I see other said similar, I guess should have read the entire thread
Consult a tax professional about having real property vs not while living abroad. A lot of my family has lived abroad for most of their careers and all kept real estate in the states for tax reasons, usually for an elderly parent. I do not know what changes happened as a result of the tax bill, but it is something I would look at before decided to sell or keep and rent out.
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I am shocked this is even a question! Why would you risk your niece's life?! If you are considering a course of action that could kill her, well I have no words to adequately express my disgust.
I have food allergies and like Spryte's mom, the severity was not properly understood when I was a young child, I just spent a lot of time in the ER. I vividly remember the first time I tried to advocate for myself to get a safe food and the adults around me who knew better, failing me. I made the choice not to eat and the adults took personal offense and I had miserable day of hunger and being shamed and yelled at for being selfish.
I do not allow foods my children's friend's are deathly allergic to in the house. I keep (or kept prepandemic) alternatives on hand because I believe in keeping a welcoming and safe place for all. When I packed lunches, they were always safe for everyone who would be present.
In decades of being the responsible adult around kids there has been exactly one time where a child in my care was exposed to an allergen. Thankfully, it was not a LTFA and I still feel horrible about not being diligent enough and making an assumption about food at a new to me restruant rather than asking and confirming food safety.
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4 hours ago, KSera said:
This whole off shoot conversation is kind of interesting to me in light of some conversations I have with my adult kid on the spectrum. The autistic community has a strong presence and voice online and especially in social media, which my kid enjoys being a part of. There are some views about autism strongly espoused in many of these groups and they are put forth as the one and only right way and autistic people who don't agree with those views are considered wrong. Interestingly, there is an element of ableism in that as the majority of those speaking for people with autism fall on the part of the spectrum that means they have the ability to get online and freely express their thoughts. They want to be considered the same as those who don't have that ability, yet they are speaking for them without permission. For my own kid, I think their black and white thinking tends to make it so that whatever they read online as being "the way" that people on the spectrum are supposed to think and believe becomes gospel.
Take the use of the aspergers or aspie label. That is obviously very out of vogue, and no longer is part of the diagnostic schema. My kid is very offended that anyone still uses the term because of the association with Hans Asperger and the fact he was a Nazi sympathizer. This is talked about a lot online and many (mostly more recently diagnosed) people on the spectrum find the term offensive for that reason. I have tried to explain that there are many people diagnosed with asperger's syndrome in the past who are proud of their "aspie" identification and that the label has become part of their identity and they should be able to continue using that label if they prefer to. My kid finds that unacceptable and thinks nobody should use that label, but it's just as wrong for someone else who shares a disability with someone to tell them they can no longer use the label they have identified with all their life. It would be ridiculous to say that my kid saying that word is not okay makes it not okay for people to identify as aspies. I would never use the term for her, because I know how she feels about it. Same as someone else on the spectrum shouldn't tell my kid they can't say they are "bad at" something due to their autism.
I don't think the hard lines on telling people what they can and can't say and how they must think are helpful in fostering understanding and inclusivity, honestly.
Re the bolded, I am completely baffled. I NEVER said a person with a disability cannot self identify.
My reply to you about your child self identifying vs other telling them how to self identify.
20 hours ago, SHP said:Your child can (and should!) self identify however they want and it should be respected
And yes, no one else has a right to describe them and their abilities/disabilities in such a way, which is what I am trying to say. It is the person with a disability who gets to say how they refer to themselves and their disability. It is their choice to make, not a choice others get to make for them.
Re the italics:
I have said that the non disabled posters clinging to calling disabled people "bad at X" needs to stop. Non disabled people have no right using that label to describe disabled people is ableist.
There absolutely are lines on language usage about the disabled by the non disabled. Words that have a negative connotation need to be avoided by the non disabled when discussing a person with a disability or a disability. It is not appropriate to refer to a person with an intellectual disability as the r-word, even if technically that word is accurate. Here is a partial list
Re the online autism community:
I find the infighting over the asperger's label to be incredibly odd since asperger's is no longer a dx in the DSM. I don't have any skin in that game since that wasn't the diagnosis I was given as a child.
I am very aware of how toxic of an environment the online community has become and that it is dominated by the "higher functioning" at the exclusion of those who struggle more. I rarely am able to relate to people in those groups.
I mentioned above that I am at times non verbal. It should be obvious from this thread alone that even when I try to communicate and explain that for whatever reason I am not able to present in a way that people will actually listen and not assume the worst and engage me in calm discourse to ensure they are understanding what I am trying to say. It will happen again and people will form an opinion about me based on my communication struggles and instead of working with me to communicate will just assume the worst and support those who attack. It happens in person as well. Over and over and over. I don't hold myself correctly, I cannot modulate my volume, I cannot adjust my tone of voice, my facial expressions don't match etc. Instead of compassion and people putting in even a fraction of the effort I am, they dismiss me and anything I have to say. I have found long lasting friendship with those who are able to look past these quirks and get to know me and how I communicate and are willing to meet me part way.
