Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

creekmom

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    190

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by creekmom

    FB post on parent shaming/blaming - hoping this one goes viral

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I saw this post in my fb feed today, and I wanted to share it here. I doubt anyone in this forum would blame parents for tragedies, but I still wanted others to read it. I'm really hoping it goes viral!

     

     

     

    4BoysMother- Melissa Fenton, Writer

    15 hrs ·

     

    Parents, I beg of you, stop blaming and shaming other parents.

     

    35 years ago, a mom shopping in a Sears department store went to go look at lamps, and left her six year old with another group of boys, who were all trying out the new Atari game at a kiosk. That boy’s name was Adam Walsh.

     

    30 years ago, an 18 month old toddler playing in her aunt’s backyard fell into a well. Rescuers worked nonstop for 58 hours, finally freeing “Baby Jessica†from the well.

     

    In both cases a tragedy happened, an unforeseen tragic accident took place which left Adam dead, and a toddler fighting for her life deep underground. But they also has something else in common; they had an entire country of moms and dads supporting the grieving parents.

     

    Let me repeat that, EVERYONE SUPPORTED THE RESCUE EFFORTS WITHOUT BLAME. NO BLAME. None. ZERO.

     

    No questions asked, not one single “Where were the parents?†comment. Just a country of other moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas watching in horror as a set of parents, one of their own, went through the unthinkable. Adam was our son. Jessica was our baby daughter.

     

    THOSE PARENTS WERE US.

     

    Flash forward to 2016, the year of THE PERFECT PARENT.

     

    Yesterday, a two year old boy, splashing in the magical lakefront waters of a Disney Resort, succumbed to the wilds of mother nature. An aggressive alligator scooped him out of the water, right under the watch of his father, who attempted to fight with the alligator to free his baby son. Pure horror. Sheer Terror. Parents who actually had to watch their baby be taken from them, as if they were in some African nature documentary.

     

    A tragic and unforeseeable accident. An accident.

     

    I weep for this mother and father. I am sick with anguish for the pain, agony, misery, and regret pulsating through their viens this very second. And I bet you are too.

     

    But not everyone is.

     

    You see, we now live in a time where accidents are not allowed happen. You heard me. Accidents, of any form, in any way, and at any time, well, they just don’t happen anymore.

     

    Why? Because BLAME and SHAME.

     

    Because we have become a nation of BLAMERS and SHAMERS.

     

    And how are accidents allowed to happen if we can’t blame someone? Surly, they can’t, right? I mean, random acts of nature, unpreventable tragedies, and fateful life changing events that take place in a matter of nanoseconds cannot possibly take place if everyone is being a responsible parent, right? NOPE.

     

    They can’t, because this country and its population of perfect pitchfork carrying mothers and fathers sitting behind keyboards needs to accuse. They NEED TO BLAME, to disparage, to criticize in every damn way and at every damn corner, the parenting of another.

     

    And when do they really get to lick their blaming chops? When a tragic accident happens. That’s when the pouncing is at its freshest, when raw emotion and ignorance collide, and they dig their word claws in, and take hold of whatever grace these grieving mothers and fathers have left in their souls.

     

    And then they tear it out.

     

    Listen to me very clearly perfect parents, VERY CLEARLY.

     

    I’VE HAD ENOUGH.

     

    I’ve had enough of scrolling through comment threads and seeing over and over again questions like “Where were the parents?†and thoughts like, “This is what happens when you don’t watch your kids.â€

     

    I have simply HAD ENOUGH.

     

    I have one question for the blaming and shaming moms and dads. You know the ones who immediately blame the parents, the ones who go on the internet and type comments like, “This is nothing but neglect by the parents,†and “They should have known better. Who was watching that little boy?†and my favorite, “I would never let that happen to my kid.â€

     

    Here is my question,

     

    Have you ever been to a child’s funeral before?

     

    I have.

     

    The funeral of a child is an event in life that you never, ever want to experience.

     

    Now let me ask you another question.

     

    In the coming week these parents will fly back to their home in Nebraska without one of their children. They will leave a vacation resort, packing up his Buzz Lightyear pajamas and his favorite blanket, and they will make an excruciatingly difficult journey home. A journey that they never in a million years thought they would be making.

     

    They will meet with a funeral director, pick out a tiny casket, a tiny burial suit, and surrounded by family, they will bury their baby boy.

     

    And they will suffer every single day for the rest of their life.

     

    At the funeral for this two year boy who died in front of his parents, can you do me a favor? Can you walk up to the mother and say the words that you just typed out last week? Can you? Can you greet her, hug her, shake the father’s hand and then say, “ Who was watching that little boy? You should have known better. I would never let that happen to MY child.â€

     

    Can you do that for me? I mean, you felt those words so deeply in your heart and soul that you typed them for a million people to read. Certainly you can say it straight to the faces of the people you meant it for, right?

     

    Here, let me help you.

     

    Put away your pitchfork for a moment and try this.

