amyable
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Posts posted by amyable
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Wall to wall carpet here that is the bane of my existence... I spent last week trying to clean the entire half gallon of milk that got spilled into it (bottle broke). CAN'T WAIT to get it torn out. We will then have NO rug if I have any say in the matter.
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:party: yay!
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Something I dream about but know I'll never have?
1) To not have celiac disease or Hashimoto's
2) For my boys not to have celiac disease or any of their other food allergies.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
I hear ya - first on my list would have to be for cures for my kids - rheumatoid arthritis, alopecia, allergies, dyslexia, etc. To bad you can't bribe someone to fix those things.
Money wise --
1. A new house, one in a safer neighborhood (ours isn't awful but is getting worse every week) - and a cure for my dh's back pain so we can live a larger commuting distance from work where all the nicer houses and homeschoolers are. :)
2. A kitchen re-do so we can sell this house
3. A guitar and a violin and lessons
4. A bribe big enough to get my oldest girls into the private school they want to attend.
5. A cat and whatever necessary allergy fixes it would require for my family.
6. Therapy. Weekly. With a babysitter so I don't have to worry about what to do with my kids.
7. Paying off my parents condo and medical bills.
8. A new car for dh.
Much to dh's chagrin, this is what my *real* list looks like each year. I don't want or like gifts or little things. I really want our problems solved and don't care about much else.
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:grouphug: :grouphug:
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I realized I don't get rid of some things that are still useful but worn, because I am reacting to her messages that what I have is not good enough, therefore I am lacking. I keep the stuff that's worn to prove I am good enough.
Mom thinks she is modeling selflessness, but there is an implied martyrdom that truly has no place in mothering. Ooo, controversy...I don't mean selfless giving isn't a good thing, because of course it is. You can even give to the point of self-deprivation and be fine--BUT when it is done out of obligation and not out of joy, it leads to bitterness. I call it Mommy Martyrdom. It is destructive. Child can twist the message to mean I don't deserve nice things because others are more valued than I am. Sorry, but that's not the truth. We are told to love each other as ourselves, not more than ourselves. People who love themselves can then love others. People who loathe themselves and devalue themselves can't be strong and loving, only doormatty, which isn't even a word, but there you go.Hard to admit but I'm sure some of this is going on here too. I also know I tend to WANT to buy new things to prove I'm somehow "in" or "worthy" and sometimes just because I'm stressed and getting something in the mail makes me happy, then stop myself because I know that's silly. Taken all together with the other things I've written in places on this thread and I wind up with damaged kitchen cabinets, shirts with stains and towels with threads!
I'm starting to "get" why my dh thinks women are complicated. :lol:
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:party:
Happy birthday! Thanks for the link! :laugh:
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I find it's so easy to lose perspective with all sides "shouting" at me -- "consume! consume!" "No! Be green! Be green! You are ruining the earth!" I think the old people pleaser in me doesn't know what to do with opposing forces, lol - then throw dh in the mix and my head explodes. ;) I'm just going to repeat after all you fine ladies -- balance, balance, balance...
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Honestly that isn't a healthy outlook.
I know, but it's hard to shake. Hence this post! :)
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Amyable, it can be difficult to find a balance between thoughtful stewardship and ways of thinking that can stiffle one's spirit. Years ago, Julai Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, wrote a simple, but I think, effective book about money and our attitudes. One of the personalities described is that of the "poverty addict." The short of it is that sometimes we can be so careful with our resources that we actually cripple our ability to grow as a person. We tolerate ugly or broken things when we don't need to financially, almost as a spiritual badge of virtue, while missing opportunities that can make us soar or at the least be a much better person to be around.
One of my SIL's is a lovely woman who has been a careful steward all of her life. Unfortuantely, through the years, the doing without has left her with a somewhat bitter attitude towards others who do not share her philosophy and she sees those people as less virtuous, less Christ-like. Greatness in spirit isn't forged strictly through hardhip and deprivation, but through beauty and generosity and sometimes that generosity begins with one's self. A $5 bouquet of tulips can sometimes make a world of difference.
I see the potential for this in my life. This was beautifully put, and I need to watch out for it.
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Thank you everyone for replying - I truly appreciate all your responses, not just the ones I wound up quoting below. I'm so glad I'm not alone! :)
Giving a person an opportunity to earn a living through the work he does is a good thing. And anything that is still usable of the things that are replaced will be donated. ......Says the woman who still has and uses her 44 year old baby towels... can anybody top that? (But they are still good))
That's very true about giving people jobs. I wonder if we can find someone who could use our donated cabinets if/when we do the kitchen? I'll have to ask our contractor when the time comes. And I think you win on the towels, LOL! That's cool.
There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it.I know, I know, I tend to be so black and white about things like this, to the point of silliness. But in my head the stakes are so much bigger than just the results of one thrown out towel or two. I tend to relate everything in my head and then somehow it's MY fault that people in Africa are starving because I wanted to redo my kitchen.
