nd293
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Posts posted by nd293
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It will be great. And you will only regret it if you expect it to conform to your demands of what a "good place" looks like. If you're prepared to meet it on its terms as "different" without a good/bad judgement you will be fine. Germany worked just fine before you got there, and it's important to remember that when you come up against things that seem difficult or awkward to you! Don't EVER say, or even think, as one lady once did to me in relation to local norms "Well, I know it's their country, but I'm an American" - this will not make you universally adored :-)
Moving overseas is stressful, but you'll have the best of it, as you know it's not long term. You get to enjoy the honeymoon, without the irritations of the marriage!
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Permanent move? I'd stop pretending that "other language" cultures have some genetic predisposition to language learning that English speakers are lacking. I'd pick a country and learn the language, same as so many who move to English speaking countries do. We live in an 'easy' country now, but my natural attraction is to a little more trouble, a little more dirt and spirit and resilience. I'm attracted to Mediterranean countries, but I'm also an introvert. Can you live in a very family-oriented country and be an introvert, I wonder?
If it's moving as an expat, things like language and socialised medicine don't matter that much as you live mostly in a well paid expat bubble. And I would never homeschool if I had an international school at my disposal - the cultural immersion was fantastic, a once in a lifetime experience. I loved living in Oman. But I think I'd take pretty much anywhere as an expat, given reasonable safety, and a city environment - I'd want the security of the expat community, even if I don't engage much.
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I'm not sure it's so much an issue of lying as 'avoiding' in this case - avoiding doing what he should and avoiding confrontation over not doing it.
I'd call the child on it every time, because I think it's always good that teens know that their parents are paying attention. Then I'd redirect to make sure the action gets done. "You haven't brushed your teeth. Your toothbrush is dry and your breath stinks. Do it now." "You need to use soap in the shower. Just water isn't enough. Hop back in, please."
I also agree with instructing rather than asking "Go and brush your teeth" rather than "Did you brush your teeth?" Also, for something like the soap I might ask whether the child would prefer shower gel, or a different soap - try and get some 'buy in'.
ETA: I'm obviously in the camp that says it's not micromanaging. When they start to manage themselves is when I can stop. Using soap or brushing teeth is not tricky stuff - teens don't need time to 'figure this out for themselves' or 'learn from their mistakes' on this sort of issue. They're either ready and prepared to be responsible for themselves or they aren't.
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The best things I got dd at that age were sturdy 'mini adult' toys - a dust pan and brush, a tea set, that sort of thing. Dd is now 16 and her brother who is nearly 10 still pulls that tea set out sometimes and serves us juice in the tiny cups! It was plastic, primary colours.
Two other random things that have been used beyond any rational expectation are the soft foam soccer ball from IKEA and a set of vinyl beanbags shaped like lady bugs. Both were purchased for a 2 yr old and are still used 8 years on.
Also a small soft-body doll would be much loved at that age - add clothes and accessories later.
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My DH suddenly became allergic to caffeine in his 40's and had to give up his beloved coffee and Diet Mountain Dew cold turkey.
That is a horrible story! I'm quite shaken. And my kids are cowering in the corner at the very thought of me without caffeine.
Seriously, though, how odd. How did he start to react to it?
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So I think this is sad. But I also think having a party where you don't at least have a couple close families you know will be in the count can be a set up for disaster.
I agree with this. There seems to be a focus by some parents on birthday parties to the detriment of a focus on friendship / relationships. I work hard with my dc (when younger) to facilitate friendships with a couple of kids in the class. Wait around in the playground one day to chat to the mom, or send a note home saying "R would like a play with your son, could you text me to see if we could arrange something?". Once you have a relationship with the parent they are more likely to prioritise attending a party. Parties follow friendships, they don't precede them.
We have had a couple of bigger parties, but they're always built around a core group of friends that we know will attend, or at least RSVP. I also make sure that most of the people we invite are people I've had least been in contact with personally once, and I'll follow up with people if they don't RSVP.
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if there's cereal in the house, that's what the kids choose for breakfast, lunch, and snacks. They talked me into buying a couple of boxes this morning. It will be gone in a couple days... I mention sweets because we have been making a lot of day trips lately, and dd begs for dessert at every single restaurant we've stopped at. We were at the mall the other night and she practically had a meltdown because I wouldn't buy ice cream. Or cookies. Or frozen yogurt. She's making me crazy!