     

    To the mother and father who went for a walk on vacation for the last time with their little boy yesterday, I am deeply sorry that you had to experience the worst kind of tragedy possible, an accident. I grieve with you. Your baby was my baby. Your son was my son. I have nothing but love for you, love to help you get though the pain yesterday, today, and for what is gonna seem like a thousand tomorrows. I wrap my thoughts and prayers around your aching heart and soul. May the God of this universe in some miraculous way bring peace to you and your family.

     

    That is what you say. THAT. And just THAT.

     

    Stop the blaming.

     

    Stop the shaming.

     

    In their darkest hours, can we please just LOVE other parents. Please?

    • Like 18

    5th section on the SAT this morning?

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted · Edited by creekmom

    My son took all the SAT practice tests online from the college board website, and there were always 4 sections for each test. This morning he was surprised by a 5th section (an additional no - calculator section). I thought it might be the experimental section, but when I looked online, I read that they did away with the experimental section for the new SAT. Any ideas what's going on?

    At what point do you say, "OK, now it's all up to you" ?

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    Thank you for such great advice! He is actually a junior this year. I guess some of you thought since I said I homeschooled him through 8th grade that he is now a freshman. So, I don't know if you feel that changes things or not. I recently read an article about helicopter parenting, and it really hit home with how much I seem to be helping him out. I am requiring that he keep up in classes by writing things down and/or putting them on a calendar. I think the bottom line is that I just need to find a way to stay on top of him, but still encourage him to make the decisions. I miss when he was younger and the hardest part of my day was figuring out when to put him down for a nap!

    • Like 3

    At what point do you say, "OK, now it's all up to you" ?

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    DS is in public high school now (I hsed him through 8th grade).  He earned a 221 index score on his PSAT in KY which will hopefully qualify him to be a national merit semi finalist.  I think he has a good shot at earning some scholarship money, but the problem is that I have really had to push him to get to where he is now.  I looked into which study books would help him achieve high scores, I pushed him to study for half an hour a day in the weeks before the test, I check his class grades online, I give out consequences and rewards for grades, I helped him find extra curricular activities to add to his college applications, etc.  I am the one doing a lot of the work that he should be doing.

     

    He was in the National Honor Society this year, but we just received a notice that he was invited to join for next year (strange bc I thought he was already in).    After reading the notice, I realized he was supposed to do community service, attend 10 meetings he never went to, pay money to join, etc.  He did NONE of this.   When I asked him about it, he said, "I thought I gave you those papers last year.  You never told me I had to do those things."  I told him it was his responsibility to keep up with that stuff - not mine!  It was at this point that it hit me that dh and I have helped him way too much.  My question is how do we back off at this point without having him crash?  He doesn't seem motivated at all to do any of this for himself!  I'm so tempted to tell him that it's all on his shoulders now, but I worry that he will mess up his chances at earning a scholarship (and we can't afford to pay for his college).  How do I get him to care?  How much should we be helping him navigate these foreign waters?  How and when do we let go?!  

    • Like 1

    Help! My eyes are aging and it's not pretty!

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by creekmom

    Retin A is the only thing that's been proven to be effective in reducing wrinkles and signs of aging. I started on the lowest dose over a year ago and worked my way up to 1% strength. My skin looks better now than it did 5 years ago! It is AMAZING the difference it has made. My sister in law told my husband the other day that I must be an alien bc I have not aged LOL! I started using retinol products almost 10 years ago at 37, but I wish I had started with pure retin A back then. I learned a lot about anti aging creams from Angie's youtube channel (Hot and Flashy). She has before and after picks of her retin A use and also reviews other products for mature skin.

    • Like 2

    Where to go from here?

    in The Learning Challenges Board

    Posted

    Does he suffer from anxiety at all? I have a child with a huge discrepancy between verbal/perceptual reasoning and processing speed, and I think anxiety has a lot to do with it in their case.

    Yes he does!! A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with OCD and generalized anxiety. The dr. prescribed Zoloft, which has really helped him. Have you had any luck increasing your child's processing speed?

    Where to go from here?

    in The Learning Challenges Board

    Posted

    Just got my son's (12 yo) first evaluation results and not sure where to go from here. We suspected there were learning problems (even he kept saying, "There's something wrong with my brain!") for awhile, and he did go through vision therapy a few years ago which seemed to help. Test results showed a fairly average IQ (45th percentile) with a higher GAI (79th percentile) with a strength in perceptual reasoning (87th percentile), but his processing speed was in the 5th percentile! That seems like an alarming discrepancy, but I'm not sure what to do with this information. The dr. recommended meds for ADHD (he does not have the hyper part) and some modifications with school work, but not much else. Where do I go from here??

    Extra curricular activities for computer-obsessed, introverted kid?

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    Quick side note:

    Not sure which DS means by "full scholarship". There is the "full ride" scholarship, and there is the "full tuition" scholarship.

