Jentrovert
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Posts posted by Jentrovert
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1 hour ago, Quill said:
@Jentrovert, I’m so sorry. As someone who also had a traumatic birth and didn’t go home with a living baby, I agree, that’s not one of the better paths to EI.
((((Hug)))) Thank you. I'm sorry you've experienced it too.
It's hard to consider anything a "bright side", but for both better and worse, I'm a different person than I was before. The better is that I'm more empathetic and appreciative; less demanding of myself and others; and have better perspective about what really matters.
Still, it's a path I'm sure neither of us would have chosen.
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The first thing I did to begin learning about emotional intelligence was marry someone on the spectrum, unbeknownst to either of us. Next, another big chunk of my deficiences in emotional intelligence was revealed by having a traumatic pregnancy and stillbirth.
I can't say that I really recommend this path.
Therapy and books have so far brought me/us far enough to be able to function well (sometimes it feels, very well) in a neurodiverse relationship. I still have issues, though, especially relating to the stillbirth. And it takes work every single day for me to work through my emotions and expectations in order to maintain reasonable happiness in our relationship. Though dh is content regardless, he also puts in an incredible amount of work because he can see an improvement for us both when he does. This is a recent development, due primarily to his own reading and talking with a therapist qualified in the area of neurodiverse relationships.
An extra layer of necessity was added with the addition of dd who is on the spectrum as well. I guess I remember to work on it because it's simply in my face every day, kwim? I can't *not* work on it. I had thought I was doing fairly well, but my relationship with her has demanded a higher level of EI. I am nowhere near where I need/want to be.
I've learned a lot from this board, therapy, books, and from dh (understanding where non-NT people are coming from. As his EI increases, he's better able to pinpoint and explain differences in thinking, which has helped both of us tremendously.) The biggest payoffs have been from the therapists.
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3 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:
Thank you. I actually looked up the company this morning and saw they have a location near her.
This will only happen when she is incapable of making decisions. She would never agree to anything like this (because of the cost, because they say they will dispose of things, etc.) but we will someday need to deal with this from a long distance and this will be what needs to be done.
Part of the reason there are no plans in place for her is that she straight up has refused to ever discuss any of it. Her reaction to the remodeling news was the first indication she has ever considered that she is getting older, can't live alone forever, etc. She has only ever said that she will die and leave all her crap for us to deal with.
She really wouldn't ever really move in with us. She will not leave her hoard until she really needs care and needs to go into a home. She would not leave her hoard while she was still well enough to live without nursing care. So this was just some fantasy she had cooked up in her head. When we have talked about dealing with the house she just says she will die and make it our problem.
In my experience with several older relatives, this is actually easier than trying to do things while they are alive.
For example, our last older relative (besides parents) passed away a couple of years ago. We had been, for years and years, unable to make any meaningful progress on organizing, disposing of trash, etc. and had finally just given up. After they passed away, we were able to get everything done on our own timetable. No sorting through while they slowly look at every single scrap of paper they've accumulated for the last 50 years, no keeping anything "just in case". It was quick and painless. Yes, a lot of work, but so much better than if they had been present.
Maybe a way of looking at that positively, since it sounds like it's what will happen. In your case, possibly even easier, since you live far enough away you might need to hire it out.
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Masks and distancing have never been required or really enforced around here. It's aggravating. At the same time, there are generally few people in any one store at the same time anyway. I would hate being packed in somewhere like that.
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I'll add a general whine or three. I'm tired of having to be involved in every single thing. It's like *nothing* can be done without me, not one little, tiny part of anything. Because even if I'm using an app to outsource some labor, she can't be trusted to actually *do* it without supervision. Even if she likes it.
Along similar lines, I'm tired of providing executive function for everyone. And tired of not being able to have an unstructured day or two with them, to just do nothing together, because everyone functions so much better with routine and structure. Unstructured days are miserable.
I'm tired of explicitly teaching every darn thing.
And last, but not least, if I have to continue listen to and watch her act like a dog multiple times per day I'm going to scream. (Current strategy, working marvelously, for moving from yellow zone to green)
Things really aren't that bad. I'm just tired. 😜
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2 hours ago, Ktgrok said:
Only if you have a good fit - it will not be a good fit to put an adult N95 on a child, you know? I mean, even hospital workers are supposed to try multiple brands and do a fit test, sometimes need to use tape on the edges, etc.
