claluck
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Posts posted by claluck
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Maize, My husbands mental health is a huge factor in our problems. I tried patiently wading through the muck for a while but got to a point where I could not handle it any more I needed to protect myself and my children both physically and emotionally.
Even being a single mom to 8 kids I feel less stress than before. More sadness but less stress. I know I have to do it all. I am not relying on someone else and being let down constantly. My kids are still adjusting but we are all figuring it out. I'm too busy to fall apart.
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My world has totally flipped. I am no longer homeschooling. I felt strongly it was time to quit and that I needed to get a job. Some family situations were making me lean that way. At any rate it was definitely something the Lord wanted me to do. I prayed alot about it. I went to the temple and then looked into different options. Somehow I ended up starting to substitute teaching and in the process was asked to take over a third grade class under the alternative route program. It all fell so smoothly into place I know it was meant to be. And I still get to teach my kids! I am teaching my twins class!
Anyways my husband during this time started losing it. He became abusive to myself and the kids. I kicked him out a few weeks ago and have been a doing it all alone for the last 3 weeks. So suddenly I am a single, working mom and a part time college student! I don't even have time to think.
My husband is apologetic but I am not ready to trust him again. I am not sure I ever will be. It feels weird to be in this position. He was very hurtful over a period of many years just coming to a head this last few months when I started gaining independence.
It is a very weird position to be in as a member of our church. But I know that I am being guided by God to do what is best for myself and my children. Church leaders have not been very supportive. I have had a member of the stake presidency tell me that my husbands behavior is totally normal! That I just need to forgive him and let him come back in. I feel a bit betrayed by them as leaders. I am trying to rely on inspiration from God to get through this. I know that the opinions are those of men not God.
Christina
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I like these ones scripture study for latter day saint families
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We have the book "Lintball Leo" I think that is what it is called and can remember very little but a friend reccomended it when my oldest DS was about and it was perfect as DH didn't really want to have to handle all that and well quite frankly while I understand textbook what happens with boys I don't get it to the depth a guy would. Any ways it is a christian book and while I don't remember alot of it I remember being impressed with the way it approached masturbation.
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I think people are afraid of what they don't understand. And you are right it sounds like there has been no attempt to learn to love him for him from his church leaders and unfortunately kids know that and feel that even if it isn't said outloud.
We have a new family that moved into our ward this summer with 6 teenagers. It has been quite the adjustment on the leaders in the youth program as 3 of the children have varying problems including one child who is autistic, one who is schizophrenic, and the other one learning disabled, and another dealing with some pretty rough issues right now (The kids mostly are adopted out of foster care). I have become quite close to their mother in the last couple months and appreciate what she has gone through in the last few years with her old ward. She said people would judge and whisper and just make off the wall comments. The Schizophrenic boy has spent most of the last year in and out of mental hospitals. Last year at one point she had him in one hospital and another child in the icu at the regular hospital and her husband was working out of town and she asked the bishop and relief society president for meals and help and was told she had enough bigger kids she should be fine (She has one just turned 16 year old daughter that they apparently felt could run a household.)
At any rate I have noticed a general trend to not want to know or understand what is up when people aren't "normal" or "perfect" in their eyes. Generally the only ones who know how to deal are those who have training or experience elsewhere or the rare few who really don't care or know but want to fulfill their callings the best they can and pray to love. I will admit the one is quite the challenge at times. We went on a youth temple trip and had to tell him to get his head out of the fountain at the temple. His mother and I have talked so much though I feel comfortable dealing with him and honestly he is a sweet kid with just lots of trauma and trouble.
At any rate I am sorry you are having trouble getting people to understand and I think perhaps sending church articles about how to work with children with special needs is your best bet. Even though she isn't contacting you perhaps you should try and contact her. Just try and not be angry when you talk to her because that builds up walls and she wont listen as well. Maybe approach her and say "I know you are the new pp and I am sure you have some questions about how to work with my son, If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask, I truly appreciate when there are other people in his life who make an effort to get to know him and teach him." Or just something to that effect.
