GoodGrief
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Posts posted by GoodGrief
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1 hour ago, saraha said:
Thanks everybody
But once they have the job, how do you make them quit? I can just see how that would go. She would just refuse I think. I hear what you all are saying, but how do you just go, nope, you are not going to work, or without calling the place myself, how do I make them reduce hours. You know what I mean?
Well, if she absolutely must quit, you can always remove her means of getting there and take away other privileges until the desired end is accomplished.
That said, I'd be very reluctant to go there. I'd spell out the pros and cons of continuing with the current schedule, and then the ball is in her court.
My youngest does work a job that I don't necessarily think should be prioritized over other things in the way that she does. BUT, I am seeing the value of working a grunt type job at this age.
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On 10/2/2020 at 1:15 PM, saraha said:
Thank you for saying that.
So how do we come out the other side not hating each other? One of them is definitely more likely to give me attitude about literally anything. ANYTHING and it is driving me insane. Is it unrealistic to hope for a close relationship after all of this conflict all the time?
Mother of three daughters here...youngest in the age range of which you speak, one in her mid-20s and one early-ish mid-20s/new college grad.
What you are experiencing is totally normal/typical.
Is it unrealistic to hope for closeness at the end of it? No. But remember that their brains are undergoing a good bit of development through the young adult years, and it's not unusual to go through a few years of being annoyed by parents, and especially mom. My very difficult daughter has come out the other side at this point. My compliant child is currently really distancing herself from the childhood authority figures. And my youngest quietly looks for ways to do her own thing and ignore advice. 🙂 I do think in the end, there will be relationships with all three that are a bit more open (and hopefully fun 😉 ) Right now, the oldest is pretty happy to talk to me.
I do think in late high school you do have to back off and give them some space to make mistakes, with the caveat that you do still have a certain amount of legal and financial responsibility. So, the battles I pick are generally about things that would impact us financially. As college (and its costs) is one of those things, I do a fair amount of reminding about schoolwork. That said, in the end, their choices are their choices, and if it limits future plans because of cost, that's just the way it goes.
If there is mental illness/depression in the mix, the boundaries do need to be adjusted a bit. That's it's own thread 🙂
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3 hours ago, wonderchica said:
Our military hospital has civilian doctors and other medical staff as well though. I thought that was standard?
There can be civilian staff but I would not say those people are the majority in many places, and likely not at Walter Reed. Granted, it's been 20+ years since I was last there.
I suspect the doctors in the image (which I have not seen) are senior military officers and unlikely to have been personally chosen by him. He could get his own personal docs involved, of course.
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4 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:
We all use the same credit union so that's a possibility.
We figured out this summer that my new college grad has no credit history when she tried to get a credit card in her own name after several years of being an authorized user on ours. It's apparently much more difficult to get a credit card for a new grad now than it was back when I was in college because she was turned down for a few. She also learned that each application resulted in another ding to her credit.
I think I'm going to make sure our youngest gets a small student loan that we start paying on right away.-
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That's great!
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It's not an either-or situation. No one, even with top stats, is a shoo-in to either Ga Tech or MIT. They turn down 4.0/perfect SAT score kids regularly. He should apply, if those programs seem attractive to him, but he should also apply to his other, more certain, options.
Once he knows what his options are, after acceptances and financial aid packages are in. you can make educated decisions.
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2 hours ago, frogger said:
Well, locally closing indoor seating at restaurants and bars lead to a dramatic decrease in August. This was because our contact tracers were finding them to be problem areas. You can find Rt here for my locality. https://coronavirus-response-alaska-dhss.hub.arcgis.com/
Here are some studies from elsewhere but I didn't have time to read the whole things now. I am still homschooling a bunch of kids.
https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/news-perspective/2020/09/more-evidence-points-bars-adding-covid-19-spread
https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/eid/article/26/9/20-2272_article
Tuscaloosa shut down bars to help UA get things under control and it appeared to help a lot.
