HS Mom in NC
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Posts posted by HS Mom in NC
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Google Tim Gunn's 10 essential pieces.
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I'm 5'2" and my 2 biological kids (22mos. apart) were each just under 8lbs. I weighted 95lbs. when I got pregnant and gained 40 lbs. with each of them. I remember the end when it was harder to breathe and get around. After 3 miscarriages in 2 years, every week was a victory for me with my fist child (who was the 4th pregnancy.) My second child was a very high risk pregnancy (for both of us) so her survival each week was also a victory. Making it to at least 40 weeks was my number one priority.
I'm assuming your question is not rhetorical and is asking for suggestions to improve your mental state and attitude about the duration of pregnancy. If it's looking for sympathy (which is perfectly understandable) disregard the rest of this post.
My midwife gave great advice, "Never tell anyone your due date-when they ask,tell
them the date that is 2 weeks over your due date. Also, assume you will go 2 weeks over your due date so if you do, you're prepared and if you don't, it feels early. Assume you will have a long hard labor too. Prepare mentally for it, so if it happens you're ready for it, and if it doesn't it will seem easier." She also told me to never assume one pregnancy and delivery would be anything at all like a previous one. Sure, they are for some people, and for others they're as different as can be. Mine were completely different.
Taking Bradley childbirth classes or homebirth classes means emphasizing how important developmentally it is for babies to "bake" for a minimum of 40 weeks also helps. Every week over 38 weeks makes respiratory and digestive systems better. There is a constant emphasis on the medical benefits for the baby of going longer rather than shorter.
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Mine are all girls but books that boys might really enjoy too are:
Orson Scott Card's books that begin with Ender's Game
Ralph Moody's Little Britches Series
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All of mine were in cloth diapers. It's totally worth it. I used Bumpkins for the first two 15 and 13 years ago and then Mother Ease for the youngest 5 years ago.
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My youngest daughter (5) was adopted from S. Korea too. Our agency sends out information about the Korean School near us that sounds just like the opportunity your son has. I would be careful to consider the social attitudes of the immigrant parents and immigrant teachers and the First Generation American attitudes of the children, parents, and staff participating.
I assume your adoption agency filled you in on the attitude toward adoptees and illegitimate children in S. Korea. I listened to adult adoptees and staff members talk about the serious social stigmas among immigrants, their children, and those abroad. I would be prepared to deal with any negative attitudes my child might get in that environment. Can you ask other adoptive families who have participated? What kinds of issues (if any) did they have to deal with? Were their children mentally and emotionally mature enough to handle any tough situations?
Rosetta Stone is another option if things don't work out.
We also have a Chinese school nearby for the children of immigrants and some adoptees in Caucasian families participate. I have heard there can be issues in Chinese culture as well.
Russian culture is flat out hostile to adoptees. I was screamed at in public by a formerly friendly Russian immigrant neighbor when we told her we were considering adopting. She never spoke to again and will not acknowledge my presence when I wave to her at the grocery store.
All cultures are different-sometimes shockingly different.
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I was diagnosed with Raynaud's Syndrome as a teen (I've lived in AZ all my life, so winters are not as hard on me.) It's a vascular condition that can cause (among other things) blood vessels to constrict reducing circulation to hands and/or feet. It makes them feel very cold. Sometimes it causes discomfort and pain. My paternal aunts have it too. It is theorized by my reproductive endocrinologist that it might be caused by some form of thrombophelia (sp?) which is a blood clotting disorder. Vascular issues like Raynaud's can cause an increased risk for all kinds of medical issues. (Miscarriage, placental problems, headaches, blood pressure problems, stroke at 40+, etc.) It's usually worth it to see a vascular specialist to see if (s)he sees a medical reason to pursue further testing.
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Learning Through History's website has a book version, a blank time line version, and completed versions. I believe all can be had with pre-history (old earth) or without (young earth.)
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We don't use materials that are grade specific. When people ask what grade they're in we say, "That really doesn't work for homeschooling because when the kids are done with one thing they just move on to the next thing."