If you have one N95, could you alone go in and purchase, then try on the kids in the car? Then immediately exchange what you need to. I don't remember little kids ages, but maybe go sometime when dh can wait in the car with them if needed.
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58 minutes ago, Zebra said:
Interesting. Do you mind telling me what material this is made out of? Was it something special?
It's like this:
https://images.app.goo.gl/TMnTpsrY7oHSeFv76
Nothing special. I think you can purchase premade sections although we didn't. On second thought, I believe the premade ones are a single layer of fence panels. Ours is like the pic, with panels on both sides. I don't know if that would make a difference sound-wise . . . maybe a solid panel would be better for sound-blocking.
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Hopefully after the talk things will change.
We recently installed around 180 feet of 6' privacy fence on one long side of our property. It has been a very pleasant surprise to find that it blocks a LOT of noise from the neighbors (loud vehicles in and out all day, loud music, yelling obscenities).
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Makeup, driving, shopping, people.
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I would have reacted the same way you did.
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I don't imagine main characters in detail until those details are given, which usually happens fairly early. Like, they're kind of fuzzy figures and I gradually add details.
I don't tend to create detailed images at all for transient characters.
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9 minutes ago, Noreen Claire said:
When the library announced that it would be closing (due to covid) in March, we had a 24 hour heads-up from one of the children's librarians. That night, I went through their online catalog and put every single book that I knew my kids liked/would reread/had previously mentioned/looked interesting/was science- or math-related/had a complete series available/was illustrated by Ben Hatke or David Shannon on hold. They called the next morning, and I picked up ALL THE BOOKS. We spent our lockdown with just under 200 library books. They reopened on Monday, curbside pick-up and by appointment only, and all of our books are due back next week.
I love my library! Also, I owe them
😍😍😍 WOW
Our librarians are very nice, but the available services just aren't that robust. Most of the library services in the small towns around me seem geared to things other than books. Needed things, like computers with internet, but it can be frustrating for someone just needing books. It only took a couple weeks for us to read all available children's books that were remotely age-appropriate in my local library, they charge for inter-library loan, and have something like a 4 book limit per person. So we drive a half hour and pay an out-of-county fee at a different library. And still waited years for online hold. 😄
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1 minute ago, Noreen Claire said:
I have 100 books on hold/request/in transit right now. This makes me love my local library even more...
Oh, that would be wonderful . . .
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4 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:
I’m also at my hold limit right now. My library is making me a bit dizzy with three different e-loan platforms. They do kindle, overdrive, and cloud library and they all have different selections. I’m happy for the choices. I haven’t even dipped into their streaming service or e-magazine thing.
We have Hoopla, and I do use it, but much prefer actual books. It's nice to have options. It felt like they were *never* going to do online holds. The tab was just sitting there, taunting me every time I logged in, for years. The librarians acted like it was no big deal . . . why would I possibly want to simply click and have my husband pick up books when I can drive a half-hour, corral kids, and search myself? And then, a pandemic. Boom!
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Robot vac
Dishwasher
Ryobi line of battery operated tools, with 6 batteries accumulated over the years
Impact driver (why so many people stick with a plain drill, other than a few particular applications, is beyond me)
A new laptop (this one is huge. I was using an old, slow one and it was such a pain that I would put off doing things.)
Everything on auto-pay
Grocery pickup
The library FINALLY doing online holds! Limit is 10, which is awful, but they allow each of us to have a separate account, so I can do 40 books. Not enough, but much better than 10.
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8 hours ago, Tap said:
My daughter and her husband use theirs for cooking items like chicken wings, but also reheating left overs. They like to make skewers on the grill with veggies and chicken. Or stir fry in the wok. They make a couple days worth and just reheat in the air fryer. The left overs turn out great! Not mushy and overcooked. They live in the dessert and like you, appreciate not heating up the stove multiple times per day.
Thus far, I've resisted the air fryer trend because I just couldn't see a real use for it. But if it reheats grilled veggies without turning them to mush, I may be sold. Both dh and I much prefer veggies grilled. But it's kind of a pain to do it often; I'd much prefer to do a bunch at once but they're so mushy reheated (too hot to use the oven for that).
