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StellaM last won the day on January 19

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About StellaM

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  1. Oh Christina, so sorry to hear this. Hope he recovers quickly.
  2. I've got a phone interview today to pitch for a really nice and well renumerated bit of writing work. So fingers crossed. The brilliant thing about this kind of work is that I can be at home with ds and still earn. One of my major stressors was thinking about how I can look after ds and be out at work. So here's hoping.
  3. StellaM


    Rest, regular chest physio (sort of like a tapping thing you do or have done to you with cupped hands around the chest and back area to loosen the gunk), lots of fluids, parecetemol, Ventolin or steam inhalations for temporary relief.
  4. Some good news. A friend got me some work over the next couple of days and the pay is good, and will provide a much needed bump to the account. I made a plan re ds. My dad went to the hospital for me so I don't have to go today. And my mum cooked me dinner. ~ I feel really ashamed to need so much help, but it's better than no help. I just want to get on my feet and independent again soon.
  5. He shouldn't be, but it feels that way at the moment. He seems really disinterested; he hasn't asked how the kids are handling his hospitalization or anything much about them, really. The last few months, after his diagnosis but before he got so sick, I was begging him to take on some of the emotional support of the kids, because I was utterly overwhelmed, to at least spend some time with ds on a regular basis, but nothing changed. I just feel so alone in dealing with my kids and their intense issues.
  6. I don't have one. But I have a friend at the local church; it's been on my mind to maybe ask her.
  7. Aw, that's so kind, but unneccessary! The thoughts and hugs are perfect x
  8. They went home, but they're coming back in five days. I know if I ranked the various burdens, helping ds would be at the top and all the rest could go to blazes, so maybe I should just do that. In which case, pray for me to win the lottery.
  9. Something ds related, very worrying and needing a lot of careful input from me, and dealing carefully yet assetively with others. And I am in minus everything territory - minus time, minus energy, minus wisdom, minus money to throw at it, minus a functioning other parent - I'm about to fall down in a heap and just not get up. The only thing I'm not out of is hugs, and hugs aren't doing much atm. Not trying to be mysterious but not an issue I'd discuss here in detail. Good thoughts/prayers for some part of my current burden to be lifted, somehow, so I can find a way to help ds, and for ds to be safe and happy. But I'll take safe right now. Thanks. PS Partner still in hospital, understandably consumed with his own health and recovery. But that leaves me with everything else plus in crisis teen.
  10. I can only think of one concrete example lately of 'stepping back'. Dd2 is home for the summer, goes interstate again for uni in a month or so - and she's begun a relationship with someone here. I have zipped my lips completely. In my head, I am thinking 'oh that's so silly, you are just making stress and upset for yourself, maybe you should just keep it as friends, remember you have to focus on uni work when you get back, not on maintaining a long distance relationship that prob won't make it, and then you have the break up stress when you don't need extra stress.' But I said nothing because it's actually not my business. So I guess I work hard on identifying what is and isn't my business and then being real strict with myself when it isn't. That's kind of different to the empty nest thing though. I haven't got one of those yet. I'll be working f/t, so that will help, and I'll finally have time to write again, and once I see family, close friends, and keep house, that will be it except for sleeping. Benefit of having to work I guess.
  11. StellaM

    Asking for exceptions

    My partner's family are the Great Exception Askers, and it is incredibly embarrassing. But they go way, way beyond asking for a grilled cheese sandwich or to join library story time (neither of which I think falls under or anywhere close to 'entitled exception'). My MIL does cringey things like call a restaurant from the car and 'ask' (I say ask but really it's more like 'demands') to have a drink brought out to her in the car. She truly believes service workers are actually servants. (She also over explains. Like she will call a waitress over and explain the many reasons why she can't have X on her pizza and the cook needs to make it for her in this particular way. When all she needs to say is 'would it be possible for my pizza to be cooked thus ? Thank you.' Again, she believes that servants are naturally interested in her life. I find it unbearable. She brings the same attitude to anyone doing anything for her - so she doesn't consider the nurses treating my partner in hospital to be professionals - there is no deference - she treats them as people to enact her exceptions because she is the - idk - queen ?) Actually, there's the nub of my discomfort - it's not that a polite request about whether or not an exception can be accommodated is problematic. It isn't. I don't tend to do it, but that's just anxious me. It's the assumption that the answer will be 'yes', and if it isn't, there will be further wheedling. I think the poster upthread who suggested that asking once, asking politely, and taking no for an answer graciously makes exception seeking largely unproblematic.
  12. StellaM

    The stress of poverty - poverty as a disease

    I can see a role for an epidemiological model - investigating the environmental factors in the maintainance and spread of poverty. But I guess that is different to literally considering poverty a disease.
  13. StellaM


    This is kind of why I don't understand why it's a story. Isn't the default assumption 'yes' ? Just like the default assumption for us here is that the Chinese government is not funding language centres in our public system out of love for Aussie kids, but to increase influence in a variety of spheres, including the ed system ?
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