When they're little and think they need to know what grade they're in I demonstrate how silly the grade level thing is anyway by saying, "What grade do you WANT to be in? " Whatever they answer is followed immediately by me saying in a loud deep voice, "By the power vested in me, I henceforth declare unto you that thou art now in ____ grade!" as I make a very dramatic gesture with my hand. Then they want a serious answer and I tell them the truth, "It depends which curriculum people are using. What you're doing in Math with this right now could be a grade level or two higher or lower than any of the other curricula out there, so grade level is totally meaningless."
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My Bible Story Book by Dena Korfker 200+ Bible stories in chronological order for elementary aged kids.
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If you choose to not discuss differences in racial features with your children, you may regret it.
When my youngest (a S. Korean adoptee in a Caucasian family) was about 18 months old we were at my middle child's gymnastics class. A woman I chatted with regularly brought her 5 year old to watch her older sister in class. This 5 year old Caucasian ps child apparently had never seen an Asian person up close.
Seeing my daughter's very Korean features (most Koreans have not married other people groups in for about 500 years) the child asked me, in front of her mother and all other mothers watching the gymnasts, "So, what 's wrong with her face?" Koreans typically have very flat faces, rounded high cheekbones, very small inverted (to us) nose bridges, and very slanted eyes. I knew a 5 year old just wanted information, and more importantly, it was crucial that my child never see me defensive, upset, or out of control when it came to answering these kinds of questions.
I said with warm enthusiasm, "She's from Korea, and most Korean people look like her." The kid said again, "Yeah, but what happened to her face?" At this point her very nice mother was choking back tears because she was so embarrassed, and I assume empathetic to any hurt feelings her child might be causing, but I didn't skip a beat. I told the kid, "See how our noses kind of bump out like this? In Korea, most people have forheads and noses that are very flat and smooth and they turn up a little at the end." I went on about other characteristics too. You get the idea. If I don't respond in a positive and matter of fact way, how can I teach my daughter to do so?
The mother apologized for a LONG time and tried to give her child a whole lecture on the diversity of God's creation (which she should have done long before then) in a breathless monologue for the rest of the gymnastics class. How embarrassing for her.
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As the parent of a child adopted from S. Korea (my biological children, my husband, and I are Caucasian) I have to say most white people are annoying about race. They're flat out afraid of it. Most people have been intimidated into fearing all sorts of imagined reactions.
We are delighted with the differences people. We sometimes point out how people are different, how they are the same, and we think it's all good. My daughter knows she is Asian and has been told she has lovely golden brown skin with beautiful slanted black eyes and black hair. She knows the rest of us have round eyes that are blue and green and our skin is white. Our hair colors range from red to blond to dark brown. She knows she has a cute little ski slope Asian nose and we have cute bumpy noses.
It's so silly how parents will go on and on about who is tall and who is short and who is wearing a red shirt and who has curly hair but (GASP!!!) don't mention any other physical characteristics!
A few years ago I was at the grocery store with my daughter when the cashier asked her, "Where are you from? You have slanted eyes like me!" The white woman in line behind me gasped loud enough that we heard her. "I Korea!" she said with a proud smile. "I'm from the Philippines!" The cashier told her. That's the attitude we're going for.
God, the Master Artist, loves variety and so do we. It's not a constant theme, but we mention it sometimes and we enjoy it. Each person should be (yes, I'm going to actually type it) proud of what God made them and encourage others to be proud of what God them. It's all to His glory.
The Colors of Us is a delightful book celebrating all the different kinds of skin colors that are all beautiful.
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My kids were 14,12, and 5 at the time.
1. Public transportation is excellent, efficient, and easy. If you are taking a hotel shuttle to and from the Metro, be aware that their schedule may not fit yours. If they only pick up once every hour and the Metro arrives at your station 15 minutes after the shuttle's pick up time, you'll be waiting for 45 minutes. The Metro bathrooms in Rockville, MD are appalling. There are no snacks, drinks, or things to do at the Metro station.
2. Expect to walk LOOONG distances to everything on The National Mall and Arlington National Cemetery.
3. Prioritize what you most want to see. You'll likely have to let some things go.
4. Restaurants are not conveniently located on the National Mall. Planning when and where to eat on the National Mall usually means eating in a Museum restaurant with a long line. Very little choice. Keep snacks and drinks on hand. There are plenty of snack vendors around the Mall, but you have to go outside to get to them and come back in which can really slow down or disrupt seeing things. The sheer volume of things to see is staggering.
