Rosy
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Posts posted by Rosy
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While I'm not against being evaluated by a professional, it sounds to me like she has a bad attitude toward schoolwork that has gone unchecked, and I wonder how much that plays into it. One of the challenge we as homeschoolers have to overcome is making what we do seem normal to our kids. When they have the "why should I have to do this?" attitude, it often comes from not knowing/seeing anyone who does what they are expected to do. I saw this very clearly with my son who is now in school--the same kid who fought me on everything except the most desirable of lessons accepts that when his teacher tells him to do something he needs to do it. He believes it to be a reasonable expectation because his peers are all doing it. My oldest daughter went through a period of frustration because her workload is so much more substantial than that of her siblings. We did a LOT of talking about what would be expected of her if she went to school, how much time it would take vs. how much time she spent, what I expected of her at their ages, etc.
If I was in your shoes, I would consider having her checked out by a professional, but I would also work on her attitude toward school. Our kids should be thanking us every day for sacrificing to give them the best possible education! With that, though, I would probably try to reevaluate my own goals for her--what are her interests? Are our curricula meeting our needs? Can we do certain subjects in a way that would be more enjoyable? What type of career am I preparing her for? Is she college-bound? By 11, she should have some say in what she learns and how she learns it. She should have at least a small sense of what her gifts are and what she wants to do with them.
Her attitude about school won't change whether she's on meds or not. Treat the depression if it's there, but also give her a sense of gratitude and purpose.
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SaDonna, if CVA can be flexible with grade levels, they may be able to be flexible with "kits". Do you have a good relationship with your AT? You might ask her before you withdraw (or reenroll) if you can order approved curricula a la carte. I say this because CVA has often sounded tougher on paper than they are in practice.
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When a woman has a physically abusive husband, people are very quick to say "get out, get safe!" but if it's "just a little" verbal and emotional abuse, the advise turns to "stay and wait it out." Just because the wounds aren't visible doesn't mean they're not as real. Can someone explain this to me? I'm having great difficulty understanding it?? :confused:
Really, I don't want this to get in a horrid debate. I just want to understand why the difference in advice.
Because physical abuse is more black and white than verbal/emotional abuse. Is name-calling always abuse? What about glares/angry looks? Shouting? Separate checking accounts? Where do you draw the line? To my knowledge, there is not a legal definition. That makes it harder to recognize from the outside as abuse.
Also, there is a lot of middle ground between "get out, get safe", and "stay and wait it out". Getting help, temporary separations, drawing boundaries, etc.
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Is he motivated to get caught up? If so, I think a reasonably intelligent kid, working 2-3 hours a day, could probably get to a 6th or 7th grade level from where this boy is now, maybe even higher. Motivation and maturity are huge factors--IF he has both of those going for him I think he'll be ok. Also, it's possible that the school will let him take a lower level of math, or that he can get help after school.
I would advise her to consider getting Math U See Gamma, Delta, and Epsilon or some other mastery-based program and provide whatever incentives are necessary to motivate him to work hard.
I would not worry about science or history at all. Even with no education in those areas, he will not be far behind his classmates (if at all). If he's a strong reader he'll have no problem falling right into place, based on what I've seen in our district.
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>>"Expectations?" And in that one word, this frog feels the heat of the boiling water.<<
Wow. This is such an elegantly written summation of everything I felt reading that . . . Wolfmeis, you win the internet
:lol::lol::lol: and :iagree: and :glare:
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It would depend on to what degree his medical condition is effecting his ability to contribute to the marriage. If the situation was reversed and she was having a hard time coming to terms with a medical problem, I don't think most people here would think to kindly of his nagging, using manipulation and ultimatums, etc.
I have a weight problem. It hasn't incapacitated me by any means, but long-term it could definitely be a threat to my health and well-being. My husband has made his feelings known many times, and on occasion has been pushier than I would like him to be. I am making progress now, but it was something I needed to get to on my own. Knowing DH wanted me to deal with my issues helped me get to where I am now, but I needed more reasons than that to work on taking care of myself.
All that to say, I think it's good that she's letting him know that she's concerned and making him aware of how it effects her. If it is interfering with his parenting, their marriage, or his work, I think she could go to their pastor or someone he respects and hope he'll respond to someone else's input. And of course she should pray for him.
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Going as a field trip is way less expensive even than getting in as a member! I highly recommend getting a group together and going that way.
