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StellaM last won the day on August 1

StellaM had the most liked content!

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About StellaM

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    Beekeeping Professor

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  1. Anger often makes sense. No-one think that son can't feel angry. I am feeling real angry with my parents right now for things they did 30 years ago; I am, as he is, completely entitled to have my feelings. Being angry doesn't give anyone - and especially not a young man - the right to dump it all, aggressively, on a woman, even if that woman is mom.
  2. Color doesn't cause depression. Your best shot, if you son has been depressed consistently for more than a few weeks, is to take him to the doctor. Get a physical check up, get a referral to a psychologist for counselling if need be.
  3. Also that is not dark blue, unless you linked the wrong color. Correlation, not causation. The two things happened around about the same time. But if he wants to repaint it, repaint it.
  4. Um, no. Wall color is not a cause of depression. It probably doesn't help his mood any to be stuck in a gloomy space though.
  5. I would thank someone who was defending my right to act in accordance to my conscience also. Why is that freaky ? I'd defend your right to act according to your conscience also. I'm not defending Scarlett's decision, because I don't know what it is. I'm defending her right to make a decision based on her own conscience. And her son's responsibility to handle his anger, which he is also entitled to, in an adult way. That's it. Not sure why that's a problem ? Why are we meant to be throwing someone we 'know', lots of us for quite some time, into the stocks ? Surely if you don't like Scarlett, don't like the thread, don't care for any of it - don't read and monitor the thread ?
  6. Yes, that does happen. And to give Scarlett credit, I think she is prepared for that to happen, though hoping it won't, and feeling desperately sad about how things are right now. Relationships do heal sometimes though. And sometimes that's because a parent's views shift, and sometimes it's because an adult child's views shift. And sometimes (ideally) it's both. I don't think she need despair right now.
  7. StellaM


    Good rule of thumb.
  8. Yep, I agree. And this is great advice for Scarlett's son and DIL also; a shame they aren't here to hear it. I hope they are hearing such moderate advice elsewhere.
  9. Well, I guess one's conscience IS the line one draws in the sand, regardless of the stance of other authorities. Fwiw, I thought there was some good advice about best chances for repairing the relationship.
  10. Exactly the same thing could be said to the son. Age doesn't bestow wisdom; it does bestow life experience, and frequently, people do mature in the light of that. Being older doesn't automatically disqualify your point of view, that's all. And there is no 'young adult wisdom', available only to post-millenials, which negates the combined wisdom of every other generation currently on existence on this planet. Dealing with our experiences of our own mothers is a good thing to deal with in therapy; I think it's less effective when we use our own personal experience of mothers to extrapolate to other mothers here on this board. That my mum made some grievous mistakes in her raising of me doesn't mean Scarlett is any more likely to be making the same or other mistakes. I think I would be wrong to take my own experience of being mothered, and project that onto Scarlett's situation, without a vast degree more information. In general (not just on this board) I think mothers are incredibly devalued, and often act as community scapegoats, so it wouldn't be surprising to see that echoed in any environment, even one composed of mothers. Anyway, like I said. Just my opinion. No-one needs to agree with it (but there's no point arguing about it with me either :))
  11. I don't think I said anyone was a victim of the board. No-one is forced to post here.
  12. As I said, others are free to disagree with my perspective. It's just my own perspective, and matters no more than yours. I - an atheist, progressive, unmarried, interracial family with gay kids - am more than happy to have Scarlett here, and have her share as much or as little of her story as she wants. I don't feel the need to shunt her off to a JW board or somesuch. I am OK to have Scarlett and moonflower here, just as I am OK the other way round, with posters who are politically and secularly allied to my positions, but some of whose beliefs I also find extreme. I personally have found great personal growth in an ability to listen to, and consider someone like maize, who disagrees with me on some close moral issues, and is still a good, intelligent, and kind person, but other's mileage, as I said above, may vary. It's all good.
  13. StellaM


    Hope you went to bed and stayed there! Hope you feel better soon - physical stuff always exacerbated the mental health stuff for me. It's not fun at all.
  14. You have the right to feel as you feel, and believe as you believe. I may or may not find your moral beliefs backward and evil - I suspect some I don't, and some I do - but I would only be concerned with evil moral beliefs (imo) where they became behaviours, and those behaviours I could judge to be having an ill effect on another person/people. So, if you believed that severe corporal punishment is the best way to shape a child's character, yes I would find that a backwards belief - but if you didn't actually hit your children, because it was against the law or something, or teach others to hit their children, in the face of all available evidence on the lack of positive effect - then it remains just that, a belief. Once we get into the arena of trying to govern people's beliefs then we are in a very authoritarian mess indeed.
  15. If it's a clash of moral stances, then they ought to be even more accepting of mom having a moral stance. If something is morally important to them, surely they can understand that something else is morally important to mom. If it's to do with being disfellowshipped or whatever, then what I said in a post way back still stands. It's OK for Scarlett to live by her values. It's OK for the son to have feelings about that. It's Scarlett's responsibility to deal with her feelings. It's ds' responsibility to deal with his. The relationship may heal or it may not. OK. In a relationship between two adults, both adults have a role to play in that eventual outcome. I feel that this board disproportionately acts out a sort of collective trauma from their own young adult years, in weighting the rights and experiences of young adult far more than they do the rights and experiences of mothers. I feel this board is disproportionately fetishising of youth, and has insufficient respect for age. You may disagree entirely with my feelings, and that is fine, but I do see this group dynamic play out over and over again. It's my opinion that a man old enough to marry, and take on the responsibilities of family, is old enough to effectively manage his own emotions, without needing his mother to violate her conscience, however inexplicable he may see that line in the sand. Other people's mileage may vary.
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