There was a dramatic decrease in case from July to August here? I don't think that is true at all. And no big outbreaks in the areas of the state without the same closures.
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My daughter had two insurance plans, one through the school and one through my husband. We never got to select which was primary. Oddly enough, the Tricare (military) insurance is typically secondary, though with her school plan, it became the primary insurance. Now we have two plans, because of my husband's recent retirement. The Tricare is secondary, and the insurance through his new job is primary.
Be aware that you are supposed to notify each insurance of the existence of the other, and even after you do that (perhaps multiple times), they will likely still ask you for that information regularly. So annoying.
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17 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:
Cases or positivity rate?
Both
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4 hours ago, Bootsie said:
In my area, cases went up after a mask mandate. How do you explain contradictory data and facts?
Ditto here. Case numbers up exponentially. It may have nothing to do with masks, though I personally think that when you mandate face coverings (of varying quality), people tend to be less careful about distancing.
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15 hours ago, frogger said:
Although, I think the HCQ/Z-pack should be available to those who want it (along with other drugs) and totally believe that the cat is still out of the bag regarding proof it works, (still haven't seen an early study with zinc) I don't think asthma can really be called a risk factor anymore.
There was a lot of assumption that asthma would be a risk factor, heck mere colds have hospitalized me before when hitting my lungs, but now there is a lot of observational studies and hypothesis on asthma being a protective factor with so few asthmatics getting it or being hospitalized.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7300712/
https://hospitalhealthcare.com/covid-19/are-patients-with-asthma-protected-against-covid-19/
https://www.med.wisc.edu/news-and-events/2020/april/allergies-asthma-may-reduce-covid-19-risk-/
So unless there is some other risk factor involved I would almost expect her to do better. Not that I'm ready to go kiss a covid patient on the lips or anything but in general asthma doesn't appear to be a huge risk factor. It was just automatically assumed to at the beginning.
Fair enough, though that doesn't really change the observation that she had less severe symptoms than the (20 years) younger person. And truthfully, I'm assuming the asthma is why she is calling herself high risk. There may be other things going on of which I am not aware. Doesn't really matter to me. Just observing.
By the way, this is a case local to us, and the difficulty in finding a pharmacy was here in town. 🙂
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4 hours ago, Pen said:
Do you mean she (50 yo with asthma) did better on the HCQ/Azithromycin than the person who infected her did without that treatment ?
Hard to say if it was the treatment, but, yes, the high risk person in her 50s who used the HCQ had noticably less severe symptoms than the person who was in her 30s. The virus would presumably be the same strain, as it was the younger person who infected the older.
Side note: both of these people were nurses, and the one who used the HCQ researched the options quite thoroughly early on in the pandemic. She is definitely not an anti-masker.
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6 hours ago, Pen said:
[1] In process:
https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04438850
I can’t imagine that it will have results that will resolve all doubts.
I continue to think that search for single “magic bullet” is wrong.
[2] strongly recommend you to read:
(Having lived in HCQ malaria part of world, the social media and news media flipping out about HCQ danger seems ridiculous to me— maybe analogous to how someone in Australia or UK might regard people flipping out about acetaminophen/paracetamol? Yes, both can kill. Absolutely so. (And most of the studies showing bad results for HCQ used dangerous toxic amounts-which could be done for any medicine.) I had a friend who was an acetaminophen suicide as a teen. And it acetaminophen is liver toxic in any case, but it hasn’t been politicized into denying its use even if all it does is help relieve some pain, but without being curative of anything. )
A friend (in her 50s, high risk because of asthma) has just now recovered from Covid-19, with a relatively mild course over two weeks. Her last remaining symptom, loss of smell, just resolved.She started HCQ/Z-pack as soon as she got the positive test, four days after exposure. Very interesting to see how she fared in comparison to the person who exposed her (and was in her 30s. low risk). She had a difficult time finding a pharmacy willing to fill the prescription and went out of town.
