Hyperlexic Aspie 4yo, ADHD 6yo struggles to read

[pookel]

I spent most of this year doing mostly unstructured kindergarten with the plan of doing WTM for first grade, for my oldest. He struggles a lot with reading and has only recently figured out how to sound out very simple words (he turned 6 in March).

 

One of the difficulties we have is that his younger brother, who almost certainly has Asperger's, is hyperlexic and basically taught himself to read when he was 2. He was reading ahead of his talking skills, which is a typical autism-spectrum thing. (He hasn't been formally diagnosed, but has seen several experts through EI who said he probably could be if we choose to.)

 

So, the 6yo is sitting here struggling with "The hat is red" while the nearly-4yo might wander by, glance over his shoulder, and read "Chapter 1. Beginning reading. Short letter sounds. The hat is red."

 

The 6yo, who has been diagnosed with severe ADHD, already has a very hard time sitting still and concentrating on anything, understandably doesn't like this, and doesn't like having to struggle with reading when he could just ask his little brother for the answer.

 

:001_huh:

 

Meanwhile, the younger is socially immature for his age and struggles to grasp simple abstract concepts, and still throws tantrums like a 2-year-old. I read aloud the first chapter of SOTW today (because the 6yo saw me reading it and wanted to hear it) and his younger brother, who could have read it out loud himself if he chose to, decided he didn't like it and started screaming, hitting me, throwing things at me, and screaming "STOP READING! STOP READING!"

 

:001_huh:

 

I am not sure whether to try to integrate the two of them next year and do 1st grade for both of them, or treat the 4yo as a normal preschooler and try to distract him with coloring books and so on while we do real school. (Math is also hard: younger brother memorized the multiplication tables at one point, even though he doesn't understand what they mean, and will pop up with the answer to any given question I'm trying to direct at his brother.)

 

 

Sorry for the long post. Any "been there" advice?

[Misty]

Wow, that's a tough one.. My oldest one is my hyperlexic one so I didn't have that problem..

 

I would avoid assigning grade levels, I think.. just teach each subject to their level.. Combine a couple of subjects (art, etc.) and call it homeschooling, but don't worry about grade levels for a couple of years until the older one is reading better.. Have you considered vision therapy?

[MamaSheep]

My oldest is the hyperlexic one too, so it's not the same dynamic even though I do sometimes have to deal with comments like, "I was reading TWICE as well at HALF your age!" (which is true, but not nice to say).

 

My ADHD daughter STRUGGLED with reading until we finally put her on some ADHD meds, at which point it was like a switch flipped in her brain and she just took off. She still has some attitude issues with reading, and I wish we'd started the meds a year or so earlier before the attitude was so ingrained.

 

I agree with the pp that it's probably not a good idea to assign grade levels, or to try to give either child work that is all at the same grade level. Make sure the older child also knows what he is good at that his brother struggles with so he doesn't feel like his little brother is just better than him at EVERYTHING (which I am sure is not the case). Reading is a skill that is highly valued in our society, but it is certainly not the ONLY valuable skill, and I think it's important that kids who struggle with reading know that nobody is good at everything, and we each have our weaknesses and our strengths--his are just not the same as his brother's, and that's ok.

 

I would also be careful about assuming that because your 4yo can read or memorize math facts that he is really "ready" for 1st grade materials. Memorizing a list of numbers is not the same as really comprehending place value. If he really is an Aspie (and he sounds a LOT like my Aspie at that age) he will likely be at vastly different developmental levels in different aspects of his development, and he will need you to understand and respect where he really is in each area and help him move forward from there, not to assume that because he can do X he SHOULD be able to also do Y, which can lead to frustration for both of you. He probably really needs you to treat him like a four year-old in most things, with some extra help in the areas where he is still only two, and a little encouragement in the areas in which he is already six. (My 14 yo runs anywhere from about 9 to about 25 depending on what skill we're talking about, how much sleep he's had, whether he's been fed recently, how interested he is in what's going on, etc.) I would be very surprised if a 4yo Aspie is ready to sit still and focus on school work for any extended period. In so many ways he still needs to be a 4yo. And it's ok to give him "baby" things to do too, if he enjoys them or needs to develop more in a particular way that the activity will benefit.

 

My suggestion would be to work with each of them on their own level in each area of learning, and have them do some activities together. It doesn't have to be first grade together or nothing together. Have the together activities be things they can both be successful at, or that the older one can help the younger one with. Call whatever the 6yo is doing "first grade", or even "kindergarten" if he hasn't done a year called "kindergarten" already and you feel it would be more appropriate to his skill level. Call it that even if he is doing preschool level work. Even in institutional schools there are first graders who still need to work on preschool level skills, and they're still legitimately "first graders". And call whatever the 4yo is doing "preschool", even if he's doing first or second grade level work. I would also suggest having some special toy (or several) that he really gets hooked on, and have it (or them) be something he can play with only while his brother is having reading time with Mom, and only if he plays with it quietly. It might take a few tantrums to establish this pattern. (And it might be best to buy something new for the purpose so you're "giving" him something new and fun during that time, not "taking away" something he loves during the rest of the time--make sense?)