If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize.I definitely need to be more conscious of this. When it's convenient for me I think of it - I'd like to make it more of a standard for myself. But then there is the war between my cheap side and my "shop small/local" side. Dh is definitely with me on the cheap side, so it's hard to let the "shop local" side win out. All that being said, I *don't* shop much so this doesn't come into play on a regular basis.
I think the solution here is to buy towels before they become complete rags. Then donate the still kinda okay towels to Goodwill or an animal shelter.Never thought about that! Good idea!
On a lighter note: if you are feeling wasteful, hop over to the thread about Christmas gifts for pets. You will feel so much better about replacing your worn out towels after you read about people buying pajamas for their dogs to wear in the pictures.:lol: :lol: Thank you, that helps a lot!
I have the same thought process. However, do we immediately set aside the $ we would have spent and send it to a charity or ministry?No, but somehow I feel MORE guilty if I've spent on something than if it's just sitting there with the *potential* to be given to charity. :glare: Other than money that has been designated as mine, my dh has final say on what we give away, and he is more concerned about our own family's needs and future (including college, caring for our aging parents etc) than some nameless person, so does not donate as much as we could. Somehow I hope if I spend next to nothing, he'll see everything is OK and keep upping the donations. To his defense, he could be right ;) and we *do* dontate to many charities, just not as much as *I* would.
One way I have thought about doing it, and in fact am implementing with our children, is a $ for $ match. Currently my family is saving for an expensive used "toy", but we have it set up that half of all that is earned toward the toy will be given to a charity/ministry chosen by the children. So, I say you should buy those new towels, but put the same amount toward a food bank or relief organization!Great idea!
Couple of thoughts: Have you read Crunchy Conservative?Thank you for mentioning this - I'm definitely a crunchy con but never got around to reading this book. It sounds like I could learn a lot from it.
Didn't Jesus say not to put new wine into "old" wineskins? I doubt the apostles dragged any old wineskins around with them, but they blessed people in OTHER ways.This really hit home, thank you. You're right, the apostles probably didn't spend days trying to sew up an old wineskin or patching it with olive leaves or something, lol. Then again, they would probably faint at the shear amount of STUFF I have in my house, and I'm on the low side for Americans (from what I've seen -- other than books :laugh: ) considering the number of kids we have. See how I go back and forth in my own head? :tongue_smilie:
Again, thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me.
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Thank you everyone for replying - I truly appreciate all your responses, not just the ones I wound up quoting below. I'm so glad I'm not alone! :)
Giving a person an opportunity to earn a living through the work he does is a good thing. And anything that is still usable of the things that are replaced will be donated. ......Says the woman who still has and uses her 44 year old baby towels... can anybody top that? (But they are still good))
That's very true about giving people jobs. I wonder if we can find someone who could use our donated cabinets if/when we do the kitchen? I'll have to ask our contractor when the time comes. And I think you win on the towels, LOL! That's cool.
There is frugal and nonwasteful. Then there is just being silly about it.I know, I know, I tend to be so black and white about things like this, to the point of silliness. But in my head the stakes are so much bigger than just the results of one thrown out towel or two. I tend to relate everything in my head and then somehow it's MY fault that people in Africa are starving because I wanted to redo my kitchen.
If anything, my guilt over buying things gets me to think carefully about the source of the items and to choose local and small companies to patronize.I definitely need to be more conscious of this. When it's convenient for me I think of it - I'd like to make it more of a standard for myself. But then there is the war between my cheap side and my "shop small/local" side. Dh is definitely with me on the cheap side, so it's hard to let the "shop local" side win out. All that being said, I *don't* shop much so this doesn't come into play on a regular basis.
I think the solution here is to buy towels before they become complete rags. Then donate the still kinda okay towels to Goodwill or an animal shelter.Never thought about that! Good idea!
On a lighter note: if you are feeling wasteful, hop over to the thread about Christmas gifts for pets. You will feel so much better about replacing your worn out towels after you read about people buying pajamas for their dogs to wear in the pictures.:lol: :lol: Thank you, that helps a lot!
I have the same thought process. However, do we immediately set aside the $ we would have spent and send it to a charity or ministry?No, but somehow I feel MORE guilty if I've spent on something than if it's just sitting there with the *potential* to be given to charity. :glare: Other than money that has been designated as mine, my dh has final say on what we give away, and he is more concerned about our own family's needs and future (including college, caring for our aging parents etc) than some nameless person, so does not donate as much as we could. Somehow I hope if I spend next to nothing, he'll see everything is OK and keep upping the donations. To his defense, he could be right ;) and we *do* dontate to many charities, just not as much as *I* would.
One way I have thought about doing it, and in fact am implementing with our children, is a $ for $ match. Currently my family is saving for an expensive used "toy", but we have it set up that half of all that is earned toward the toy will be given to a charity/ministry chosen by the children. So, I say you should buy those new towels, but put the same amount toward a food bank or relief organization!Great idea!