I am sorry and hugs. Maybe you are not in the new ward for you but for others. Sometimes the lord puts us in places where we can be an influence for others, perhaps they need your help understanding that God loves ALL his children.
Christina
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I was honestly hoping they would opt out. I feel so much pressure to make the scouts happen for my boys. It is 100% on me. WE never have a consistent scout leader for more than a few months and often dont have one at all. We just lost our YM president which means they will release everyone and probably leave the scout leader as an empty for a while. I "should" be the dedicated mom that can do it all, but I have 8 kids, and do only 1000 other things scouts is not exactly priority. I need to just convince my husband it is okay if my boys dont get their eagle. Because I serious doubt if they can get all those merit badges done with the little local support we have. He doesn't have his for the same problem, there wasnt a consistent scout leader when he was young.
Christina
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I know this is an older post but I know my oldest really struggled with this for a while and I felt so bad for him. It's not just because we homeschool either. He never really had friends when he was in school and actually was a bully magnet. His brothers just seem to make friends easier. Oddly their better friends are only here in the summer. There are two boys who have to come here every summer to visit their non-custodial parent and they spend most of their time at our house. But what really made a difference was the online world. Once I allowed my son to get online he made friends who have the same interests. Its all about minecraft. He loves it, he has started and moderates his own groups with some rules about treating others kindly and no swearing. He has made a bunch of friends that way whom he text/chats with online daily and has skyped with on occasion. I still wish he had more irl friends but the online world has filled the loneliness and longing. We have set up some pretty strict guidelines for him and every once in a while I just randomly get on his account and check on things (I am in his "circles anyways so I see most everything that way) Sometimes I have to roll my eyes or just grin when I see what he posts (how he hates summer because his parents make him help with remodeling the house and make him still do math and how he cant sleep in and...) but I figure it is normal to complain about your parents so I just ignore those comments.
Christina
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Our bishop (my fil) kept everyone right after sacrament and then read the letter. I really wanted to sneak out and go with the youth to Sunday school to hear the discussion in there. Bishop read the letter and then asked if there were any questions or comments or concerns. I might have heard crickets chirping! We have a very old ward (most members are over 60) My husband said even if he had a comment he wouldn't have dared said anything. I asked my son how it went in sunday school and he just said that they said "we are supposed to be kind to everyone and that if you have those feelings you cannot act on them and be a temple worthy member" I am thinking I really wished I went in with him because I am sure I missed a whole bunch in that. I really like the comparison to alcohol that was shared above.
I have been feeling like I need to make sure in homeschool/devotional this next year that I inform my kids of some of the churches past indiscretions and imperfections. I don't want them to have to grow up with some naive view of the church and then have their foundation shaken. I do want to teach them that even though some of our past church practices or some of the actions of leaders were way out there or totally wrong that that does not mean the church is totally wrong. I just feel like our kids see alot more. So much is more transparent than it used to be with multimedia and the internet and all the things out there.
christina
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I can see the scout camp out thing. IF only because I saw my son's disappointment this last week when he had a campout missed because they couldnt find a second leader. Right now the YM president in our ward is playing scout master as well since our scout master got run over by a truck a couple months ago and is still recovering (his foot fell off). I am really good friends with the ym presidents wife and know how frustrated she is sometimes when he has to go. However one cool thing is her husband tends to bring his two boys along with them on campouts. (The one nighters anyways) they are 8 and 10 years old. I wonder if it would be beneficial for your dh to take your older son on campouts. Just as a way to encourage their bond.
This last campout that was scheduled we tried to make a night of it and had planned a girls night. I was going to take my girls to her house and we were going to paint nails and watch cinderella and make princess crowns.
I know its hard when you are pregnant and have little ones and I so get the desire to have someone to just hold the baby for a minute while you take a little break. Or like you said change a diaper once in a while or occupy the kids while you try and get dinner instead of most days when I am trying to fix dinner, hold/breastfeed/bounce or whatever other thing the baby wants while I am playing police to get my kids to get their chores done and leave one another alone, while keeping my toddler from creating havoc. My toddler is a handful.