     

    A "full ride" scholarship means the award covers all expenses: tuition + room & board, and occasionally also books and/or other supplies and costs. The "full ride" is very rare; according to college financial aid websites FastWeb and FinAid, less than 0.3% of students (under 20,000 students a year of the millions attending ALL colleges) are awarded a full ride each year. From the article "Can My Kid Get a Full Ride Scholarship", full ride scholarships are based on Nat'l Merit scores; ACT/SAT test scores; high GPA and academics. A very few are awarded by private corporations or organizations through competitive application—high academics/test scores are the first requirement, with activities that make the student stand out as the "tipping point" factor. (There is also the possibility of being awarded a combination of scholarships & grants to cover all expenses, but with so much less money to give out these days, colleges tend to take what scholarship monies they have and "spread it around" to more students.)

     

    A "full tuition" scholarship covers all of the cost of tuition, but no other costs (books, room & board, etc.). These are a bit more available, and tend to go to National Merit Finalists, students with high GPA and high ACT (32-36 cumulative score) or SAT (1500-1600 Math + Critical Reading score), and athletes.

     

     

    Lori - thank you for posting.  I've learned so much from your posts over the past several years on this forum.  DS is my first, so the college applications and scholarships are all new to me.  The scholarship he's hoping for is from UK and is automatic for National Merit Finalists who designate UK as 1st choice for college.  It appears to be a full ride, but maybe I'm mistaken?  What do you think?

     

    Automatic Scholarships for Incoming Freshmen Patterson Scholarship for National Merit or Hispanic Finalists

    National Merit® or Hispanic® Finalists who designate UK as their college choice with the National Merit Scholarship Corporation by mid-April are eligible for the Patterson Scholarship. The Patterson Scholarship is in addition to the UK National Merit College-Sponsored Scholarship of $2,000, which is awarded though the National Merit Scholarship Corporation. The Patterson Scholarship is a renewable scholarship, which provides the cost of tuition and an allowance for room and board. No scholarship application is required for the UK National Merit® or Hispanic® Finalist Patterson Scholarship. If a student is awarded a Singletary Scholarship, that award will replace the Patterson Scholarship. Students may receive only one scholarship through the Academic Scholarship Program

     

    I think (hope) he will be a NMSF, but I have concerns about him making it to finalist.  I think he'll do well on SAT and essay but not sure about the application since he's not involved in much.  We've (son and I) talked a lot today about finding a way to use what you love to do to help others.  He's thinking hard about it and will hopefully come up with some good ideas.  Should have done this years ago - I know. :(

    Extra curricular activities for computer-obsessed, introverted kid?

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    I'm really worried about my son's college applications bc he isn't involved in much at all. I homeschooled him through 8th grade, and now he's in a public high school (junior). He's not athletic, not extroverted, not involved in church or community activities. He loves his computer, digital art, and ping pong and that's about it. He does well in school and recently scored in 99th percentile on his psat (221), so I think he'll make National Merit Semi Finalist for our state (KY). He wants a full scholarship to our local university, but I'm worried about his chances since he's such a homebody!!

    He's in National Honor Society and the Tech Club at school. That's it, but his school really don't offer much for kids interested in computers and digital art. I'm looking into community service ideas I think he'll enjoy, and he will get a job this summer. Feeling like a failure bc I haven't pushed him enough to get involved in activities. Any advice?

    Wanted to mention a study book that really helped ds do well on PSAT

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    Congratulations to your son and thanks for sharing! Did your son, or you, think that the book helped his reading comprehension, or was it mostly that it just helped with the test? Thanks.

     

    I just asked him, and he said it put him in the right "mindset". I think some of the most helpful sections were: "How to Work Through Critical Reading Questions", "Vocabulary Lists" which had pages that listed words that look negative but aren't, common second meanings of words, and top words by category, and lots of reading passages with questions/detailed answers. I noticed that she has a new edition for the new SAT, but he worked through the old edition. There are tips sprinkled throughout that help with test taking strategies, but if your child struggles with comprehension/ main idea for difficult texts, the book really focuses on helping those skills.

    • Like 1

    Wanted to mention a study book that really helped ds do well on PSAT

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted

    When my son took the PSAT as a sophomore, his reading score was at the 92nd percentile. I researched ways to help him improve and found this book on Amazon -

     

    http://www.amazon.com/Critical-Reader-Erica-L-Meltzer/dp/1479224715/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452353689&sr=8-1&keywords=Critical+reading

     

    I could tell right away that it was helping him bc his scores on the practice tests were improving.

    We just received his PSAT scores and he is in the 99th percentile for reading! He only missed 1 out of 47 questions! He gives ALL the credit to that book.

    • Like 11

    National merit finalist question

    in High School and Self-Education Board

    Posted · Edited by creekmom

    Thank you - so the actual PSAT score doesn't really make a difference? In other words, someone who barely made the cut off has as good of a chance to be a finalist as someone with a higher score? If all the semi finalists turn in the paperwork, make good grades and submit a good essay, how do they choose?

     

    After reading the info again, it looks like students who do well are "commended", and those who make the cut off for the state are semi finalists. From those semi finalists, most will become finalists as long as they meet the requirements (regardless of how high their score is). Is that correct?

×
×
  • Create New...