mom of 2 boys
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Posts posted by mom of 2 boys
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You have called her a middle schooler, passive aggressive, not a grown up and stated that you have very little patience for her. The answer to your problem is right in your question. She can't talk to you because you will belittle her instead of trying to understand. I'd suggest you let her be while you focus on improving your own habits of relating for awhile, and when she perceives a difference in you, she may slowly start to test the waters of a relationship again.
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My husband and I would like to relocate in a year or two. We would like to try to stay with his current company and transfer locations, but that might not end up being a possibility when the time comes. If that is the case, then he will have to line up a new job first. We will have to sell our house during this process as well.
Has anyone done this? The process seems so daunting and overwhelming to me. If you could list the steps that you took to make this happen, I would appreciate that. Staying here long term is not really an option. The winters are long and harsh, and I don't want to live the rest of my life having SAD 7-8 months out of every year.
How did you choose your location?
Did you move before your house sold? If so, how did choose to handle maintenance from a distance?
Did you immediately purchase another home in your new location, or did you rent first?
Part of me wonders if it might make more sense to sell our house and rent locally first, just to keep the house headache separate from the actual relocating headache. But that sounds like a headache too, lol.
Any tips / advice / personal experience stories would be very helpful!
Thank you!
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Hubby made BBQ steaks and baked beans 😀
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I have a child with a history of behavioral problems (he's on the autism spectrum), and I relied heavily on respite care to get through his toddler years. He was in a special needs preschool, but even before that started, I would send him to a drop off program at the YMCA a few mornings per week. Sometimes I would stay in the facility and sit in the hot tub or the sauna and take a shower, just to try to relax a little bit while he was in someone else's care. I would typically take a break when my husband got home as well, and on really bad days I would take a bath at night to try to calm down a bit. It was NOT easy, and I don't think that anyone can really fathom what I went through unless they have actually experienced it themselves, day in and day out for years straight. I'm sure that people saw him throwing tantrums and thought in their minds that it was "typical toddler behavior" but they couldn't see that it just never stopped, and that we didn't get to experience those "moments that make it all worth it" in between behaviors, because the best it ever got was simply when he was able to be calm for long enough that we could all catch our breath before the next wave of stress began.
My son will be 6 next month, and things have improved a great deal, but it hasn't happened over night. I only needed 3 hours of respite care per week this past year, and I'm not planning to have any next year, so we are in a much better place now (he is homeschooled and with me all the time.) So, my advice is, while you're trying to figure out and implement solutions, you need to find ways to reduce your own stress. For me, it was a matter of scheduling breaks from my son on a regular basis. It was necessary and I had to find ways to make it happen.
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My kids have special needs, so I prepare their dinners in such a way that I know they will like it, then they are offered incentives to eat it. For example, my older son with ASD has his plate divided in half. After eating one half, he gets a half glass of juice. After the second half, he gets another half glass of juice and a dessert. When he was a toddler, dinner was so impossible that we resorted to Netflix on an iPad just to get through it. We've finally ditched the iPad, but he's still working on sitting and not having outbursts. My younger son is allergic to dairy, has feeding issues and was in feeding therapy, so I prepare special dinners for him as well, but his table behavior is more manageable. In all honesty, meals around here are very basic so that I can modify them easily.
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Thank you! I think that Word Wizard was the one I was trying to find, but Sound Literacy looks even better.
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You have lots of different saliva glands, so the presence of saliva doesn't mean that some aren't blocked. I would see a doctor about the glands. I have had mine cleared in the past but they still tend to close up at times - then I can 'milk' the saliva out and clear the blockage.
Oh, that's a good point. I honestly don't know very much about this (if that wasn't obvious lol.) Would you be able to tell me what the typical form of treatment for this sort of issue is? Assuming that's what my problem is, of course. Thank you!
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I think there are a couple. We tried Whizzimo and it was ok, but then the app started acting up and now it's more headache to try to use the app than to just pull out the tiles. Following to see what others are using.
Yes, I did come across that one while doing my own search, but I couldn't even get the thing to load! :/
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Someone on here mentioned a letter tile app that they were using with All About Spelling, instead of the little tile magnets. I am setting up for next year, and I would like to download that app, but I cannot remember what it was called. Does anyone know what I am talking about? Thank you!