The biggest irony of being non verbal at times and having trouble expressing myself is that I pick up other languages incredibly fast. Not savant level, but much faster than others I am learning alongside, no matter if it is a college class, a foreign language club, or an informal setting. If I wasn't non verbal at times (with all languages, not just English) I would work as a translator.
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29 minutes ago, EKS said:
You do understand that YOU were the one who brought up people with disabilities in the first place, right? The question was not about about someone with disabilities, and I didn't even know that the gesture was from ASL until someone mentioned it here.
That said, all of the comments about being "bad" at whatever were in response to the the IDEA of a person with a disability being bad at something effected by their disability. It was a question of language and facts. And the fact remains that TECHNICALLY a person with a disability is "bad" at whatever it is, if they can do it at all. Of course, no one would ever say such a thing.
I think that when you first read the thread, you assumed that the person in question was disabled and using ASL for that reason. I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth.
Yes, I did bring it up and made it clear that I was bothered by the usage and explained why. Since then you both have piled on defending the word choice and refusing to acknowledge that it's usage could be harmful to those with actual disabilities.
I hope you don't say this stuff to people with disabilities IRL and I hope you don't interact with other minority groups like this.
to summarize:
1. As a whole the disability community does not approve of having their deficits referred to as "bad at" either to their faces or behind their backs, that usage reflects the underlying attitudes behind the social prejudice aspect of ableism.
2. A disabled person stated that the usage was not okay.
3. You and Katilac have both dug in to defend the word usage and ignored what the disabled person has repeatedly said. Another aspect of ableism.
4. Katilac assumed gender and even with the actual words in previous posts didn't own up to their mistake and apologize, they instead made an excuse. That shows a level of disregard for what I have written and that they were not actually reading my replies.
5. Katilac even went so far as to insist that the disabled person use a different phrase. It is inappropriate for anyone to demand a disabled person do something different because their disability makes them uncomfortable.
The underlying "your disability makes me uncomfortable I demand you do something else" is a dangerous slope towards excluding people with disabilities, then locking them back in institutions.
The entire point is:
A person with a disability told you that you using a word is not OK. The only response is for you to listen and show some respect and not use that word to describe deficits.
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2 hours ago, KSera said:
I wouldn't personally use it to describe someone else's weak skills
I would never use the same words to talk about his word pronunciation that I might use for mine. That doesn't make it insulting to those with disabilities if I use those words about my own poor word pronunciation.
I really appreciate that you wouldn't use the term to describe another's skill set.
Your child can (and should!) self identify however they want and it should be respected, which it sounds like you do. This is a testimony to you as a person and a parent. I wish more parents would respect their child's way of identifying.
And yes, no one else has a right to describe them and their abilities/disabilities in such a way, which is what I am trying to say. It is the person with a disability who gets to say how they refer to themselves and their disability. It is their choice to make, not a choice others get to make for them.
Tell your adult child: Alphabetizing is over rated! And tell them that is from someone who is middle aged and still sings the alphabet song at every letter or just says screw it and puts the list into a program to sort it for them.
Here is what was said about taking about people with disabilities where my biggest issues lay:
4 hours ago, EKS said:It's merely speaking the (not overly nuanced) truth about the reality of a person's abilities. Though I realize that reality isn't in vogue these days.
5 hours ago, katilac said:I'm glad you take it seriously, but I disagree that saying a person with disabilities is bad at something is ableism.
7 hours ago, EKS said:Um, just because you wouldn't tell a person with a disability that they were "bad" at the thing doesn't mean that they aren't bad at it.
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46 minutes ago, katilac said:
That is not what I did.
Sure. Whatever. Rewrite yourself so you think you are not ablist and didn't make a comparison about being bad at sports to being bad at language due to a language disability.
18 hours ago, katilac said:The end result isn't really affected by why you cannot do something well, and I don't see a practical difference between being bad at something and not being proficient at something. I mean, if you can't say "nice to meet you" after four years, that goes rather farther than "not proficient;" it's kind of the definition of being bad at languages.
We're all bad at something, often many things, often for a specific reason. I have no coordination, so I am bad at sports. People with poor depth perception are often bad at driving. People with language disabilities are often bad at languages. I don't have a language disability, so that can't be my reason for being bad at ASL, but I am. I think it's my lack of visual-spatial skills.
Sometime we're bad at certain things, and that is fine and acceptable and the world keeps turning even though I can't tee a golf ball to save my life.
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53 minutes ago, katilac said:
1. I sure don't get to define ableism. Then again, neither do you. There are lots of definitions, feel free to cite some of them.
