[Liars]

28 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

If I were you would say to my adult child, "You don't have to go on any trips you don't want to go on and it's OK to to say so when asked.  You're an adult now, so your relationship with your dad is 100% yours, it's no longer mine. " Then I would no longer interact with my ex.  My divorced parents and my divorced siblings do not interact with their adult children's other parent after the kid turns 17 or 18 because it's no longer necessary.  That's the point of getting divorced, right?  So you don't have to interact with each other anymore. If you struggle with detaching emotionally from your ex or you struggle with the shift from actively parenting a minor child to no longer parenting your adult child, there are licensed family counselors who can help you with setting and enforcing healthy boundaries.

You don't have to care why he's scheduled things when he has.  You don't have to care that he's a liar. You don't have to help him plan or do anything with your son.  You don't have to care if his GF is going on a trip or not.  You're divorced from that jerk and you can enjoy the freedom from his lies that comes with it if you choose to.

My brother's exGF that he has a son with is a compulsive liar.  She lies at work, she lies in relationships, she lies to her kid, she lies socially, she lies to her own family, usually about stupid things.  My brother doesn't invest his emotions in it because it would be a bad mental health habit to do so.  Their son is 16.  We never speak negatively of the boy's mother in front of him because we don't have to and it's not good for him to hear us do it. When he complains about her we say things like, "That's so frustrating.  Yeah, I'd feel that way too if that happened to me. I'm so sorry that happened to you."  When she talks about why she had to schedule the son's flight for 4am instead of the 10am flight, my brother doesn't burn with fury that she's lying about it, he just tells himself that at least he isn't paying for the flight, that she lives out of state now, and counts down the number of years he has left to deal with her. When she lied to me about the cat she gave us having a raspy meow because it was in a fire where flames went down her throat and burned her voicebox and the smoke inhalation caused her to need one lung removed (obvious lie, the cat was never burned in a fire and was perfectly healthy) we just smile and say, "Oh my!" And then we laugh about it to blow off steam. We can riff on that for a solid 15 minutes laughing until we cry.  When she lived nearby and lied to a co-worker in front of my brother's best friend and said, "My son's father abandoned us." The friend just asked, "Isn't your son with his dad right now because of your 50/50 joint custody agreement?" We laugh about her boneheaded, stupid, self-defeating lies that we always knew would bring about their own consequences.   Guess what?  My nephew is slightly developmentally behind, but he's figured it out and has chosen to limit his time with her.  Life is full of consequences.  He's chosen not to continue to see her when he's 17-the legal age in his state for the boy to decide not to go.  He wants to legally change is last name to his dad's last name when he's 18. 

My brother's approach has always been to take the high road and be the solid, dependable, generous, honest parent and husband to his wife and kids and let the chips fall where they may.  He only interacts with her as much as is absolutely necessary and stays emotionally detached.  It's paid off so far and is now building compounded interest. 

There is so much wisdom here! And I say that as the mom of an adult child whose bio dad I parted ways with before my son was born. 

[She did it -- mommy brag inside]

You have every right to be proud. Congrats to you and her!

[Well, that was awkward]

I would feel the same as you do. 

[Buying something knowing that it will be returned]

I have often bought more than one item knowing I was going to return one. I like to take them home and think on it. For example, I might want to try dresses on in different lighting or see how an item looks with my decor. I think that is perfectly ethical.

What is unethical is buying something you know you are going to use before you return it. I've actually heard people say they do this with clothing for a family photo shoot.

[Article: How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation]

I read part of the article. My (obviously well-thought out 😆) conclusion: whatever. Every generation has had stress that can lead to burnout. In my observation, every generation has whiners and every generation has people who try to look at the positive and do the best they can with what they've got. I know many millenials, including my three kids, who don't fit the stereotype I keep hearing about. I'm sure they exist; I just haven't met them.

[Need new exercise]

Take a look at Alexia Clark workouts. For $30/month she gives you 5 workouts per week. Each day has both a gym workout, which utilizes typical gym equipment, and a similar home workout, which can be done with minimal equipment. They are excellent workouts (I did the gym version for a few months when I was bored with coming up with my own strength routines). While they are not exactly CrossFit, I do think if you enjoy CF, you would enjoy her workouts. You can take a look at snippets of what you would be doing by checking her out on Instagram. They really helped me when I was in a rut but wanted to keep training.

