kroe1
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Posts posted by kroe1
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Sorry, I did not read the other posts. You really have no responsibility in this matter other than explaining your wallet and your house is closed for adult children......unless, of course, it is not.
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Get her into some anger management teaching as soon as possible. You can always start with a few books, or whatever. But, she is establishing a response to stress that is destructive. You must give her the tools to correct this behavior. The longer you allow it to go on, the more ingrained the reaction will become. Just getting her to go with you is not likely to help.
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So what is she doing with all of her free time?
Bottom line, however, you are the momma. If you want her to do an extra curricular, and you have the money, then tell her to do it.
I always made mine participate in one sport and play one instrument. That was not negotiable. But, I started that from about age 6 or 7. I am not sure one could demand such a thing beginning with a late teenager. I wish I had added in performing arts and art. I never knew how important those are until the last kiddo.
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A few months ago I had the brilliant idea of dividing up the weekly housecleaning chores between my older 4 kids (well mostly the older 3...the 5 yo only picks up and moves chairs around and empty the bathroom trash). These chores are within their capabilities, they've been taught how to do them, and I even pay them for doing them. But every week I find myself trying to motivate kids to actually do their jobs, listening to whining, and spending just as much time supervising them to do the work as it takes me to do it all myself (and I do a better job!). I've taken the job (and resulting pay) away from a whining or balky kid for a week, offered incentives to do their jobs quickly, made them do the job anyway but without pay because they stalled too much...and this still happens every.single.week. At what point do you just give up on having them do these jobs? They all have daily chores that they are required to do and they do not get paid for, so it's not like they're unfamiliar with having to do household chores.
I certainly had fewer kids, never more than one at home at a time. So, I do not know if this works with larger families. But, I decided never to have chores for exactly the reasons you mentioned. I had plenty of other things to nag about. So, as I would start a chore, I would just ask child to come with me for a minute and we would clean something together. This was good chit chat time.
The kiddos have become productive adults living in clean spaces so the no-chore family can turn out OK.
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I am glad to know this is an option and will investigate it when the next phone upgrade comes around. Thanks!
Everyone else, I'm still reading, taking it all in. I appreciate you all sharing about your experiences and what works well for your families.
The salesman at the AT&T store set up our account for DD and placed the option so that all of her calls, texts, etc. come through my line. I do not know if a parent could do it themselves. The downside is that she can see mine, too. It is as if the two phones are one, but, with different numbers. To me, it is a small price to pay to ensure a child’s safety.
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When I set up the Iphones, I made it so that everything that comes through a child’s phone also comes through mine. So I see every text and every phone call, etc. I am also on all social media accounts as friends, followers, whatever.
Some would call it overly snooping. Too bad. Before DD17 went to college, she was an online personality. My snooping was part of the plan to keep her safe. And then now, with her being younger and away at college, it gives DH and I some comfort in knowing she is safe and meeting good friends.
Her 18th birthday is coming up and one of her gifts is to get her off my phone. If she wasn’t responsible, or if at any time she becomes irresponsible, I will change the phone back.
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Siri, I have an appointment with Mrs. Jones at 4. Siri, I have a math test December 4. Remind me the week before. Siri, mom told me to clean my room. Remind me tomorrow. Siri, remind me every night at 8 to pack my book bag. Siri, who is my mom? Siri, send Dad a text. I need money.
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DS37 was born in an age of fast food and a mom who didn’t cook at all. His diet was limited to beige foods and still is to some extent. I just gave him a vitamin everyday and called it quits. He is now an ER physician and extremely healthy. His wife was able to broaden his diet a little, something I never even attempted. Back in the eighties society wasn’t as health conscious as it is now. I was more worried about a kid getting overweight than the healthiness of the food going in the mouth.
The moral is to pick your battles. If his food aversion is insurmountable, give him a vitamin and move on. Also, can he take lactaid and eat the cheese he loves?
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I know the bridal party & the pastor and wife who are officiating at the ceremony. All siblings are part of the wedding party but it also includes friends. 8 total.
Which relatives typically come in addition to parents and grandparents? There will be many many relations from out of town, so that can't be a major criteria. ETA: this number could be as high as 30+ out of town family members . Some will be traveling from another country; the rest from other states about 7+ hours car drive.
Do members of the wedding party who are single get to bring a date?