5. Museum entrances are free, but some have a special exhibit that has a fee. The Museum of Natural History has a butterfly enclosure that charges a fee (definitely worth it) to go in and hang out with butterflies that land on you-the 5 year old was thrilled.
6. Different people tour differently. Some people want to read every word of every document and every informative plaque. Some want to look at every detail of every gown, painting, item, etc. Some people want to walk through scanning the room quickly. It's helpful to match up a parent to a child based on the same level of interest. Don't feel bad about diving and conquering based on different interests-there's no way to see it all.
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I emergency transferred from my second homebirth to a hospital with a placenta tearing off the uterine wall (it came out of the incision before she did during the crash c-section) and a fallopian tube spontaneously ruptured as we left the house for the hospital. The hospital was 10 minutes away. YOU'LL BE FINE. We both were.
Doesn't the birth center routinely deal with complications and transfers? Did you ask them about it? What do you think will happen to you that they haven't dealt with before? I was always surprised by people, who hearing about our homebirths said things like, "Well, it sounds good, but what would they do if a complication came along? I just couldn't risk it." Uh, I asked them what they would do (and what they have done) when complications come up and you know what? They managed to deal with it every time.
Here's another way to look at it:
If I planned at birth at the hospital the chances of me having a c-section is 1 in 3 or 1 in 2 depending on which hospital I choose. If I plan a homebirth with my midwife the chances of having a c-section is.......1 in 80. Why put myself and my baby at risk for the complications caused by routine interventions by birthing in a hospital? If I'm getting a c-section (I did for kid #2) it's going to be for a legitimate reason. Birth centers also reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions and the risks associated with them.
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We had a list of our doctrinal beliefs that were non-negotiable. Then we listed some that were preferences. We listed our preferences about other things (worship style, activities, service schedules etc.)
We looked online (this was before every church was online) for any information before we decided to try it out.
When we went to a church we asked someone in charge for the following:
1) a copy of their statement of faith (and philosophy of ministry if they had one)
2) a copy of their church constitution
3) a copy of their budget (you will learn A LOT by reading the budget)
If those things were acceptable we then had a meeting with church leadership (preferably the senior pastor) to ask him more questions.
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Our church has a policy of only supporting long term missionaries. The only time we do short trips is to build homes for the poor, to do all the work for a VBS (in those cases the participants paid their own way by doing actual work for others), or when a senior pastor goes for a short time to teach native pastors doctrine or other seminary type classes so the native pastors can minister to the native peoples long term. This is only done in counties where seminaries are not accessible to most pastors.
It is very important to be incredibly careful and discerning with the resources God gives us.
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We have taken babies everywhere and one of us has always immediately left the room, restaurant, theater, wedding, dinner party, Thanksgiving Dinner, church service, recital, etc. when ours made noise. We never came back in until the child was quiet-ever. It's incredibly rude to let your child distract from an event.
It is perfectly appropriate to say, "This is being recorded for others. If your child is making noise, please step out immediately and return when the child is quiet. If you do not step out immediately on your own, I'll have to ask you to step out." Then do it.
I also suggest announcing and identifying with a sign that the back rows are reserved for mothers with children.
We attended a church that did this for those of us who had our children with us during the service. It's quick and easy to leave and easy to return. Those pews had a nice sign on them so everyone knew. (Baptists tend to fill a room from the back-I don't know why.) I still sit in the back because my 5 year old who, on occasion, needs to step out for a few minutes and quiet down.
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My oldest did not self wean-I weaned her at 5 years old. My second child (22mos. younger than my oldest) self weaned at 4 years old.
I attended LLL meetings from mid pregnancy with my first until my second child weaned at 4 years old. Our meetings were divided into two groups: pregnant- 1 year old and 1 year old and up. Toddler nursing groups are rare even for LLL. I was very grateful to have one within a half an hour drive of my house. We had a couple dozen moms with toddler-preschooler nurslings. Most were tandem nursing. One mom tandem (Or would it be multiple?) nursed her 3 children under the age of 6. Many of us nursed through pregnancy even though few were producing much milk at all. Once tandem nursed her 3 year old twins through her second pregnancy. As I recall, the average age of weaning in that group was around 3 or 4 years old. I never met anyone nursing a child over 6.