Best wishes!

[S/O dog traing--dog people please chime in...]

Thank you!

[Convoluted family issue involving a funeral.]

I would definitely get a hotel room in this situation.

[A small thing that made me happy.]

That's awesome! I love it when a small thing makes my day.

[Would You Expect Your DH to Say Something?]

Yes, I would expect my dh to stand up for me. What a hurtful comment. And I hope my sons will let me know if I ever offend their wives (if and when they actually get married). I want my dil's to feel like my daughters.

[please please train your dogs!]

I just posted a dog training spin off question but I would like to add: please train your dog or don't take them out in public. And when you take them out in public make sure they are on a secure leash and that you are strong enough to control them. I have had so many instances of problematic dogs (all off leash) while my dog was controlled and leashed that there are some places I will no longer take my dog because it is just not worth it. 

[S/O dog traing--dog people please chime in...]

I just read Katie's post about poorly behaved dogs. My dog is very good when out and about with me, but jumps on people when they first come over to my house. How do I break this? I usually put him outside while I answer the door and then let him back in and hold his collar while he says hello to my guest(s). However, I would like for him to be able to remain in the room and be able to control himself from jumping. He doesn't jump on anyone in any other situation.

Thank you!

[S/O Donations - curious who keeps track of the items they donate]

I don't. If I wanted to spend time listing all the items and deciding on a valie for them, I might as well try to sell them in a yard sale or online and actually make some money. I am way too lazy to do that so I drop that stuff off and my brain does a happy dance rejoicing that I never have to see that stuff again. 😁 (Also, we don't have enough expenses to itemize. I still don't think I'd do it if we did itemize.)

[Frozen quilt and pillow Updated: She loved it!]

You did a fabulous job! I would feel so loved if someone made something like that for me.

[The wide well traveled path or the narrow less traveled trail.....what kind of walker/hiker are you?]

I am definitely a less traveled trail person. Not that I don't enjoy walking on a wide path with other people, but most of my hiking happens on trails in which I rarely encounter other people. I have many beautiful places to hike within a couple hours of my house. I don't always have people to hike with who are available when I'm available. So most of my hiking is solo. I do have a dog who always goes with me. I do stick to marked trails, though, because there is rarely ever cell service where I am, so I don't want to get lost. Many people tell me I shouldn't go by myself, and I do realize there is a risk, but I figure I'm more likely to get hurt driving to the trailhead than when I'm on the trail.

ETA: Photos of my regular hiking (and snowshoeing) spots. I'm so thankful I live close enough to do these in day trips!

[It's funny how different people irritate you]

I can totally relate to this! 😁

[I'm giving up Minimalism]

I tend toward minimalism, but my dh likes to keep all.the.things. We have to have some sort of balance, so I hear ya on the storage space. Fortunately, we have some good storage, but I am always going through stuff, culling, and reorganizing. I know I have a problem, but I don't focus well when things aren't organized. It is a joke in our family that Dad wants to keep everything and Mom wants to get rid of everything. It is not a joke that every time my husband can't find something of his, he accuses me of giving it away.

[FDA says Fluoroquinolones cause aneurysms and aortic dissections]

14 hours ago, StephanieZ said:

 

This will sound nuts, but it was a miracle cure for me . . .

D-Mannose supplements. I take one capsule daily, or two (before and after) if I'm getting lucky that night. (1/2 tsp in liquid also works great, but the capsules are handy for convenience. I keep both on hand.)

If I get the least little worry that a UTI might be brewing, I take a dose every 2-3 hours or so for at least 24 hours, or until the symptoms are well gone or explode such that I do have to seek medical attention and get an ABX. I'll even get up during the night to take it. 

I went from having a UTI about every 4-6 weeks for over a year (and the lovely yeast infections post-antibiotics each time) to none at all for a couple years, then one when I slacked off on the D-Mannose about a year ago. 

It's changed my life. 

I use the NOW brand on Amazon. I would guess many brands are perfectly good, but that's a brand I trust, so that's what I use. 