My son is like that. It's not just about food, either, if something has been allowed once it's in his nature to push for it again. What works for us is to have a blanket 'No' policy outside of clear guidelines that include a timeframe. So he has one biscuit a day, in his lunchbox. I buy a slab of chocolate each week and break it into 2 square sections and we each know we can take a piece after dinner. Sure, we do have days where we have more than that, but the rules are clear.
Cereal is not a food here (I'm not sure it should be anywhere, with that sugar content!). It's clearly in the junk food category. As such, and like any junk food, it's allowed and enjoyed occasionally. He gets a small box of fruit loops for his birthday each year! If we buy a box of Cheerios they're mostly treated like biscuits, and he'll often take a small tub in place of a biscuit. Like icecream, we buy cereal maybe once every two months. While it's there it's enjoyed, but everyone knows it won't make another appearance for a while.
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We do a family wash. With 4 people I only do one or two loads of clothes a week, so it would be a waste to wash separately. Sock - well we have two solutions there - first everyone's black socks are a different brand so they look slightly different (eg the brand name on the sole, stripes on the toes), second, the kids sort out the socks, fold them and place them on each person's bed (one of their jobs around the house).
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I know a lot of older people with food allergies. It is not just in our head, you know.
I don't believe the OP was suggesting it was? I'm assuming the question is about whether environmental or behavioural factors are making allergies more common.
I have only met one adult with a severe allergy. She wasn't clear about it to the restaurant staff then was rather rude to them when there was seafood near her food. So while I think that severe allergies do seem to be more common, I think it's also that adults tell us about children's allergies because there's a duty of care role. We don't tend to hear about adults' allergies unless there is an issue, as in the case I mentioned. I only knew about it because she got loud with the staff.
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I started to use the "THINK before you speak" approach.
Is it...
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary?
Kind?
Sometimes I'd force the older sibling to unpick what she said (because often the comment does fulfil a couple of those, seldom all). Sometimes I'd just use the phrase. I also saved a poster of the phrase as the wallpaper for my phone and I would just show her the screen when she started up.
It definitely did help, and we moved out of that phase. It was perhaps also a stage in her development? There's a 6 year gap between the two.
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Just to be clear, a DNR and withdrawing support are not the same thing. Just because someone has a DNR does not mean that medical treatment is stopped.
Absolutely. I should have phrased it better to be clear that I put withdrawing support on the side of DNR rather than on the side of euthanasia and assisted suicide in terms of this discussion.
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Either assignments are open ended enough that students can always do more (e.g. a math strategy game that you can play over and over, a narrative writing assignment to which you can always add detail, independent reading) or kids are given clear directions of after X you may Y.
Absolutely! I can't say that "waiting around" features on my kids description of traditional school. There's always enough work to do, or homework to start on.
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Preschool was fabulous for my son. An amazing experience with amazing teachers. I've never regretted it. I've regretted other educational choices, and yes, I think some of them have had long term repercussions (homeschooling and Montessori for a smart but unmotivated child? No no no no no). But I promise, nothing you do at preschool will damage your child. As long as you're not making her really unhappy, choose what works for you.
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I have no problem with putting a child on a diet, or discussing weight with a child. In fact, I think it is problemstic when a parent does not intervene when a child is overweight. However, it is obviously very important to watch how you phrase things and what the message is. it's really important to remember that the issue of what we call 'dieting' should always be about learning healthy eating habits. These don't only apply to one child in the family. So assuming all cooking and food provision is healthy (and no other medical issues), it is largely about portion control and bad habits. I would actively intervene to stop second helping, for instance (cook less, only fruit if hungry afterwards) and not allow random eating between meals (for anyone). Those are both standard in our house anyway, but there was a period where I had to actively enforce them. We have never banned sweets or biscuits, for instance, but there are standard limits in place for everyone. At times I need to opt to forget to buy things like that for a few weeks. Personal money is also not allowed to be spent on food - all food is provided at home. I think there is a lot that can be done to help a child without the experience being negative or damaging.
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Not the same in any way. Euthanasia / assisted suicide is an active intervention. DNR (or withdrawing support) is simply not intervening in the dying process. I'm in favour of both, but they're not the same from either a legal or philosophical standpoint.