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We got a Maltese/Bichon from a rescue 2 years ago. He has not been a good dog. He gets along ok with the kids, but he has severe separation anxiety and refuses to tell us when he needs to go potty--he just poops and pees in the house unless we're fortunate enough to read his mind and send him out. Lately he's been pooping on our deck. :glare: We've tried rewarding him, taking him out way more frequently than necessary, etc. Nothing has worked for us yet. He also has bad teeth. I'm just telling you these things because my understanding is that both breeds can be difficult to train, have bad teeth, and are low energy dogs (which does have its advantages). Getting it as a puppy would probably be a different experience than trying to adopt a rescue, though.
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I'm debating leaving someone in part time so I don't have to send everything back. I don't want to have to replace the microscope and some of our lit books....I'll go through our stuff, see what we have, and figure out how much the replacement value is, and see if it's more than the cost of enrolling all 3 of the girls full-time at MP3. Assuming we can even get in--I'm starting to worry a little when I hear about the mass exodus over there.
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For folks with $100+ fines, I'm curious how many books they checkout a year. For the whole family, we're well over 300 books/year checked out, so even if I bought each of those books used for $1, or had $100 a year in library fines, I'm way ahead by using the library.
I have not surpassed $100 (yet!), but that idea is partly true for us. However, my kids will walk out with an armload of books and then only actually look at 1/4 of them. :glare: I'm as bad as they are--I'll check out books that I *need* to read and then keep them for months without ever getting to them.
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I just paid $55. It's probably at least the 3rd or 4th time it's been that high.
Just curious.....but how in the world do you all get fines that high?I find that I'm pretty good at managing my library books if I only have about 25-40 at a time. When I have over 50 books, I start to lose control of them. Taking books back seems like a huge job, so I put off doing it, or I forget where some of them are, or the kids have them in their room. My library caps fines at $.10/book, so if I have 75 books and I'm 3 days late getting them back, it costs me $22.50. Even with a $3/book cap, it adds up FAST. And I've paid $3 in late fees on readers that I could have bought for far less. :glare:
Now that the kids are all reading chapter books, it's easier to limit them to 2-3 at a time...the problem is when I'm also getting non-fiction books, books for co-op classes, books for myself, etc....I'm trying to keep us to 25 at a time again, though.
I have taken to buying books used--it is cheaper than using the library (the way I do it, anyway!). We have an extensive home library and I'm trying to direct the kids toward the books we already have.
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I can imagine that some families went from traditional schools to CVA, but I can't imagine that many people would go back just because CVA was no longer their best option. Maybe people who are unable to independently homeschool the way they want for financial reasons, but I would imagine that most people would prefer to piece together a curriculum than go back to school.
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MK--what a jerk. They would do well to form their own innovative learning options, rather than begrudging districts that have successfully won over parents that want something different for their kids than the traditional model. Most school districts have thousands of kids...I'd be interested in knowing if a significant # of any one district is leaving for ALEs.
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Yup.
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Wow. They must have a lot of people transferring out of district.
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I'm curious what they intend to do about students who are accelerated or delayed. They are only showing grade level options in each subject. :thumbdown:
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Honestly? A welcoming attitude and a willingness to help with disputes when necessary (and stay out of things the rest of the time) will go farther than you think. Not having out of control pets helps. Being willing to let them drip water on the kitchen floor if they come in and out multiple times helps. FOOD, as the others have said. Whatever they're excited about, get books from the library or ideas online that stimulate their creativity/imagination. Bring home boxes from Costco and let them decorate them and make cars, robots, etc. Let them play music on Spotify. Give them each a roll of aluminum foil and/or duct tape and see what they can make with it. Staying involved without being overinvolved is the key. When parents are underinvolved, kids get bored or start bickering and need redirection. When parents are overinvolved, it takes the fun out of everything. And kids know when parents are happy to have them around.
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I would cut gymnastics and put her in one of the free classes at the Y (you mentioned TKD, PE, etc). But this sounds to me like a control issue, not a money issue. The money is equally yours and his; you need to come up with a reasonable budget *together* based on your income and your family's needs.
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We've done it at Claire's 3 times. No problems at all.
equipment. No way would I let someone at a mall kiosk with an unhygienic "gun" pierce my kid.Just wanted to say that the guns at Claire's are sterile and disposable.
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He sounds like a great husband. :)
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Right, but many people are suggesting that it's not fair for the dd to be sleeping in when her father has to get up super early to go to work (and I don't even see those things as related at all). The idea seems to be that the dd should just get up earlier and then things could go Dad's way. I was just pointing out that she sleeps in because she is up late working on things or out of the house for an activity, so to me, the solution is not just, "Get up earlier."