2. And you also don't get to ask whether I have a disability. I mean, obviously do do get do so, but I also get to tell you it's none of your business. Do you also ask people using the handicap spot if they have a disability? In what situations do you feel it's okay to question people about their disabilities?
3. Yes, I could have phrased it differently. I chose not to do so, and, after reflection, I am still okay with saying "Sometimes it just means they're bad at ASL."
4. If it's a real example, I'm not giving them a free pass for not switching to a different pleasantry. Their struggle to learn ASL is not silly, but insisting on using that particular sign over and over again, for years, knowing they are going to make that specific mistake a good deal of the time? Silly.
5. I didn't assume gender. I thought you had said 'he' - I guess I have a bad memory.
6. No, I clearly stated that I did assume they were struggling with other phrases, but that they could choose a different phrase to struggle with, one where the repeated mistake would be related to say, a ham sandwich, rather than sexual relations. Your insistence that their language disability means they are doomed to accidentally thank people for sex every time they attempt ASL is ridiculous. The idea that someone would insist on continuing to do this after almost four years is ridiculous. There are numerous pleasantries, they should retire this one.
7. Look at you, winning people over to your side with charm and flair!
8. Yep, I sure did post a list of types of ableism. It's similar to many other lists, but, if you don't like, you can certainly post your own.
1. Actually, yes people with disabilities DO get to define ableism. Again, you stated you are bad as sports as a comparison to a person with a language disabilities struggles. Being bad at sports is NOT a disability, making the comparison is ableism. ADA definition is "A substantial, as opposed to a minor, impairment. substantial impairment is one that significantly limits or restricts a major life activity such as hearing, seeing, speaking, walking, breathing, performing manual tasks, caring for oneself, learning or working."under the ADA, you must have, have a record of, or be regarded as having a substantial, as opposed to a minor, impairment. A substantial impairment is one that significantly limits or restricts a major life activity such as hearing, seeing, speaking, walking, breathing, performing manual tasks, caring for oneself, learning or working."
2. Of course I asked, if you are not disabled, as in really and truly disabled, not just having a minor impairment or "being bad at sports" then you have absolutely no say.
3. You have been told that your phrasing is offensive and you are sticking with it and then making comparisons of being bad at sports to being disabled. Ableism.
4. You do NOT have the right to police a person with a disability about how they choose to focus their energy, ever. You're judging a person with a disability for their disability. You are assuming, and almost demanding, that they learn a different phrase. That is ableism.
5. I have only used gender neutral language. You then used a binary gender term, that is an assumption of gender. Are you capable of taking ownership of your actions?
6. Again, you do not get to police people with disabilities. It sounds like you are uncomfortable with a mention of intercourse and would rather they talk of ham. It is NOT the job of the person with a disability to make YOU comfortable. That is another example of you being ableist.
7. Look at you! Attacking a autistic person, who is at times non verbal, who went out of their way to try to gently educate you and instead of LISTENING and LEARNING you dug in and attacked. Ableist.
8. You seemed to have missed that I did, "social prejudices and covert micro aggression".
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16 minutes ago, EKS said:
It is not ableism.
It's merely speaking the (not overly nuanced) truth about the reality of a person's abilities. Though I realize that reality isn't in vogue these days.
Comparing a person's disability to your own "weakness" is ablism. That is what Katilac did. They quiet literally compared their lack of talent with sports to disabilities. Their lack of sports talent will never interfere with their daily living and interacting with the world around them.
Their Inability to hit a golf ball is absolutely nothing like not be able to access the world around them or independently perform routine daily living tasks.
If you really would walk up to a person in a wheel chair and announce to them that they are "bad at walking" and think that it is merely speaking the truth, then that speaks volumes about you.
My 4 year old has more tact and compassion.
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25 minutes ago, katilac said:
1. I'm glad you take it seriously, but I disagree that saying a person with disabilities is bad at something is ableism. It's counter-ableism; I don't think having a language disability is either inspiring or tragic, and I think a person with such a disability is just as capable of realizing that they are bad at ASL as anyone else.
2. And, of course, there's the tiny little fact that I didn't tell anyone they are bad at anything. OP asked what doing the reversal of a sign might mean, and I simply said it might mean they are bad at ASL.
3. I also think your story is silly and perhaps a bit overwrought in a potentially ableist way.
4. He
5. is having trouble with a common phrase, but it's hardly the only pleasantry that exists. Be sensible and learn a new phrase, my man. One that won't result in this level of error, one where a mistake perhaps means "pass the ham" instead of "I enjoyed having sex with you." It's not a tragedy that he can't master this particular phrase; there are plenty of others to choose from.