I think I would talk to your hubby and maybe just really look at the next couple weeks planning. Stake and General Conference really messed up schedules here too. (Our stake conference is next week). Usually when I am feeling neglected and overwhelmed I can talk to my hubby and he will make the extra effort to get off and home from work a little early for a couple days or make sure he has the weekend off. Or more importantly it sounds like you could use a date night, even if it is dinner and a movie at home after the kids go to bed. Just some time for you two to be together and enjoy one another without feeling pulled in 20 different directions
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I just wanted to commiserate. My husband is elders quorum president and just this weekend I was complaining to him about it. I have a 7 week old and 7 other kids from 17 months to 12 . My husband is a wonderful man and super helpful when he can be home. But the last few weekends he has been gone all weekend with stuff for elders. This last weekend he had a wood project totally not his fault but I was expecting a half day with him. Well then one of the trailers broke down coming down the mountain so they had to come home unload and go back. He was supposed to be gone for 4 hours til about lunch, instead he didnt get home til 5 and by then he was so utterly exhausted. That was friday because he had Friday off. Then Saturday he had to go work on someones roof. Well Saturday by the time he got home I was a pathetic ball of sick on the couch crying. I came down with a terrible cold which is accompanied by a bad case of viral pink eye.
Add to this I am the first counselor in the young women. But our president is better at deligating responsibilities and we share in the duties. Only two of us go to mutual during the week we divide up responsibilities for firesides and other needs. Although both the president and I are both supposed to go to firesides now because she has a daughter in YW and I have a son in YM. We usually manage to divide tasks up in general though so only two of us have to attend. I only have to be in charge of one lesson a month and for the month I am in charge of mutual there are only two activities I have to plan.
All that said my husband struggles to get help with elders quorum. He has one counselor who works long hours one 2 jobs. And another counselor whose schedule changes from week to week.
Any ways sometimes it is hard and we have to struggle through but I agree this is only for a season. And sometimes we have to put our foot down and decide if priorities need to be straightened out. At work, home, or church.
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My kids generally WANT to be involved. My dh grew up going to everything, mostly because it was expected. I do not think it was forced though. I grew up in an inactive family. My dad encouraged me to go mostly because he felt like it was a better place for me than other places. I do not think he would have forced it. I also did not have many local members. I think there were 2 other girls my senior year who were LDS out of 630+ students.
I take the stance of STRONGLY encouraging participation but not forcing. If my children were involved in other quality activities I would not mind. Especially if it wasn't a permanent thing. I do think there is benefit to going to mutual activities (I may be biased from being a counselor in the YWs) As a family we tend to go to almost every ward activity. I however do NOT attend relief society very often. I feel it is a pull away from my family for something that is often not worth my time. Generally though I think a good reason to encourage my children to go to the extra youth activities is to hopefully form friendships with quality youth who hold high/ similar standards. I know you cannot force a friendship, I also know there are "active" youth who dont live the standards but I do feel like at least in my community it is a good option for my children. We also live in a very small town with limits to extra curricular activities both in options and financially. So church functions are a good way to be involved in something without spending alot of money or energy driving longer distances to participate in things.
We ALWAYS do FHE. My kids looooove it. Even the big ones. They might just come for the treats though :tongue_smilie: . My inlaws live a block away and they join us every monday night for FHE and pair up with younger kids for assignments. Because of the way we do it I find great benefit in doing it as a way to draw the family together, teaching leadership and teaching skills. I think the way we used to do it before wasnt as positive experience. We have done it this way for years now and love love love it.
We are barely getting into family scripture study. I did/do devotional with the kids for homeschool so didnt really push scripture study but I have 2 kids and a husband who are gone at that time and it doesn't seem like FSS without the whole family. So we decided we could do it without it being a big huge ordeal and have made it a 5 minute right after dinner activity. I am hoping it works out.