Couple of thoughts: Have you read Crunchy Conservative?Thank you for mentioning this - I'm definitely a crunchy con but never got around to reading this book. It sounds like I could learn a lot from it.
Didn't Jesus say not to put new wine into "old" wineskins? I doubt the apostles dragged any old wineskins around with them, but they blessed people in OTHER ways.This really hit home, thank you. You're right, the apostles probably didn't spend days trying to sew up an old wineskin or patching it with olive leaves or something, lol. Then again, they would probably faint at the shear amount of STUFF I have in my house, and I'm on the low side for Americans (from what I've seen -- other than books :laugh: ) considering the number of kids we have. See how I go back and forth in my own head? :tongue_smilie:
Again, thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me.
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There's a war going on in my head - one one hand I try to be very "green" and non-consumptive (is that a word? :tongue_smilie: ) on the other hand, our house and things are falling apart around our ears. It all seemed to happen at once. Our kitchen, front foyer, and carpet are old - I mean broken and gross old, not just out of style). Even little things bother me like all our towels being old and now threadbare.
We can afford to make changes, but I hate wasting the money and especially wasting the resources. I hate the thought of consuming when people all over the world are starving. But every time I walk into the kitchen or dry myself with an old towel my heart just breaks a little more. I apparently have this mental problem with "ugly" and want my place and stuff to look "pretty." So I replace the towels (throwing out the others because we have enough rags and no one I know wants more) and my heart breaks again because I was wasteful and contributing to landfills and greenhouse gases in the manufacture of something I didn't *need*. :chillpill: I can't just store things for the "what if" - our house is smallish and poorly laid out with minimal storage.
(warning CC:) I think one of my biggest problems is that I see it all as almost sinful. People are starving and I'm using money I could give them to eat to replace my *towels*?? Redo my kitchen? But then I think, if they were in my house fully fed I would want them to use nice towels too, not junk.
Does anyone else suffer from this mental war? What do you do? When do you finally say something is too old and just needs to be tossed/replaced? Most people I talk to are just consumers/tossers and don't seem to care. My dh would be content to dry himself on the last 4 threads of a towel so he isn't any help! (He's also cheap, lol) :laugh: Thanks for any thoughts on this.
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: BTDT too. Sending healing thoughts and prayers!
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:party:
Happy birthday to both of you!
And Mom to Aly!
And Plaid Dad!
:party:
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
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Rude! I'd be floored too.
Yeah, you weren't the donkey in that conversation.:glare:WHERE have people gotten the idea that the world must hear every single opinion that pops into their heads? WHO CARES what she thinks?? Seriously, though, where and how in the last 50-75 years did we as a culture lose the concept of the brain/mouth filter? I'm sure there were rude people in our grandparents' generation, but it seems like it's much more common/prevalent now.
:iagree:
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:grouphug: Praying!
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Wonderful news!!
:party:
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Nerds, Sweet Tarts and full size Laffy Taffy have egg in them. I don't let him have any chocolate that is handed out, we stick with whatever I buy that's safe for him.
(to the red/bolded) Oh no! really?? :crying: I'm sure I've given these to my egg allergic kids, thinking they are safe. *sigh*
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Back in the dinosaur ages (i.e. 1995+) I got my SLP degree and worked for a year or two before stopping to raise and homeschool my kids. I kept my license for a few years, but eventually let it lapse.
Well, I'm looking into getting my CCC again and getting re-licensed.
I'm pretty sure I have to take the PRAXIS test again and begin getting CEUs.
I know things change in 15 years, I have NO idea what books I should get to study, etc. I'm sure I've forgotten more than I learned in the first place! :lol:
Any advice on someone starting out again that needs to self educate? Best books on certain topics, etc? Current trends in SLP I should know about? Anything else?
Thanks! :bigear:
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. :crying:
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I go on food jags but my current crack is my own version of "healthy chocolates" - melt almost equal parts TJ's chocolate chips, almond meal, coconut flakes, and coconut oil (heavy on the chips) -- pour into molds and refrigerate. They start melting the moment they touch your fingers but they are oh.so.good. They are not just crack, they are magic -- they calm my stomach down when it is upset and don't seem to mess with my blood sugar.
That, and oreos and milk.
Or anything salty. Or salty and sweet. :drool5:
Uh oh. I did it again. Anyone else?
in The Chat Board
Posted
Every year! But like you, much of it is necessary - new socks, clothes, etc. This year is worse than most - dh got a car (which won't fit under the tree, LOL, even though he says it's "his present" - his died a few weeks ago and was beyond repair), and we'd been saving up money for a house that we are no longer going to buy, so I have a little extra to spend than usual. I feel guilty that we are stuck here, and so I think I'm buying much of what's on their lists in the name of making our time here more pleasant. Luckily they are not all asking for a ton of expensive toys/techy stuff. :) All of this goes against my very minimalistic leanings the rest of the year.