6. Here are the examples of 'everyday ableism' given by accessliving.org:
- Choosing an inaccessible venue for a meeting or event, therefore excluding some participants
- Using someone else’s mobility device as a hand or foot rest
- Framing disability as either tragic or inspirational in news stories, movies, and other popular forms of media
- Casting a non-disabled actor to play a disabled character in a play, movie, TV show, or commercial
- Making a movie that doesn’t have audio description or closed captioning
- Using the accessible bathroom stall when you are able to use the non-accessible stall without pain or risk of injury
- Wearing scented products in a scent-free environment
- Talking to a person with a disability like they are a child, talking about them instead of directly to them, or speaking for them
- Asking invasive questions about the medical history or personal life of someone with a disability
- Assuming people have to have a visible disability to actually be disabled
- Questioning if someone is ‘actually’ disabled, or ‘how much’ they are disabled
- Asking, “How did you become disabled?”
1. Are you a person with a disability? I am, as is my family member. You do not get to define ableism. You chose a word that has a negative connotation to describe a person struggling with a language and that is form of Linguicism and ableism.
2. You said the following, "Sometimes it just means they're bad at ASL". The word bad is my issue. You could have phrased it differently. "Sometimes it means that someone hasn't mastered a sign"
3. My story was honest with a real example, calling a person's struggle "silly" is ableist.
4. Do not assume gender.
5. You are assuming that the person with the language disability is not struggling with other phrases. Guess what, they do. I used the example that is used to explain the five parameters in sign language, handshape, movement, location, palm orientation, and non-manual markers at the college where I work.
6. Look at you, quoting a website that lists a very small number of overt forms of ableism that you clearly do not understand, while ignoring the social prejudices and covert micro aggression that you engaged in. "They struggle with X, therefore they are 'bad' at it, and yes it is OK to say that." That is quite literally a social prejudice and a form of ablism.
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2 hours ago, EKS said:
Um, just because you wouldn't tell a person with a disability that they were "bad" at the thing doesn't mean that they aren't bad at it.
I think you're taking a comment that was meant to be lighthearted a little too seriously.
That is ableism.
I take ableism very seriously.
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7 hours ago, katilac said:
The end result isn't really affected by why you cannot do something well, and I don't see a practical difference between being bad at something and not being proficient at something. I mean, if you can't say "nice to meet you" after four years, that goes rather farther than "not proficient;" it's kind of the definition of being bad at languages.
We're all bad at something, often many things, often for a specific reason. I have no coordination, so I am bad at sports. People with poor depth perception are often bad at driving. People with language disabilities are often bad at languages. I don't have a language disability, so that can't be my reason for being bad at ASL, but I am. I think it's my lack of visual-spatial skills.
Sometime we're bad at certain things, and that is fine and acceptable and the world keeps turning even though I can't tee a golf ball to save my life.
I hope you will read this with an open mind and follow some links that I will include.
Re the bolded part of your post. Language proficiency isn't an all or nothing thing and many people are not aware of the different levels or why it is important. Here are the ACTFL Proficiency Guidelines heads up, it is dry reading.
Language is vital to human connection and those who struggle have a language disability.
My issue was with your language and usage of the word "bad" re someone's language ability. The word "bad" carries negative connotations and is considered offensive when used in to describe disabilities. I will use your comparison of your golf skill to language disability in context of other disabilities, hopefully these examples help clarify for you
Would you say the following to a person with these disabilities?
-Your being bad at sports is the same as a quadriplegic being bad at walking.
-Your being bad at sports is the same as a blind person being bad at seeing.
-Your being bad at sports is the same as a Deaf person being bad at hearing.
I sincerely hope you wouldn't tell a quadriplegic that your being bad at sports is just like their being bad at walking. Words are very important when it comes to talking about disabilities. This is a good starting point. This is from page 3, I put a green dot next to the most relevant row.
suggestions about house?
in The Chat Board
Posted
What is it with kids these days and wanted to have devices wired! Lol
I don't know what else you are looking at doing beside ethernet so I cannot give specifics and I don't know if your house is being built or newer or older. This is a lot of general information and I am making the assumption that you are not extremely wealthy and don't have a second house to move into while work is taking place.
Ask for at least 2-3 path ideas.
Will you have a dedicated media closet to house everything?
What ethernet cables will he be using? Cat 5? Cat 6? Cat 7? Cat 8? Is your DS wanting fiber optic wire? Will it be set up so that as technology improves you will be able to upgrade without a huge hassle and expense?
Will there be a way to set everything up so POE (power over ethernet) is an option?
Ask if he willing to plan the paths and let you (or your DS) pull all the wires and then he comes back out to connect everything. (It will save you thousands but not all contractors are open to that.)
If you already have coaxial cable, old phone land lines, speaker wire, or intercom wires can those paths be used?
Since it is low voltage look at where the plumbing cavities are and ask can/will he following the openings for plumbing to get between floors (if you have multi stories. If you live in an much older house that had gas for lights and radiators, those cavities be used to pull low voltage wires as well if he is willing.
Ask about repairs to walls. Will he patch and paint? Will you?