Tara
The way I read it, people were saying it isn't fair for the entire family to have a late start if it impedes their ability to meet their responsibilities on a regular basis. Accommodating two different schedules is different than disregarding the desires of a family members when there is not a reason to do so.
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At those ages, you and your DH are their stability. Also, I would have a hard time staying in a community knowing that I'd be leaving in 6 months if I didn't have a reason to be there. Visiting family could be good if you have a good relationship with your family.
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Did you read the OP's explanation of why her dd stays up late? She's writing and illustrating a novel, and she's involved with theater. Should she not get to do the things she enjoys and is good at because they conflict with her father's expectation that things come to a screeching halt at 6 pm so that he can get what he wants?
In the real world, one's obligations come first. Family is important, and the OP said that her DH is fine with the kids working on things quietly in their rooms in the evening (she mentioned reading, but I would assume writing would also be ok). If she can get her schoolwork done and do an appropriate amount of household chores (enough to contribute to the needs of the family), then yes, she should be able to set her own schedule.
My 11yo is going to be participating in elite karate training. She will have to make sacrifices, and I'll probably need to make some adjustments to her workload. But she is part of our family first and a student second before she's an athlete.
I think a lot of people are letting their personal distaste for men who have expectations of their wives to meet a certain standard in their homemaking color the OPs situation. The OP has said more than once that she doesn't feel that his expectations are terrible, she just isn't sure she is able to meet them (if I'm reading her posts correctly). I have the expectation that my DH will maintain the house, feed the kids, etc. if I'm gone for the day and he's home, I don't know why it can't work both ways.
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I would gently remind him that he didn't hire you; he married you.
I fully agree with this sentiment. I do think it works both ways, though. He isn't your paycheck, he is your husband.
He wants floors swept, laundry clean and in baskets, dinner done or almost done, and trash taken out. He wants everything put in it's place. Nothing left on the horizontal surfaces in the living room, dining room or kitchen. He doesn't mind if the kids have reading to do because it can be done later in their bedrooms without me.In fairness, his motivation is sincere. He wants us to have the evenings free for family time and us time. He gets home at 6, sometimes 7. That only leaves 2 hours to spend with the kids. He doesn't want them busy doing chores and lessons because he wants to be with them too. He doesn't want me busy about the house cooking and cleaning after he gets home. He wants me settled down watching TV with them or in our bedroom making "tea" or watching a movie with him. If I haven't managed our day well, it all falls apart. He watches TV alone, while we pay catch up.
My kids are the same ages as yours, except I have a 7yo instead of your 15yo, and also a 10yo in ps. We are very involved in outside activities in addition to homeschooling. What he is asking is certainly doable, and it shouldn't be painful for you or anyone else.
* If your girls are getting up at 10am, they must be staying up late the night before. If they can't use that time to get a headstart on the next day's schoolwork, they need to get up earlier. It is too much unproductive time, which isn't good for anyone. The day starts at _____, they get alarm clocks and need to eat, get dressed, etc. in order to start at that time. For us it's around 9-9:30.
* When we do a 15 min. chore time in the morning and a 5 min. pick up at the end of the day, it is enough to keep the public areas reasonably picked up. My 11yo does additional chores independently, and the younger girls do some with my supervision. I can tell them to do things without having to nag and remind (usually).
* Your younger kids should be more independent than they are. I would make that a goal as of yesterday. Make them a list of what needs to get done every day and require them to be done by 5:00, with consequences for work not completed on time.
If I was out of the house 14 hours a day, I would want to come home to relative peace and calm. Not perfection, not silence, but knowing that someone valued me and my work enough to prepare for my being there. I can see how it would be frustrating to come home after a long day, only to have people going about their business as if I wasn't there, or expecting me to pitch in. Now, I will say that I'm not perfect in these things, but the goal of a tidy house and dinner started by 6 is definitely attainable.
It sounds to me like your kids need more discipline/structure. It doesn't have to be perfect overnight, but I would start with the goal of dinner done at 6 and everyone up by 9. I think things will fall into place faster than you think they will if you are committed to trying.
So... Meridian .... talk to me.
in CVA
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Cost prohibitive, are they kidding??? To get a spelling workbook and a cursive workbook? With all the money they're saving by not providing CBIs, I can't believe they'd begrudge you $25 or so for a couple of APPROVED workbooks.