You can limit the duration of nursing sessions, "I'll nurse you for one ABC song and then you'll have to do something else, honey." Or you can limit the number of nursing sessions, "You can nurse to go to sleep and that's all." Or you can do both.
Never make a big decision on a bad day. When you're ready to wean you'll be ready to wean when your day is gloriously good AND when you're day is terribly bad.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We are looking into going to Tucson on Friday. Your post was incredibly helpful.
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Does anyone have any good resources or suggestions to encourage and enrich a teen who is a natural at graphic design?
She does not draw but she uses math to make contemporary art with geometric designs. She also does advanced beading (as in adult classes for people who make and sell jewelry) using complex patterns-some of which she thought up herself. She loves advanced coloring books with bold geometric prints and mandala designs. She's a big fan of Vi Hart too.
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We do ours more as portfolios. When we finish a unit (The Renaissance, Colonial America, Revolutionary War, etc. ) we compile our lapbook over a few days with all our completed assignments. I didn't do lapbooks with my children when they were small. I started when my older two were 10 and 12 because I didn't know about them before then. We don't use print outs other than images of historical figures that either get added to the timeline or are used in some other way in the lapbook and blackline maps the girls had to fill in. Everything in them was a particular assignment.
We include:
-a timeline made as we studied the era
- images of historical figures and events as we study
-book reports about literature related to the era
-biographies of historical figures from the era
-charts/graphs related to the era (example: currency and goods during colonialism)
-maps related to the era (from Blackline Maps of World History)
-art from the era (stickers and notecards and coloring with reproductions from Dover Publications)
-coloring book images of clothing of the era (from Dover Publications)
-vocabulary related to the era
-handwritten (for handwriting) copies of historical documents from the era (Bill of Rights, Preamble of the Constitution, Flushing Remonstrance, etc.)
-lists of read alouds and other reading they did relative to the era that did not have a written assignment to go with it
-other miscellaneous assignments related to the era
You get the idea. My children are not particularly crafty, so I don't make lapbooks all the time. It's just a way to compile what we did in a book which we can hand to relatives when they ask about what the kids are learning in school.
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My daughters are 15,13, and 5. They began traditional (as opposed to Suzuki) style lessons are ages 7,6, and 5. All were separately evaluated by the teacher before they were allowed to start.
Here are a few more questions for you and some answers to the ones you asked.
What are your goals with piano lessons?
We want our daughters to master the instrument.
Why do you want it to be the piano in particular?
We consider the piano the "phonics" of music. Once you learn the piano you can fairly easily learn many other instruments. A student learns to read both clefs, learns to play chords him/herself (not possible on most other instruments-those instruments play one note at a time in a chord with other instruments completing the chord.) Pianists can solo or accompany other instruments (most other instruments cannot do this.)The highest and lowest ranges of notes can be learned (most other instruments have a shorter range of notes.) Some music theory is more concretely learned on the piano compared to other instruments.
What level of proficiency are you expecting your child to achieve?
We want our children to be fluent in piano. That means being able to pick up most piano music and being able to play it very well. To achieve this we an expect a minimum of 10 years of weekly lessons 9-10 months a year, an hour of practice a day a minimum of 5 days a week. It also means studying music theory (something conspicuously absent in most private piano lessons these days) systematically on a regular basis. We want our girls to be able to easily transition to college level music classes if they are interested.
Music is very similar to learning to read a language. If you want to read fluently you're going to have to have the long view and learn to master decoding and comprehension at a higher level. If you just want your child to be able to read cute little readers you won't have to invest as much time and energy, but your child will be limited in what (s)he can read.
What do you think your role is in practice?
Many parents start children out on an instrument to "see if they're really interested." That's fine, but understand that most advanced musicians did not fall in love with an instrument right away and have a burning desire to practice daily without being told to do so. If you are not committed to requiring your child to practice daily, odds are your child won't.