From what I understand, it's incredibly safe. It's a simple sugar with such a low dose that it's even safe for diabetics. Apparently the sugar molecules selectively bind with bacteria in your bladder and wash those critters right out of you. 

If you mix the powder in liquid, be sure to consume it within a few minutes, or it can taste bitter. If you drink/eat it within a few minutes, it just tastes mildly sweet. 

I sure wish I'd discovered it during my grandma's or mother's lifetimes. They battled UTIs for decades, even being single and not sexually active. I hope/expect to be taking it for the rest of my life and sure hope it continues to be the miracle cure it has been thus far!

 

 

 

Not nuts at all. My mom had my grandma taking this and it was a game changer. Before the D-Mannose, my grandma constantly got UTI's and was therefore frequently on antibiotics. With the D-Mannose, she had no more UTI's.

[FDA says Fluoroquinolones cause aneurysms and aortic dissections]

Thank you for this, @kbutton.

[Migrant Caravan Question (non political please)]

7 hours ago, Amira said:

Asylum seekers aren’t getting around established US laws, but instead they’re using their right to claim asylum in the US.  Almost anyone has that right, although it doesn’t mean they will be granted asylum.  US asylum laws (and those in many other countries) are heavily influenced by what happened to so many people, especially Jews, in WWII who were automatically denied asylum in safe countries.  It is important that we fairly evaluate asylum claims. There is no cap on asylees, as there are with refugees, because we never would want to stop people legitimately in need of safety from being granted asylum simply because a quota was reached.

The only way to claim asylum in the US is to be physically present in the US.  Refugees are in a different legal category and have a different entry and approval process.  This is a group of asylum seekers, not refugees, so they need to present themselves in the US and claim asylum. Under US law, asylum seekers are supposed to be allowed to present themselves anywhere in the US and claim asylum. They do not have to be at an official border crossing. After claiming asylum, they should be assessed to see if they have a credible fear of persecution in their home country.  If they do, they will be allowed to continue their asylum claim which takes some time to adjudicate because of the paperwork they need to provide to show they aren’t safe at home.  US laws allows them to stay in the US while their claims are being processed - they almost have to because leaving the US before their claim is decided on can void the claim.  

There are very few humanitarian options for entering the US.  There are a few types of humanitarian visas, or someone can go through the very long and difficult process of entering the US as a refugee, or someone can claim asylum.  Asylum claims are the most practical option for people facing significant violence in their home countries in Central America.  

Thank you, Amira. I appreciate you taking the time to explain this, because this is information I didn't know.

[Disclosure of health to “everyone”]

Quill, I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I don't know you personally, but I've always admired you here on the boards. I wish you the best of outcomes!

And as for your question, which has probably already been answered well, it's your journey, do it however you want and don't worry what anyone else thinks. 

[Wow! Things have changed! And I have a question I can't get an answer to anywhere else...]

I greatly appreciate all the replies! I have decided to stick with the dress I have, which is a solid color, has some bling around the neckline, and falls below my knee. It is not a casual dress. I will even be wearing heels, which I rarely ever do. (I'm a flip flop and running shoe kinda gal.) My husband is going to try on a jacket of his brother's. If that doesn't work, we will just go buy a jacket for him. It doesn't stress the budget, but I really don't like spending money on things that will probably never get worn again. (My dress was very inexpensive at Ross. ?) 

The funny thing is that the invitation did not specify dress, but the website did. If I hadn't looked at the website I would never have thought about it. Now I can focus on more important matters. Ha ha!

I have missed the experience of the Hive. I really don't think there is anywhere else with such a great group of people to learn from.

[Wow! Things have changed! And I have a question I can't get an answer to anywhere else...]

11 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Men is a suit.  Generally for women it's a long dres.

Darn! We have neither. I did buy a new nice dress (not long, but I look nice in it and wore it to another wedding this summer and was dressier than many) and shoes and the hubs has nice slacks, shirt, and tie. Hmmm...

[Wow! Things have changed! And I have a question I can't get an answer to anywhere else...]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Welcome back, Hikin’ Mama!

Thanks, Catwoman!

[Wow! Things have changed! And I have a question I can't get an answer to anywhere else...]

15 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Day time?  Evening?  

Wedding is at 2. Reception is at 4.