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Dd struggles with this to some extent. She often wears an undershirt (she did throughout winter, yet her school shirts are still discoloured from perspiration). She found Driclor deodorant very helpful although unpleasant, as it stings. It's a British product, I believe, but Wikipedia says it is "similar to other strong anti-perspirants using 20% aluminium chloride hexahydrate as the active ingredient".
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Question for those who keep it to themselves...
Why don't you want others to know? Do you think they will judge you a certain way? Do you think they would start a debate that you'd rather not have? Are you private about a lot of things?
I just don't mind sharing things with others. :)
It's really important here to separate political opinion and voter privacy. They're not the same thing at all. I'm happy to discuss my political opinion with anyone half open-minded (I do know a couple of people who I just smile at while they needle me to find my opinion on hot-button issues). I would be quite happy to say which politician I like or agree with. But my vote - my mark on the ballot - is private. It is a cornerstone of modern democracy. You cannot ensure a free and fair election if people feel that their vote is not private. I am quite able to defend my position and I know my right to vote how I like. I keep my vote private for those who can't and don't, if you want to think about it that way. It's strictly an issue of principle.
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I'm cold hearted about that sort of thing. Or a realist if you prefer. It would be the same here: I'd ultimately be responsible. I'd say no. In my experience, I do feel guilty after making a decision that in some way impacts on other people, but at the same time, every time I think about it, the guilt would be accompanied by a flood of relief. I've learned to focus on the latter feeling.
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Personally I'd rather witness the exchange of vows than attend a party, so I understand your view.
Do you know the other side of the family? The spouse's side? Are there issues there? I ask because a lot of how our wedding was arranged had to do with family issues. I did not want my father walking me down the aisle so we skipped an aisle. I did not want my mother to have to sit at a table with my father so we skipped tables (buffet style finger snacks). For the couple there may be a logic to the arrangements which outweighs the extended family's disappointment in not attending the ceremony.
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Exchanging rings as a sign of serious intent I get; a hugely expensive one sided transaction I don't. (Plus I also abhor conspicuous display of wealth.)
This was actually where my conversation with dd started: the concept of engagement rings, and indeed engagement. Do you need a sign of outward commitment in the space between dating and marriage? Shouldn't your behaviour speak for itself (that you're "off the market")? And what's the point when engagements break down and there's no legal contract in that period? No answers, just the issues we were pondering!
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No, not for years. I have an engagement ring and wedding ring welded together. They now don't fit, and they're stupid-expensive to get enlarged.
I was actually talking to dd about this a couple of days ago, how tastes change, as to fingers and that a simple plain band would be best. I'm not sentimental, though.
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When's the day? Mine is Monday - consider this a low-key good wish :-)
I have a mother who is a bit maudlin about aging so that's something I very consciously fight. Setting a project before a birthday can be helpful - decluttered, learn a new skill, start to run (current project, not fully achieved but I'm certainly doing better than I was before). I also set all the annual health checks in the lead up to my birthday - start the new year with a clean slate. Set a goal for the next year - to me New Year Resolutions are best set at birthdays!
We do very low key birthdays here but I manage mine very carefully to suit myself: we often skip breakfast and stop at McDonalds on the way to school - breakfast for the kids and coffee for me. A day that starts with a vanilla latte and a hash brown is a day worth living. (I have low expectations, obviously.) I may talk a friend into going for a day time movie or a sushi lunch. Someone else takes care of dinner - dh or take out (sometimes I don't even eat it with the family, but in bed watching TV - it's my birthday, I'm Allowed). This year I can't take time off to do much fun (university essay due) but we'll do fish and chips and a walk on the beach in the evening.
I guess I'm saying build small pleasures into your day. It doesn't have to look anything like anyone else's idea of a birthday, but make it yours. Introspection isn't bad, but I think it's possible to focus it, rather than let it drown you.
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I had a substitute teacher named Miss Smartie.
I had a Mrs Smart as a teacher.
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Some definite sad-news stories in Australia this week, but there was also a wonderful story about a couple (with three children) who were missing after a camping trip in the bush. The police called off the search about 10 days after they were due home but his employer / friends organised further searches and they were found the next day unhurt, although out of food and nearly out of water (their car had been damaged).
The puppy story is sweet!
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So nervous about traveling internationally
in The Chat Board
Posted · Edited by nd293
http://www.seat61.com/Germany.htm
ExpatWoman is the new global incarnation of ExpatMum, a website I used when we lived in the Middle East. Their Germany page is here: http://www.expatwoman.com/germany.aspx