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I got the younger ones one of those military tiny sized Book of Mormon's with their names engraved on them a year ago for Christmas. I thought it might get them into the habit of at least taking their scriptures. Then when they are baptized grandma buys them a set of nicer scriptures. But I agree with Amira. My two oldest have kindle fires and use those for scriptures now. (Though I have threatened to take them away if I ever see them do anything other than read scriptures on them at church and have refused to tell them the wifi password at church)
I wouldn't worry about it too much until they can read and are asked to read in primary. (Around age 8 is when most primary teachers will maybe start asking kids to read a bit of scriptures with help)
There is a children's version of the scriptures but just for home use. Little picture scripture stories. You can actually see still videos of them on the church website. Here is a link to the Book of Mormon ones.... https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/book-of-mormon/book-of-mormon-stories. They are pretty cheap to purchase if you go that route. They are great for teaching the scripture stories and encouraging early habits in scripture study.
Christina
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The lists are usually pretty good at sayign what is needed for your particular camp site. I am in the YW presidency right now and the biggest thing we stressed was avoiding the no nos. Like our girls were not permitted to bring electronics of any sort and there was a dress code. I am not sure what the weather is there but I would also suggest making sure she is warm enough at night and also always take personal care items. Even if she isn't expected to be on her period that week camp has a way of making things happen lol. Something about getting so many females together in one location. Other than that a good water bottle and sunscreen/hat. And be prepared to work/play hard. And shrug off when other girls are being jerks. Also with the electronics even if your camp allows them I would avoid bringing them because no matter where you go when you get into a situation like that you may have some items get stolen. We would like to say it is a bunch of LDS girls but even with that...... Our girls cant even get cell reception where they are going so we really pushed it.
Our president urged the girls to also keep their stuff cleaned up and in their main bag at all times and especially any time you leave your tent/cabin (whatever your camp may have). Basically when they leave their sleeping area there should be a sleeping bag and closed bag of items with nothing else laying around. Minimizes girls wanting to take things that don't belong to them and helps girls keep track of their own things.
But really girls camp is awesome and she should be prepared to have a FABULOUS time. It is generally fun, exhausting, and an incredibly spiritual experience. Everyone works so hard to make things go right and even if there is something she needs there are chances there are leaders who can help.
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Geography for us is 2 part. We do check out things on our big map when we are reading most of our history and literature books. Also we pick a focus area for the year. We did China one year. That was fun. We put a big map of china on the dining table and covered it with plastic. This year we did a Holy Land theme and smaller versions of those different countries. This coming year we are going to do a half of the year on south america and half a year on Central America. Still with the map on the table. I LOVE having the map on the table. And almost every guest we have had to our house for dinner has become fully engrossed in it. The kids also joke around together about what city they are eating at or what country depending on the map and we have tons of conversations about it. We do reading and watch documentaries about the country throughout the year and will look up cultural events and foods. It is a super fun part of our home school without being over burdensome or overly complicated. We read classic older books and some newer ones. Some of them are kindle books and such. There are quite a few programs I have seen though not played with much on the internet where you can create/make/ view maps all online. While there is something beautiful about drawing and painting your own maps if you have those skills we are also in a very technology driven world and our kids will only need to become more and more efficient with it. I believe you mentioned on another post your son being into creating web stuff or mine craft, using those sort of tools to create maps to mimic could be fun and educational
christina
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yes we do for the most part as well. Right now I have one who is going into PS first grade next year and am homeschooling my older 4. I also have a DH who works for the public schools. We are due with another baby August 30th so my dh insisted that we do school lite over the summer and have included even the PS younger child in the mix. She is just doing reading and summer bridge type books. My older kids are just doing language arts, reading, and math all summer. We have had some complaints but less and less every day as they get used to my imposed summer rules/schedule. It just took sticking to my guns and not giving in. (I have also imposed a mandatory inside quite play /reading time from 1-3 where goodness forbid I force them to read or play games inside.