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26 minutes ago, wendyroo said:
Trello is a very versatile, free, online, collaborative scheduling app. You create task cards which can include as much or as little information as you want as well as checklists, due dates with reminders, attachments, tags, etc. Then you can drag and drop the tasks onto certain days or any other organization that helps you keep yourself on track. You can share your entire schedule with a "team", so in our case, DH and I also have access to DS's schedule for now. We can add tasks, check on his progress, see if he has tagged any tasks as needing help or checking, etc. We don't utilize this feature, but team mates can also send comments back and forth; on one tutorial I watched for using Trello in a homeschool, the mom had the student send her a comment through Trello (a written narration) of the main idea after reading history or science assignments.
Trello has been a very helpful addition to DS's studies as he heads into the middle grades. I can see a clear path forward of how I can transition more and more responsibility to DS for organizing and meeting his obligations - academic, extracurricular, familial, etc.
Google Classroom, OTOH, is more about organizing classwork in such a way that DS can work through it independently and self-directed. For example, I put together a poetry unit for him on Google Classroom. I went through and created the course: adding in readings I wanted him to do, links to videos I wanted him to watch, poetry vocab quizzes I wanted him to complete, short answer questions for him to respond to, and Google Slides for him to either interact with (for example, a slide with a poem on it that he needs to annotate) or design himself (for example, finding three very different images from nature, copying them onto a slide, and writing a haiku for each). In other courses I have included maps for him to label or mark a route on, a worksheet on using past perfect verbs in Spanish and then instructions to use https://blabberize.com/ to record a silly story in Spanish using at least 3 past perfects, etc.
Google Classroom has been useful in particular situations, but not something I will be using too extensively. It requires a lot of prep on my part, and while DS can then be a bit more independent, I still have to stay on top of supervising his work. I have found it useful for a short unit study where I want to use a variety of short resources and present them in a particular order. It was also perfect when DS needed to complete a project with a friend and for red-tape reasons we needed very specific output from each of them. I made them each a student in a course, assigned the reading they needed to do, let them both virtually collaborate on the project on the course's Google Drive folder, and had them both complete short answer questions to collect the output we needed. But I don't have that kind of prep time for most subjects, so I usually stick to do-the-next-thing or a repeating cycle of assignments, and I haven't found Google Classroom useful for that type of course.
Thank you so much!
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4 hours ago, wendyroo said:
We start typing pretty early: first grade, or 2nd at the latest, depending on the child.
By third grade they are outgrowing the typing program, so I stop that, and instead have them start typing some of their writing and narrations in Google docs. My boys greatly prefer this to handwriting, and I commiserate; my hand is toast after hand writing a few paragraphs. I choose to teach Google Docs over Word simply because it is much easier for us to share and collaborate on documents in Google Drive.
Online safety is a reoccurring topic from the time they first start using computers, but when they begin using Google Drive I also start explicitly teaching digital navigation, organization and etiquette.
Fourth grade is when I put a class for my oldest on Google Classroom for the first time. I've done a few since then, and I always include some Google Slides assignments so that he can experiment with images, text boxes, etc.
My oldest (finishing 5th grade now) certainly knows about spreadsheets (he sees me use the ALL THE TIME!), but he has rarely had any real need for them. Just for kicks, last year I had him record how many pages he read each day for literature, and how long it took him. He created a Google Sheet, and filled it in for a month. With that data, I taught him how to average, how to make charts and graphs, etc. I'm also allowing him to interact with my spreadsheets more and more. I have a spreadsheet of his weekly Python coding challenges. In the past, I would pull one out and paste it into his planning document (a Google Sheet) each week. Now, I have been handing that task over to him.
The other two apps that I'm working on teaching my oldest are Trello and Anki. He has ADHD, so I really want to build strong foundations to support his executive function as he gets into higher education. Trello is a collaborative, adaptable scheduling program. DS has his weekly schedule in it, and over time I am slowly shifting more and more responsibility for recognizing what needs to get done, setting intermediary goals, fitting tasks around daily and weekly activities, etc.
My kids start using Anki (a spaced-repetition flashcard program) in first grade, but next year I am going to start having my oldest create some of his own Anki cards. As he reads through his history, he will pull out what he considers the 2-3 most important points and make Anki cards. I want to use this opportunity ti help him experiment with his own learning and fine-tune how he best retains information.
Wendy
This is all really helpful, thank you.
Do I understand correctly that Trello is for the actual schedule (and I assume reminders) and then you use a Google sheet for more specific instructions? So, something like Trello indicates it's time for math and then he pulls up the sheet to see what to do for math?
