Kirch Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 My 6 yo is constantly bossing (and otherwise speaking unkindly to) his little brother. His "I know best" attitude is spilling over to trying to tell kids on his soccer team what to do as well. I'm getting sick of this, and I'm afraid he's going to alienate his friends. Those would be logical consequences, but I want to help him address it before it gets that far, I'm just a bit stumped as to what kinds of consequences to use, especially if we're out and about. Please tell me that someone out there has figured out a way to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 No wisdom here, other than knowing a few kids like this in my experience in childcare. (A girl at dd's preschool is this way; a friend's daughter is this way; a team member at a library even for a girl I nannied was this way). I would imagine being a confident and natural leader will serve your son well in life. However, 6yo kids do not always have the finesse to be tactful with peers. And a line is crossed if your child is bossing kids that don't want to follow him. Can you talk with your son about how his friends will not like him if he bosses them around? Can you suggest listening to his friends and taking turns choosing something to play. If he can't take turns, the friend goes home. At soccer, can you ask him if he is the coach? Ask him if he is [insert child's name]'s mom (because moms have a different role than friends). HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 My 6 yo is constantly bossing (and otherwise speaking unkindly to) his little brother. His "I know best" attitude is spilling over to trying to tell kids on his soccer team what to do as well. I'm getting sick of this, and I'm afraid he's going to alienate his friends. Those would be logical consequences, but I want to help him address it before it gets that far, I'm just a bit stumped as to what kinds of consequences to use, especially if we're out and about. Please tell me that someone out there has figured out a way to deal with this. Consistent coaching and allowing natural consequnences. From a teaching parenting standpoint, I'd call the response of siblings and friends to be the natural consequence and anything you add to it possibly logical. For a school age child, I would not be in a hurry to prevent the consequence of peers backing off. I wouldn't simply allow her to get herself into that; I would coach her along the way "The tone you are using it bossy; people don't like bossy". "You just told her how to play; that is bossy; people don't like bossy". You might find code words help. Young boys like code words. When it comes to siblings, and therefore it impact Mom's life/day, I'd be more "quick" to do something. I'd remove him from play, and into isolation immediately and give the bossed around child some breathing room. This*logical* consequence is if you can't play kindly and with respect and with mutuality, you don't get to play. Know that bossy behavior is a very common behavior from kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 No wisdom here, other than knowing a few kids like this in my experience in childcare. (A girl at dd's preschool is this way; a friend's daughter is this way; a team member at a library even for a girl I nannied was this way). I would imagine being a confident and natural leader will serve your son well in life. This is what I keep trying to remind myself! I've also started talking with him about what a good leader does and says. However, 6yo kids do not always have the finesse to be tactful with peers. And a line is crossed if your child is bossing kids that don't want to follow him. Can you talk with your son about how his friends will not like him if he bosses them around? Can you suggest listening to his friends and taking turns choosing something to play. If he can't take turns, the friend goes home. At soccer, can you ask him if he is the coach? Ask him if he is [insert child's name]'s mom (because moms have a different role than friends). HTH We've had those conversations some; I feel like I'm constantly asking him if he's the mom or dad or coach. It's getting old, but I guess we just need to keep up the broken record approach. His coach had to remind him today that he (ds) was not the coach. Consistent coaching and allowing natural consequnences. From a teaching parenting standpoint, I'd call the response of siblings and friends to be the natural consequence and anything you add to it possibly logical. For a school age child, I would not be in a hurry to prevent the consequence of peers backing off. I wouldn't simply allow her to get herself into that; I would coach her along the way "The tone you are using it bossy; people don't like bossy". "You just told her how to play; that is bossy; people don't like bossy". You might find code words help. Young boys like code words. When it comes to siblings, and therefore it impact Mom's life/day, I'd be more "quick" to do something. I'd remove him from play, and into isolation immediately and give the bossed around child some breathing room. This*logical* consequence is if you can't play kindly and with respect and with mutuality, you don't get to play. Know that bossy behavior is a very common behavior from kids! Thanks for the reminder--I do know it's pretty common. It's just different when it's YOUR kid doing it!! The code word idea might be a good one to try--I do feel like he's tuning me out sometimes, like the article said. I have removed him from the room a few times for bossy behavior; I just need to be more consistent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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