Please help me feel better. I want a third and DH says no way

[keptwoman]

I spend the years from 34-38ish desperate for another child. It started pretty much by the time DD was 12 months old. I asked DH over and over to change his mind, but he was adamant. And he was right. I grieved deeply, the ache was unbearable at times. But I got there, I'm over it now.

 

Enjoy the stage of life that your kids are in now. It is easy to go on spontaneous walks or hikes, they're close enough in age to do things together, you can go to all of their sporting activities with ease. You can play board games in the evening, go bowling, go to the movies. You all have your health and your dh can provide for you. No matter what age you are or how many children you have, all of us at some point have to get used to the idea that child bearing is over. Go on and enjoy child rearing.

 

Yes! I am enjoying the children as they grow, we are able to do things as a family that we could not do with a baby, and we had an under 5 in the family for 15 years! Life is good now. I made a concious decision to focus on the positives of my baby days being over, and not the negatives, to not wallow in my grief and not nurture it. I don't mean to not grieve, but just to do so with a positive attitude. Having that positive attitude, looking forward instead of back, has allowed me to move on and overcome that desire that seemed unbearable.

 

I went to my cousins house yesterday and held their gorgeous newborn, I oohed and ahhed and snuggled and breathed his gorgeous newborn smell, and when he cried I handed him back with not a pang of desire for one of my own.

 

I went through this battle in my head too. Why does he get to 'win'? But I realize it's not about 'winning', but about working with him as a partner in life. And if my partner doesn't want something as big a deal as a kid, I know I need to honor that, much as I don't want to. I can't bring a kid into this world to a father who in any way resents him. I just can't. I need to know that he is 1000% behind me, behind our family, and behind a new addition.

I completely agree. "Letting" them "win" is tough, really tough. But in this, as in many things, we are a partnership. We both agree or we don't do it.