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I did some Miquon with dd8 when she was around that age. Primarily playing and exploring, sometimes using the worksheets. (She was dx'd ASD1 last fall.) While she enjoyed it, and could discover things, the information didn't seem to carry over well (generalization, I now realize). I also suspect she has issues with processing speed and working memory (or, maybe it is simply the ADHD) and that didn't allow for as much natural discovery as it seemed Miquon would be good for.
I do think the rods were valuable, and we still use them sometimes. What has worked, I believe, is using a lot of *different* manipulatives and approaches to cover the same concept. Also backing off things and working on something else for a while instead of pushing and pushing to force something to click.
So, for example, RightStart is our main curriculum. We've been through A, B, and C. (She's almost finished with C now, and I am considering future options, leaning toward sticking with RS). That in itself has worked well, because it uses so many manipulatives and she needs some spiral. At various times, when I've felt she needed more time to mature or a different approach, we've used parts of other things (like Miquon and MEP) along with a ton of misc manipulatives and resources.
I now look back and it's all much more obvious. At the time, it just seemed to flow well. She was my first kid to teach, and I'm interested in different approaches anyway. I didn't really consider, I guess, that it's not typical to *need* to do all this different stuff. Her background is at-risk, everyone attributed any quirks to that, and we were just doing *so much* extra in many areas to try to stay on top of things developmentally.
If I had it to do over, knowing about the ASD, I'd still choose RS as a spine. But I'd incorporate almost all of the early stuff into daily life (like A and part of B), still using lots of different manipulatives, and keep the focus on more foundational things like PeterPan has mentioned. We did do a lot of work, just because we anticipated delays, but it would have been an advantage to know to focus more on the autism specific things. I'm not sure we could have done *more*, exactly, but more precise focus.
I'm kind of rambling on, sorry! I hope some of this was helpful. Just my (very limited) experience, so take it for what it is. 😊
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For my early - mid 20's, I would be less naive and more empathetic, and have gotten a degree.
My late twenties - mid thirties were, overall, the worst part of my life (so far). There is so much I should want to change . . . but those changes would (1) mostly involve changes to another person and their childhood and (2) mean I wouldn't have my kids, so that's out. Instead, I would change some parts of how I dealt with the stress of those years. Still working on that.
I hate the fact that I just don't know what I don't know. I'm doing things right now that I'll come to regret, but no matter how hard I try, I won't realize it for another decade at least.
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A bit random, and won't apply to everyone, but I have felt much more rested since I started using a mouth guard at night. I grind my teeth so hard that my husband can feel the vibrations from it in bed, and it was affecting my teeth. An otc guard didn't help, but a custom one from the dentist did. My sleep, jaw and neck pain, and headaches have improved.
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Ivy Kids boxes are awesome, and just right for K. They include absolutely everything needed; I loved that I never had to hunt for stuff. Also, they include a number of activities and games plus a book. Some games can be reused. Ivy Kids is more expensive than some others, but we found them to be worth it.
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6 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:
I once taught a student who had twin toddler siblings, a boy and a girl. We were reading a book where there was a baby born at home (Little House on the Prairie? I'm not certain) and the child asked how the mom could know what "kind" of baby she had if there wasn't a doctor to tell her. I asked for a little more information and it became clear that her parents made certain she was out of the room any time the boy was bathed or changed. She was horrified when I asked it, and assured me that of course she would NEVER peek at her little brother, but somehow had no idea that things might be different.
All I could say was "well if you're still curious, ask your mom".Wow. We're extremely relaxed about nudity. (It's the actual look and placement of the urethra, vagina, and anus that DS was curious about.) I can't really imagine being so careful that the kids would never have seen each other, even if I had desired that.
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Thank you, that is reassuring. I wasn't at all hesitant about pulling these out either. They're life-like enough to be accurate but, as you said, really clinical. We've been very open too, but for some reason he was unable to explain DH was at first uncomfortable with these. I wondered if I were missing some obvious misstep.
Y’all. Tulsa is spiking, OK is spiking...
in The Chat Board
Posted
Scarlett, I hope you are stocked up and can stay out of stores the next 2-3 weeks.
I'm in southern OK, almost TX. It's sometimes a pain living so rurally, but right now I'm pretty grateful for it.
I'm wondering who from our small town will be in Tulsa this weekend and bring it back with them.