I have been asked more than once, "How do you get your kids to practice?' I answer with the question, "How do you get your kids to brush their teeth?" It's in the same "not optional" category for us.
If you really want your child to do this, then you should figure out a regular practice time. Ours practice as part of school. Make sure it's not when your child is doing other things or when you have the child doing chores. It may take a little adjusting at first to figure out when a good time is. That way you only have to decide on practice time once as opposed to deciding (and possibly debating) every day.
Recitals
I think it's important for a child to learn to play in front of people. A good teacher will give a child PLENTY of time to master the piece. Ours requires the child to memorize it before the recital but allows the children who prefer it to use their music during the recital.
Teachers
I think it's vital to have a really good teacher. (Don't go with just nay teacher when you could pay the same money for a really good one.) It's very easy to be unaware of bad habits and misunderstanding a concept as a student. Teachers can also customize the child's learning. Some children need more practice with a new concept before moving to the next while others will be bored when they learn it quickly.
For Life
Music is great for brain development-especially when theory is included. It's can opportunity to be expressive and creative. It opens doors for collaborative efforts (ensembles.) It can be used to minister to others (church accompaniment, church solos, and entertaining the elderly.) It can be income (weddings, teaching lessons, employment, scholarships.) It can teach a work ethic, long term gratification, and persistence with literally beautiful pay offs.
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There are very different philosophical views about homeschooling. I would never suggest that someone who has a different one than mine stop verbalizing it. I think you might not understand the different kinds of hsers out there. A more complete understanding of a culture or subculture can be useful to avoid unnecessarily hurt feelings on both sides.
p { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } ==Three Homeschooling Mind Sets==
All roughly three mindsets are present in today's homeschool community.
===Pioneers (First Wave of Homeschoolers)===
In the early 1980s before the public schools were generally viewed as performing poorly and safety was not generally an issue, two groups of people emerged creating the modern homeschooling movement.
The first were largely Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christians who wanted what they called a “Christ Centered Educationâ€. Their goal was integrate family relationships, life skills, academics, and religious training in equal proportions into the education of their children. They believed that God had a particular plan for each child’s life, and it was the job of the parent to educate and train their children as individuals for that purpose.
Meanwhile a secular group of parents, many inspired by John Holt’s writings, decided that keeping their children at home and customizing a education to suit their particular talents and interests emerged. They believed that real life and academics should be integrated to give a greater understanding of the world, and nurturing the self-motivation required for future success.
Both groups had different motivations,but some of their methodology was very similar. They practice tutorial style education with the flexibility that comes with customization. Apprenticeships, life experiences, and high quality academics are common between them. Neither group likes the standard scope and sequence approach (conveyor belt or one size fits all education) that is characteristic of institutional settings.
In general they share the conviction that institutional settings are bad for children so of course, homeschooling is the only acceptable option to meet their goals.
These two groups were primarily responsible for the court battles necessary to make homeschooling a legally recognized option in each state. They currently fight to deregulate homeschooling nationwide.
===Settlers (Second Wave Homeschoolers)===
In the early 1990s several studies on academic performance revealed that homeschoolers were outperforming instiutionalized children in both the public and private sectors. A group of parents took notice because academic performance was their number one priority. They began homeschooling their children and enjoyed the flexible lifestyle.
The do not have convictions that institutional settings are categorically bad for children, and many can afford private/religious education, but their children are thriving in the homeschooling environment. This group has a large mix of very religious and non-religious people, and everyone in between.
Settlers are primarily responsible for taking homeschooling into the mainstream.
===Refugees (Third Wave Homeschoolers)===
By the late 1990s and after the turn of the new millennium public schools were getting bad press- specifically about negative social issues and poor academic performance. The floodgates of homeschooling opened and a new group of parents poured into the homeschool community.
They are fleeing. They do not like or do not have access to government funded charter schools and cannot afford a private/religious institutional setting, so they decide to homeschool until they can afford private schools or until the public schools are seriously overhauled.
They are primarily responsible for the current school choice debates.