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Nioxin seems to work pretty well for me, though honestly I think my periods of hair loss are strongly correlated with diet and/or hormonal changes. Has she had weight loss or done any sort of stringent diet in the last few months? I typically experience the thinning about 2-4 months post-change in eating habits.
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The least risky course of action for the majority would be for her to stay in the quarantine room at the school, with you in a hotel nearby to minimize your anxiety. Taking her to a hotel increases the risk for others staying at the hotel and workers there. Obviously you driving with her and making stops (even of she does not get out) increases the risk of spread. If you are high risk, it does seem like a bad idea for you to have contact with an infected person, even with precautions in place.
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Oh man, this is not good for me at all. I usually use this on a desktop. The text is way small on my screen and the background too bright. Getting headachey and that is normally not a problem for me.
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2 hours ago, square_25 said:
I don't think amount of time spent is a perfect measure of quality of education by any means, but it's a proxy.
I raised a LOT of eyebrows locally when I said we weren't signing up for classes in the morning because I wanted to spend that time teaching my own kid. Prioritizing academics you do at home and picking the time of day it works best just seemed weird to people. So... I'm sure some of those kids will be fine and will manage, but I do think there can be costs to this kind of approach. I think that's pretty different from figuring out the number of academic hours that optimizes a child's learning and then doing it, however long it takes.
I don't know. We were definitely car schoolers, fitting in the academics between a gazillion activities. There were downsides to that lifestyle for sure (seen in retrospect), but quality academics wasn't one of them. The beauty of homeschooling is about being able to choose a schedule that fits.
My Princeton electrical engineering grad was up into the wee hours working on grad school apps, and is out on a 20-ish mile mountain ridge hike at the moment. It's a continuation of that childhood lifestyle that works for her. 🙂 Some kids do need more quiet and a regimented schedule and that's fine too.
My observation after years of homeschooling is that the people on either end of the spectrum (very regimented or very unschool) tended to jump off the homeschooling ship the soonest (also people that relied heavily on co-operative learning, because those situations often flame out.)
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22 hours ago, Bagels McGruffikin said:
On my state homeschool page on FB someone asked how long school takes with a 6th grader. I commented that it was generally 4-6 hours, depending on the kid, because there is much more to cover in middle school than in elementary and the speed a child processes and how deep they want to go can change things.
Y’all, I was the ONLY ONE above 2-3. Most said they barely spent 2 hours. With a 12 year old. So I end up looking like psycho tiger mom because my kid actually studies something somewhat equivalent to the local private school 😑
FWIW, 4-6 hours does seem kind of high to me for a middle schooler. I'm probably closer to Tiger Mom than No-schooler. My high school junior is not spending 4-6 hours/day on academics at this point.
Numbers are just so variable. Depends on how focused any given kid is during "school time", for one thing.
New homeschoolers are hungry for some kind of guidelines, and those are tough to come by. Waaaay back in the day, the search for guidelines is what first brought me to WTM. She offered a plan. Ultimately we did not stick with that plan, but it helped us focus for a time.
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I agree with everyone who says it is unlikely the doctor will agree to see him because of his recent exposure to a positive person. I'd encourage him to stay at school.
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8 hours ago, Ottakee said:
This is all so sad. I work with special needs young adults. I parent special needs young adults. My friends parent special needs young adults.
The availability of mental health services stinks. Parents sit in ER for days just trying to get an evaluation, let alone hospitalization. It can take months to over a year just to get in to a psychiatrist.
Many more pediatric and adult psychiatrists are needed. If we could access first line services easily then maybe we could avoid some of these situations.
Then we need well trained police and mental health crisis teams that can come on and then actually access services, not just get to a hospital, sedate and discharge with no change in treatment plan.
The mentally ill and special needs are far down on the priority list.
We really need to be incentivizing education/work in mental health services. The shortage is severe. The help needs to begin as early as possible, and it is incredibly difficult to access.