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I had a failed root canal about a year ago. Long story short, I ended up with a fever and swollen glands (both lymph nodes and what I believe are salivary glands under my chin) two days later. The dentist called it a "sinus infection" and sent me on a wild goose chase for 4 months. Nobody could see any issues with the tooth on the X-rays, but I was getting sicker and developing vision problems, so I had to make the judgement call on my own to get the tooth extracted. Thank God I did, because everything cleared up within a few weeks...except for the swollen glands. They are STILL swollen 8 months after the extraction. I had read that glands can swell for awhile, and I knew that my extraction sight would need time to heal up, so that could have effected things, but the swelling is starting to become uncomfortable now. I feel pressure under my tongue and I have a bad taste in my mouth some days. I've been avoiding going to the doctor because I saw so many of them last year and they were just SO unhelpful, I haven't felt like dealing with them again.
I found some medicated mouth rinse in the closet (chlorahexadine?), so I'm using that, but it isn't helping. I'm salivating just fine, so I don't think there is any sort of a blockage. I do not have a fever. I have occasional lymph node pain nearby, but I think this is just unrelated and having to do with normal sicknesses coming and going (could be wrong though.)
Does this sound like a salivary gland infection? Could this somehow still be considered normal swelling at this point from the tooth issues last year? Maybe if I can figure out the problem and just tell my doctor what it is, I won't have to deal with any headaches.
Thank you!
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Thank you so much, everyone! I'm going to look into all of these. I'm sure at least one of them will do the trick!
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Hi there, we're going to be spending a lot of time in the car next year, so I'd like to do some light music appreciation while driving from place to place. My son will be 6 and is mildly interested. This might sound redundant, but is there something that I can purchase that is strictly audio? Something that teaches you about what you are listening to before or after you listen to it?
Thank you!
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I will look into all of these, thank you!!
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Hi there, I was hoping that someone could suggest some audiobooks that would be appropriate for an almost 6 year old. My son has been enjoying "The Boxcar Children" audiobooks lately, and our library has tons available, but I was hoping to add in some classic literature, or *must read* (or listen to) stories for him as well. Any suggestions, or links to lists of some sort, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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Thanks everyone, I did go ahead and put him back in pull ups. I feel depressed and defeated, but also relieved. No more sitting on the couch to relax and instead discovering that it's soaked with pee!
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Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism or Other Developmental Issues: Second Edition Our library had this book, so you might look for it. Interoception: The Eighth Sensory System This is another book to look for.
See what the ABA people say about that regression. My ds would have increased wetting like that if he were stressed, getting sick, etc.
I don't think it's a problem for him to be in pull-ups at 5. I think it would be nice in the next bit to see if you can use timers and management strategies to move him over if it can work.
Ok, I'm trying to remember here. My ds was very late, and he still wets at night and some during the day. For him it was complex, which is why I'm linking multiple books. It wasn't just one thing, kwim? We did some listening therapy and reflex work that helped. Retained spinal galant can affect wetting. I'm forgetting now, but iirc when we started listening therapy we got a BIG improvement in daytime wetting.
For us it's layers of improvements, not one solution. I would put him back in pull-ups now, because he's 5, and I would work on management strategies. I would also make sure you've had an OT eval and screened for retained reflexes.
You didn't ask, but these are awesome. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IRL3GSM/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&th=1 I keep a slightly bigger Amazon.com: Premium Quality Bed Pad, Quilted, Waterproof, Reusable and Washable , 34" X 52": Health & Personal Care under the sheets. So I have plastic on the mattress, then a waterproof mattress protector, then the larger pad, then a sheet, then his bed pad. That way I can freshen his bed from the top as needed but know all the layers are protecting, keeping the mattress safe.
It wasn't for us, but for some people the wetting could be connected to constipation, food reactions, etc. Just something to look for.
Thank you, I'm thinking that it is probably going to end up being more than one issue in our case as well. I'm going to take a break from training for awhile, and see what the ABA people have to say about it in the meantime.
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I would, yes.
And see if your health insurance will cover them as a medical need (you need a letter & script from your ped & theyll be delivered by a durable medical equipment company & be better quality & bigger than the ones you buy in the store).
Thanks, I have tried to get this covered in the past, but they wouldn't. I will try again now that he is older.
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Well, my son with Down syndrome is 11, and just this year stopped needing pull-ups at night. I still have to take him/tell him to use the bathroom at intervals during the day, because he cannot tell when he has to go. Luckily he has a bladder of steal, so doesn't wet himself unless I forget. And I am SO hyper aware of his poop signals, that I can just tell when it's time to run to the bathroom. Potty training him, and actually my "typical" 6 year old son as well, has been a journey, and I like to tell people my favorite technique has been putting on the pull-ups and taking a break for our mutual sanity. So, my vote is pop those pull-ups on for the summer, and regroup. It's amazing what a little time and physical maturity will do.