It is easier too to keep to school schedules with kids in the neighborhood being around and even for me with neighbors and my friends wanting to meet together or play. WE find if we do a little over the summer regardless though we get more chances for mini breaks during the rest of the year. If my husband wasnt home all summer as well I am sure we would probably at least sneak in a few more weeks of school work. But when he is here "I" want to go play with him.
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I want to put a plug in for essentials in writing. I am using it this year at the 2nd grade level, the 7th grade level, and the 9th grade level. I have been VERY pleased with it. While the DVDs offer alot in the way of teaching, especially for the older ones, I don't think they are as useful for the 2nd grade level. Even at the older level there is quite a bit of teaching in the workbook itself. At the younger level we have been known to skip the dvd instruction because I am too lazy to get off my rear and dig out the cd lol. But honestly the instructions are in the workbook. The workbook is just a printable PDF file. So you could print it all and bind it or you could print it out as you need it. I print out by unit and then keep them in a file so I just pull it out of the file by the day.
The dvds are in one case each. The older kids have 3 DVDs and the younger ones have 2. I think baring the whole scratched DVD concern of yours it might fit the bill. I really like it more than I thought. It does what I want without being overly complicated and trying to do too much. IT offers the basics of grammar and writing and breaks them down into little daily chunks. Time spent per day. 2nd graders- 5ish minutes with video and another 5+ on the worksheet. Older two could spend 5-10 minutes on video and 10-30 on the assignment depending on the assignment.
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I don't think there is a hard and fast rule for when children should or shouldn't be independent. I think there is a level where you shouldn't necessarily hand hold ALL the TIME. But I think as a generalization our society has stepped back from being involved parents. We are too involved in our cell phones or televisions or computers to actually spend meaningful time with our children. My 4 year old goes to preschool for 2 hours four times a week. I mostly send her there to have play time and fun while I try and focus on the homeschooling kids more. They passed this paper out a few weeks ago and I noticed a number of parents honestly struggling to fill it out. The paper was a list for the week to chart how much time they spend 1 reading to their children and 2 doing parent and child together activities (which could include games, cooking, talking) most of the parents honestly could not think of times they had spent on many days where they had spent quality time of any sort with their children. How sad, these are 3 and 4 year olds.
That said with home school I try and encourage some level of independence in all my children. Younger children I just ask for a few minutes. Can I give them explicit instruction and modeling and expect them to finish or at least continue on said project/paper for a few moments while I attend to other children. ( I am homeschooling 4 children with a 4 year old and baby and one more on the way). Even my older children seem to need more than I give them. It still should start with instruction, model, and finish assignment.
I definitely have more trouble when I send them off on their own. My 11 year old likes to go off and disappear and do all his work, but when I check in with him he tends to not do it as well as if I was able to monitor his work. And I tend to let it slide because he whines about having to do it over and I don't want a fight. The better way would be to have him check in with me after or during and before every assignment. My husband and I have been talking about different ways to accomplish this in our home next year and have decided a more specific schedule will help our family do this.
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Within the last couple months my DH and I have poured over home school philosophies, parenting philosophies, and personal observations. We have also looked realistically at what we think the goals should be at preparing a child to be a good citizen in their home and community and what means should be taken to help them get there. We have above average children who are naturally bright, though not extremely talented in any particular area or genius' by any means. But we both feel we need to offer them more to encourage them to broaden their view of the world, increase their creativity, and to expose them to more breadth than depth. I know that isn't always popular but after much thought we have decided we want our children to know about many of the possibilities out there instead of limiting them. Yes we pursue depth when there is interest but or need but generally this is the time in their life to explore and discover. As adults we realize how locked into our lives we get. How perhaps other things would have been talents or even careers had we known they existed when we were younger.
1) Anyways basically we are loosening up on science and humanities type subjects. Covering more variety. We still want to tackle the R's well and deeply.
2)While I love the CM idea to writing I just cannot seem to pull it off. My older children's writing is horrific. (I have tried it for three years and I can honestly say while their vocabulary has improved their general writing may have even gone backwards) So we have already started and will continue traditional avenues to learning better structure for writing.