In the last month, I called (for the first time) one of the much published 800-numbers trying to find local mental health help for a suicidal (and potentially violent, though the threat wasn't immediate) young man. He had become very focused on the idea that the police posed a danger, so involving them was almost certainly going to escalate the situation in an ugly way. The only advice the gentleman answering the phone could give me was to bring the person to the ER. He could not tell me if there were inpatient beds available. No potential referrals for immediate outpatient help.
In the end, there was no getting the guy to the ER. The police did end up at the home, because he called them and said that if they found his body they should not blame or abuse any innocent bystanders. He left and hid, so they never talked to him and no other help was offered. He's hanging in there, but this is obviously very difficult for his family. You fear forcing any course of action because you really do not know how it will play out.
I've had a very ill daughter successfully treated within the system but it was no easy thing and involved constant advocacy on my part, and some risky decisions, frankly. I've got another dear friend whose mentally ill son is in prison and will be there for years. It did not need to end up that way for him, but the help is just not there.
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It says this on the competition page: "
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Students who plan to spend five years in grades 9 through 12 before entering college full time can participate in the National Merit Scholarship Program if they take the PSAT/NMSQT in the third year of high school and again in the fourth year. These students’ Selection Index scores will not be eligible for the program until a written request for entry to the competition is approved by NMSC. The request should include the student's name, high school name and location, year the student began high school, year the student will complete high school, and a brief explanation of the student’s educational pattern.
NMSC will use the student’s Selection Index score from the PSAT/NMSQT taken in the student’s third year of grades 9 through 12 to determine the expected level of recognition. In order to be recognized in the fifth (final) year of high school, the student must take the PSAT/NMSQT again in the fourth year and earn a qualifying Selection Index score at or above the level achieved on the third year test. The level of recognition a student receives cannot exceed the level earned on the qualifying test taken during the student’s third year in grades 9 through 12, the year in which all other competitors are considered.
Note: Because a student can participate (and be considered for a scholarship) in only one specific competition year, the year in which the student takes the PSAT/NMSQT to enter the competition is very important. If there is a question about whether a student can participate in the National Merit Scholarship Program because his or her educational plans do not fit one of the preceding descriptions, or for any other reason, contact NMSC immediately."
It would probably be worth calling and clarifying.
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Students who plan to spend five years in grades 9 through 12 before entering college full time can participate in the National Merit Scholarship Program if they take the PSAT/NMSQT in the third year of high school and again in the fourth year. These students’ Selection Index scores will not be eligible for the program until a written request for entry to the competition is approved by NMSC. The request should include the student's name, high school name and location, year the student began high school, year the student will complete high school, and a brief explanation of the student’s educational pattern.
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I've been dealing with this issue this week. We made a last minute switch to homeschooling, and I was assuming our neighborhood school (where she has attended the past two years, will take two classes as a homeschooler, and where her homeschooled sister took the PSAT without issue) would host her for the PSAT. As it stands now though, they are switching to the January date and uncertain about whether they will be able to accommodate outside students. It's understandable, but puts me in a tough spot, as I think she is a (borderline) candidate for National Merit.
We did find a private school willing to take her. A friend is the principal which may have helped, but they said they are accustomed to taking homeschoolers. I'd suggest people contact private schools in their area.
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16 hours ago, Bootsie said:
I know a number of people who have degrees in public health and who work in public health that have NOT studied the things that you mention. Some might, but they are definitely not experts in the area.
Daughter of a retired CDC epidemiologist and wife of a current "public health professional", and friend/acquaintance of countless public health pros. I was a public health professional at one point myself. They study those things, but are certainly not experts.
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I am just really glad to hear the report from your son! Which college did he end up attending?
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FAFSA woes
in The Chat Board
Posted
Yes, hold off on filing. I always filled ours out toward the end of the month when the accounts were at their lowest.
That said, $15,000 may or may not change your numbers much, depending on the rest of your situation.