And the public school thing. Man, I am so over special education. There are some GOOD people in special education, but dealing with a district is so beyond frustrating. I decided the stress that comes with homeschooling my son is a much healthier kind of stress than the stress that comes with fighting the district. And it is ALWAYS a fight. I'm glad you will be able to get ABA involved. Having behavior therapy and joining a homeschool social group has been an amazing fit for my son with Down syndrome. Also, I never thought to get him regular old counseling with a psychologist, but after his public school experience, he was clearly traumatized, so I found a psychologist who is experienced working with children with disabilities, and who uses therapy animals in her practice, and WOW! What a difference. I actually count it as one of my son's extracurriculars because he is learning to ride a horse, but so much more is happening that has been amazing for him skill building wise, and emotional regulation wise. And it is helpful to me in learning different ways to support my son. I definitely would recommend seeing what is available to you in this area as well.
Thank you! I have been considering taking him to a regular therapist. I actually brought him in to a social worker who sounded promising, but within minutes she was calling him a "star child" and "spiritual", which I needed like a hole in the head.
I do have him doing therapeutic horseback riding right now though! He LOVES it!! He is afraid of animals, so I really did not anticipate it going this well!
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I'm at my wits end here. My son (ASD) is going to be 6 in July. I managed to get him 90% potty trained and out of diapers a year ago, and he proceeded to spend the next year slowly regressing. It's been a roller coaster. He regressed to the point of losing all training a couple of months ago, but I got him back up to about 75% trained. Now, he's regressing again. I can't take it anymore. He pooped his swim suit on the way out the door today, and I think this may be my last emotional straw. I'm ready to put him back in a pull up and just accept that I'm trying to force something that he is just clearly not able to consistently do right now. Would that be a mistake?
We homeschool, but I turned to the local elementary school to see how they would be willing to support him. The result was that he "no longer qualifies for special education." I have no interest in fighting it. I don't want people working with him that aren't even willing to see the need. The lack of support was a discouragement though. It is also maddening to experience this level of disability in our daily life and then have professionals act like it doesn't exist. Like I just imagine it all. It's crazy making.
There is good news though, I found out that an ABA agency just opened up near us!!! There previously were none (I was considering learning it myself.) Our insurance covers it, which is the other miracle - we do have to pay copays for each session, but at least it's finally within reach. Hopefully I will be able to get them in to start soon.
Thanks for listening, I'm mostly just venting about my discouraging morning. I have literally no one around me who has been through anything like this before.
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We bring a mini charcoal grill and some charcoal. For pots and pans we use a propane burner. I wouldn't camp without a grill and burner, personally. I cooked a steak using the coals from the fire once by digging a hole, dumping the fire coals in it (with a shovel) and laying a grate over the hole. Worked just fine, but we did have to burn the fire for awhile first. You can cook hot dogs on a stick over the fire flames, that's always easy.
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I was diagnosed as an adult, and I really wanted to talk to people about it. It kind of became a special interest for awhile, which was probably part of processing it. Even though I wanted to talk about it, people seemed to feel awkward hearing about it, and they didn't know what to say. A few people asked questions though. I found that helpful, and it made me feel like they cared. I wouldn't have ever asked if anyone suspected that I have it though. I assumed that most people do not know enough about it to figure it out. If anything, I thought people might not believe me when I told them I about it.
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We do weekly "gym & swim" at our YMCA. I haven't seen them do sit-ups, but they do play gym games like you would see in an elementary school.
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We live in one of the cheapest housing markets in the country, and we're in NY (massive amounts of snow, so low demand.) Our values are flat. We either overpaid for our house 6 years ago, or the value went down, because it was recently appraised for less than we paid. We are trying to pay down our mortgage so we can move somewhere warmer!
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Thanks, everyone! I guess I'm having trouble feeling comfortable moving to a booster, so I'll probably stick with a harness for a bit longer. Wish we could just walk everywhere!
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One of my adult kids won't speak to me
in The Chat Board
Posted
Hi there. I don’t know if you will ever see this. I know this is an old thread. I just wanted to let you know that I am the one who posted this unkind comment to you, years ago “You have called her a middle schooler, passive aggressive, not a grown up and stated that you have very little patience for her. The answer to your problem is right in your question. She can't talk to you because you will belittle her instead of trying to understand. I'd suggest you let her be while you focus on improving your own habits of relating for awhile, and when she perceives a difference in you, she may slowly start to test the waters of a relationship again”
I just wanted to let you know that it has bothered me ever since I posted this, that I was unkind and unloving towards you. I even stopped frequenting this website because of it. This situation with your family was really none of my business to stick my nose and opinion into, and I do sincerely apologize to you and to anyone else that I upset on this board. If it helps, The truth is that I believe I was projecting my own problems onto you and your situation. I really am sorry, and I do hope that things have worked out for you and your family.