 

Anyway...just some thoughts.

[pookel]

I would be very surprised if a 4yo Aspie is ready to sit still and focus on school work for any extended period. In so many ways he still needs to be a 4yo. And it's ok to give him "baby" things to do too, if he enjoys them or needs to develop more in a particular way that the activity will benefit.

Well, this is the thing that makes him very ... Simon. :glare: We gave him his own laptop a year ago so he would stop trying to steal ours, and I set him up with some links to educational games and videos. He started surfing YouTube on his own, and I would walk by and notice him watching, like, a college-level math lecture video. Of course he doesn't really understand it, but this is what he chooses to do for entertainment. :lol:

 

So, I'm expecting that next year if I try to sit down and do "lessons" with Corbin while distracting Simon with toys and games, Simon will insist on sitting at the table and doing "lessons" of his own. And I'm trying to figure out how to navigate that (maybe with workbooks for Simon that he will enjoy?).

 

I mean, this is a kid who gets MAD if I ask his brother to write a word but tell him he doesn't have to. "I WRITE IT TOO! WHERE MY NOTEBOOK? I NEED A PENCIL!" :tongue_smilie:

[pookel]

I agree with the pp that it's probably not a good idea to assign grade levels, or to try to give either child work that is all at the same grade level. Make sure the older child also knows what he is good at that his brother struggles with so he doesn't feel like his little brother is just better than him at EVERYTHING (which I am sure is not the case). Reading is a skill that is highly valued in our society, but it is certainly not the ONLY valuable skill, and I think it's important that kids who struggle with reading know that nobody is good at everything, and we each have our weaknesses and our strengths--his are just not the same as his brother's, and that's ok.

 

I forgot to address this, this is a really good point. I try to stress to Corbin frequently that he is good at a lot of things (telling stories, understanding stories, drawing pictures, etc) and that Simon has a "special reading power" which makes reading extra-easy for him, but that he doesn't understand everything he can read.

 

I like the idea of giving them different official grade levels, too. Simon may want to "practice" doing first-grade work for fun, but he is still a preschooler and he doesn't have to do the same work or understand the same things. (I can't imagine him understanding ancient history ... or even the IDEA of history .... for several years yet.)

 

(Simon is currently holding up a Cheetos puff to me and examining it. "This an object with zero corners! That mean it has curves! How many sides it have? A round object have circles all over the place." My kids are weird, man.)

[MamaSheep]

I forgot to address this, this is a really good point. I try to stress to Corbin frequently that he is good at a lot of things (telling stories, understanding stories, drawing pictures, etc) and that Simon has a "special reading power" which makes reading extra-easy for him, but that he doesn't understand everything he can read.

 

I like the idea of giving them different official grade levels, too. Simon may want to "practice" doing first-grade work for fun, but he is still a preschooler and he doesn't have to do the same work or understand the same things. (I can't imagine him understanding ancient history ... or even the IDEA of history .... for several years yet.)

 

(Simon is currently holding up a Cheetos puff to me and examining it. "This an object with zero corners! That mean it has curves! How many sides it have? A round object have circles all over the place." My kids are weird, man.)

 

Yeah, this bolded bit is what I was trying to say earlier and didn't do a good job of explaining. My ds could sit and focus for HOURS on end, if it was something he was "interested" in, but had a more typical 4 year old attention span for other things, which got a little frustrating sometimes for me (mostly because he hadn't been diagnosed yet and I'd never heard of Asperger's Syndrome back then, and I had no frame of reference for what was going on with that boy). Also, because he could read like a pro and understood things like the concept of negative numbers and multiplication, and how to use a computer (he's been testing games for his developer dad since he was big enough to see the monitor over the keyboard), it was easy sometimes to forget that underneath all those wonky "skillz" he really was just a little boy, and he had a preschooler perspective on a lot of other things--like his fear of electrical outlets and of lions swimming over from Africa and climbing in his bedroom window while he was sleeping (thank goodness for sharks who like to eat swimming lions!), and his toileting problems. (How's that for a run-on sentence? Clearly I need to get more sleep tonight...lol.) Sometimes he seemed so "big" that it was hard to remember to treat him like the little guy he was, and to remember to have realistic expectations in areas where he wasn't zipping ahead in odd ways. It's something I kind of wish I'd understood better when he was four, and since you have a 4yo I thought I'd offer a heads-up. But it sounds like you're way ahead of me. Actually, it sounds like you're really on top of things and don't need advice from the likes of me. :) Whatever you decide, you'll do great. Your boys are lucky to have such an informed and caring momma.