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I read the book and recommend it all the time. It's geared to HS moms who are overdoing it or are tempted to add more to a full plate and stressing about it. It's not geared to people calling themselves homeschoolers but aren't doing any (or much) homeschooling. He assumes the reader is a conscientious and diligent hser. If he had assumed otherwise it would have been insulting to the reader-bad social skills and bad business for an author.
Comparisons are particularly treacherous in the hs community because there are as many different way to hs as there are hs families. Even people hsing by the same approach and curriculum can vary dramatically. Goals vary too. Wilson advises us it's best to keep our eyes on our own priorities and our own family rather than watching everyone else around us for the measure of our success or failure. That is still perfectly compatible with self-examination.
As I recall, (It's been a while-might be another of his books) there was a section on not being the braggy hser. If you've never run into one, you will someday. I've met two in the 11 years I've hsed. The only thing they can talk about is how incredibly successful their little geniuses are. They go on and on about how far ahead of their peers their kids are and where their children are placing in competitions and what their scores and grade levels are. This is frustrating to some hs moms.
TWTM forums are not a place populated with easily intimidated hsers, but there are those refugees from the ps system who lack confidence and we need to be sensitive to them and encourage them.
If you've never run into the battle of the pure food elites, you're going to be shocked. It's the same principle as the braggy hser, but the focus is on eating "clean." Now I have LOTS of vegan, vegetarian, whole foods eating, clean eating friends and almost all of them are perfectly reasonable and sweet people that have never been annoying.
There is one who is nuts and goes on about what she eats and why when no one asked. She cannot have a conversation about anything without getting to how food is the source of all medical and emotional issues. Ugh! It's the solution to everything, and there are a few mothers who seem to want to try to be as pure about it too, which is an annoyance to everyone else. I went to a hs gathering where the hostess was one of these people. Everyone brought something to share and she wouldn't allow the non-organic food to be served to anyone-not just her kids. Notice his qualifier, "badge of spirituality." It's the attitude behind it, not the thing itself that is the issue.
Generally speaking, Wilson has a "pioneer" homeschooling mindset (so do I) which assumes children were designed by God (or by Nature depending on your religious/philosophical beliefs) to learn in the structure of a family. If a hser does not hold to this view because they have a "settler" or "refugee" mindset, they will not connect with this. That's perfectly fine. This section of the book may not be for you.
At the time of writing I believe he had 8 children closely spaced. For women who have not schooled children through pregnancy with an infant and a couple of preschoolers in addition to students doing academics, it may seem odd to think of hsers using strong words like "hate" without deciding to quit. I only have 3 kids widely spaced, but most of my HS friends have 5-7 children closely spaced, and they have more challenges than the rest of us. Tolerating some strong language from them is helpful to them so they can vent while still living according to their convictions.
I don't think there is anything strange about a man watching hsing from the front row telling this wife and other hsers that they're doing a good job (most are.) How many threads are there about lack of support for hsers? I think warm encouragement is something every hser could use. Who cares who provides it?
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My Bradley birthing, LLL mother put me on goat milk when she weaned me. We lived on a farm next door to a goat farm. My mother bought 1/2 a goat (the farm owned the other half meaning they had morning milkings and mom had afternoon milkings.) My parents separated when I was 7 days old and my brother was 11 months old, so milking twice a day when she stared working again was too hard a schedule to maintain.
Goat milk is FAAAR sronger a smell and taste than most people would be willing to tolerate if they aren't accustomed to it. When we switched to cow's milk it tasted like water to me. Even I cannot tolerate the smell of store bought goat milk now. I loved goat cheese, but the milk is too overwhelming and no one else in the house can tolerate the smell of the open container.
I don't know if processed goat milk for sale in stores is the same as the fresh raw goat milk we drank as kids. I assume processing it can affect molecular structure.
If you think you want a goat-talk to people who have had one. Goats are incredibly smart. They are natural born Houdinis and usual leave a path of mischief and destruction in their wake.
Twin pregnancy, the good and the bad please!
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
A close friend of mine went 39 weeks with her twins and they were 9lbs. each. They were a no drugs, water birth and nursed beautifully. She ate non-stop. It was her 4th pregnancy and she homeschooled her older 3 through all but the last week.