ETA:: We are the parents of the groom. I am trying to get a handle on who is expected to be invited because we need to know for finances.
Parents and grandparents, entire wedding party and officiant and wife, all out of town guests. You do not have to invite family or significant others of the wedding party unless they are out of town guests. If you have spare change, local family not in the wedding party is a nice extra, but not required.
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I live in Florida, but not in Lakeland. I would have to be there, however, 3 or 4 times a year when DD17 danced competitively. There is a rather large, relatively inexpensive convention center so many kid competitions are held there. It is a very ugly and hot town, if you ask me. Everything to do is an hour away. Perhaps I missed the good parts.
Coastal south Florida is the place to be, never too hot and never too cold.
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While I am not saying all panhandlersare rich, but in my area it is an organized business. Panhandling brings in up to 6 digits a year tax free. Panhandlers have specific corners where one is assigned and shift changes when they stop and chat for a minute before one goes home and the other comes on. Our local government has done everything to try to stop it, but, some loud people get all bent out of shape because it is assumed that panhandling means poor and homeless. Then, whatever good law just got enacted has to be rescinded. It is sad really because the truly poor at the local shelters cannot panhandle because the organized panhandlers will not allow it.
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In my opinion, the key to fabulous unmovable buns is the hair pins. Get 3†like these:
Sally’s also has the hairnets and doughnuts. But, it is those really long pins that are the magic. They are long enough to interlock under the doughnut which keeps the bun tight even during tricks.
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Graduation cars are nice.
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DD17 will be taking a few online college classes, video game broadcasting, and attending a few dance classes. I cannot wait for her to get home. I miss her terribly now that she is away at college.
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Carol in Cal nailed it with her “frozen goddess chick†analogy. That did seem to be the way to stay safe in the company I worked for. Good looking, young, large breasts, and the least bit flirtatious was the sure fire way to get harassed. In addition, one had to be lucky enough to work for a department where the leaders were not harassers. Harassers hired harassers so one department would be a snake’s den while another one upstairs would have none. The problem with stopping it from a management standpoint was the corporate culture to protect the company at all costs. This, in addition to the victim retaining the burden of proof, made harrassment almost impossible to fight. Once one threw around accusations without proof, she was assured to be jobless shortly.
I work for an ER for the past 20 years so I am no longer seeing the corporate side of life. I wonder if the frozen goddess chick still works today. By the way, working in an ER is a whole new level of harassment, just not in the way we are discussing here.
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Get in the Adventures by Disney website and look at their Alaska itinerary. We did the trip through them and it was amazing.
But, a few words of warning:
1. Yes, you can get chased by a black bear in Anchorage.
2. Yes, do not get too close to a moose. Get a good camera with a zoom lens instead.
Lol.
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Many predators do not comprehend their actions as unwanted, or they do not have compassion. It is part of the psychological deficit that allows the predatory behavior. Those biopsychosocial deficits will always exist in some people.
I wish we did not try to halt every conversation about the topic by calling out “victim shamingâ€. Yes, trying to analyze a predatory event will almost always seem like we are trying to victim shame. But, the truth is most people are trying to learn and avoid a future event. For example, suppose we study rapes and find that women who wear red pants are 75% more likely to be victims. Can we not let all women know this so that they have the choice to not wear red pants without yelling victim blaming to those women who did wear red pants and get raped in the past? (I have no idea about red pants. I am just making up a scenario.) Furthermore, are we letting the fear of victim blaming halt our ability to objectively study predatory crimes?
For example, we know being older than age 55 is a risk for being scammed? What if we refuse to acknowledge that because we are too afraid to insult older age Americans? To me, the original poster has a point irrespective of how it was worded. Why did my generation tolerate more predation than those now? Why was vulnerability accepted more in the past as the norm? Perhaps we will find that by changing the profile of potential victims, we can cut down the number of available targets. And, what if empowerment adds just enough fear factor to predators that the deviant behavior stops or at least slows? We will never know these things without being able to discuss all aspects freely.
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Now a retired dance mom since DD17 is away at college. I was briefly called out of retirement this week to help with stoning at a local dance studio. I also went to one day of a competition to see DD’s old team compete. But, I really felt awkward not having a kid there.
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FWIW the guidelines are about ADDED sugar. I assume that means naturally occurring sugar, for most people without existing health conditions (or pre conditions), are fine to eat. Milk, fruit, starchy veg, etc. I eat loads of fruit every day and I'm totally fine with that. I eat almost zero ADDED sugar.
