[Someone please tell me...]

Indeed - you have it right, grandma. :)

Get those snuggles while the gettin's good.

[s/o Jean's thread: Are you careful how you talk to your dh?]

I don't really think honesty or straightforwardness is being lost when I treat dh with kindness and respect. Rather than stopping me from talking, when I see a red flag issue it causes me to think deeper about how I can communicate the problem most effectively with him.

 

In some marriages this may mean banter, teasing, joking, debate, discussion, instant messages, confrontation, etc. Marriages all do this differently because people respond to things differently. But whatever the case, I can do it in a way that shows I love him and respect him and that I expect him to treat me the same way.

 

Does this mean I don't yell? Nope, I do sometimes. I'm a human being and sometimes emotions overtake the intellectual process, but the more I practice forethought the more I treat everyone around me respectfully. I hope that's what I'm teaching my children.

 

Well said! I think that communication is not something every person can expect to handle, or view, the same way, and each situation can require a different approach.

[s/o Jean's thread: Are you careful how you talk to your dh?]

Actually, after talking to my husband and many other men about it, I think Ephesians 5 is dead on. Men and women aren't the same. Our needs are different, it's not a surprise that we need different things from each other. Neither is better or worse (in fact, considering he's supposed to love me as Christ loves the church, I think he's got the harder deal), but they are different, as men and women are different.

 

I'm respectful to my husband. At least, I try to be. ;) I make an effort. I have noticed that when we're around certain people, we take on characteristics we don't like, teasing and bickering, in particular. We're working on breaking out of those habits again.

 

I think it is really important to understand the meaning of the scripture as a whole.

And, it is very possible that men and women generally relate to respect and love differently, but I do think that it is a generalization (and as such, there will be exceptions). Also, I do think that focusing on those two things can really limit the scope of that verse.

 

My understanding of respect is that we view and treat a person as being human, same as us, a child of God - worth a sacrificial death. When we put that kind of value on people I think we will treat them with respect. All of them. All the time.

[s/o Jean's thread: Are you careful how you talk to your dh?]

I read somewhere -- was it in the Bible? ;) -- that a husband is to love his wife, while a wife is to respect her husband. But I didn't grow up with brothers, and my father usually exasperated me, so the admonition to respect a husband used to come across as so... unfair?

 

It never made sense to me until I was married, and discovered that my husband really does have a deep need to know that I respect him. There was this moment when I said, "I love you," and he was happy about that, but then I said, "I respect you," and it was like rocket ships were taking off.

 

We do have our disagreements, but I speak respectfully to him, because speaking disrespectfully would do his inner man some damage. IOW, that's where he would "feel it." But I value him, so I don't want to tear him down.

 

In my experience, women need to be respected and loved. Men need to be respected and loved.

I don't think the Ephesians 5 scripture you referenced is understood very well until it is put into the context of who it was written to and for what purpose. :) The history is interesting and so elucidating.

[s/o Jean's thread: Are you careful how you talk to your dh?]

I would hope that I am respectful in the way I speak to my dh, and that he is respectful to me.

Truth is, though, since we are both imperfect, we both have had occasion to stop a conversation or walk away from the other person because of the disrespectful way we are being addressed.

One thing that is tricky is knowing where someone is particularly sensitive and where feelings are apt to get hurt - a situation can "feel" disrespectful, and that doesn't always mean that is the case.

 

I respect every one as God's creation. That means I speak as honestly and humbly as possible. I try to relay the love of Christ at every turn.

 

It doesn't mean I am good at it all the time :no :)

[8 yr old asperger child and discapline]

Just a couple of thoughts:

I think it is very important to give him ways to express his anger and frustration which will work for your family. For instance, would it be fine for him to yell in his room, or to stomp up and down, or tell you with words how very angry and upset he feels... What are the skills you are modeling/teaching for him to express himself rather than just trying to stop his behaviour.

I would also discuss with him before hand how you will be helping him when he is angry by helping him move to his room or by offering some appropriate words to use to express himself. And that you are big enough to handle his big feelings... :)

[8 yr old asperger child and discapline]

I am a part of a gentle mothering board where a lot of the moms deal with special needs.

I don't know the rules about posting about other boards here so if you are interested you can pm me :hug

 

Warmly,

Jaymarie

[DC and respect for while mom is on the phone]

I don't know what it is about the phone, but it does seem to be an issue here also.

 

I try to prep my children before I take a phone call so they know what my expectations are. I also have them play quietly in their room while I am on the phone. Sometimes I do have to pause an unexpected phone conversation to settle my children, but that seems pretty reasonable to me.

I think that at six your children could help you brainstorm for solutions that will keep them happy while you are on the phone and keep you sane as well :). Hopefully, then they will feel invested in your telephone time and be excited to make it work for you.

[What do you think of Magic Tree House books?]

My daughters love them. I consider them to be fine for free time and in moderation. Mostly, I just see to it that the girls are reading other things first and then if they have time left over they read the MT books.

I just think it is like eating crackers - they are tasty, but not very nutritious :shrug3. As long as they are getting a good diet, though, a few crackers are probably fine. If I saw, though, that real nutrient-dense foods were being replaced by crackers, then it would be time to reevaluate.