3) I am hoping to evaluate the whole less is more concept. I think I may be trying to do too much.
4) I am going to plan all lessons out into a LONG checklist lol. Because I am due to have a baby literally the first week of school and want to know exactly what I am doing so I dont have to think too hard while helping my oldest through his first year of high school, ds#2 through 8th (so he is prepared for high school), my twins with their 3rd grade year, all while shuttling a first grader and preschooler off to PS, and chasing a 16 month old while nursing a newborn baby. I am thinking preparation will be a HUGE key to surviving. I might be in over my head but I will do my best to prepare for it.
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We bought the whole kit and I am VERY glad we did. My one son does fine with it on the computer and the other one just doesn't. I think it might be the whole second chance thing or something. (Even though I still give him a second chance). He is just lazier about his work on the computer. So he does most of his lessons out of the book. Then he brings me the answers and I check it with the answer book. I like doing it this way because I can see what he is doing wrong. (Simple arithmetic error versus concept confusion). Then he takes it off and tries to fix them and then enters answers into the computer. If he still has any wrong he is required to view the solution. My other kiddo does fine with the computer and rarely needs second chances and has NEVER worked in the book. Though is we traveled or had computer problems it would be very helpful to have the book with us. So it does kind of depend on the kid and how they learn best but I never would have known prior to buying them an doing it with my kids. m
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For the summers and keeping up on stuff we usually do more math games, and work much harder on learning math facts. We keep it pretty simple but still keep math in their brains. If we do actual "Math" like my dh wants to do this summer it will actually just be to keep going with the next level of the curriculum maybe at a more leisurely pace than during the actual school year.
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Cool... I just got a new calling. I was in primary for 7 years and then finally released. Then they called me to cub scouts which I did and did well but wasnt thoroughly pleased with. Just as I gave in and stared getting the program going they released me and just called me to young womens. (First counselor) I am enjoying it alot and finally feel spiritually fed again with the new curriculum. It has been a while since I have felt that. Perhaps I could have since being released from primary but I spend most of sunday schools and third hour in the halls with an VERY active little 1 year old. His Grandma (my mother in law) is the nursery leader and has started taking him lately which he LOVES and is so much nicer for me (even though he is totally not legal).
I am not sure how that calling goes. Part of me wants to assume everyone is always willing to help but lately I have learned how NOT true that is. I would never say no unless it was nearly impossible for me or a true burden.
Christina
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The last few years I have been really happy with ours. They have given out an CD of instrumental hymns and church music. They have been different CDs for the last few years but I have rather enjoyed them. Nice for bringing the spirit into our home. That is all. Oh and the last two years they have had all the seminary youth in the ward talk on mothers day. They each say a bit about something they learned in seminary that year and then say a bit about their moms and happy mothers day. It has been neat to listen to the last two years.
That said I would have HATED that as a youth. Mostly because I HATED mothers day until I had my own kids. My biological mother has never been in the picture and my step moms usually just tolerated me. Even now I get a bit grudgy on mothers day even though my current
stepmother is WONDERFUL and I was actually sealed to her a couple years ago.But I have never heard complaints about the CDs. In the past I have gotten potted flowers and carnations and chocolate but by far CDs seems to have gone off the best.
Christina
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Hello!
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I am using levels 2, 7, and 9. In regards to the language arts curriculum I add in spelling separately and literature. I think it is enough for grammar honestly but still use another program with my 2nd graders that adds grammar in connection to literature. The 7th and 9th grade levels do not have grammar but by then they should know it. I think it is enough on its own but even just for writing it is pretty good. I am happy with it.
Gluten free and the sacrament
in LDS Beehive
Posted
When my husband was living with us he is gluten free. We took bread that had been sliced in to fourths so the priests still broke it at least in half. They also had a tray dedicated to just his bread and broke his first so there was never cross contamination. We only had a problem once when there was a new boy and the passed his bread out to someone else so he didn't get any. Really they figured it out and it actually became the envied position for the deacons to be the one to do that job.
Christina