This! That is because one can get all the caloric intake he needs without added empty calories. In America, we get too much calories just in regular diets without added sugar! Extra calories without burning it off means extra large adipose cells (fat) which store that energy.
Basically we eat all kinds of sugar. There is lactose in milk, fructose in fruit, and glucose and galactose in other foods. Added sugar in the form of sucrose is just a glucose and fructose molecule bonded together to make a disaccharide. The liver very speedily turns most sugar we eat into glucose. The liver could care less whether it came from added table sugar or a big fat apple. But, apples have other nutritious substances that table sugar does not. So one gets more bang for the buck, or a better use of caloric intake.
I wish people would stop focusing so much on healthy eating and get back to not so much eating. Overall, we ate much less decades ago which is why we are now an obese, unhealthy society. We can blame it on hormones, plastic, pesticides, GMO, McDonald’s, larger plates, or whatever. But, bottom line, Americans must put less food in their mouths in order to truly get healthy. That should not be too hard a message to get across. Healthy portions is what we need to focus on.
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Yes, I was one. I make no apologies. The first child DD37 has saved countless lives as an ER physician. I am sure his patients are grateful he had a tiger mom. The second one DD17 is at Liberty University doing very well. I am sure she has no regrets having a tiger mom every time she sees those “A’s†on her semester transcript.
By the way, both kids were born with normal intelligence. They are both now considered highly gifted, if not geniuses. But, they grew up as the kids who did everything well, sports, music, academics, leadership, etc. The secret to at least some of their success is the tiger mom who raised them.
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Parasites, vitamin A toxicity, food allergies, bacterial infections, autoimmune disorders, abdominal migraines although those usually do not have the diarrhea, foreign bodies, poisoning.
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The liver quickly turns everything to glucose. So, I really do not care if I sucrose, fructose, galactose, whatever. The liver could care less and is going to convert it. What I do watch is my total caloric intake so I do not get overweight which does contribute to heart disease.
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I work in an ER. I do not shake anyone’s hand, period. When someone extends a hand, I just respond politely, “I cannot shake your hand, but, I can bow to you.†I then give a quick bow at the waist with a big smile.
No one ever asks why I do not shake hands, but, I would just say I am contagious if he did.
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I have worked 7p to 7a for 20 years. DH has done it here and there. I work in a busy ER so stress is high. Sleeping days is problematic at best. Having a supportive family is crucial. Here are some must dos:
1. Get a day sleeping room. It should be the room furthest away from the hub. Blacken the windows with foil or super heavy curtains and shutters. Not a drop of light should creep in.
2. Cover all doorbells and place a sign on the door that there are day sleepers. Tell the UPS driver you will shoot on sight if she rings that bell. (Not really, but, your DH will feel that way.)
3. It sucks, but you and the kids must learn to be extremely quiet.
4. Teach the kiddos that there is no emergency worth waking up daddy. He would prefer to let the house burn and not be woken up. Trust me.
5. He may be awake in the bed, but not asleep. Do not talk to him. That may be the only rest he gets that day.
6. Do not bring up problems. Do not ask for any chores to be done. A 12 hour night shift might as well be a 16 hour day shift. It is beyond grueling. There is a reason why 12 hour night shift workers die 10 years earlier on average.
7. Do not let neighbors and friends come over, play by the window, or rev up their motorcycles. Most neighbors are very understanding and want to help. Give them your schedule so they know when it is best to run their lawnmowers.
8. Do not expect your DH to come off a run of night shifts and immediately switch back to days. The sanity usually takes a few days to recover.
9. Expect to be a single woman with a hibernating grizzly bear.
10. Little things like making sure he has shampoo in the shower, toilet paper on the roll, etc. will become priceless to him. Even simple concepts or chores become insurmountable when working those long nights.
The trade off is that DH will probably get several days off in a row instead of the two most people get. I work 2 and 1/2 weeks straight and then get the rest of the month off.
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Building a relationship with DD15 over AP Chem...seriously?
in The Chat Board
Posted
Just curious. Is there a reason why they are in AP Chemistry if they are not willing to give it 100%? Why not just do a regular chemistry class?
The reason I ask, and you probably already know because you teach at a college if I remember correctly, is that getting college credit without the actual grade may actually hurt the college GPA in the long run.