homeschoolin'mygirls Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 In addition to homeschooling my kids, I am also a RN. I have taken care of a young boy on a ventilator at his home for about 6 months. He died Friday night. His death was not unexpected but it was still very very painful . This is a very devout Muslim family, and I want to respect their traditions. But I'd also like to let them know of the love I have for their little boy, and my sympathies. I'd appreciate anyone that could share info with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 Muslim funerals are very simplistic. The deceased is bathed and wrapped in a white shroud and sometimes scented with musk. Their isn't supposed to be a coffin but US regulations state that a coffin must be used so we use the one that is the most simplistic, a basic wooden one. Once the deceased is prepared for burial, a formal prayer is done in congregation and the deceased is taken away to be buried. All the men that are present must help to dig the grave, place the deceased in the grave, and then fill the grave. There are no flowers and traditionaly there are no tombstones either. After the grave is filled, a chapter from the quran is read and a special unformal prayer is done. After this everyone goes to the mosque (sometimes it is the deceased home instead) where they bring food and try to offer comfort. This last for three days if it is done in the mosque but can last longer if it is in the person's home. I think the family would appreciate it if you prepared some food and went to where the funeral was going to be held. Even if you didn't take food, showing up at a funeral is a really big deal in the muslim community. Just remember, as muslims, we don't consume any form of swine or alcohol, this inculdes gelatin unless it's kosher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolin'mygirls Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 for the info. Are there any type of clothing preferences I should observe? I would typicallly wear a skirt/blouse or dress type outfit. But I know that child's mom always has legs covered as well as hair Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 IME - Respect the dress code of the family without looking like you're trying to imitate. This is hard to explain. :confused: From your description of the mom, I would wear a modest, below the knee skirt with leggings, and a blouse that covered my arms and buttoned up to my throat. I would also put a somber (but normal) scarf over my head and tie it under my hair. The main point is to cover your head before Allah out of respect (similar to how v. traditional Christians wear a head covering). I'd bring a solace card, but make sure it is just one of those nice ones, not a Christian one (yes, I know some one who actually did this). And finally, although I'm sure she would know you meant well, don't sign the card with stuff like "your little boy is at peace in the hands of Jesus now" (again, I know someone who did that as well). It's offensive. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate in Arabia Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 The funeral generally takes place as soon as possible -- preferably before sunset of the day the person died. This isn't always possible, but don't be surprised if things happen quickly. Also, as mentioned, women sometimes will not attend the funeral and/or the burial; obviously it is not out of less feeling or anything like that but a cultural/religious practice. It may not happen in your case, there may be women at all of it, but I didn't want you to be surprised if it does. About dress, I would go with a long dress or skirt/blouse and have a large scarf/shawl draped around your shoulders, you can easily move it to drape over your head if you feel appropriate, or not if you feel that's better. If there are many non-Muslims attending then you can get a better feel for what people are doing. The prayer in the mosque is very short, and there is no bowing or prostrating - just standing in lines and following the imam in silently praying for the deceased. Often it will be done after one of the five congregational prayers; once that prayer is finished they carry in the body which is placed at the front, then everyone lines up to pray behind them. Once the funeral prayer is done (literally, like, 5-10 minutes) the body is removed and taken to the cemetary. As Peri mentioned, the mourning period is three days. The community is expected to provide food and comfort for three days; if it was me, I would probably make something simple like a tray of lasagna (no meat, kosher cheese) and take it on one of those three days. Maybe tape a small note on there to let them know what it is and that there isn't any meat and you used kosher cheese (I only mention that because you say they are observant). And of course a simple card in which you can express your feelings would also be very nice, although it isn't part of most cultural traditions I'm familiar with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 About dress, I would go with a long dress or skirt/blouse and have a large scarf/shawl draped around your shoulders, you can easily move it to drape over your head if you feel appropriate, or not if you feel that's better. If there are many non-Muslims attending then you can get a better feel for what people are doing. Durr... I didn't even think of that - all of my muslim friends wore headscarves like the one I mentioned (I don't know - it was the South). A shawl would make more sense. They all did cards, too. Maybe it is just an "American Muslim" thing. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 for the info. Are there any type of clothing preferences I should observe? I would typicallly wear a skirt/blouse or dress type outfit. But I know that child's mom always has legs covered as well as hair Just make sure that you are comfortable sitting on the ground without exposing something because in the mosque there are no chairs. We all sit on the ground. I would go with lose fitting pants and a long sleaved blouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 IME - Respect the dress code of the family without looking like you're trying to imitate. This is hard to explain. :confused: From your description of the mom, I would wear a modest, below the knee skirt with leggings, and a blouse that covered my arms and buttoned up to my throat. I would also put a somber (but normal) scarf over my head and tie it under my hair. The main point is to cover your head before Allah out of respect (similar to how v. traditional Christians wear a head covering). I'd bring a solace card, but make sure it is just one of those nice ones, not a Christian one (yes, I know some one who actually did this). And finally, although I'm sure she would know you meant well, don't sign the card with stuff like "your little boy is at peace in the hands of Jesus now" (again, I know someone who did that as well). It's offensive. a Maybe it depends on the community but here we don't make christians do all that when they enter the mosque and we don't belittle them either. Her blose doesn't have to come all the way upto her neck but it should modestly cover her chest and she doesn't have to wear a skirt, she can wear loose fitting slacks. She doesn't have to cover her hair because she isn't going there to worship, she's going there to pay her respects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 Maybe it depends on the community but here we don't make christians do all that when they enter the mosque and we don't belittle them either. Her blose doesn't have to come all the way upto her neck but it should modestly cover her chest and she doesn't have to wear a skirt, she can wear loose fitting slacks. She doesn't have to cover her hair because she isn't going there to worship, she's going there to pay her respects. :iagree: This is the same at our mosque as well. During the prayer it is only the Muslims who will say the funeral prayer. You can simply wait in the back of the room (depending upon if women at this mosque are in the main prayer room-ask where they are praying if it is not obvious) until the prayer is over. Keep in mind also that women will not attend the actual burial. Feel free to ask people any questions that you may have. I think (hope) most mosques now are used to having non-Muslims visit and are welcoming of them under all circumstances. Lesley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolin'mygirls Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 The burial has already taken place. I am planning to take some food to the house--I think the lasagna suggestion is perfect. It helps to get some info like this about customs/traditions. It's already a difficult enough time--I wouldn't want to add to their distress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.